A perfectly normal, in no way strange, giant obsidian sphere in Equestria.

by TheMajorTechie

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Opaline, Random, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1046

Just a little food for thought.

Food for thought: if Equestria cut just 2% of its annual friendship budget it could afford to construct a colossal obsidian sphere in Ponyville. On top of the obvious economic benefits, it would be visible throughout all of central-north-ish Equestria and emanate an ominous hum!

Published 2024-03-31 18:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-03-31 18:50:01 UTC

Behold, the sphere.

Twilight Sparkle stared up at the giant obsidian sphere that sat where her castle had once been. A pair of construction ponies walked past her, chatting inanely about what to get for lunch now that the job was done.

"It's a beauty, isn't it?"

Twilight spun around to face Celestia.

"The economic benefits. It's so... tangible," Celestia gestured a hoof slowly at the sphere, her eyes visibly glazing over. "And to think it only took two percent of the annual friendship budget to do so!"

"Econo..." Twilight backed away from Celestia. "What do you mean, economics? My home was just replaced with a solid ball of obsidian! In what way does this benefit the economy?"

"The ominous hum, of course," Celestia answered right away. "Have you seen a villainous being roaming the lands anytime this past morning?"

"...No?"

"Precisely," Celestia nodded wisely. "The Sphere protects us."

"Celestia." Twilight stamped her hoof. "That is a non-sentient ball or volcanic rock. How the HAY does it ward off villains?"

Celestia lifted Twilight in her magic and spun her back around to face the ball before setting her down. "Shhhhhhhh. Just watch."

High up in the sky, a small blotch that she hadn't noticed before drew closer.

"Wait for it..."

Twilight momentarily turned her head to frown at Celestia before returning her gaze to the sky.

"MY NAME IS OPALINE," the now visibly purple-ish blotch screeched as she approached. "CELESTIA. LUNA. FOR AGES I WAS BANISHED TO URANUS. BUT ON THIS ONE-THOUSANDTH YEAR OF MY BANISHMENT, I HAVE FREED MYSELF. IT IS TIME THAT YOU ANSWER FOR YOUR CRI--"

Opaline harmlessly smacked against the side of the sphere.

"See what I mean?" Celestia grinned the widest grin Twilight had ever seen.

"Celestia, I mean no offense, but I think this Opaline that just flattened herself against the side of your sphere may be stupid."

"I LAY CLAIM TO ALL OF THE MAGIC OF EQUESTRIA AND YOU KNOW IT, CELLY!" Opaline's shouts continued to echo down from atop the sphere after she'd peeled herself off. "I WILL RULE."

Celestia lit her horn as she sipped her tea that she totally absolutely happened to have with her this entire time. Faraway, a quiet smack came as Opaline's face once again contacted the smooth surface of the obsidian sphere.

Twilight sighed. "Okay. So maybe the sphere is a useful defense against whoever the heck this Opaline alicorn is, but are you sure that it's worth risking Equestria's friendship-industrial complex for this?"

"I'll allocate more funds for you to buy another twenty howitzers in the next financial quarter. You happy with that?"

Twilight grumbled out something resembling a "yes".

The two mares continued to stare at the obsidian sphere. Opaline slowly slid down the side the same way a magnetic whiteboard eraser slides down a whiteboard that hasn't been cleaned in a decade slides.

"Still, this doesn't change that we've only seen one example of how the sphere is a proper use of--"

The Storm King 2: Electric Boogaloo's fleet emerged from a portal right out of Avengers: Endgame. Unfortunately, the portal opened inside the giant obsidian sphere and as a result the entire fleet was caught inside the (very solid!) obsidian sphere like a Pokeball of doom.

A loud crunch reverberated from the surface of the sphere before it returned to its usual hum.

"That was just plain luck and you know that, Celesti--"

A super star destroyer emblazoned with the Galactic Empire's symbol suddenly jumped out of hyperspace over Equestria. Unfortunately, however, the gravitational pull of the giant obsidian ball was not accounted for and the entire thing veered to the side before colliding with the sphere.

"Celestia, what the F:yay:K is happening?" Twilight spun around again. "Why are so many things attacking us all of a sudden? It can't be coincidence that a power-hungry alicorn was released on the same day that the storm king somehow returned on the same day that we're invaded by a hostile galactic army!"

Celestia finished the rest of the teapot's contents.

She stood up and walked away.

"Answer me, Celestia!" Twilight ran ahead of Celestia and stood in the elder alicorn's path. "Why is it that, on this exact day, you replace my home with a giant obsidian sphere before we are attacked three separate times by completely unaffiliated parties?"

Celestia stared at the metaphorical flames flickering in Twilight's eyes.

"This can go one of two ways," Celestia began slowly. "Either I explain how I once was so invested in the Star Wars franchise that I accidentally opened a giant mirror portal connecting Equestria to the universe of that franchise while also accidentally forgetting about my long-lost not-really-sister who decided to go mad and also create a clone of the storm king shortly before his death in order to unleash havoc in the event of her demise, or you just accept that it is what it is."

"...What."

Celestia shrugged. "I don't know either. To be completely honest with you, I just think that having a giant obsidian ball in the middle of what used to be your castle is neat. I received some complaints about how having more royalty wasn't solving any issues with Equestrian society, so I figured that I'd appease their concerns by reducing the number of present royals. Also, you're no longer a princess because of this. The princess license was a whole half of the two percent friendship budget I reallocated to the sphere alone."

"The part about accidentally opening a giant mirror portal is true though. That's why Luna never shows anypony the dark side of the moon."

The hum of the sphere abruptly subsided. As did every other sound in the surrounding area.

An earsplitting crack ripped through the air, accompanied by the physical cracking of the sphere.

"I KNEW SOMETHING WAS UP WHEN I BOUGHT THE SPHERE AT SUCH A LOW PRICE," Celestia gasped, lighting her horn. "Twilight, if and when you come to replace me as the ruler of all of Equestria, do not buy ANYTHING from the business known as 'Ea-Nasir Industries'."

The top of the sphere nonchalantly popped off, revealing the Storm King 2 Electric Boogaloo's airship fleet...

...and a very, VERY large chicken.

Author's Note

what