BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
“Gahhh…my head…” Anon groans loudly as pushed himself off of the table in the break room. Damn company couldn’t even afford a couch for the break room. Kicking off the blanket covering his body and doing a usual morning routine.
With himself freshened up to the best of Walmart’s capabilities he walks back to the break room.
“Mornin! Anon!” A cheerful mustachioed fellow pats Anonynous hard on the back, who grunts in response to the physical contact. “Need you stocking this morning, you head to blah blah blah blah blah blah…”
‘God damnit, do it yourself you fat bastard.’ Anon’s cynic mind isn’t satiated. It’s time for his routine at Walmart. Located in the great Equestrian country known as Equestria.
Don’t ask how they got there. The store Anon was working at just is here now. Located just nearby the ‘Everfree Forest’, or whatever the odd horse aliens call it. They still buy their products, so Anon is still forced to work. Hooray! At least he wasn’t alone here, Boss was here. Not that it matters, he somehow got into the good graces with Celestia and got a permit to keep Walmart in Equestria. Anon thinks he slept with the horse, he wouldn’t put it past his greedy boss to do such a thing for profit.
With a stifled yawn Anon gets up. Clocking in for today’s shift. Putting on the blue Walmart work vest over his clothing.
‘Please let this be an easy day.’ He begs as he continues exits the break room.
Anon was lazily stocking the clothing section this morning. Putting hangers on shirts that don’t even fit on these horses. Then hanging up those shirts on the fun spinny displays. Some joy from the job is always good.
“Excuse me, sir!” A posh, prissy voice rung from behind him.
‘Oh god no…’ Anon felt his entire being deflate as he turned to face Rarity. An unusual customer, an even stranger sight to see her in the clothing section. She’s usually deep within the makeup isles at this point and time. “Yes, how can I help you?” He elevated his speaking tone to pretend to be nice.
“I would need to know. Who is this designer? ‘Made In China’” She used her magic to lift up multiple of the same basic graphic t-shirts. “Their designs are a grave insult to the fashion industry! Their lack of creativity and reuse of the same design choice makes it clear that these shirts refuse to be of the highest quality.”
Anon stifled a groan as he tried his best to keep his customer service voice. “Well, in China isn’t much of a person, but a company. They-“
“But of course!” Anon was unceremoniously cut off, “How else would they dare to mass produce the same product! They don’t care for fashion! They care for profit! How could those greedy…GAH!” Rarity tossed the shirts into a nearby garbage can, before lighting the bag inside the can on fire. Then the garbage can themselves. With the whole mess turning into ashes. Which burned again, causing the ashes to completely be erased from existence.
“There!” Rarity pants heavily, the use of magic wasn’t unwelcome, but she needed to erase the crimes against fashion! So it was worth it.
“Right…” Anon pulls out another generic black t-shirt with the same Made in China, logo.
“No! Don’t you dare put that stock up!” She took the shirt from Anon’s hands using her magic and ripped it to shreds.
“I still need to do my job Rarity…” Anon was slowly losing his customer service tone, now replaced by his dry speech.
“Wait a second, of course! You are currently under occupation of this fine establishment! I would like to speak to your supplier!” Rarity pointed at him, pushing her hoof into his stomach.
It took a moment for anon to process what she said “…what?”
“I need to give the designer a piece of my mind!” Rarity pushes her hoof deeper into his stomach
“Rarity, I don’t have access to-“ Anon is in slight discomfort.
“But you do have access to China, right?!” She pushed further
“I mean, we do have-“ Anon’s growing some major discomfort. His voice getting slightly pained
“Then I can call them, and clearly talk like behaved adults of different culture.” Rarity began to rub Anon’s stomach, as a slight apology.
“Right. Like I’d let you call China and-“ Anon didn’t know how to feel about this, ponies are weird.
“I will stop purchasing your fine cosmetic products if you don’t let me.” Rarity was threatening him. Anon knew he could get chewed out by Boss if he didn’t let the best customer buy stuff, so he relents.
“Right…fine. Just follow me…” Anon brings Rarity to the back.
“BREAKING NEWS!” Anon turned to look at the TV’s in the electronics section, they had transmissions from Earth playing, but mostly the news was on it.
“World War 3 has just been formally declared, with China and the United States of America finally breaking the deadlock of who will launch a preemptive strike first.” A news anchor was announcing.
“We have recovered the following transmission a few moments before China declared war on the U.S.” A second news anchor also announced the news, a girl this time. It’s been a while since Anon has seen a human woman.
The screen cuts to black as audio began to play. “Yes, China. Your products are a disgrace to the world, I would like to explain into how badly constructed, maintained, and, highly irregular your products are. As the following-“ Then the audio cuts off.
Boss turns off the TVs and sighed. “Did you let Rarity talk to China again?” Boss was looking less jolly this time, and more disappointed.”
“It was either that or no more Rarity buying make up.” Anon decided to give boss the truth, better than get a pay cut.
“Good! Prioritize the workplace Anon! With that thinking maybe you’ll get my job someday!” Boss pats Anon on the back, a little too hard again, then walks off.
“…Damn Ponies…” Anon thought to himself, this place sucks.
Author's Note
Had this idea for a while now. Might as well try to be funny.
Give ideas in the comments about what great customer service tales anon can experience! Cause god knows I’m not funny.
