This Ain't Cupcakes XXX

by Pillowfight

Rating: mature
Tags: Profanity, Non-consensual, Pinkie Pie, Alternate Universe, Narcotics, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Romance, Porn, Sex, Fetish
Length: 8934

Meteor Gleam and her husband are loving their sexy honeymoon in quaint, romantic Ponyville. Unfortunately they're a little late for their private baking lesson, but Pinkie Pie won't mind... right?

Meteor Gleam and her husband are loving their sexy honeymoon in quaint, romantic Ponyville. Next on their schedule of fun couples activities: a baking lesson with Pinkie Pie, the Element of Laughter herself!

Unfortunately, these newlyweds can't seem to keep their hooves off of each other, and they've lost track of time. Surely Pinkie won't mind if they show up a little late. Right?

(She minds. A lot.)

This comedy porno spoof is very lightly inspired by the grimdark classic by Sgt. Sprinkles. No death or gore here, just adult ponies in naughty predicaments.

Kink warnings: non-con that turns consensual, filthy married sex, BDSM, BMSD, sex toys, drugs, tickling, electricity, references to lots of fetishes that don't actually show up, pervasive bisexuality, fourth wall breaking, a happy ending, and worst of all: actual cupcakes.

Published 2023-10-24 22:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-10-24 22:20:00 UTC

Is it a prank?

Ponyville: Equestria’s top honeymoon destination! The air was warm, the sun was shining, and everypony was having a glorious day. Busy ponies filled the town square, running from one errand to another. Even tourists like Meteor Gleam and Perihelion had somewhere specific to be. But these two horny perverts had completely forgotten about their appointment. They were too busy screwing in a side alley outside the notorious Ponyville Spa.

“Holy shit, Peri!” Meteor Gleam cried out. “They don’t give couples massages like that in Canterlot!”

“Oh, they do, sweetie.” Perihelion slapped her flank as he plunged ring deep inside her, just the way she liked it. “You just have to know—uhm, no, they definitely don’t!”

“Pull out! We’re going to get caught! Let’s get back to the B&B!”

“What if we do get caught? Instant threeway!”

“I don’t want to share you right now, Peri!” Meteor whined. “It’s our honeymoon!”

Perihelion huffed for breath as he mounted his wife, one of his hooves slipping through some unknown goo that had been smeared across the ground by the alley’s previous visitors. “I do want to share you, Meteor!” he confessed. “I want every stallion in Ponyville to know how lucky I am! Oh, your pussy’s so good, but we can’t let your ass get lonely, and I know how much you love sucking on a juicy dick! My bride deserves to be stuffed airtight, all day and all night!”

When they’d first begun dating, Perihelion had brought Meteor Gleam into the world of pegasus sex, a sensual arena where ponies competed to pleasure each other with skill and finesse. In return, she’d taught him how a unicorn fucks, engaging the mind with sophisticated kinks and teases.

Earth ponies were nothing like the other two tribes. They were purely physical creatures, famous throughout Equestria for raw, filthy sexuality. Sometimes it seemed as if earth ponies did nothing but eat and fuck, making earth pony towns like Ponyville popular tourist attractions. After a night at one of the many quaint B&B establishments, cultured unicorns and proud pegasi were ready to drop their inhibitions and rut like animals.

Sex with Perihelion had always been incredible, but his Ponyville sex was the best ever: the power of his thrusts, the way he wrung his medial ring against her clit over and over. There was no going back to the B&B this time. Peri had staked his claim on Meteor’s pussy and he wasn’t stopping until he creamed her. The relentless teasing of those two earth pony masseuses had made him into a beast.

“Oh, Peri!” Meteor cried out. “I saw those sluts at the spa working your wings and I felt so jealous! I just wanted to zap them with magic!”

“No, babe, I loved watching them with you! So slippery and oily! When you all started winking at the same time, I almost lost my load right there! Fuck! I’m cumming! I’m cumming in my wife!”

“Cum in me, Peri!” Meteor reached out with her magic and tickled her clit to a simultaneous orgasm as she felt her husband gush long and deep inside her. She lost herself for a moment in wedded bliss, and as the coupling ponies slowly came back to reality they found they were being watched by a mysterious figure who stood in the shadows where the alley met the street.

“Hi!” Perihelion waved politely, squeezing a final blob of warm pegasus cum into his wife.

“Howdy, lovebirds!” came a charming country voice. “When y’all are tired o’ jumpin’ each other in a disgustin’ alleyway like a skanky blue ex o’ mine whose name I won’t mention, come on down to Sweet Apple Acres for a taste o’ Olde Ponyville! Lots o’ wholesome couples activities. Rooms by the hour!” The mysterious figure tipped her distinctive hat, turned and vanished into the crowd.

“W-was that Applejack?” Meteor Gleam asked her husband. “The Applejack?”

“It totally was! Didn’t you see her huge plot? I mean, her cutie mark? On her huge plot?”

Meteor Gleam playfully punched her husband. “Why were you looking at another mare’s plot?”

“I couldn’t look anywhere else! That thing filled the whole damn alley!” Perihelion dismounted his wife and slurped his dick out of her messy cunt. “Anyways, what if I want to look? We gave each other a free pass, remember? Elements, Wonderbolts, and royals?”

“As if you’re going to get with an Element anywhere but your dreams.” Meteor Gleam turned and started cleaning her husband’s cock with her tongue. The taste was nearly as thrilling as the sex that had mixed their juices.

“It could happen! I got a blowjob from Princess Celestia!” A vein throbbed against Meteor’s lips at the memory.

“Yeah, because I saved you from that evil doctor’s sex machine.” [As seen in Rainbow Factory But Horny, true believers! — Pillowfight]

“And I gave Soarin a blowjob!”

“It was Fan Oral Day! The whole stadium blew him! How did he even survive that?” Perihelion’s softened dick began to sheath and Meteor gave the sensitive flare a kiss just to make the trip more difficult. “If you think the Applejack is going to spy your dumb ass and say ‘Boy howdy, I want some o’ that lean pegasus meat,’ your ego must be bigger than your dick. Ooh, maybe you’ll pull a muscle trying to satisfy me, and then Fluttershy will give you a pity fuck!”

Perihelion blushed at his wife’s teasing. “H-hey, weren’t we going to hang out with one of the Elements? Sometime today?” Husband and wife suddenly looked at each other with panicked expressions.

“Oh, shit!” Meteor shouted.

“Baking lesson!”

“With Pinkie Pie!”

“At three o’clock!”

“What time is it now?”

“3:10!”

“Where’s the map? Where’s Sugarcube Corner?”

“It’s the big building downtown made out of candy!”

At 3:17, Meteor Gleam and Perihelion dashed through the door into Sugarcube Corner, covered with sweat and with Peri’s cum noticeably leaking out beneath Meteor’s tail. They ran past displays of cakes and skidded to a stop at the counter in front of Pinkie Pie, who was playing a cheerful tune on the cash register.

“Whoa, chill out, guys!” Pinkie told them. “We’ve still got plenty of Mr. Cake’s famous licorice bars!” She looked down through the glass case beneath the counter, at an empty space between the pastries. “Woops, nope, I kinda snacked ’em all. How about a marshmallow croissant instead? Or a frangipane macaroon? Or—”

“We’re actually here for the private baking lesson,” panted Meteor Gleam. “Sorry, we’re a little late.”

“Nooo problem! Meteor Gleam and Perihelion, right?” Pinkie sniffed the air. “What, were you having sex or something?”

“Yeah, we were, actually...”

Pinkie Pie frowned. “Oh, I guess baking just isn’t that important to you! You’d rather nut your little fuckbuddy full of stallion sauce than enjoy a yummy cupcake fresh out of the oven!”

“It’s not like that at all, we’ve really been looking forward to this!” Meteor Gleam assured her.

“Aw, I’m just kidding~!” Pinkie Pie’s laughter rang out, loud and musical. “I used to be the same way, til the Cakes taught me how to boink while I bake! Now, let’s get started!” Pinkie Pie dropped a thick pile of paper onto the counter in front of her customers. “First things first! Ya gotta share, ya gotta care, ya gotta sign this consent form and liability waiver!”

Meteor Gleam read through the seemingly book sized disclaimer. “Wow, there’s a lot here... changeling attack, chaos god, magical loss or alteration of cutie mark...”

“Oh, that’s just standard Ponyville stuff!” Pinkie Pie laughed. “We use this form for all classes and events at, or beneath, Sugarcube Corner!”

“I guess it’s OK, then.” Meteor Gleam fired up her magic and signed the last page of the form. “If you can’t trust the Element of Laughter, who can you trust?”

“That’s the spirit!” Pinkie Pie cheered. “It’s all about trust, and friendship!”

“Yeah, trust, friendship... I think I remember a song about that.” Perihelion picked up a pen in one wing and wrote his signature next to Meteor’s.

“Okey-dokey-lokey!” Pinkie Pie snatched away the form and slid two large cupcakes onto the counter in front of them. “Here’s your cupcakes!”

Meteor and Peri glanced at each other. “But we were going to bake the cupcakes together,” Peri offered plaintively.

“Yeah, but you were late! I already made ’em!”

Peri inched his hoof towards the tempting treat. “So we’ll make more later?”

Pinkie shrugged. “Eh, we’ll think of something fun! Dig in!”

Meteor Gleam lifted her cupcake in her magic and admired its perfect shape and texture. Pinkie Pie was every bit as silly and random as the newspapers said, but Meteor wasn’t about to pass up the signature dish of Equestria’s most famous baker. The perfect frosting swirl glistened a sickly green... maybe it was a spooky Nightmare Night recipe?

Meteor moved the cupcake to her lips and was about to take a bite when she heard a loud snore. She looked to her side. Peri was sprawled across the counter, sound asleep, his muzzle buried in his half-eaten cupcake. Meteor smiled and patted him on the back. After a wedding night of unending pleasure, she’d finally tired out her stud.

“Looks like it’ll just be you and me for the baking lesson, Pinkie.”

Pinkie Pie nodded wildly and silently, a huge smile upon her face. Her eyes were fixed on the second cupcake as Meteor slowly bit in. The taste was strangely sour, but not bad. She chewed once. She chewed twice.

Meteor Gleam fell forward onto the counter next to her husband, crumbs erupting from her mouth. As everything went dark around her, the last thing she heard was Pinkie Pie saying “Hey, are you gonna finish that?”

Pink around and Pie-nd out!

When Meteor Gleam regained consciousness, she found herself in a dark room. She felt the numbness of a magic suppression ring around her horn. It hadn’t been jammed down onto her, like Dr. Atmosphere had done in his desperate act of criminality. The ring was gently pressed into place by somepony who knew how to put one on without causing any pain.

Meteor struggled to move, but braces around her chest and limbs glued her to a rack formed from a series of sturdy planks, which spread her legs wide apart. Meteor looked down at her own exposed hindquarters. The warm creampie Peri had gifted her was gone, and her vulva glistened with fresh saliva.

“Babe, I can move my wings!” Perihelion called out excitedly. He was bound next to her and he fluttered frantically. “Oh, I can’t fly, though. Meteor, I’m scared!”

“I-it’s probably just some weird Ponyville drama, right?” Meteor Gleam looked to her husband for reassurance. “You read about this in the newspaper all the time. Like that time when there were a million Pinkie Pies all screwing each other..”

“Did somepony say ‘Pinkie Pie?’” screamed Pinkie Pie, jumping suddenly in front of them. A spotlight shone on the party pony, illuminating a underground dungeon that looked like the back room of a Manehattan sex shop. The floor was covered with novelties: kinky cuffs and chains, erotic piñatas, and large leaking barrels of lubricant. Up on the ceiling, sex dolls filled with helium gently bumped each other. The far wall was covered by a large white sheet, which somepony insane (it was probably Pinkie) had decorated with the saying “Life is a party.”

“Oh, hi, Pinkie.” Perihelion tried to wave with a wing. “Thanks for coming to rescue me and my wife!”

Pinkie scowled. “Keep up, would ya, guys? I’m the one who brought you down here!”

“It was worth a shot, babe,” Meteor Gleam told him.

“So, you’re married, huh?” Pinkie Pie pouted. “It’s not fair! Mares like you keep taking all the hot guys! What’s wrong with Pinkie? I’ve got a fun personality, a great ass, and I can tie balloon animals with my gag reflex!” Pinkie shoved 5 long, phallic balloons down her throat and seconds later pulled out a life-sized sculpture of a pony cock.

“But nooo!” The earth pony took a sharp needle from a tray of scary looking medical equipment and viciously popped the balloons, one by one. “All the stallions go and kiss Twilight’s scrawny butt just because she’s a princess now!” Peri winced and his sheath twitched with sympathetic pain to watch the earth pony symbolically destroy the dick she’d been denied.

“Please, just let us go!” Meteor Gleam pleaded. “We won’t tell anypony about this!”

“You won’t tell anypony?” Pinkie Pie yelled. “Then how the heck am I supposed to spread the word about my BDSM classes?” She pounded Meteor’s wooden rack with a sturdy hoof. “Do you think this equipment is cheap?”

“But we didn’t sign up for a BDSM class!” Peri protested. “We just wanted to bake with you!”

“Nope!” Pinkie insisted firmly. “The baking lesson was at three o’clock sharp, and you missed it! Now it’s 3:45, and time for organ harvesting!”

“AAAAAAAAAH!” Meteor Gleam and Perihelion screamed at once.

Pinkie Pie tapped her muzzle thoughtfully. “Huh, I should probably call this something else,” she mused. “I get a lot of screams with that one. But, I think my work speaks for itself!” She gripped the large white sheet in her mouth and yanked it to the floor. Against the wall of her dungeon were shelves that held piles of severed, erect stallion penises, and whole hindquarters carved from the bodies of mares.

“AAAAAAAAAH!”

“Oh, shit! Oh, shit!” Perihelion gasped. “Pinkie Pie is a serial killer!”

“We have to escape and warn Princess Celestia!” squealed Meteor Gleam.

Pinkie smirked. “Why don’t ya talk to her now? I’ve got her right here!” The mad party pony reached onto one of the shelves and took down a dismembered ass that bore Celestia’s royal cutie marks. She held the grotesque thing in front of Meteor Gleam as the bound unicorn squirmed with utmost horror. “Speak up, and don’t forget to curtsy! You’re in the presence of royalty!”

“No! It’s not possible!” The kind Princess who’d saved Meteor and Peri from Dr. Atmosphere’s evil schemes, and treated them to an unforgettable threeway, was dead! Murdered and butchered by her own trusted Element of Laughter!

Pinkie Pie lapped like a batpony at the thick red blood oozing from the princess’ vagina. She put on the snooty voice of a Canterlot courtier. “Ooh, your majesty, you taste so good!” Pinkie winked at her captive audience and snickered. “Heh heh... that’s cause I filled her with homemade strawberry jam!”

“Wait!” Meteor Gleam called out. “Are these things fake?”

Pinkie Pie giggled. “Yep! Good old silicone and earth pony knowhow!” She cupped her front hooves over her mouth and loudly whispered: “That’s also what’s in Rarity’s tits, but you didn’t hear it from me!”

“But it looks like you killed a bunch of ponies and cut out their privates!”

Pinkie Pie stood on her hind legs and put her hooves on her hips. “Well, that’s just silly, silly!” she pouted. “Don’t you think ponies would notice if Celestia was walking around with no rump? Heck, that thing has its own Royal Guard code name! They call it the Cake Vault!”

“Where did these even come from?” asked Perihelion.

“I make a cast of everypony I bang! That way I’m guaranteed plenty of guests for all my sexy parties!” Pinkie’s curly hair abruptly went limp and a shadow fell over her face. “Even if my so-called ‘friends’ abandon me again...” she muttered.

“Why didn’t you just explain this instead of creeping us out?”

Pinkie’s hair puffed back out to its normal curly state. “That’s even more silly, silly!” she piped up cheerfully. “If everypony explained their easily misunderstood actions, nothing exciting would ever happen in Ponyville!”

Meteor Gleam sighed with relief. Pinkie Pie wasn’t an insane killer, just an insane sex maniac. “Now that that’s cleared up, what if you untie us, and we’ll reschedule that baking lesson?”

“Aww, but you just got here! What kind of party would this be if you didn’t even cum so hard you passed out?”

“A regular party?”

“Ugh. Regular. So boring! You out-of-towners need to loosen up, and that means tight bondage and forced orgasms! Come on, we’ll start with everypony’s favourite fetish — tickle torture!”

“Welp, this is going to be a long afternoon,” observed Meteor Gleam. Pinkie Pie picked up a brush in her mouth and leaned over to tickle the unicorn’s cutie mark with the soft bristles. Meteor’s flank twitched with discomfort, which Pinkie Pie mistook for arousal.

“That’s it,” Pinkie panted cheerfully. “There’s nothing wrong with a couple of gals exploring each others’ bodies. Ya know, the cutie mark is a mare’s most sensitive erogenous zone!”

“What about the clit?” asked Meteor.

“The clitoris is a myth! Nopony’s ever found one! At least, that’s what the stallions tell me.”

“We can help you find yours... if you let us go?”

“LIES!” Pinkie screamed. The brush fell out of her mouth and onto the lube covered floor. “You think you know better than me, huh? You think you’re hot shit in bed just because you’re cute, and strong, and super duper stacked, and oh my gosh I want you so so bad? Well, I’ll just have to ruin your husband for any other pony!”

Pinkie Pie reached over to stroke Perihelion’s chest floof and aggressively kissed several hickeys up his neck, keeping angry eye contact with Meteor Gleam while she did. “Meteor, I’m sorry about this!” Peri told his wife as his dick spilled out of its sheath. “But we did agree, free pass, right?”

“I love you, babe,” Meteor reassured him. “We’ll get through this together.”

“No matter how many loads she pulls out of me with that thicc earth pony body, you’ll always have my heart!”

“I get it! Have fun, honey!” Meteor Gleam cursed herself for skipping that article in the latest Cosmarepolitan magazine, “How To Cuckquean Without Losing Him To Some Trashy Whore.”

“Ooh, yeah,” Pinkie Pie whispered seductively in Peri’s ear, gently stroking the last few inches into his stiffening cock. “Just let it happen, big guy. Once you go Pinkie, you’ll never go... slinky? Geeze, I really should’ve had that one ready ahead of time.”

Meteor Gleam shuddered nervously. Pinkie Pie’s horny antics were famous all across Equestria. There were rumours that Princess Cadance had invented the trendy new “birth control” spell just to keep the Element of Laughter out of trouble. An hour ago, freshly massaged and full of cock, Meteor had been supremely confident that she could keep her new husband faithful. Now she wasn’t so sure.

We share each other all the time, she reminded herself. Just yesterday he promised to love me til death do us part! I trust him... but I can’t trust him with her!

With this shadow over Meteor Gleam’s heart, Perihelion’s huge erection felt like a betrayal. It wasn’t any bigger or stiffer than what he produced for Meteor, but this one wasn’t for her! This one was for Pinkie, and Pinkie loved it. Their captor’s eyes grew bigger with each throb and each leak of clear pearly fluid from the tip of Equestria’s most perfect cock. The party pony licked her lips lasciviously, sniffed Peri’s musk, and let herself drool.

“Wowie zowie, that is a big red licorice stick!” Pinkie closed her eyes and repeated to herself: “It’s not really candy. Don’t bite! It’s not really candy.” She opened her eyes and gave a big grin. “Blowjob time!” She shoved her muzzle halfway onto Perihelion’s dick and bit down.

“Owww!”

“Oops! Sorry!” Pinkie spit out Peri’s dick and covered her teeth marks with kisses. “The red ones and the black ones always confuse me!” she explained. “Then there was the guy who looked like a candy cane, but he had bigger problems!”

“M-maybe you can ruin me for other ponies some other way?” Peri asked hopefully.

“Now you‘re thinkin’!” Pinkie turned to her wall of sex toys and started talking to herself. “Let’s see... something he can’t get at home... ooh, that’s tough, she seems like a huge slut... aha!”

With an evil smile, Pinkie turned and presented the couple with an ominous sex sleeve shaped like nothing Meteor had ever seen. The horrible toy looked like some evil, slimy sea creature, a parasite that attached itself to stallion cocks and fed on sperm.

“I made this out of Dashie’s fowl-mouthed griffon friend,” Pinkie explained. “Ooh, what a meanie pants! She said so much bad stuff I just had to take her tongue all the way up my coochie! Now we’re frenemies with benefits!”

Perihelion quivered in his bonds. “W-what is that thing?”

“It’s a cloaca! The zaniest genital!” Pinkie Pie used two hooves to tug open the sex toy’s opening and forced it over the head of Perihelion’s cock. Lube squirted out the other end of the toy and landed on Pinkie’s face, making her giggle. Pinkie got a firm grip on the slick silicone and began jacking the cloaca up and down Peri’s stallionhood in steady, footlong strokes.

“Hey, mister,” she cackled in a Griffonstone accent. “Ya got a pretty nice cock... for a dweeb! Gwahahah!”

“Take it back!” Meteor Gleam shouted. “That’s my husband! You’re the dweeb!”

Peri didn’t seem to mind being called a dweeb. He was entranced watching the griffon sex toy squeeze and gobble up his shaft. “I’m terrified, but this feels amazing!” he blurted out.

“Heh, and they said sweet little Pinkie would never master the scaregasm!”

“Babe, I’m sorry, but nothing’s ever felt this way!” Peri panted. “It’s like a pussy and an ass at the same time!”

“That’s cause it’s both! Make up your mind, ya silly hole! Clo-wocka-wocka-wocka! Wish I had a dong so I could feel it! Wait a minute!” Pinkie ducked down out of their view and popped back up wearing a large black strapon. “I do have a dong! And it‘s frickin’ huge!”

The easily distracted earth pony moved her attentions back to Meteor Gleam. She reared up, dropped her front legs onto Meteor’s bondage table and prodded the head of her dildo against the unicorn’s unprotected vulva, preparing to fuck her captive in a strange, un-ponylike face to face position.

“I cast this from the biggest stud in Ponyville!” Pinkie explained cheerfully. “At least, he was the biggest, until your guy showed up! All in a day’s work, right, cutie? Pussies like ours were just made to cuddle big pony peckers!”

Meteor Gleam nodded, much more enthusiastically than she’d meant to. Watching Pinkie tease her husband with the bizarre griffon toy had her pussy on fire. She tried to blame this on the drugged cupcake, but she had to admit this was all her. Meteor was as horny as a high school nerd about to head behind the bleachers with the entire hoofball team.

“F-free pass, Peri!” she whimpered, fighting the guilt as the thick flare of Pinkie’s dildo spread her well fucked lips. “You wanted to share me, right?”

“Awe, yeah!” Perihelion cried out, struggling to reach his untouched dick with his wings. “Pinkie Pie’s banging my wife! This is so hawt!”

Pinkie speared her cock between Meteor’s legs and the two mares moaned together. “Yeah, clench down on it!” Pinkie squealed. “Choke my big fat party favour with your friendship funnel!” The blissful look on Pinkie’s face was like Peri’s when he went ring deep in her. Was Pinkie somehow feeling real pleasure through the fake dong? What sort of earth pony magic was in this “silicone” she spoke of?

Maybe this was good, actually. Once Pinkie scratched the itch and fucked some sense into her, Meteor would be free to come up with an escape plan. Maybe she could convince the bubbly pony to take off that magic suppression ring, “just for a hornjob.” Pinkie was deceptively strong, but a barrier spell might hold her at hooves length so that Meteor Gleam could free herself.

But Pinkie wasn’t fucking sense into Meteor Gleam at all. Instead, sense was slipping further and further away, dissolving her mind in an ocean of pleasure. Every time Pinkie bucked her hips, Meteor fell deeper under her spell. Submitting to the Element of Laughter was like chewing sex flavoured bubble gum. She was playful, chaotic, sweet and irresistible.

“Does your precious hubby treat you like this?” Pinkie snarled in Meteor’s ear. “Does he call you nasty names while he conquers your cunt and makes you his little unicorn slut?”

“Yeah, he does!” Meteor confessed. “And I love it!”

“Aww, that’s great! What a fun relationship!”

“Ms. Pie, what about me?” asked Perihelion. The griffon sex toy had his abandoned dick wobbling back and forth, providing just enough stimulation to keep him stiff.

Pinkie scoffed. “Later, kid. Can’t you see I’m busy?” The two mares gazed deep into each others’ eyes, and for Meteor Gleam everything seemed to fade away but the face of her lover. They kissed slowly and tenderly. Pinkie’s mouth tasted like the sweetest of mint frosting. Meteor Gleam was madly in love with her husband, but now she saw he wasn’t quite perfect. Perihelion had one little flaw: he wasn’t Pinkie Pie.

“You’re amazing, Pinkie,” Meteor whispered. “You’re in so deep! Peri can only get it in to the medial ring!”

“What?” Perihelion sounded heartbroken. “Babe, you never told me my dick was too big!”

Plunged back into reality, Meteor Gleam tried to save her husband’s feelings. “Y-you’re not too big, Peri!” she assured him. “You’re a great size! It’s just... hungh! She’s all the way in! Oh, Celestia be praised!”

As she came, Meteor Gleam ruefully remembered another Cosmarepolitan article: “10 Ways To Tell Your Stallion His Dick Is Too Small... Wait, He’s Too Big? Stop Complaining, Bitch! Here’s 10 Stretching Exercises Instead!” Coming down from her orgasm, she decided she was going to cancel her subscription. The articles in Cosmarepolitan weren’t very sex positive.

“Please, Pinkie...” Meteor gasped. “Y-you had your fun... now, please, no more lesbian bondage sex?”

“Nah, this party’s just getting started!” Pinkie Pie kissed Meteor hard, the way Peri did after a full day of teasing, at the moment he decided he’d had enough and he was going to take her. “I can tell we’ve got chemistry, now let’s bring in a little electricity!”

“AAAAAAAAH!” Meteor Gleam screamed. “Wait a minute... what’s electricity?”

Pinkie held up a small, heavy box with two long metal wires connected to it. “Earth ponies don’t have magic or cool wings,” she explained, “so when we want to get kinky, we gotta do a science! If you wanted to destroy my mind with a super duper orgasm, you’d cast a spell, right? Well...” Pinkie wrapped one wire around her own hoof and pressed the other against Meteor Gleam’s bellybutton.

Every muscle in Meteor’s body tensed up at once. Her mane and Pinkie’s both stood on end and sparks flew from their bodies. The experience was horrifying and painful, but not so painful that a few thrusts of Pinkie’s strapon couldn’t bring Meteor Gleam’s confused body to the most powerful climax of her life.

“Wah-wah-wah-wah!” was the deep, throat shredding cry that came from Meteor’s mouth as she squirted helplessly all over the stone floor of Pinkie’s sex dungeon.

“Only about 30% of this is pee!” was the cry that came from Pinkie’s mouth as she did the same thing.

“Oh, I get it!” Perihelion cut in. “It’s an earth pony version of lightning play!”

Pinkie suddenly dropped the wire and stopped her thrusting. “Whoa, guys, lightning? That’s kind of extreme, wouldn’t you say? You two had better settle down, or we’re ending this scene right now!”

“Th-th-that’s it, babe!” Meteor whispered, forcing the air through her trembling lungs. “W-we just have to out-kink her, and she’ll let us go!”

“Pinkie! Oh, Pinkie Pie!” Perihelion called out. “I want to watch you drop your big fat ass on to a birthday cake and make it splosh all over! Please, I’d cum so hard to watch you destroy one of the Cakes’ perfect creations!”

“No!” Pinkie cried out with shock. “No wasting food! That’s a wrong fetish! Good ponies always...” Her left eye twitched violently. “Always join the clean plate club!”

“It’s working!” Perihelion hissed at his wife. “Come on, babe, you do one!”

“Erm... I love being your adult foal, Peri!” Meteor Gleam shook her head vigorously at her husband as she improvised. “I love when you give me a bottle, and I drink the milk and make unicorn toots! Pinkie, won’t you diaper both of us, please?”

“What in the fuck? Have you ever had to deal with actual foals?” Pinkie Pie tore at her mane. “Why would anypony pretend to be those adorable, innocent, can’t-control-their-magic, not-allowed-to-say-who-the-real-father-is, endlessly pooping bundles of terror?”

“I want you to cast a spell on her where she gets bigger every time she cums!” Peri told Meteor. “And... and I want to watch you 69 with each other, growing and growing until you both get bigger than the universe and have to go into pocket dimensions!”

Pinkie shrugged. “Eh, that one’s not bad, just impossible.”

“I bet she fucks her sisters, babe,” Meteor Gleam told her husband.

“Yeah! There’s nothing else to do on a rock farm, right?”

“AAAAAAAAAH!” This time the scream came from Pinkie’s mouth. They’d found it!

“I bet they get out the family double dongs and bump butts in the living room, all night long!”

“Yeah, while the parents watch!”

“Stop it, stop it, stop it!” Pinkie waved her hooves around wildly. “That’s disgusting and I must never explore why it turns me on!” The frantic baker jammed large cupcake-shaped silicone gags into Meteor’s mouth and Peri’s, silencing them instantly.

Meteor chewed at the squishy material but wasn’t able to spit out or bite through. At least the gag tasted like a delicious Pinkie Pie cupcake. Meteor wondered if Pinkie’s dildoes tasted like real dick...

“That’s better!” Pinkie gently patted Meteor on the head. “Nice and quiet! Now that your filthy mouths aren’t filthing anymore, we can explore some nice, wholesome fetishes — like pounding you til you can’t remember each others’ names! Gwahahah, then you two can fall in love all over again! Matchmaker Pinkie Pie, that’s me!”

Pinkie reached out with a hoof and resumed jerking the silicone cloaca up and down Perihelion’s shaft. She rotated her hips as she thrust, slow and steady, in and out, driving Meteor Gleam towards another irresistible orgasm.

Husband and wife gave muffled, helpless moans, looking into each others’ eyes for comfort, sending Pinkie’s smile wider and wider. Suddenly, through the haze of pleasure Meteor heard the beats of pegasus wings and a raspy voice coming down from above.

“Hey, Pinkie, are you down here? I heard some noises.”

Pinkie Pie chuckled, low and evil. With her unoccupied hoof the mad baker reached out to her table of props and picked up a cupcake that glistened with poisoned frosting.

“Hi, Rainbow Dash!” she called out cheerfully, never letting up on the potent thrusts that were scrambling Meteor’s brains. “Come on down! What can I do ya for?”

ROYAL GUARD SITUATION ROOM CANTERLOT

“Sir! Corporal Gleam has gone off the grid again!”

Bulging Codpiece, the Captain of the Guard, looked up from Princess Twilight Sparkle’s latest friendship report. “Eh? Do you mean Meteor Gleam?”

“Yes, sir.” The Private on duty saluted his commanding officer. “The mare who exposed the illegal cum jar in Cloudsdale.”

“That pony certainly has a nose for trouble. What are her last known coordinates?”

“Ponyville, sir. Sugarcube Corner, to be exact.”

“That means Pinkie Pie. Who sent Corporal Gleam to Ponyville? Is she on assignment with the Element bearers?”

“No, sir, she’s on leave. It’s her honeymoon.”

“Ah...”

“Sir?”

Bulging Codpiece chuckled. “Do I have to spell it out for you, Private?”

“Erm...”

“A young, adventurous mare, on her honeymoon in the kinkiest town in Equestria. Right after she meets up with Pinkie Pie, a magic suppression ring somehow ends up on her horn and she goes off the grid.”

“Oh!” The Private blushed bright red.

“Let’s let Corporal Gleam enjoy her honeymoon. I’ll ask Princess Twilight to do a health check on her and her spouse tomorrow. They’ll probably be dehydrated. Pinkie likes to play rough.”

“Pinkie Pie? But I met her once! She’s so sweet and nice!”

Bulging Codpiece looked down his muzzle at his young subordinate. “When it comes to mares,” he sighed, “you’ve got a lot to learn.”

Things get so bad, Rainbow Dash has to be the responsible one

Meteor Gleam and Perihelion cried out for Rainbow Dash’s help until Pinkie Pie silenced them with hooves over their gagged mouths. “Sssh!” she growled menacingly. “Let’s make this a surprise party!”

Pinkie quickly tossed her sheet over her bound victims. The corner of the sheet draped over Meteor Gleam’s muzzle, giving her one eye free to see the baker looming over her, her strapon still pounding deep into Meteor’s squelching, winking, traitorous cunt.

What was left of Meteor’s brain was slowly forming a plan. Pinkie’d already made her cum, so many times. By now she surely knew how noisy the unicorn could be. Pinkie couldn’t be angry if Meteor ‘accidentally’ got Rainbow Dash’s attention with a well-timed orgasm... or could she?

She had to risk it. This was their only hope. Meteor Gleam had to cum loud and wet on Pinkie’s fake dick. For her husband’s safety, of course!

The sounds of pegasus wingbeats grew louder. “Pinkie, are you masturbating?” came Rainbow Dash’s voice.

“Not technically! Want a cupcake?” Pinkie held up the evil confection and gave a sinister leer. “I made it specially for you!”

“Oh, no thanks.” Meteor heard Rainbow Dash give an awkward laugh. “Too many carbs lately.”

Pinkie narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “What does that mean, ‘too many carbs?’”

“Pinkie, I don’t want to play ‘cupcake roofie’ with you today! I need your help.”

Pinkie threw the cupcake behind her back, where it somehow landed with a loud crash. “You came to the right Pinkie Pie! I love helping my friends!”

“See, I’ve worn out the many groupies who are constantly after my smokin’ hot bod, and I need a little extra relief.”

Pinkie frowned and stopped fucking Meteor, leaving her right on the edge of a noisy, attention getting orgasm. “Hoo boy. Applejack dumped you again, didn’t she?”

“No! No, no, no! She just said she needed some space!”

“Uh-huh, just like last time. She broke up with you, and you got drunk, and angry-cried, and passed out in a cloud, and slept all day!”

“Keep it down! Geeze!” Meteor Gleam saw Rainbow Dash’s muzzle above her as the rainbow maned pegasus scanned for eavesdroppers, somehow missing the well fucked mare whimpering under a sheet right beneath her.

“I have a reputation!” Rainbow Dash whispered. “Everypony thinks I’m the toughest one around. I can’t let them know I’m a huge softy who secretly loves Applejack!” Meteor Gleam excitedly exchanged glances with her husband beneath the sheet. Their ship was real!

“Yeah, it’s a real big secret!” Pinkie Pie said, sarcastically. “Now you’ve sobered up, and you want some love from easy peasy Pinkie to take your mind off your ex.” The earth pony sniffled. “I know I‘m nopony’s first choice, but would it kill ya to take me to dinner first?”

“That’s not what this is about, Pinkie. Pussy done me wrong! I need to forget all about those steamy creamy boxes of heartbreak!”

Pinkie coyly put a hoof to her chin. “Do you know what I do when I need to forget? One little cupcake roofie, and all my troubles slip away!”

“I’m talking about dick! I need to fill this void with the one thing Applejack can’t give me! And everypony knows you’ve got the best selection in town.”

“I sure do!”

“So can I borrow your ‘Big Mac?’ Maybe with him inside me I can feel close to her again... just for one more night...”

Pinkie scowled, detached her big strapon and shifted her hips away from Meteor Gleam, leaving the massive slab embedded inside her. The pink earth pony pretended to look around her dungeon. “Ooh, sorry! Can’t see a single inch of Big Mac right now! Somepony else must be using him!”

“Probably Mrs. Cake. What a size queen. Ooh! How about the ‘Mr. Cake?’ Maybe it’s time I worked out my daddy issues.”

The cupcake gag stifled Meteor Gleam’s yelp as a long, thin dildo was abruptly crammed up her butthole, which had fortunately been thoroughly lubed and prepped during the couples massage. “Oh, darn!” Pinkie grunted angrily. “Can’t see that one anywhere either!”

“Wow, a real busy day down here. Gimme the Doctor Whooves, I guess. The one with the sonic vibe attachment?”

Peri made a strangled noise and his slowly wilting dick abruptly re-erected, forming a prominent bulge in the sheet. “Aww, sorry, a stallion just took that one!”

“Whoa, a stallion going for the Doctor? That’s ambitious!”

“Nah, he can take it! He’s bigger on the inside!” Perihelion moaned in pleasure, and Meteor Gleam silently thanked Celestia for her husband’s deep love of pegging.

“You don’t have the ‘Shining Armour’ in stock, do you?” queried Rainbow Dash.

Meteor Gleam was out of holes. She bit down on her cupcake gag, but luckily nothing more was shoved inside her. “Good one, Dashie,” Pinkie Pie laughed. “You know Twilight has that bad boy on lock. I haven’t even seen ‘Shiny’ for weeks!”

“Damn it! Just give me the biggest one you have left.”

“Great news! I have a very large stallion schlong I’ve been saving just for you.”

Rainbow Dash sighed. “It’s Zephyr, isn’t it?”

“Aww, I wouldn’t do that to ya! Except as a prank. And I love pranks! Wow, that is an awesome prank. I should’ve thought of that. Anyways, here you go — the real thing!” Pinkie yanked the sheet onto the floor, exposing the squirming, gagged couple she’d been toying with the whole time.

“Whoa, nice!” Rainbow Dash chortled. “A little BMSD.”

“Um, Dash, it’s called BDSM,” Pinkie Pie maresplained. “It stands for Big Dicks in Sexy Mares!”

“Whatever. Hey there, Gilda.” Rainbow Dash plucked the silicone cloaca from Perihelion’s straining erection and set it down on Pinkie’s prop table. “Mmm, not bad.” The svelte mare poked and licked at Peri’s teased, leaking cock. “I haven’t seen these two around town. Friends of yours?”

“Just a happy couple here on their honeymoon, enjoying some educational fun with Kinky Pinkie!”

Rainbow Dash smiled wide. “Ooh, and let me guess. They gave each other a free pass for us Elements?”

“I definitely think I heard them mention that!” Pinkie Pie assured her friend. She snuggled her thighs up against Meteor’s and once again tied the straps of the buried dildo around her wide hips.

“Don’t mind if I do, then!” Rainbow Dash condescendingly patted Meteor Gleam on the cheek. “Thanks, sweetheart, I’ll take good care of him.” With a flap of her wings, the pegasus hovered atop Perihelion’s flare and began to rub her vulva back and forth against him, slowly working him inside.

Perihelion blushed and squirmed even more vigorously than when Pinkie had used the toy cloaca on him, panting heavily behind his gag. Rainbow Dash grunted as Peri finally slipped inside, his flare filling her instantly.

“Aww, yeah,” the petite pegasus moaned. “This makes all that boring Element stuff worth it. All the married dick I want, and I don’t have to fly out the window anymore when wifey comes home!”

Pinkie Pie giggled and resumed churning Meteor Gleam’s cunt with her expert dildo work. Perihelion made a sound that was too muffled to make out, but Meteor Gleam had heard “I love you, Meteor!” a million times before. He said it again, looking desperately at his wife, as if trying to convince himself of something that wasn’t true anymore.

Tears came to Meteor Gleam’s eyes as she watched the love of her life slipping away into an unbeatably tight pegasus pussy. Why had they agreed on that free pass? She’d assumed the opportunity would never come up, but of course it had, twice, the day after their wedding! There wasn’t a stallion or mare alive who wouldn’t want her loving, handsome, sexually gifted husband. Why would the Elements of Harmony be any different?

Despite all her bragging, Rainbow Dash quickly proved herself a lightweight. The tomboy pegasus hovered herself down Perihelion’s shaft with quivering thighs, and she cried out and gushed orgasmic juices down his length before she’d even gotten to what Meteor thought of as the good part. “Damn, Pinkie!” she gasped. “This is some awesome dong. We need to keep this guy around!”

Meteor Gleam felt her heart sink. If she was lucky, Rainbow Dash might allow her to serve as Perihelion’s cock cleaner. She would lick those juices off her husband between rounds of ecstatic pegasus sex. She would never feel real dick again, only Pinkie Pie’s silicone souvenirs.

All of this felt inevitable and horribly right. Peri was too special for an ordinary mare like her. He deserved to be the pampered toy of heroes and princesses. Meteor Gleam should just accept her place as the servant who’d brought Equestria’s most wonderful stallion to the Elements’ attention.

No! Why is this turning me on? If Meteor came while thinking these thoughts, there would be no going back. That long denied orgasm was coming. Pinkie’s hips were a blur, her chubby thighs slapping against Meteor’s taut butt cheeks. Meteor felt like she was tied to a train track with the Friendship Express bearing down on her. Tears flowed as she looked up at Pinkie Pie and silently begged for mercy. The cute, bouncy baker who’d saved Equestria countless times — why was she being so cruel now?

“Pinkie! Stop it! Stop! Right now!” For a moment Meteor had thought she’d managed to spit out the gag, but that wasn’t her voice. Rainbow Dash had somehow said what was going through her own mind.

“Oh no! What’s wrong?” Pinkie Pie quit thrusting into Meteor and glanced around in a panic. “Is Sugarcube Corner on fire? Did I forget somepony’s birthday? Is it Discord’s birthday? I told him to quit changing it!”

“No, it’s not that!” yelled Rainbow Dash. Meteor moaned pathetically around her gag as she was denied again. That horrible orgasm receded, leaving only the soreness and tension of her bondage.

“Then, what the heck is it that’s more important than a fun party with our sexy new friends?”

“I hate to be lame, but these two might not be totally into this! This guy’s barely life-threateningly stiff, and he’s inside me! And she’s... crying? We’re — we’re cool, right? They have a safe word and everything?”

“Yeah, duh! The safe word’s on page 14 of the liability waiver! They both signed it, everything’s on file, totally consensual! And I gagged ’em, just to be sure they’d never need to use it!”

Rainbow Dash facehoofed. She flapped her wings and flew off of Peri, leaving him dripping with mare sauce. “Making somepony sign a form before the scene even starts isn’t real consent,” she told Pinkie. “You’re just covering your ass!”

“Hey now, Dashie, nothing’s gonna cover this ass! Have you seen this thing?”

“I’m serious, Pinkie! Do you know why Applejack was such an awesome domme?” Rainbow Dash let out a sob and wiped her eyes. “It’s cause she kept checking in to make sure I could handle it. You’ve got to maintain consent! Otherwise somepony might get hurt. You don’t want to hurt your customers, do you?”

“Maybe I do!” Pinkie pouted. “Maybe Nice Friendly Pinkie is a little too nice and friendly! All these couples come to Ponyville and I have to smile and bake with them while they’re holding hooves and rubbing my snout in their love! Grr, I’m so jealous!”

Pinkie Pie was jealous of her? Of her and Peri? Of what they had? Meteor Gleam felt something brush gently against her barrel. She opened her eyes and saw the tip of her husband’s wing lightly touching her.

Perihelion was wincing in pain. He had twisted his entire body in its tight bondage, nearly dislocating his wing, just so he could reach out to his wife and comfort her with one outstretched feather. The surge of emotion was like a shot of adrenaline right into Meteor’s chest.

At this display of affection Pinkie Pie began flooding out enough tears to fill Ponyville’s town fountain. “Hey, Pinkie, it’s OK.” Rainbow Dash hugged her friend. “I mean, it doesn’t excuse what you did, but I know how you feel.”

“Why them and not me?” the earth pony bawled. “Why can’t I find a stallion who loves me the way he loves her? Is this my whole life? Parties and cupcakes and saving Equestria and hot meaningless sex until I’m a shrivelled old maid like my mom?”

“Your mom has a stallion who loves her,” Rainbow Dash pointed out. “They had four kids!”

“Not the point!”

“You’ll find your special somepony soon, I know it! Probably some stunt casting guest star they can only get for a couple episodes. But that just means more time for naughty fun offscreen, where you don’t have to worry about the rating!”

“Whoa! Dash!” Pinkie pointed at Peri and Meteor. “Not in front of the OCs!”

“O-oops.” Rainbow Dash stammered. “Forget I said anything, guys! Totally normal universe where ponies have free will!” Rainbow Dash turned to Pinkie Pie and touched her cheek with a wingtip. “Here, let me show you how it’s done, ya big pink dweeb.”

Pinkie shyly dragged a hoof across the lube covered floor of her dungeon. “Y-you’re sure Applejack won’t mind?”

“My ex? Who cares about her?” Rainbow Dash stroked Pinkie’s curly mane, making it grow bigger and puffier. “Pinkamena Diane Pie, you beautiful mare, I’m going to top you and you’re going to love it.”

“Yes...” Pinkie Pie whispered.

“Yes, what?”

Pinkie gathered her courage. “Yes, sir.”

“Wow.” Rainbow Dash pursed her lips. “I wasn’t expecting that, but it’s kind of hot. Do you want me to kiss you, Pinkie?” Pinkie nodded frantically, and Rainbow Dash planted a gentle kiss on her lips. The earth pony gave out a little moan and her tail curled itself into the shape of a heart.

“Nice, huh?” Rainbow Dash smirked egotistically. “Now, do you want me to touch your filly parts?”

“P-p-please touch me, Rainbow Dash, sir.”

“There you go.” The confident pegasus patted Pinkie on the head. “Do you see how easy and sexy it is to maintain consent?”

“Yes, sir!” Pinkie squeaked.

“Awesome. Now you know how to domme without scaring the shit out of everypony.” Rainbow Dash stepped over to the shelves on the basement wall and started looking through Pinkie’s collection of dildoes.

“B-b-but! Hey! You were gonna touch my filly parts!”

“Nah, I only asked if you wanted me to.” Rainbow Dash held up a silicone donkey dong and stared down the enormous flare. “Whoa! Who knew Mulia was packing?”

“That’s not fair! I consensed! Now you have to touch me!”

“Damn, and AJ says I’m clingy?” Rainbow Dash set the dildo back on its shelf. “Pinkie, I’ll tell you what. I’ll screw you tonight if you patch things up with these tourists. Nopony wants to have to tell Twilight you went too far, right?”

“Aww, all right, ya teasey pants.” With an exaggerated frown on her face, Pinkie Pie pulled out the couples’ cupcake gags and started unlocking the wooden braces that bound them to their racks.

“I’m really super duper sorry, guys!” she told them. Her silly frown melted into a genuine smile. “You love each other so much and I just wanted to feel a teeny bit of that. Isn’t there anything I can do to make it up to you, for being such a bad pony?” Pinkie presented to the couple and shook her ass, her thick cheeks clapping noisily against each other. “Get it? Anything?”

“Hey, we’ve been seriously traumatized!” Meteor Gleam protested. “You can’t just magically make everything better with sex—”

“I want anal,” Perihelion interrupted her.

Pinkie wrinkled her nose. “OK, but... regular anal, right? Nothing weird?”

“Regular anal.” Perihelion pressed a recently freed hoof deep into Pinkie’s soft rump flesh. “I drop a load up your earth pony butt and we’re good.”

“Okey-dokey-lokey!” Pinkie Pie smiled. “Dash, would ya go upstairs and ask Mrs. Cake for the enema bag?”

Meteor Gleam snorted. “I want the baking lesson we paid for,” she told Pinkie. “And I want you to host a party where you introduce me to all the Elements. I want a Sugarcube Corner honeymoon gift basket delivered to our room. I want a wake-up call every morning with you snuggling under the blankets and eating me out and calling me ‘Mistress.’ And when you make a cast of my husband’s dong, I want a copy. Two copies.”

“Okey-dokey-lokey!”

“Wow, you’re a great negotiator, babe,” Meteor whispered to her husband. “Enjoy your one session of anal.”

Pinkie Pie embraced each of her victims with an outstretched leg. “I really feel like I learned something today,” she assured them. “Something that I won’t forget and have to relearn 2 or 3 times over the next several years!”

“Aww, that’s great!” Rainbow Dash fluttered proudly and puffed up her chest. “Another friendship problem solved by the awesome Rainbow Dash!”

“Yay!” Pinkie Pie opened a small refrigerator and pulled out a bag of colourful syringes. “Time to get out the party drugs!”

“Pinkie, no!”

Meteor Gleam stood in the Golden Oaks Library, swaying to the latest dance hit, gazing proudly at a spiked punchbowl and a huge stack of perfect Sugarcube Corner cupcakes. Actually, she was gazing a little to the right, at a batch of smaller cupcakes that had sloppy sprinkles and lopsided frosting. Those were her cupcakes, sitting on a real Ponyville party table, right next to Pinkie Pie’s! Nopony was choosing her cupcakes over Pinkie’s, but there was something to check off her bucket list.

Meteor felt the comfort of her husband’s sperm deep inside her, locked in place by a high fashion Carousel Boutique plug that glinted and turned heads with every swish of her tail. Their baking lesson had been interrupted by Peri’s rising lust, then Pinkie’s, and finally Meteor’s, but they’d made it through with satisfying orgasms for everypony, and no more heavy bondage misunderstandings.

It seemed Pinkie Pie could magically make things better with sex. They could all laugh about the incident now. In fact, Pinkie never stopped laughing about it. This was super annoying since it was all her fault.

After the baking lesson, Meteor and Peri had gone off on their own for a shopping trip, a romantic candlelight dinner, and more alleyway sex. Call it a mare’s intuition, but the third time Peri cried out with passion and flooded her womb, Meteor felt something very magical and special happen deep inside her. She’d come to Ponyville to make cupcakes, but it seemed as though she’d be leaving with a bun in the oven...

After Meteor and Peri were both spent, they’d reunited with Pinkie for the party in the Golden Oaks Library. Not many guests had shown up, because Pinkie threw a library party almost every night. But Ponyville’s celebrities, the Elements of Harmony, were here as promised.

Fluttershy and Rarity were out on the dance floor, Fluttershy gently wiggling her booty and Rarity vivaciously bouncing her massive rack, which was obviously fake now that Meteor knew to look. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie were making out in a corner while Applejack watched them from across the room, slowly crushing a can of cider between angrily trembling hooves. The only Element bearer Meteor still hadn’t met was...

“Whoa! Sexy sporty unicorn!” Princess Twilight Sparkle swooped into the library through an open window and landed next to Meteor, playfully nuzzling against her neck. “Where have you been all my life?”

“Twilight, she’s an OC!” Pinkie shouted. “Don’t get emotionally involved!”

“Who said anything about emotions?” The bookish, yet aggressive alicorn wrapped a wing tightly around Meteor’s barrel. “Are you new in town? Do you have somewhere to stay? I hear there’s a vacancy in between my thighs!”

Perihelion loudly cleared his throat and tried to wedge himself between Meteor and the princess. “My wife and I are just visiting Ponyville, your highness. It’s our honeymoon!”

“Aww, that’s so hot — I mean, sweet!” Twilight Sparkle folded her other wing around Perihelion and hugged them both close. “Hey, and what newlywed couple doesn’t want a princess to bless their union with a spicy one night stand?”

“This couple sure does!” Meteor Gleam agreed enthusiastically. Why did these frightening situations always end with hot alicorn threeways? It was truly a mystery.

“Hrm...” The young princess ran a lustful gaze all over the pegasus stud she was cuddling. “Cute face, nice body,” she whispered to Meteor. “How’s he hung?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe, your highness.”

“Good. Let’s wreck him.”

Twilight Sparkle grasped Meteor Gleam and Perihelion in her powerful magic, and tugged the couple up a flight of stairs towards the royal bedchamber. As she slid past the refreshment table, Meteor reached out with her own magic and grabbed a couple of Pinkie’s cupcakes. After all, she was eating for two now...