Love and Loss

Rain pattered against the windows of the farm house in the early afternoon, running streaks along the glass even as the dull drum of it rang across roof and walls, lending an almost calming air to the still environment. Several ponies were gathered in the living room, chatting softly amongst themselves in the low light of a cloudy afternoon, stories, smiles, and soft chuckles all around as a family rememberd their shared past. This was Orchard's family, his home and his farm, and while they weren't so renown as the Apple family, they carved their own niche along the outskirts of Ponyville. Orchard himself had only just gotten back on leave from guard duty, making as many efforts to come home as he could, and in light of that, having arranged this family get-together, still trying to mend the hurt between his children, who long accused him of abandoning them when he'd signed on with the guard. His son, Maple Bough, was, at worst, standoffish in the moment, but his younger daughter, Breezy, was noticeably absent from the gathering.

Assuming she'd gone to get a drink or the like, Orchard smiled to those gathered before bowing out of the room, slowly trotting over to the adjoining kitchen, separate by saloon style doors. Despite it's close proximity to the living room, it was notably much quieter within, and it was here he indeed found his wayward filly, who herself was seated at the 'island' counter in the center of the room. She looked...stern, for lack of a better word, which left Orchard furrowing his brow as he approached, slowly setting his guard helmet atop the counter as he eyed her curiously. He was often unsure of what to say to start anything with his children, their hurt and accusations making things difficult, yet he always wanted to try. He loved them more than they could possibly know, it just proved so difficult to make that clear to the pair. Opening his mouth to speak, it was, instead, Breezy who spoke first, though she'd yet to cast her gaze his way.

"Y'know," she began, clutching the glass she'd been drinking from up to this point, "They're all out there, talkn' about memories, th'farm, an' all the stuff we've done as a family. Stuff I can barely remember, if at all. And Ma...," she trailed off, looking lost for a moment, though Orchard saw the telltale pull at the corners of her mouth, the wetness in her eyes, and he felt he had an idea of what was coming next. It was then that she looked up at him, barely holding her emotions in check as she next spoke. "Why do they get t'know her, an' I don't? Why was she here for them, but gone when..." She trailed off, taking a deep, quaking breath as she readied the real question, the one burning a hole in her mind. "Why didn't she love me enough t'stay...?"

Orchard's reaction was immediate, rushing around the island to her side, even as tears began to squeeze their way out from her. With soft shushes, he moved to pull her into a gentle hug, first trying to calm the young filly, even as memories of her mother stung at his own mind. "Oh sweetheart," he began, gently stroking her back with a foreleg. "Of course yer Ma loved you. She lived for you." It was at those words that she sharply pushed back at him, separating the two once more with a scowl on her face, all but glaring daggers at the stallion.

"How can you possibly say that?!" she asked, a bit louder than she'd actually intended. With her tone dropping in the wake of that, her next words came out in a hiss of angry sadness. "Even ah'm not so young t'not know she's gone, Pa. She's dead, an' she ain't comin' back! So how y'gonna come in here an' tell me she lived for me when she ain't here no more?"

Orchard was quiet for several long moments, a hoof on the counter, his gaze slightly averted as he readied himself for what came next. There were a lot of painful memories to sift through if he was going to tell this story, and it'd be hard to tell if he spent the whole time blubbering. Taking a deep, steadying breath, he nodded once as he fixed his gaze on her. "Y'still don't know how she passed on, sweetheart. Perhaps it's time to tell you an old, painful tale." With Breezy's eyes widening in surprise, it was all she could do but nod dumbly, a bit taken aback by the sudden turn, but having always been curious about this story. About why her mother left them the day she came into the world. Why she didn't love her daughter enough to stay.

Closing his eyes for a brief moment, Orchard turned his head upward as he began, focusing on nothing in particular as he recalled what amounted to his most painful memory, as this was a mixed blessing, given it was also the day Breezy was born. "We were a family like any other then. We had eachother, yer older brother was about nine at the start of it, an' we were doin' well enough on the farm, even with the Apples doin' their thing. Was around that time we learned you were comin' along, a new addition to th'family, an' we couldna been happier for it. We spent a month or so plannin', settn' up a room for ya, pickin' through names, all of it. But then..." With a slow, quivering breath, Orchard lowered his head to something of a bow, closing his eyes as Breezy looked on with rapt attention.

"Yer Ma got sick. Really sick. Nothn' we'd ever seen or heard of before. With you on for the ride, we were right worried, an' went to th'doc's straight away. Turns out, they ain't never seen it before, either. Yer Ma had something entirely unknown, an' it was..." Another shaky breath as he worked valiantly to keep his nerves steady. "It was bad. Really, really bad. They could keep anypony else from gettn' it, but they couldn't...couldn't save her. They said this was gonna eat her up in less than two months, an' even worse, we were gonna lose you, too. Before we'd even had a chance t'see ya."

He could see the gears turning in Breezy's head, her brow creased in thought before she turned her gaze upward toward him, confusion winning out as the dominating expression. "But that don't make no sense, Pa. Ah'm here, ain't I?"

Dipping his head in a nod, the stallion took another quaking breath before he continued. "That y'are. Cause yer Ma chose to live for you. Y'see, whatever this was, it was eatn' her up. She was gettn' weak. Losin' weight. All but wasting away before our very eyes. An' it hurt. Not just to watch, but for her..." He screwed his eyes shut, clenching his teeth over some memory Breezy wasn't privy to, and while he nearly lost it then and there, he held on enough to finish the story. "She suffered for it. She fought it so hard, that she turned two months into ten. She suffered through ten months of pain and torture th'likes o' which I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. But it was long enough."

Breezy looked confused once again, sparing an expectant look up at her father. "Long enough for what?"

Smiling weakly despite the sting of this old story, his next few words came out barely above a whisper. "Long enough to bring you into this world. Long enough to save you. Don't you understand, sweetheart?" Reaching out with his forehoof, her gently brushed her mane aside, smiling again even as tears welled up in his own eyes. "Holdin' you was the last thing yer Ma ever did. She gave everything and more to bring you to us, an' after they gave you t'her, she touched her nose t'yer sweet little head, whispered yer name, an' then...an' then..." He trailed off for a moment, one last shaky breath before he uttered those last words, "She was gone."

Then, the dam broke. Both of them, father and daugher, broke down in tears as Orchard pulled her into a hug. They both sat there for a time, weeping for the loss of a magnificent mare, before a bit of normalcy slowly began to return to the both of them. As they calmed down to simply sniffles and quavering breaths, it was Orchard who finally spoke again, leaning back enough to look Breezy in the eyes. "Now don't you ever let no pony tell you yer Ma didn't love you. She gave everything, EVERYTHING you could ever ask a pony to give, without hesitation, t'make sure you saw th'light o' day. All because she loved you."

A silence fell across the room, and head bowed, Breezy looked lost in thought, When she finally spoke, she could barely lift her head, couldn't get herself to look her father in the eye as she asked the question that haunted her the most since he'd left to be a guard. "D'you...blame me for it...? Is...z'at why y'left us?," she asked, her voice growing meeker with every word. The shock on Orchards face could've rivaled a lightning bolt the moment he heard those words, and he pulled Breezy into an even tighter embrace.

"Now you listen good, sweetheart," he whispered softly into her ear. "I never once, not ONCE thought t'blame you fer what happened t'yer Ma, you understand me? Losin' her was tragic, an' if anything, ANYTHING good came of it, it was you. Yer the blessn' she left behind so we could remember her, an' by Celestia, yer her spittn' image so far." It was then that he slowly leaned back, separating the two enough so that he could once more look into her eyes as he continued. "I never meant t'leave y'all when I made this choice, t'become a guard. Truth is, losin' yer Ma, with th'two of you so young...I had no pony t'turn to t'deal with the hurt. I kinda...fell down, an' it was so, so hard t'stand back up, t'get my life back t'gether...an' I honestly think th'only reason I did was for you two. If I couldn't do it fer m'self, it had t'be fer you two."

With a deep breath, Orchard managed to steady his nerves, though Breezy was still a bit too shaken to be talking, as her father made to finish. "So, I became a guard t'be there fer other ponies. Others are gonna fall, just like I did, an' sometimes, there's no pony there t'love them. T'show them somepony cares, even if they can't see it. So y'gotta understand sweetheart, you an' yer brother...you two are m'world. I couldn't do any o' this without you two. But...some ponies out there got it hardern' even we do, believe it or not, an' I try t'be there to help 'em get back up when they get at their lowest. Y'understand?"

Breezy wiped a foreleg across her eyes, sniffling once or twice more before she slowly nodded. "I...I think I get it, Pa." She then managed a wan smile up at him, despite those puffy eyes, though this was a trait Orchard shared with her in the moment. "M'sorry I never thought t'ask before."

Pulling her into another hug, Orchard nuzzled against her mane, sighing softly before he spoke. "Y'ain't got a need to apologize, sweetheart. I coulda done more t'tell y'all why, or what I was doin'. Th'fault's all mine, an' I'm just sorry I didn't do any of this right." After a brief pause, he sat back up, glancing out to the door that separated them from the rest of the family, before he glanced back to Breezy, smiling softly. "Whats say we get back out there, an' you can learn th'kind o' wonderful mare yer ma was? Even if y'can't remember her..." He placed a hoof to her chest, right where her heart was, "She still lives in ya, in all of us, so long as we hold onta her."

With a small nod in reply, Breezy hopped down from her seat, trotting over to the door before glancing back at her father, who himself moved to follow in her wake, leaving his helmet in the kitchen. "I think I'd like that," she replied before the pair made the plunge, returning to the little reunion they'd been absent from long enough.