Candy. Candy? Candy!

by Hoofprintz

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Scootaloo, Random, Slice of Life, Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3036

The CMC fight over which candy is best.

The CMC make an attempt at splitting their haul on Nightmare Night. It goes about as well as expected.

Published 2023-10-20 18:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-10-20 18:20:00 UTC

Shenanigans

The Cutie Mark Crusaders' clubhouse was bustling with activity, the three young fillies within having just completed a very successful Nightmare Night out.

"W-whoa! What a haul! Going out as a team really makes a difference."

The orange pegasus, Scootaloo, stared down at the mountain of sweets in the center of the group. A stream of drool was flowing down her chin, which promptly came back after she wiped it away with a foreleg.

"Ya think anypony else got as much as we did?" The yellow earth pony, Apple Bloom, asked her fellow crusaders as she poured the contents of her own Nightmare Night sack onto the center pile.

"I don't think so," Sweetie Belle, the snow white unicorn shook her head as she added her own hoard to their stockpile. "Maaaaybe Pinkie Pie?" the filly considered as she evaluated their accumulated collection of various treats. "She usually gets enough to feed a small village for a week."

"She doesn't count," Scootaloo reached for a candy, but was immediately shooed away by Sweetie Belle, a soft smack from her hoof the orange filly's reprimand. "ACK! REALLY SWEETIE!?" The pegasus rubbed her stinging hoof, a frown on her face as she glared at the unicorn. "She makes her own sweets... and she buys some of them, too."

"That's true." Apple Bloom agreed with a nod of her head.

"Anyway, that's not important right now," Scootaloo pointed down at the pile. "How're we gonna split this up evenly?"

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Hello, Twilight. How are you doing tonight?"

"I'm fine. Thanks for asking. How about you?"

"Can't complain. It's a really nice night out."

"Luna did a good job for her special night."

"Yep. So I've just got a quick question for you. What's your favorite candy?"

"My favorite candy? Wellll, I don't really eat many candies to begin with. That much sugar is bad for anypony, but I guess if I had to choose one it'd be... Milky Way Midnight?"

"You don't sound very confident."

"Well, dark chocolate is a little bitter, but it's abundant in caffeine and that helps me a lot on late nights when I'm up studying for an exam. Plus, it's lower in sugar than milk chocolate. That's good too!"

"So... mostly logical reasons and very little to do with the way it tastes..."

"YEAH RIGHT, YA EGGHEAD! WE ALL KNOW WHAT YOUR FAVORITE CANDY IS! TELL THE TRUTH!"

"Rainbow, can you keep it down? I'll be with you in a-"

"Wha...? Is that Rainbow Da-"

"NERDS!!! HAHAHHAHA!!!"

"R... RAINBOOOOW DASHHHH!!!"

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"How 'bout we just separate it into three equal piles?" Apple Bloom suggested.

"Sounds good to me!" Scootaloo used her forelegs to greedily pull more than half the pile to herself.

"Now hold on just one cotton pickin' minute, Scootaloo!" Apple Bloom was already on her hooves, a righteous fury on her face. "That ain't fair! That's way too much!"

"That's way more than an equal pile, Scootaloo." Sweetie Belle frowned in disappointed disapproval.

"Fine, fine." Scootaloo pushed the part she'd taken back into the main pile. "Well, then how do you guys wanna do it then?"

The three fillies sat in silence for several minutes, each contemplating a possible solution to their problem.

"What if we just each pick a candy one at a time until we have our own pile?" Sweetie Belle broke the silence, making a mostly reasonable suggestion... mostly. The others were quiet for a second before Apple Bloom made an astute observation.

"Sweetie... that ain't the worst idea, but..." She began pointing at the candies with her hoof.

"There are like... thousands of candies here." Scootaloo finished for her friend. "It'll take us hours to do it like that."

"Do you guys have a better idea?" Sweetie Belle sighed as she reached into the pile to choose her first treat.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Okay, Dash. Since you were soooo excited to voice your opinion, what's-"

"You wanna know what my favorite candy is, right? That's easy! Skittles, of course."

"Why am I not even a little bit surprised?"

"What did you think it would be? The maker was smart enough to design them around me, after all. And that slogan! What a visionary! They're the best, bar none."

"Ugh. Of course they are."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Why are you only getting Skittles?" Sweetie Belle asked the pegasus who'd taken her fifteenth small packet of multicolored candies.

"Why wouldn't I? They're the best! Bar none." Scootaloo was already eating from one of the packets with gusto.

"They're alright," Apple Bloom grabbed another Caramel Apple Pop from the pile. "Just cause they remind ya of Rainbow Dash don't make 'em the best, Scoots," she chuckled.

"You're one to talk, Apple Bloom," Scootaloo stared at the earth pony with a doubtful expression. "That's a loooot of Caramel APPLE Pops you've got there."

"That's cause apples really are the best," Apple Bloom patted her growing pile of pops adoringly.

"Nuh uh."

"Yuh huh."

"Nuh uh!"

"Yuh huh!"

"NUH UH!"

"YUH HUH!"

...

"SWEETIE BELLE!?" the pair shouted in unison as they angrily turned toward their unicorn friend. "WHICH IS THE BEST!?"

The unicorn was bug-eyed, leaning backwards so as to avoid the pair of headbutts she would have most certainly received had she not moved to dodge them.

"I uh..." she lifted a Kiss with a hoof. "I like these."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Can't believe I had to come all the way out here just t-"

"PLEASE GO AWAY!!! NO SOLICITORS ON NIGHTMARE NIGHT!!!"

"I just wanna know what your favorite candy is, Fluttershy."

"Oh, uhm, my favorite candy? Well, I've never really thought about it before... I suppose I'd pick... Peeps."

"You actually like eating those marshmallow abominations!?"

"What!? No! I would never eat them, they're far too adorable. They remind me of the cute little chicks I take care of from time to time."

...

"Et tu, Fluttershy?"

"Oh... did you mean which I like to eat? I'm sorry..."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"They're romantic," Sweetie Belle smiled as she added the treat to her pile.

"Ugh! Really!?" Scootaloo sat back down with a huff.

"Yeah, that's a really lame reason to like a candy, Sweetie Belle," Applejack also took a seat.

"They taste really good too!" The two fillies looked at their friend in disbelief. "And... AND there's almost a kabillion flavors like caramel, strawberry, and cherry!" They continued to stare at their raving friend. "WHATEVER! I LIKE THEM!" she popped one of the candies into her mouth and chewed it enthusiastically. "AND SO DOES MY SISTER SO-BLEGH!" she stuck her chocolate covered tongue out at the other two ponies in defiance.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Good evening, miss Rarity."

"And a good evening to you as well, darling."

"Might I ask such an elegant mare a simple question this fine Nightmare Night?"

"Such a flatterer... ask away."

"Do you perchance, have a favorite candy?"

"Oh darling, that's quite an easy question to answer. I simply adore Kisses. Sweetie Belle and I have spent many a late night together sharing secrets and enjoying a bowl of them together. And honestly, who wouldn't want to receive a kiss?"

"A fair point, as well as a fine choice. And your preferred flavors, if you don't mind?"

"Hmm... our favorite flavors? Sweetie Belle raves about the ones that contain almond. Not I, far too crunchy if you ask me."

"And what about yours?"

"Mine? While I do enjoy the white chocolate, I would have to say I lean a bit more towards cherry cordial. The texture and sweetness are exactly where I want them to be and-"

"Ya gonna stay here chattin' all night, Rare?"

"OH! Forgive me, darling. I am doing a bit of rambling. My apologies."

"Think nothing of it."

"I will leave you to your work. Have a splendid rest of your Nightmare Night. Ta-ta!"

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The trio was sitting around their hoard, each picking a candy from the pile, one at a time without saying a word to one another. As Apple Bloom shuffled the pile around in search of another pop, Scootaloo made a comment.

"I'm pretty sure you got em all, Apple Bloom." The orange filly pointed a hoof at the collection of almost a hundred Apple Pops next to the earth pony.

"I think ya might be right, Scoots," Apple Bloom blushed as she ended her search and selected a jawbreaker, adding it to her pile.

"Those hurt my teeth," Sweetie Belle giggled as she went to pick out another Kiss. "I don't have the patience to keep them in my mouth and always end up trying to bite them before I should."

"Big Mac really likes 'em." Apple Bloom shrugged. "I've seen him eat a single one allll day while working on the farm."

"They do last a long time," Scootaloo was having the same issue as Apple Bloom, all of the bags of Skittles resting next to the pegasus. "Darn."

"Why not just get the M&M's?" Sweetie Belle suggested with a lifted hoof when she noticed her friend's dilemma. "They're the same as Skittles, aren't they?"

The looks of horror that came to the faces of the young pegasus and earth pony as they slowly turned toward their compatriot were truly filled with fright.

"Are... are ya real, Sweetie?" Apple Bloom reached a hoof out to try and verify that her unicorn friend was, in fact, not simply a figment of her imagination.

"What!? They're basically the same thing!" Sweetie Belle declared, thoroughly confused by the reaction she was getting.

"Have you ever even eaten a candy, Sweetie Belle?" Scootaloo stuck out a tongue in disgust as she returned her attention to the collection of sweets.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Howdy Applejack!"

"Well, howdy yerself, friend! What can I do fer ya?"

"I just got a quick question, if that's alright with ya?"

"Course it is, shoot!"

"What's yer favorite candy?"

"Well, golly, this might actually surprise ya a little, but y'know them chocolate covered oranges?"

"Nah, there ain't no way that's yer favorite!"

"Sure as shootin'!"

"But... but yer an Apple."

"Lotsa ponies forget I got Oranges as kin. Pears too. I do love apples. I really do, but I like other fruits too."

"That... makes a lotta sense, actually."

"It sure does. 'Sides, there ain't really no good apple candies. I still can't understand how AB likes those apple caramel lollipops. BLEGH!"

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Guess these'll have to do," Scootaloo reluctantly grabbed a packet of SweetTARTS and added it to her pile.

"OH COME ON! YOU ONLY PICKED THOSE CAUSE THEY'RE JUST LIKE SKITTLES!" Sweetie Belle shouted, beside herself, especially considering that was the reason she'd suggested the M&M's in the first place.

"Yeah... so?" Scootaloo was genuinely confused by her friends irritated outburst. Apple Bloom giggled at the obliviousness of her orange compatriot. "THIS IS TAKING WAY TOO LONG!" The pegasus bellowed in anger.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Where is sh- OH! STARLIGHT! HEY, STAR-"

"Excuse you, what do you want?"

"Huh? Oh! Hey Trixie, I was actually hoping to talk to-"

"To somepony like you, that's the Great and Powerful Trixie."

"Someone like m-?"

"NOW! Trixie already asked you once, what do you want!?"

"I was gonna answer you before, but y-"

"HURRY UP! Trixie doesn't have all night!"

"I just wanted to ask S-"

"Hey you! It's great to see you! I thought you'd be too busy tonight to visit me. What's... Triiiix... you're not giving my friend a hard time, are you?"

"They're your friend, Star? Why didn't you say so? Any friend of Star is a friend of the Great and Powerful Trixie! ...R-right?"

"Sure, Trixie."

"So, what brings you here on this wonderful Nightmare Night? Paying your favorite school counselor a friendly visit?"

"Actually, I just had a quick question, if that's okay with you?"

"Sure, I don't mind! What did you need?"

"I wanted to know what your favorite candy was."

"Trixie's favorite candy is Trix."

What?

"...What do you mean, Trix?"

"Trixie likes Trix. They're delicious."

"Trix... that's a... that's a cereal."

"...Oh yeah... you're right, Star. Hmmm... Let Trixie think."

"Aaaanyway... I guess I'd say Sour Patch Kids."

"Those are... really good, Starlight. I don't know anyone who doesn't like them."

"Yeah... yeah, they are. Thanks."

...

"Well, I'm gonna... I'm gonna go. Got a long trip ahead of me."

"O-okay. Where are you heading this late?"

"Ugh... Canterlot."

"So far!?"

"Got two more ponies I gotta ask. I better get going, I'll see you later, Starlight."

"Y-yeah. Have a safe trip!"

"See ya later, Trixie!"

"W-WAIT! TRIXIE LIKES
POP ROCKS! TRIXIE LIKES POP ROCKS!"

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The three fillies had been totally overcome by exhaustion. A night filled with traveling all over Ponyville coupled with their long session of candy picking had drained all three fillies of their strength. Sitting together in the small circle, they'd gradually built up their piles of candy, a single piece at a time.

After three long hours of bickering and "serious" consideration, each filly had slowly lowered their own head onto their pile of candy, the makeshift pillows drawing each into a deep slumber.

"Course they're here."

Due to their absence, Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash had gone in search of their sisters, finding the trio sleeping comfortably on the floor of their club house. As the three mares collected their siblings to take them to the comfort of their homes they noticed the candy all over the floor.

"What should we do with all this candy?"

Unfortunately for the CMC, each filly had shifted in their sleep, causing their piles to spread around and become mixed with the original pile, as well as every other pile.

"We can leave it here for them to sort out tomorrow. It's far to late to do anything about now."

Rarity used a telekinesis spell to collect all of the sweets into a single large pile.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Ugh... Can't believe I came all the way here just t- AH! Your Highness! Your Majesty! I finally found the two of you!"

"Greetings f- wait a moment. Did you travel here all the way from Ponyville!?"

"Kind of stupid, huh? I figured you'd be over there, but I guess not."

"We were, but on Luna's special night we tend to move about between towns. Many ponies to see. Much to do. I'm sure you understand."

"I do, Your Highness. The duties of a princess are a truly terrifying thing."

"Too true. Nevertheless, what brings you so far at such a late hour? Obviously a pressing matter, no?"

"Actualllly, no, Your Majesty. I just wanted to know if the two of you had a favorite candy."

"...For such foolishness?"

"Y-you... for such... Fine. It's fine. You're already here, there's no point in dawdling on something that's already done."

"Surely they deserve some sort of correction, Celestia."

"On your special night, SIster? Tonight is supposed to be a time of celebration and joy, not punishment."

"...Very well, Sister. You are correct. Thank Celestia that you shall be getting off "scot free" as they say, young one."

"Thank you, Your Highness. And you as well, Your Majesty."

"Do not let such a thing happen again."

"Of course, Your Majesty."

"Now then, I've got some bad news."

"Bad, Your Highness?"

"I don't really eat candy. I never have. I do enjoy cake pops, though. That's close enough to satisfy your curiosity, right?"

"That's... uh..."

Never thought I'd get such a Trixie-esque answer from Celestia.

"How are you the more relatable princess, Celestia?"

"What is that supposed to mean, Luna?"

"It matters not. I tend to enjoy-"

"It's not my fault you're a little weirdo..."

"Errr maybe it's not the best idea t-"

"Do not fret, young one. It'll take more than Celestia's foalish little taunts t-"

"Moon-butt."

"...Sun-butt."

"Uhm... y-your favorite, Princess Luna?"

"Milky Way Midnight."

"OH! ...Really?"

"Is there a problem? You sound as if that surprises you for some reason. Did you expect something foolish like my sister's answer? Something like Moon Pies?"

"Actually... no. It's just, that's Twilight Sparkle's favorite candy as well."

"Oh it is, is it? Do you hear that, dearest sister? It seems as if your most faithful student and I share the same favorite candy."

"What of it, little sister?"

"I guess I'm a bit more relatable than I initially thought."

"Oh, Luna. You're such a goof sometimes."

"Perhaps. But a relatable one."

"The most relatable. And I wouldn't give you up for the world, Sister."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Can't believe they made me stay in Canterlot. At least the beds are comfy and b- AAHHHHHHHHH!"

"SHHH! SHHHHHH! IT'S JUST ME! IT'S JUST ME!"

"Puh-Pinkie Pie!? Are you trying to give me a heart attack!? How'd you even get all the way over here?"

"Balloon. Anyway, what the hay? Why didn't you ask me what my favorite candy is? I've been waiting for you ALL NIGHT!"

"UGH! Pinkie, I don't have to ask you."

"Wha... That's not very nice! Why not!?"

"Because I already know your answer. EVERYONE already knows your answer."

"Oh reeeeally? Why don't you tell me what it is then, if you're such a smarty smart smartpants?"

"You don't have one. You could never pick a single candy."

"Bzzt! Bzzt! Nope, you're totally wrong! It's actually cotton candy... Oh, but I really do like candy apples too..."

"Those don't cou-"

"OH! But there're Snickers, too! And Butterfingers! Oh! And Warheads! It's too hard! I can't pick just one!"

"Yeah, that's what I-"

"GUMMI BEARS! WHAT ABOUT LUCAS! OR TWIZZLERS! DON'T FORGET LICORICE! OH! OH! AND TAFFY! TOOTSIE ROLLS?"

10 Hours later

"...AND STARBURSTS! AND MIKE AND IKE! AND SNOWCAPS! AND TWIX! AND KIT KAT! AND GOBSTOPPERS! AND THREE MUSKETEERS! AND..."

"Has she been in here all night?"

"Yes, Your Highness."

"...And she hasn't stopped talking once?"

"No, Your Highness... no she hasn't."

"Huh... I see... Well, good luck with that."

"No! NO! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE ALONE WITH HER! PLEASE! PLEASE!!! CELESTIA!!!"

"...AND HOT TAMALES! AND AIR HEADS! AND RUNTS! AND DOTS AND RED HOTS AND SWEDISH FISH AND SPREES AND SMARTIES AND..."

"CELESTIAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Author's Note

Just a silly little fun one for Nightmare Night. Also my first shot at comedy. Hope you enjoyed it.

Also, have some thematic Byun Baekhyun.