Tremble Before the Pink Empire
Prologue: Nom nom nom nom, potion.
"Twilight?" Pinkie yelled into the tree house that her unicorn friend called home. Pinkie stood in the doorway, seeing a room full of lab equipment, yet devoid of any Twilight Sparkles. Pinkie knew she had to be there, somewhere. Twilight never left her lab stuff unattended.
"Twilight, are you here? Are you hiding?" Pinkie gasped. "Are we playing hide and seek?" she asked excitedly. Not hearing a response, Pinkie took the silence as a sign that Twilight was in fact, hiding. Pinkie began promptly searching the house. After looking in every place Twilight could be, Pinkie's search became desperate, and she started pouring out beakers of chemicals to see if Twilight was hiding in the small glass containers. One of the beaker's contents burned a hole through the treehouse's floor. Pinkie walked away, whistling, trying to make it seem like she didn't do it.
Much to Pinkie's confusion, her friend was nowhere to be found. The only place she hadn't checked that Twilight could possibly fit in was "Aha! The fridge."
Without a moment to lose, Pinkie made a dash for the refrigerator. She was anxious to win this game, and she pulled the door open with a shout of victory.
"Gotcha! It's my turn to hide n-" Pinkie was cut off when she saw Twilight wasn't in the refrigerator, unless the unicorn had magically turned herself into food. Considering it, Pinkie picked a carrot out of the fridge and started to examine it.
"WHAT ARE YOU?" Pinkie yelled at the carrot, hoping for a response. None came, and Pinkie shrugged. She placed the veggie back gently, just in case Twilight really did turn herself into a carrot.
Apart from the orange vegetable that she couldn't confirm nor deny was her friend, she spotted something that caught her eye. It was in a bottle, and looked kind of like a soda, but shinier. Upon picking it up with her hooves, she could see it was purple and gave off a faint light. There was also a label on the side of the bottle. It read: N'T DRINK.
"N't drink? What does that mean?" After a moment of thinking, it hit her. "Ohhh. N't must stand for 'Drink me right fucking now'. You got it, Mr Bottle." Pinkie exclaimed, popping it's top off and effortlessly chugging the liquid.
Pinkie had to admit, it didn't taste bad. After taking in the aftertaste, Pinkie closed the fridge and put the bottle on Twilight's counter. She'd had enough of raiding Twilight's fridge for one day, and had pretty much accepted defeat in this game of hide and seek. Pinkie bounced her way to the front door of the house, taking one last look around for signs of Twilight. She was nowhere to be seen.
"Okay, Twilight. I'll just be leaving now." Pinkie yelled before closing the door. A few seconds later, she swung it open again, checking to see if Twilight had come out of her hiding spot. Still, no Twilight. Pinkie closed the door again and made her way to Sugarcube Corners. She had cakes to bake and make, for goodness sake.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
Pinkie stood in the Sugarcube Corners' kitchen, looking from shelf to shelf. Like the terminator searching for prey, her eyes scanned over every ingredient, cataloging everything she needed to make some delicious cupcakes. Once Pinkie was done, she sprang into action, grabbing everything she could carry in her arms and placed them on the counter.
She put forth a large orange bowl and began. Her first step was to get a cup of flour, and add it to the mix. After the flour was added, she put in a little something sweet, not sour, and added a metric pinch of salt. Making these treats is such a sinch, she thought. She promptly inserted a teaspoon of vanilla into the bowl. She added a little more and counted to four for reasons unknown. These cakes would undoubtedly ensure that the customer never gets their filla. The treats were sure to be sweet and tasty, so long as Pinkie wasn't too hasty in their production. "Cupcakes, cupcakes, cupcakes!" Pinkie yelled in a sing-song voice, for no apparent reason.
The ecstatic pony poured the mixture into a cupcake tray, ready to be cooked. Pinkie examined her creations, admiring them, but feeling like there should be something else. She got an idea and a lightbulb formed above her head, which she then shattered. After reaching into a drawer underneath the counter, she pulled out a long, sleek samurai sword. Pinkie then pulled out a container of fresh strawberries.
Pinkie banged a hoof on the counter and four strawberries were sent into the air. In a few skilled and quick motions, Pinkie maneuvered her sword through the berries. In less than a couple of seconds, 12 neat slices of strawberry fell onto the cupcakes; one strawberry per cake.
Pinkie looked smugly at the treats and blew on the end of her sword. "You still got it, Pinkie Pie."
Pinkie then proceeded to put the cupcakes in the oven. She used the sword to scrape up some of the batter that was on the side of the bowl she used. After doing so, she walked into the living room where Pumpkin Cake and Pound Cake were playing with blocks.
"Who wants to lick the swooord?" Pinkie sang melodiously. The twins smiled widely and reached their hooves in Pinkie's direction. They really wanted that sword batter. But the sword batter never came. Pinkie's sword dropped to the ground and Pinkie herself started shaking and convulsing rapidly. This wasn't her Pinkie sense. This was an entirely new feeling. It wasn't pleasant. Pinkie could barely manage a "help", before she closed her eyes and awaited the worst.
*Poof*
That wasn't the sound she expected. Her body wasn't convulsing anymore either. Opening her eyes, the twins looked dumbfounded. She began to look around the room. To her left was the door. To her right was a confused-looking pink earth pony with a puffy mane and tail.
"Woah! It's me. But it's also not me. It's a semi-me. A kinda-me, if you will."
"Hey, you look just like me." Her double said excitedly.
"Wow. Another Pinkie Pie." Pinkie yelled, before squinting her eyes suspiciously, "You aren't a meanie-pants changeling, are you?"
"A what?"
"Good enough for me." Pinkie exclaimed cheerfully. "So why are you even here?"
"Hm. I dunno. I don't remember doing anything before now. Maybe I'm a clone."
"What? That's ridiculous. You're clearly a Pinkie Pie from another dimension who's come to either be friends or destroy the Equine race. Hopefully, it's the friends part."
"I wouldn't mind being friends." The clone said with a smile.
"Okay then, it's settled. We are now best Pinkie friends. So what do you wanna do, best Pinkie friend?"
"Oh silly, we're technically the same pony. Whatever you want to do, I vicariously also want to do it."
"Oh yeah. Physics aren't really my thing."
"Mine neither." squealed the Pinkie clone.
"We have so much in common! I, for one, wanna go talk to my friends. Wait, you haven't met any of them yet. In this town, everypony's my friend."
"Hey, maybe I can make them my friends too."
"Yeah! We'll play games together, and sing together, and talk about Equestrian seperatism together."
"Girl, you are speakin' my language." The clone pony said. The two pink ponies trotted to the door, but stopped before going outside. The original Pinkie had something to ask.
"Sooo, if you're me, what am I supposed to call you."
Pinkie clone thought for a moment with a "Hmmm."
"Aha! I got it. Call me Pinkamena." She said with a wide smile.
"Okay." Pinkie said with a smile. "Pinkie and Pinkamena, on the move." The pink pony opened the door and the new compadres stepped outside to attack the day.
The fun will most certainly be doubled.
Tremble Before the Pink Empire
"Come on, Pinkamena, you have to come and meet Rainbow Dash. She's the coolest, fastest, most-accused-of-being-lesbian pony ever." Pinkie said with a joyous grin the size of which black holes would be jealous of.
"Okay, but why are we going so far from town?" Pinkamena asked, looking around for a house, at one point looking under her hooves.
"It's right... there!" Pinkie yelled. Her hoof pointed towards a very large cloud house in the sky.
"Oooh."
"HEY RAINBOW DASH! COME AND LOOK AT MY CLONE!"
A cyan head peeked out from the edge of her cloud home to see what was causing the commotion. Happy to see her partner-in-pranks, the pegasus smiled and yelled back.
"Hey Pinkie... Pies?" Rainbow Dash called back in confusion. Two Pinkie Pies? Faust help us all.
"Hey Dashie, come down here. There's somepony you have to meet."
Reluctantly, Rainbow Dash began her descent. She was already regretting the decision to get out of bed this morning. After a moment, she landed on the ground in front of the two pink ponies. Rainbow put on a nervous smile, trying to hide her concern for the fuckery that could ensue from two Pinkie Pies. However, the two ponies' smiles couldn't be larger.
"Pinkamena, meet Rainbow Dash. Dashie, meet Pinkamena. She's my clone. Cool, huh?" Pinkie claimed proudly.
"Uh, yeah. She's great." Rainbow said unconvincingly, which Pinkie didn't seem to notice.
"Woah. You have the most colorful mane I've ever seen, and I've seen three manes so far. Oooo it's soft too." Pinkamena said, playing with Rainbow Dash's hair in her hooves. Rainbow shifted uncomfortably and pushed the intrusive pony away.
"So, Pinkie, how did you manage to make another you?"
"I dunno. I was just letting the twins lick my sword, and I started seizuring like this." Pinkie began shaking wildly in demonstration. "Next think you know, poof-- there's another Pinkie Pie."
"Uh, Pinkie? I think you might wanna see Twilight about this." Rainbow Dash suggested, rubbing the back of her head. The pegasus could barely remember which pony was the original Pinkie.
"Good idea, Rainbow Dash. Twilight likes making new friends. She needs to meet Pinkamena. Bye Dashie!" Pinkie Pie yelled as she bounced back towards town, her clone following close behind.
Rainbow watched them bounce away for a moment before sighing and flying back towards her house.
"This calls for a nap."
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
"50 grams of ammonia. 10 grams of carbon tetrachloride. 1 carrot and 1 bottle of the Carbon-Organic Fertility Drug." Twilight said after letting her lab equipment be for a minute. Everything was ready for the test, and the last two things she needed were waiting in the kitchen. Twilight practically pranced into her kitchen, full of anticipation for the outcome of her experiment. She swung the refrigerator door open and looked around.
"One carrot." A purple light surrounded the vegetable and placed it on her counter.
"And one... uh." Twilight mumbled. She looked deeper into the fridge, but couldn't find the other thing she needed.
Okay, I know it's here somewhere. It's gotta be. Bottles don't just get up and walk away. She reassured herself, looking behind everything she could. She began to get antsy as the bottle was nowhere in the fridge to be found. She pulled her head out of the refrigerator with a look of absolute panic on her face.
"Oh no. That was my only sample of the compound I had. Where could it be?" Twilight asked herself. After an inspection of her kitchen, Twilight was relieved to see the bottle lying on the counter. That relief soon turned to horror when she saw the bottle was empty. The panicked unicorn rushed over to the bottle to investigate the crime. The bottle's label was still stuck to the side.
DON'T DRINK
"Oh don't tell me somepony..." Twilight was interrupted by a knock on the door. Twilight sighed in frustration and went to answer the door. Upon opening the door, Twilight's worst fears were realized.
"Hey Twilight! Meet my new clone, Pinkamena. You can talk with her, laugh with her, but you can't do any crazy experiments on her without the expressed written consent of Pinkamena... and Major League Baseball."
"Pinkie, what have you done?" Twilight yelled in shock.
"I've forced you to sign an agreement of compliance that you won't do weird sciencey stuff to my new clone friend."
"Pinkie, you need to come inside before anypony sees you. And hurry."
After a moment of confusion, Pinkie replied. "Okie Dokie Lokie." The two exuberant ponies bounced into the tree house.
"So what's up Twilight?"
"Pinkie, did you take a sip of this potion?" Twilight demanded, levitating the bottle in front of Pinkie.
Pinkie grabbed it with her hooves and starting examining it.
"Nope."
"Really?"
"Really really. That bottle says Don't drink. The bottle I found said, n't drink."
Twilight facehoofed and turned to her friend. "Pinkie, your hoof was probably covering the 'D' and the 'o'."
"Ohhhh. In that case I did not take a sip of your potion."
"But... you just said..."
"I took multiple sips of your potion." Pinkie said happily.
Twilight facehoofed once more. "Pinkie, that wasn't a drink. It was a Carbon-Organic Fertility Drug."
"Well it sure tasted yummy."
"Can I have some Carbonated Orgasmic Fertility Drug?" Pinkamena asked amongst the argument.
"NO!" Twilight yelled.
"Hey, don't yell at Pinkamena like that." Pinkie got in Twilight's face. "Clones have feelings too."
"Ugh, fine. I'm sorry." Twilight groaned.
"Apology accepted. Don't worry, you're still my friend." Pinkamena said with a smile.
"So, what does this Turbo-Fantastic Sterility Drug do, Twilight?" Pinkie asked.
"Carbon-Organic Fertility Drug. In theory, if it's applied somehow to a plant of a certain species, that plant's growth output will double. If used on entire crops, it would be the end of hunger and starvation. And you DRANK IT!"
"Don't worry Twilight. I'm not a plant, silly."
"Ugh. That's not what I'm worried about. I didn't work out all the kinks. I hadn't figured out how to limit its effectiveness to just plants. Also, it was meant to be applied in small doses. You drank the entire bottle. Who knows the kind of repercussions that could hold."
"Twilight, is this really that big of a deal right now? We have to figure out how Pinkamena got here. That was the reason we came to see you in the first place. Well, that and to make you two best friends. I think it wooorked." Pinkie said in a singsong voice.
"Pinkie, I'm saying that the potion is what caused you to clone yourself!"
"Ohhhh. It was still pretty tasty." Pinkie said with a cheer.
"Twilight." called a voice that just slammed open the front door.
"What is it, Rarity? What's wrong?"
"Pinkie Pie has a..." the unicorn stopped when she saw the two pink ponies were already there.
"A clone?" Twilight said apathetically.
"Uh. Yes."
"Twilight, I told them about Pinkie as soon as I could." Rainbow Dash flew into the tree house, followed by Applejack and Fluttershy.
"I'm glad you did. We may have a problem on our hooves if there's anything more to this clone thing."
"What do ya mean, sugarcube? Pinkie's got a clone, and now we have ta learn ta cope with the craziness." Applejack stated.
"Alcohol might work." Rarity suggested.
"I've got some Stalliongrad-imported trotka at my house." Rainbow Dash piped in.
"I used to have some rum, whiskey, and a couple bottles of hard cider... before Angel drank them." Fluttershy mumbled.
"Okay. So Rainbow, yall' will brink the trotka. Ah've got some Applejack Daniels at the farm. We'll meet back here."
"Is this going to happen here? I simply adore parties with tequila. I'll go get some tequila." Rarity happily squealed.
"Ooooh a party?!?!" Pinkie cheered.
"GIRLS! This isn't the time for drinking." Twilight yelled, stopping all her friends in their tracks.
"With two Pinkie Pies? Ah think it is."
"No, it isn't. We need to figure out how to return to one Pinkie Pie."
"One Pinkie Pie? But what about Pinkamena?" Pinkie asked with a worried expression. Twilight shook her head.
"Sorry, Pinkie. We have to get rid of her."
"You wanna... kill Pinkamena?" Pinkie asked again, looking much sadder.
"Well, no. I'm not going to kill her. I'm gonna... uhhh."
"Who is Pinkamena?" Rarity asked.
"Pinkie's clone." Rainbow Dash replied.
"You can't kill Pinkamena. She's my best clone friend."
"I wont hurt her, but there can't be two Pinkie Pie just bouncing around."
"I can't let you do that, Twilight. Clones are ponies too. Isn't that right, Pinkamena?" Pinkie asked. She was met with no response. "Pinkamena?"
Pinkie Pie looked behind her to see that Pinkamena was shaking rapidly.
"What's going on?" Fluttershy squeaked.
Pinkamena was shaking ever more so by the second.
Rainbow Dash noticed something odd. "Wait. Pinkie, wasn't that what you did before you..."
*POOF*
Almost every mouth in the room was agape at the spectacle. Before them was not one, not two, but four Pinkie Pies. The original Pinkie Pie was the first to break the silence.
"WOW! Two more Pinkies. This is almost too much fun to handle. I'll name you Pinkamena 2 and Pinkamena 3. I should let you meet some of the other ponies in Ponyville. They're really nice and if one Pinkie Pie makes them happy, imagine how happy they'll be with four! There's no time to waste. Follow my lead."
"Okay. After you, Pinkie." The other three said in unison.
The four hyperactive, cheery ponies bounced out of the library, closing the door behind them, and leaving the other five ponies to revel in the fuckery they have unleashed.
The room was silent for another minute or so. The only mouth that wasn't nearly hitting the floor was Twilight's. She broke the silence with a defeated sigh and walked towards the kitchen.
"Wait here. I have some tequila in the pantry."
