A Bit Sad, Innit?

by RunicTreetops

Rating: teen
Tags: Profanity, Random, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Rarity, Starlight Glimmer
Length: 1530

Anon has arrived in Equestria. In fact, many Anons have arrived in Equestria. Actually, scratch that. Literally the entire UK has arrived in Equestria. Oh, bollocks.

Ordinarily, Princess Twilight Sparkle is more than willing to welcome newcomers to Equestria, regardless of what type of creature they are or where they come from. However, she might soon find that even she has a limit as she is forced to confront the arrival of the greatest menace known to man: the British.

Like, all of them.

A bit sad, innit?

Published 2023-10-19 22:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-10-19 22:40:00 UTC

A Bit Sad, Innit?

Author's Note

Fair warning, this story was written in under an hour as a joke and is mostly nonsensical. Please don't take it seriously.

I'm ~~not~~ sorry for what you're about to read.

A Bit Sad, Innit?

The sound of a door being hastily thrown open causes Starlight Glimmer to look up from the Friendship Map, her furrowed brow and tired eyes making it clear that she is under quite a bit of stress at the moment. The new arrival is none other than Princess Twilight Sparkle, her old mentor. Twilight looks just as exhausted as Starlight, and they exchange a knowing look.

"Hi, Starlight." Twilight's voice sounds tired and winded, likely caused by how much of a rush she was in to visit the Castle of Friendship after receiving a letter from Starlight hours prior in Canterlot.

"Hey. I'd love to chew the fat with you a little bit, but we have more important matters to attend to."

"I'll say. They've been flooding into Equestria like crazy, and we aren't prepared for this many visitors at once." Twilight quickly makes her way towards the Friendship Map and takes a seat next to Starlight. "What is this 'new island' you mentioned?"

"Right there." Starlight points a hoof towards the section of the map that ordinarily portrays the Celestial Sea. However, the once-empty body of water now has a large landmass smack dab in its center. "It just... showed up."

"Yeah, I sent some pegasi over that way to scout the area after those 'humans' started pouring into Manehattan on those massive boats of theirs. They confirmed that there's a new island, all right. And it's BIG."

"Really?"

"Well, big enough to be a country, I suppose."

"What were they calling it? The 'you-kay?'"

"I believe it's known as the United Kingdom, but I'll admit, it was difficult to understand them through their thick accents."

"We should probably consider ourselves lucky that we speak the same language at all."

"Sometimes, it doesn't feel like we do."

"STARLIGHT!" Twilight and Starlight both look to the door in surprise as a panicked voice fills the space. The frantic form of Rarity fills the doorway, her usually pristine mane now frazzled and unkempt. "We have a problem! There are a bunch of these 'Anon' creatures walking into Ponyville and- oh hello Twilight, how are you?"

"Hi, Rarity. Uh, what were you saying?"

"Hm? Oh, right! Darlings, it is simply dreadful! They all look exactly the same! They keep using terminology I don't understand! One of them came into the boutique and asked me for some 'trousers!' And they always, always, walk around with-" For a third time, the nearby door opens, cutting Rarity off mid-sentence. The three mares gasp as a tall, bipedal creature walks into the room. His clothes are dreadfully plain, he wears an expression that screams "I want to die," and he carries a small porcelain teacup with a bit of steam rising from it. "...Tea."

"All roight, what's all this then?"

"H-hello," Twilight says sheepishly. "Can we help you with something?"

"Can you help me with something? Yeah, I'd bloody well say you can! This 'Equestria' of yours is a pile of rubbish!"

"Excuse me?"

"You're the princess, yeah? Think you can do something about me and my mates here?"

The man sticks up his thumb and points it behind him, just in time for seven other nearly identical men to enter the room.

"H-hello, everycreature. What can I-"

"Everycreature?!" One of the men looks at Twilight incredulously. "Blimey, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard! Just say 'everybody' and be done wit' it!"

"Now hold on-"

"And your tea is bloody terrible! Are you taking the piss, or are you just that incompetent?"

"Sir, I'm very confused, and I'm going to have to ask you all to leave. This space isn't open to the public."

"Well the door was open, so don't get your knickers in a twist over something that was your own damn fault."

"I shouldn't have to-"

"Oi!"

Everyone present suddenly faces the door. Again. Another man enters, and while he physically looks nearly identical to the other men, he wears a neon vest and rounded hat that makes him stand out.

"Shite, what's a bloody bobby doin' here?!" The other men seem surprised by this one's entrance.

"You lot!" The "bobby" points at the three shocked mares, then towards the Friendship Map. "You got a loicense for that table?!"

"I... I'm sorry?"

"Really, can't trust you horses wit' anything. We really thought it'd be a good idea to let a game of football go on for three bloody days. Next thing we know, the whole damn country disappears and everything's gone to pot."

"Hey," another one of the men mumbles, "I guess we really did take the whole 'Brexit' thing seriously, eh?"

"Shut the hell up, ya wanker."

"Ahem." Twilight clears her throat quite loudly, causing all present to finally shut up and face her. "If you can't be cordial, I'm going to have to insist that you leave."

"Yeah, tell that to the whole bleedin' country stuck in your weird ocean thing."

"...Starlight."

"Yes, Twilight?"

"Contact the mayor of Manehattan. They're the closest to this 'United Kingdom' place, right?"

"Yeah, but what do you want me to say?"

"Tell them we're having a tea party."

"We're having a what now?"

"Hah! A tea party held by you lot is bound to be rubbish!" One of the men mocks Twilight, but she stares daggers into him.

"Don't worry. We won't be using our tea."

"I beg your pardon?"

"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?!"

A crowd of ponies stands along the shore of Manehattan, watching with trepidatious, albeit somewhat cocky, expressions as tons and tons of boxes of tea are thrown into the Celestial Sea. The many human men standing among the crowd recoil in shock and disgust at the heinous action.

One mare, the mayor of Manehattan, turns to face the man that cried out when the tea was dumped.

"Repeating history for our independence, that's what we're doing."

"There is no way you have your own United States!"

"You're right, we don't. But considering you folk don't ever shut up, and these 'United States' seem to live rent-free in your minds, it didn't take us long to find a history book over in your 'London' place and make a plan from there."

"Y-you came to the United Kingdom?! Who said you could do that?!"

"Who said you could come to Equestria?"

"W-well... we don't usually ask before settling down in other peoples' lands."

"Hm. Riveting. Anyway."

The mayor nods, clearly giving a signal of some kind. Dozens upon dozens of unicorns all emerge from the crowd, their horns glowing in unison. A cacophony of cries can be heard as each and every human in the crowd is magically lifted into the air before being loaded onto one of their massive, gaudy boats polluting the bay.

"You're out of your minds!"

"If you hate it here so much, you'd better not be complaining that we're sending you home!"

The mayor nods once again, and a swarm of pegasi begin to push the boat out to sea. For all intents and purposes, they really shouldn't be strong enough to do so, but the boat moves all the same. Following this pattern, it takes a comically short amount of time for every single one of these British invaders to be sent right back to the United Kingdom, and once the last of those pale, grumpy men are loaded back into their homeland, Princess Twilight Sparkle and her five closest friends make themselves known on a small wooden boat of their own.

"Now then. Girls, are you ready?"

Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie all nod in unison. They each begin to float in the air as their eyes begin to glow, and a rainbow aura slowly begins to surround them. The aura...

Well, you've probably seen this part before.

Moments later, the United Kingdom disappears. How are the Elements of Harmony able to teleport an entire island back to its original world? They aren't quite sure themselves, but nopony is questioning the blessing that is being able to get rid of the British.

Twilight lowers her head, closes her eyes, and sighs a deep, tired sigh.

"Well, I'm glad that's over with. Hopefully everything will go back to normal now."

"I still can't believe the solution was that easy," Rainbow Dash responds. "I mean, we just hit 'em with a friendship beam and bish bash bosh, it's all taken care of." Twilight lifts her head and narrows her eyes at Rainbow Dash as her other friends look on in shock and horror. "...What?"

"Girls?" The other four look at Twilight with fear in their eyes. "We're going to need to set up a quarantine zone."

"W-wait, what? What are you talking about?"

"Sorry Rainbow, I didn't realize being British was contagious. We need to stop this before it spreads."

"I must agree," Rarity adds. "Hopefully it won't take too long. A bit sad, innit?"

...

Oh no.