Crossing Swords

Chapters

A Stern Talking To
Just Trust Me
The Stage At The End Of Reality

A Stern Talking To

“Great,” Nan muttered, shifting her shoulders from one side then the other. “I’m stuck.”

Would you look around a bit, maybe I can help. Xathrid emplored.

While whispering curses under her metaphorical breath, Nan looked around to find that they were in a forest. Or at least at the very edge of one, for the pair were nearly neck deep in a road that went straight into the darkened woods. The path only went a few feet behind them before giving way to grass and weeds, marking its end.

Despite the road’s presence, there was no other sign of civilization, nor any indication that intelligent hands had attempted to tame the wild lands. The plains beyond were unmarred by the presence of smoke billowing from an unseen fire, and the skyline bore not the jagged points of a distant structure. Save for the trail there was no sign that intelligent creatures had ever been here, as there were no ruins, no toppled masonry, only nature, untamed and beautiful.

This is kinda nice, despite everything. Xathrid remarked.

“Focus, we are trying to get out of the mud remember?” Nan retorted.

Right, give me one last look around, I got distracted. Xathrid urged.

Nan rolled her nonexistent eyes before looking around them in a slow, deliberate arc. On either side of them was a creek cut through by the path they were currently embedded within. Frogs and other small creatures moved about the water, unbothered by the sudden appearance of an enormous mound of animated rock and the tree it bore upon its shoulder.

Before them was the forest, its vast expanse of dark green seemingly swallowing up the light of the evening sun. The distant fiery orb had fallen behind the branches though it had yet to descend so low that its presence was no longer felt. The last of its rays valiantly attempted to illuminate the darkened wood but succeeded only in lighting up the path and little else.

I should be able to absorb the water and allow you to simply break out of the mud, provided you are strong enough. Xathrid exclaimed.

“I am more than strong enough to manage such a task,” Nan confidently declared.

Then wait a moment and I will assist you. Xathrid added. Now how did I do that again? Oh right.

Focusing on his roots, Xathrid willed the water in the earth around him to be dragged towards his body. The moment the moisture came in contact with his exposed roots it was sucked into the plant’s body, where it was absorbed. The burst of energy was just barely enough to shake off the wilted leaves that adorned Xathrid’s branches and be replaced by green ones.

Nan felt the ground around her form dry out and harden. To some, this may be a death sentence, to the enormous stone creature it was a welcome reprieve from the mud. With a sharp pull, she wrenched her arms free and used her fists to pound the dirt around her legs to dust. Finally able to move freely, she hefted her enormous bulk from the earth and stood for the first time on solid earth.

“I don't know how you do it, having your body buried in the ground,” Nan remarked, shaking off the last bit of crumbling dirt.

You get used to it. Xathrid replied.

Nan strode forward, her heavy footsteps muffled somewhat by the soft earth. Though able to cushion her steps, the road was thankfully not so muddy that it slowed them down. There seemed to be just enough gravel atop the dirt path that the worst of it was not a problem. Why it had been built, or by whom was not readily apparent, but neither cared to dwell on that question for long.

“So, what's your world like?” Nan remarked, only to pause. “Or I suppose time period would be a better way of putting it.”

I’m still not sure he's telling the truth about that. Xathrid added. You’d think I’d have heard of you, or you, me given everything. That is unless you are only a minor figure in history, and our assumptions of our time periods are correct.

“I kind of hope I am. A minor figure that is,” Nan replied. “Though given the way things are going I think my struggle against the crown would be something for the history books.”

I too have struggled against Equestria and Celestia more specifically. Though at this moment it has been mere skirmishes, I believe that will escalate with time. Xathrid stated.

“Just Celestia? Wait, given our shared knowledge of the show that would put you after Luna’s rebellion but before her return and me right after Discord’s defeat,” Nan reasoned aloud.

That makes sense, so it is I who should be hearing of you and your… rebellion? Xathrid half asked half stated.

“I suppose that is one way the historians may phrase it,” Nan answered, her gaze wandering over a pair of deer staring out at them from the edge of the wood. “He was right, there really isn't any intelligent life here.”

Their eyes are so empty, unlike the deer I know from my time. Xathrid added.

“I have not met a deer, though I recall my ponies mentioning they dwelled in the deep woods far, far to the south. Beyond the glacier which blocks travel to the ancient lands from which ponies and if you believe the stories, all species emerged,” Nan remarked.

Makes sense. I have apparently helped to found a small city in truly ancient lands. Xathrid paused. That would also explain the strange underground cities and the statues of the various creatures that should not be found together.

“I feel like we are theory crafting a bit too much,” Nan exclaimed aloud. “Not only could this be a wasted effort based on a lie, but it also doesn't help us here or now.”

True. I can sense that there are some discrepancies between my experiences and yours. Xathrid declared. I can't explain exactly why I think this way, only that it is a feeling.

Nan nodded.

Gazing ahead, she noticed that the road turned to the right, and more importantly, there were prints in the wet earth. Leaning down, she inspected them closely, while Xathrid did so at the same time. Though the stone creature knew little of the marks, Xathrid immediately knew exactly what had made them.

Diamond Dogs. Xathrid declared. Watch out for pit traps and the like.

“So that's what they look like without boots. Probably should have been paying attention to that little detail,” Nan remarked in a half-whisper. “And, noted.”

The motherly golem sent out a pulse through her feet, scanning the area around them for disturbances in the earth. Sure enough, she found several pit traps arrayed before them, hidden so carefully that only one such as her would have found them. She could also detect that several creatures were moving about at the edge of her detection radius though that was all the information she could gleam.

They are close. Xathrid added. A dozen or so life forms are nearby.

“I discovered the same. Likely a trap,” Nan whispered.

A trap for a creature of flesh and blood, of which we have neither. Xathrid pointed out.

“Then let us spring it and deal with our attackers on even footing,” Nan offered.

Agreed. Xathrid remarked.

Walking over to the closest pit trap, Nan extended a foot and tapped it against the top of the pit, triggering it. The perfectly constructed mass of sticks, mud, and gravel fell inward, creating a loud clatter of falling debris. This evidently was the signal that the hidden creatures had been waiting for as they surged out from behind cover.

“Let's get them boys!” called a familiar voice.

“Wait, is that Gilda?” Nan murmured.

Turning her head, the golem found that she was indeed being attacked by a sword-wielding Gilda. That was not all, however, as a couple of diamond dogs with improvised weapons, several ponies led by an earth pony with a golden skull for a cutie mark and Ahuizotl also emerged from the brush. They all had little to no armor and their weapons weren't much better off, with even the best of them appearing to be made from scrap metal.

This is just sad. Xathrid remarked.

“No kidding,” Nan added.

The stone creature and her ally simply stood there as the motley assortment of creatures attacked them. Their makeshift weapons did little against Xathrid, his ironlike bark repelling it all with ease. They did even less to Nan who merely stared down at them with a disapproving look on her stony face. Even Ahuizotl’s more impactful strikes did little to the stony creature, his fists barely leaving a dent.

“Come on guys, really lay it on! If we focus its head I bet we could cut it off!” Gilda proclaimed.

Nan’s frown deepened as her attackers rained down a flurry of blows on her neck and head area. With each impact she could feel another chip be taken from a blade, another dent added to a club. In only a few seconds half of her foes had disarmed themselves through their own attacks, leaving the remaining bunch confused.

“Are you done?” Nan asked.

“Fools, clearly that tree is animating the stone creature. Chop off its limbs and we may yet still win!” Ahuizotl shouted.

Would you mind throttling him for me? Xathrid asked.

“With pleasure,” Nan replied.

“What are you-erk,” Ahuizotl’s statement was cut off when a stony hand gripped his throat and hoisted him into the air.

“Woah there big guy. Don't do anything crazy,” Gilda offered.

“Sit down, and shut up, or I’m going to snap this guy’s spine like a wishbone,” Nan declared.

Though her statement didn't initially garner the reaction she hoped, the added pointed glare helped to drive her point home. One after another the various villains seated themselves upon the earth, shifting uncomfortably after doing so. Gilda was the last to sit down, though she did so after Nan squeezed a little harder, causing Ahuizotl’s already blue face to become even bluer.

“Fine, whatever,” Gilda muttered, tossing aside her club. “Just don't kill the stupid noodle.”

“Good,” Nan began.

Her grip loosened, though she didn't release Ahuizotl completely.

“Stars above you have quite the grip,” Ahuizotl muttered after catching his breath. “I don't suppose you could release me completely.”

“Not after we’ve had a chance to talk to you all,” Nan retorted.

Start with Ahuizotl. He actually had a good reason to become a villain. Xathrid pointed out.

Nan nodded, and did just that, turning to the lanky creature held in her grip. “Why are you helping these villains destroy the cosmic order of things?”

“Because that wretched Daring Do always wins. Soon all the relics will be stolen, and I will be out of a job!” Ahuizotl shouted.

But working with that guy? Xathrid added, mentally pointing to one of the very thieves that tormented the guardian creature.

“Yeah, why are you working with that guy? Didn't he steal a bunch of those very same artifacts?” Nan inquired, gesturing to Caballeron.

The ascot-wearing do-badder shifted uncomfortably between a pair of his generically evil-looking hench ponies.

“We’re on the same side now,” offered the slick, black-maned pony. “Once we win I can go rob other people.”

“As much as I despise this little thief and his pathetic underlings, I need this universal whatever destroyed if I am to keep my job and protect the relics,” Ahuizotl proclaimed.

Hoo boy. He sure got sold some snake oil. Xathrid remarked.

“Look. You’re not a villain,” Nan stated, pointing at Ahuizotl. “You are doing your job and just got a bum wrap because you never explained your reasoning to Daring Do.”

“She would never listen. She just charges in, spouts some asinine one-liner, and charges off with the artifacts under my charge,” Ahuizotl retorted, arms crossed over his chest.

“Uh can we go?” asked the diamond dog leader.

“No, just hang tight and… would you sit up straight, you’re going to hurt your back sitting like that. Good, now we’ll get back to you shortly,” Nan retorted. “Same goes for you, Gilda. I see you trying to sneak off.”

The griffin muttered curses under her breath and sat back down.

Nan turned back to the great beast held aloft in her grip. “Where were we? Oh right, Daring Do will listen if you make her listen and once she does she will fight you no longer, this I promise,” Nan stated.

“How could you know this?” Ahuizotl retorted.

“I just do, trust me. Please,” Nan pleaded.

The Golem and the monster stared at one another for several seconds before the guardian relaxed. “Fine, but could you please release me,” Ahuizotl murmured.

Nan did just that, allowing the other creature to massage his neck.

“If she doesn't listen at first, all you have to do is use a bit of guilt. That always does it,” Nan stated.

Where are you going with this? Xathrid inquired.

“Shh, I’m working on something,” Nan whispered.

“Guilt eh? Like what?” Ahuizotl asked.

“Tell Daring Do about how she's stolen what is rightfully yours, tell her about all the harm she's caused and if it comes down to it don't be afraid to shed a tear or two,” Nan continued. “Ponies are total softies, and will melt like soft serve ice cream if you apply a bit of guilt.”

“Finally, a statement I agree with,” Gilda muttered.

“That sounds like it may work,” murmured Ahuizotl.

“It will work,” Nan stressed.

“Alright, you’ve sold me,” Ahuizotl declared.

“Then say aloud that you are not a villain and you will be sent home,” Nan pressed.

Ahuizotl nodded. “I am not a villain.”

The guardian beast vanished in an instant.

“So, now you’re going to threaten the rest of us, yes?” Caballeron inquired. “Because if that's all I need to say, then I am not a villain.”

His minions all yelled the same thing, sometimes multiple times though it didn't change anything.

“Why isn't it working?” Caballeron muttered.

They gotta believe it. Xathrid remarked.

“Yes, but how will we get him to go along with it?” Nan whispered.

I got this. Repeat after me. Xathrid proclaimed.

“You guys wanna get rich, I get it. But you're going about it all wrong,” Xathrid stated through Nan’s mouth.

“What do you mean?” Caballeron retorted quizzically.

“Think about it. You could build a hotel and offer guided tours of exotic locations and ancient lost cities. Ponies would eat that shit up!” Xathrid continued.

“I don't know… I wanted to get rich but that just sounds like a lot of hard work,” Caballeron muttered.

“That is where you are wrong, dear Caballeron,” Xathrid pressed. “If you monopolize everything from the train ride from Equestria, to the restaurants, to even the souvenirs you’ll be able to ruthlessly exploit them. Plus you’ll be outside Equestrian control so you’ll be able to cut corners and cheap out on things you wouldn't normally be able to.”

Nan paused. “I’m not sure I’m okay with this line of thinking.”

“Hey, yeah!” Caballeron exclaimed suddenly, standing up. “I’ve got enough capital and personnel to start small, but without having to pay Equestrian taxes, or worry about silly things like food safety we’ll be rich and we’ll barely have to lift a hoof.”

“Good thinking boss!”

“That's why you’re the brains!”

“Oh thank Celestia. I don't know if I could take getting cursed again. Spending a week as a chicken was a nightmare.”

Look just trust me. Celestia won't let them get away with it for long, plus once Daring Do and Ahuizotl are working together he won't be able to steal shit. Xathrid explained. Best case scenario he adapts his business, goes legit, and ends up a decent fellow. Worst case he gets busted immediately and isn't a problem.

Nan grumbled to herself but ultimately said nothing.

“Alright, I’ll do it! I am not a villain!” Caballeron proclaimed.

Instantly the stallion vanished, and he was quickly followed by his hench ponies who all repeated his statement.

“Now onto you,” Nan stated, turning to Gilda.

The griffon wilted under the withering gaze of the disappointed golem.

“What… what are you going to do me?” Gilda muttered.

“Nothing. I’m just… so disappointed in you,” Nan declared.

“What?” Gilda retorted in disbelief.

“Come on, you’re barely even a villain!” Nan stated, throwing her arms up in irritation. “That whole thing was a misunderstanding! All you have to do is explain things to Rainbow Dash in a calm, even manner and you’ll be her friend again in no time!”

“I don't want to be friends with that turncoat!” Gilda hissed. “She tossed me aside like rotten meat at the first sign of trouble.”

“Because she thinks you were bullying her friends and you were being a bit of a jerk,” Nan pointed out.

“But so were they!” Gilda shouted.

“That doesn't excuse your actions. They may have been in the wrong, but if you had maintained a level head they would have looked like fools while you remained in Rainbow Dash’s good graces,” Nan continued.

“I…” Gilda frowned deeply and grumbled angrily.

“Look just tell her how you feel and how things went down from your perspective and I promise you things will go back to the way they were before,” Nan stated calmly.

“I can't just walk up to her and spill my guts, she probably hates me!” Gilda retorted.

“She’s Rainbow Dash. Loyalty is her thing. Look, just pretend I’m her and say how you feel,” Nan offered, sitting down in front of the griffon.

Gilda seemed ready to argue but after one look into Nan’s eyes all fight left the young girl’s body.

“Fine, so… I felt like you were leaving me behind,” Gilda muttered, quietly at first, but gaining volume as she spoke. “You moved away, got new friends and rarely even bothered to send me a letter, not like you were ever much of a writer.”

Nice work so far. Xathrid offered.

“I hoped showing up in Ponyville would rekindle things, make it go back to the way it was before but I can see now that isn't going to happen,” Gilda continued. “It was silly of me to think that, and even sillier of me to act all jealous. If I had just been a friend to you and not been quite as big of a jerk then none of that would have happened. That doesn't excuse what your rude pink friend did though!”

“Agreed,” Nan offered. “And good work.”

Gilda exhaled slowly. “That felt kinda good. I guess I ain't a villain after all.”

The griffon vanished when the final word left her mouth, leaving the dynamic duo alone with a trio of diamond dogs. Who shifted uncomfortably on the ground as their captor stood up and faced them, her hands on her hips and a disappointed look on her face.

“Slavery guys, really?” Nan declared. “I know a ton of diamond dogs who would never dare to resort to such underhanded tactics. Why are you lot so eager to do something so reprehensible?”

Xathrid offered his silent agreement with the statement.

The three diamond dogs looked at one another as if having their own telepathic conversation. It ended quickly, with the largest, centermost dog with the red vest opting to speak for them all.

“We were hungry,” he replied after a long pause.

“That's it?” Nan retorted.

“What do you mean that's it? We needed to eat and so we needed more gems, but all the veins were empty so we needed ponies to find us more!” He all but shouted.

“Yeah ponies sniff out gems good,” offered the smallest of the bunch.

Do they not know that they can just trade gems for food? Xathrid asked quizzically.

“Let's find out,” Nan whispered, before raising her voice. “Why don't you simply trade the ore that you cannot eat for food that you can?”

“What do you mean?” muttered the diamond dog.

“You guys can't eat stuff like gold, and iron, but ponies like this stuff, so you could give it to them, and in turn, they will give you food. Tasty food, better than mushrooms and gems,” Nan exclaimed.

The diamond dogs blinked, a look of confusion passing over their faces.

“You can do that?” the leader whispered in a low tone.

“Yeah, and you guys have enough gems and stuff that you could be rich. You’d eat like kings if you traded with the ponies,” Nan pressed.

“Like kings,” one of the dogs murmured to themself.

“I’m going to eat an entire pig. No wait, cakes, so many cakes,” muttered the smallest of the three.

“Okay, we decided. We will try this trading thing you said,” declared the leader.

“Good, then just say those magic words, and remember to be nice when you’re trading. Do that and the ponies will give you a good deal,” Nan added.

“Whatever you say, strange lady. I am not a villain,” he proclaimed.

His fellows repeated after him, each one vanishing the moment the final word was spoken.

In no time at all, the field was empty, leaving only Xathrid and Nan.

That worked better than anticipated. Not having to kill anyone for once feels nice. Xathrid stated.

“I know, though something tells me that will change pretty soon,” Nan replied.

I mean maybe but most of the villains were either not bad guys at all, or had at least a somewhat justifiable reason for being jerks. Xathrid pointed out.

“That is a fair assessment but that still leaves Discord, and a few others who may be a problem,” Nan exclaimed.

There are a few creatures that may even be able to harm us too. Xathrid commented. Let us hope our attempts at diplomacy continue to bear fruit.

“Let us hope,” Nan repeated.

Author's Note

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Just Trust Me

Author's Note

This is a part of the Jest Days of Christmas, where I update something every single day of December. Go check out the link for the full list and check back everyday for a new update!

Just Trust Me

Nan trod slowly down the path, occasionally glancing one way or the other and generally doing her best to ensure they didn't get snuck up on. Xathrid assisted by sending out a pulse of magic every few seconds, testing the area for any sign of living creatures. After a few minutes of utter silence broken only by the odd animal sound, the pair began to relax.

“They aren't exactly great at this whole, ambushing thing, eh?” Nan offered.

Well, it's not like any of the so-called villains were true villains in the first palace. Xathrid pointed out. Even the worst among them are just kinda selfish.

“A villain isn't just their motivations though, right? Even if it is pure selfishness that drives them they could still be a true villain,” Nan retorted.

Explain. Xathrid pushed back.

“Like, just imagine the worst person ever, now imagine they had done it all because they just liked having power and never cared about the details. They’d still be a true villain,” Nan stated.

You’re not wrong, but it's still a bit of a stretch to say someone like, Gilda is a villain. Xathrid remarked.

“I think villainy comes down to one part motivation, one part outcome,” Nan began. “If Gilda had used that simple misunderstanding as reasoning for murder or something there would be no doubt that she would be a true villain.”

I think you’re onto something. Without any motivation, then no matter what they did it would be little more than an accident. Hard to call them a villain then. Xathrid offered.

“And if they were evil as can be but never actually did anything are they really a villain?” Nan continued.

I think we’re getting fairly close to the age-old argument of intent versus outcome. Xathrid pointed out. A lot like how those of faith weigh prayer against action.

“True, though I think the true answer to that one is simple, you have to do both. By phrasing it as one or the other, they create a question with two wrong answers and no right ones,” Nan exclaimed.

Very true. Say, were you religious in your past life? Xathrid asked.

“I’m not wholly certain what faith or denomination I belonged to, but I remember believing something, though it was out of respect for my mother,” Nan replied.

Dang. I can't even be snide about the afterlife not being what you expected then. Xathrid joked, his thoughts jovial and light despite the prodding.

“Ha, nope,” Nan declared. “Though I feel as though you weren't exactly one of the faithful either.”

Got paralyzed from the waist down in an accident. That kinda shook off whatever lingering religiosity that stuck around after high school. Xathrid answered.

“I’m sorry to hear… wait,” Nan muttered. “Then this Discord guy put you in the body of a tree? What a dick.”

Now you understand why I hate the guy so much. Xathrid declared. Though I must admit in a perverse kinda way it is a bit funny.

Nan grumbled under her breath. “I hardly think such a thing is humorous.”

Oh, come on. The guy put a cripple into a body that can't walk. It's kinda funny. Xathrid retorted.

“It would be fitting if you had been a quadriplegic or suffered from some kind of locked-in syndrome. However even then, fitting isn't the same as funny,” Nan proclaimed quite firmly.

You’re really annoyed. Xathrid stated in confusion. I’m touched.

“We must always find injustice offensive it is part of what makes us human, or at least did,” Nan exclaimed, her tone faltering near the end.

I for one am quite happy to leave behind humanity and its endless squabbling. Xathrid remarked.

“In return for horses and their endless squabbling,” Nan pointed out.

Xathrid chuckled. They certainly are very human, though they feel… better for lack of a more fitting word. Quicker to forgive, and all that.

“Jumpy little buggers though,” Nan added with a smirk.

True. Xathrid agreed.

Nan began to slow, her gaze going down the path to where it ended at a sudden and unexpected cliff. The path that they had been following for several hours at this point petered off, disappearing down into the chasm below. A crevice that was so deep that Nan struggled to see the bottom through the dense canopy of trees that sprouted from the distant earth.

That's quite a drop. Xathrid remarked.

“No kidding,” Nan agreed. “How did we even end up this high in the first place? I barely even noticed the increased elevation.”

Me neither. I was so focused on watching for ambushes that I wasn't paying attention. Xathrid added.

Nan hummed to herself. “So do we just go around, or what? Because I feel like doing so would take far too long.”

That Jest guy didn't say there was a time limit but just being here makes me feel as though we can't dawdle. Xathrid remarked.

“Hmmm, agreed,” Nan muttered. “There is a palpable air of unease, here.”

It's unnerving. Best to take the quick route. Xathrid stated.

“The… quick route?” Nan asked.

Straight down. Xathrid interpreted. Superhero landing and everything.

“Wait, super what now?” Nan murmured.

You know, from that movie. Wait, what time are you from anyway? Don't tell me you were from the eighteen hundreds or something. Xathrid exclaimed.

“Well we had TVs and stuff, so I don't think it was that early. Though I can't recall many specific details,” Nan answered.

Color or black and white? Xathrid pressed.

“Color, but it hadn't always been that way. I remember a time when there were only black and white televisions, but that was a long time ago…” Nan frowned. “I think.”

Whatever, we’re getting off-topic. Xathrid piped up. Regardless of what kind of television you grew up with, we still need to get down there and I think I can sense a perfect spot.

“I don't know. There are a whole lot of trees down there and I don't want to injure myself or you,” Nan offered.

In that case give me a moment to double-check. Xathrid replied.

Nan nodded mutely, standing stock still as Xathrid sent his senses downward. The information he received may have been a mess of complicated sensory feedback to most, but he was not most. Given his particularly unique experience with both the living, the dead, and the everfree’s unique plants he was able to discern exactly what it all meant.

There is a spot, right there between those two evergreen trees where a shallow pond devoid of life is located. Hit that, and we’ll be golden. Xathrid remarked.

“Are you sure? Cus that looks the same as everywhere else,” Nan replied.

Look, just trust me okay? I’ve got experience with this type of thing. Xathrid stressed.

Nan sighed unnecessarily. “Alright then. Brace yourself.”

Ready when you are. Xathrid offered, his roots digging a little deeper into the stone creature..

Nan took a step back and dug one foot into the ground. She remained there, with her non-existent muscles cocked and ready to spring into action. It seemed as though she was about to change her mind, only for the stone creature to lurch forward suddenly.

In an instant they were in free fall, the golem having leaped over the lip with all the force she could muster. There was a moment when the pair felt weightless only for gravity to return, and drag them down towards the distant earth. With the wind whipping past them, the duo reached terminal velocity in less than a second and flew through the treetops not long after.

Only a few seconds after making the decision to leap, they had fallen through the foliage layer and could see that Xathrid had been correct. There was a small, muddy pond surrounded on all sides by tall trees with extensive canopies that blotted out the light. They could only glimpse this for a split second before slamming into said pond like a depth-charge, emptying the tiny pool completely.

Waist deep in mud, Nan found that she was, rather surprisingly, uninjured. Xathrid was only slightly worse off, having lost more than a few leaves during the impact. The worst part was just how completely and utterly dirty the pair were, but that was remedied somewhat when the water began to slowly flow back.

“Huh,” Nan remarked, glancing around her. “That worked.”

Ye of little faith. Xathrid retorted.

“Fair enough,” Nan admitted. “I feel as though we’ve just done a trust fall together.”

It has, hasn't it? Almost feels a bit like that moment from the first episode of season one. Xathrid pointed out.

Nan paused mid-step. “You’re right, it kinda does. Wait, does this make me Twilight Sparkle, and you Applejack?”

Well you do seem more of the leader, and I am known for being painfully honest to the point that it's a bit of a character flaw of mine. Xathrid offered.

“Does that mean there are four others out there, waiting to bear the rest of the elements?” Nan asked, half in jest.

Maybe, though Luna and Celestia did wear three each back in the day. Xathrid explained.

“Oh that’s right,” Nan muttered. “I call laughter.”

I don't think that's how it works but if it is then I’m getting loyalty. Xathrid added.

“No way. I’m super loyal to my ponies,” Nan shot back.

I’d offer a rebuttal, but it is kinda sad to have a dick-measuring contest with a female pile of rocks, while I myself am a tree. Xathrid pointed out.

Nan chuckled. “Very true, perhaps we should focus on the mission, as I have a feeling we are reaching the next roadblock in the story.”

Xathrid peered through the eyes of his partner to find that the forest had deepened significantly. If it weren't for their own magically enhanced sight and extra senses they would likely be lost. Even still, it was rather spooky, with the trees leaning in as if watching the pair intently and marking their progress.

Though strange, the forest itself wasn't overly important, rather it was the narrow path that lay before them which demanded their attention. The crude path they were walking went right between those two ridges, winding deeper into the strange woodlands. There were no obvious footprints or the like present, but both former humans could sense that they were being watched from somewhere close by.

“They are at least making an effort to stay hidden rather than sticking out like a couple of sore thumbs,” Nan exclaimed.

They are using some kind of magic to obscure their presence but I can still tell that there are at least four, maybe five of them. One of them is a bit bigger than the others. Xathrid added.

“You don't think it's Nightmare Moon or someone, do you?” Nan whispered.

Unlikely. It seems as though they are keeping the less powerful villains further out. Probably Ironwill if I had to guess. Xathrid remarked.

“Only one way to find out for sure,” Nan exclaimed.

Using her companion’s senses to guide her, Nan raised a foot as high as she could before slamming it down. Her magic pushed its way through the earth and up, under the invisible targets, knocking them to the ground. Their magical invisibility broken, Nan could see that Ironwill was indeed present, along with Trixie, Starlight Glimmer, and the Maneiac of all ponies.

“What was that? Golem’s aren't supposed to have magic!” Trixie shouted.

“No time to talk let's fight that rock!” Ironwill bellowed.

The minotaur was first to find his footing, hopping up and charging the duo with his head lowered. Though large, and strong, Ironwill’s size and strength were eclipsed several times over by the sentient pile of stone. She proved herself superior by meeting her attacker with her arms outstretched, grabbing the bull by the horns, and overpowering him.

“Hey, what, what's going on?” Ironwill shouted.

The minotaur found himself hefted bodily off the ground, only to have his arms pinned against his side. He was then rather unceremoniously tucked under the arm of the golem, who treated him as little more than a large handbag.

“Shush, I’ll get to you in a bit,” Nan declared.

“It's got Ironwill!” Trixie pointed out.

“Who cares, let's tear it apart!” Maneiac shouted.

The costumed villain burst forth from the underbrush, her prehensile mane propelling her forward with incredible speed. Behind her, Starlight assisted Trixie who had found herself stuck in a rather pointy, thorn-filled bush. Maniac cared little for the plight of her fellow villains, however, and launched into her attack, forming her mane into an enormous fist and striking Nan in the chest.

“Oof, that actually kinda hurt,” Nan muttered.

Really? Maniac has that kind of power? Xathrid remarked.

“Apparently,” Nan murmured.

“Surprised? There is a reason just one of me is more than enough to best all six of those wretched power ponies!” Maniac shouted.

The mane-themed villain struck again, this time by using both her mane and tail as giant fists. Though Nan blocked, the blows carried enough power behind them that the stone creature stumbled backward.

“Hey watch where you’re punching you nearly hit me!” Ironwill shouted, the minotaur still squirming in a desperate attempt to escape.

“Who cares about some moronic bovine who always steps on our mane, you shall be next!” Bellowed the maneiac.

“Should we help her?” Trixie asked.

Starlight shrugged. “Seems like she's pretty much got this in the bag. Best not get in her way.”

“Good thinking,” Trixie murmured.

“I can't keep Ironwill pinned and deal with this chick, gonna need a hand here Xathrid!” Nan shouted, ducking under a punch before jumping over a sweeping mass of green hair.

How? I can't really do much without my zombie army. Unless… Xathrid thought back.

The tree reached out with the same senses he used to contact the other trees back in his grove. Though he expected failure he found that by using his own magic as the bridge he was able to connect to the forest network. Mycelium, roots, and vast webs of plantlife reached out in all directions, answering his call with an eagerness he hadn't expected.

“Could still use that hand right about now,” Nan shouted.

“I’m not sure who's crazier here, me or you! Oh wait, it's you! For daring to stand against the Maniac!” shouted the costumed villain.

Mainiac cackled while launching another set of devastating punches.

Even the trees don't have the rudimentary intelligence like the kind I know from back home. Xathrid exclaimed. This is perfect.

“How so?” Nan muttered bitterly, arm raised to block the attacks.

Because that means they are under my command, and I can do this! Xathrid declared pointedly.

Before Maneiac’s hair fists could hit her target, two large wooden limbs reached down and gripped her by the midsection. The old oak she had been standing directly in front of creaked and groaned, its body unused to such sudden movements. Despite the protesting of its aged and weathered bark, the tree held the maniac tight, leaving her little to do but flail and curse.

“Unhand me you presumptuous plantlife!” Shouted the villain.

“Now should we help?” Trixie asked.

“Yeah probably,” Starlight agreed.

The pair powered up their horns and charged out of the woods, ready to unleash their magic.

“I wouldn't do that if I were you,” Nan interrupted, holding up her free hand. “We outnumber you a hundred to one.”

“Nonsense. You may have controlled that tree somehow but we are still three,” Starlight retorted.

“Oh really?” Nan replied.

The two unicorns followed the strange golem-like creature’s finger up to where dozens of long, bark-covered limbs waited outstretched. The surrounding trees, and even the bushes, and flowers had turned against the ponies, promising a difficult struggle to those that resisted. Looking from one bit of plant life to another, Trixie backed up fearfully until her flank bumped Starlight.

“Though I am, of course, the leader here, why don't you suggest a plan?” Trixie whispered.

Starlight ground her teeth together. “Unless you know a fireball spell I don't think we are making it out of here alive.”

“Don't listen to her, fight on, use those illusions!” Ironwill shouted.

“Quiet you. One more outburst and I’ll break off one of your horns and shove it where the sun doesn't shine,” Nan hissed angrily.

“As the bull said I’m more of an illusion master. Evocation isn't exactly my style,” Trixie replied.

“Then I suggest you throw up your hooves and pray this creature doesn't decide you would make good fertilizer. And stop touching me,” Starlight spat, shoving Trixie away with enough force to send the illusionist face-first into the dirt.

“Oof,” Trixie muttered.

“Let me go already! I have power ponies to destroy and a destiny to usurp!” The maniac shouted, her hair tearing chunks of bark off but doing little else.

“Quiet all of you. If you just listen to me for a few minutes I promise all of you will leave here with your various appendages still intact and your soul still in your body,” Nan declared.

“Wait, all we have to do is just listen to you and you’ll let us go?” Starlight asked.

“Maybe let you go isn't the best way to put it, but it's close enough,,” Nan replied. “So why don't we all sit down, take a breath and let me explain some things, hmm?”

“If it means you will stop carrying me around like a piece of luggage then I agree to listen,” Iron Will shouted.

Nan extended her arm and dropped the bullman between Starlight Glimmer and Trixie.

“Okay, now then. You are trying to destroy the cosmic order of the universe, but not all of you are so evil as to truly want that,” Nan declared.

“I don't know. I kinda do,” Ironwill replied.

“Same. It is not fair that those goody two shoes always get to win,” Trixie retorted.

“For once I agree with the even more arrogant unicorn,” Maniac muttered bitterly.

“I concur. With it gone my plans may reach fruition,” Starlight added.

Nan sighed.

Focus on Ironwill first. His is easy. Xathrid encouraged.

“Right,” Nan muttered, kneeling down in front of Ironwill. “I’m going to give you some advice, and at the end of it, you are going to say these five magic words. I am not a villain. Got it?”

Ironwill looked up at the golem, and then to the animated trees that still loomed over them. “Fine,” he muttered.

“Good, now to start with. Your motivations make sense but if you hadn't made them worse out of spite or indignation you would have been fine,” Nan began.

“What are you talking about? Those ponies ruined my business and crashed the sales of my book!” Ironwill bellowed bitterly.

“And if you had just held your cool, and explained that you were speaking more metaphorically, you would have been fine,” Nan stated, pausing briefly. “Plus if you had dialed it down slightly you never would have gotten into that mess to begin with.”

“The world of self-help is a cluttered market. Ironwill must exaggerate his claims in order to stand out amidst the pack!” Ironwill declared, puffing out his chest.

“Wait, you’re a self-help author? The way you talked about your business I assumed you lead a gang or something,” Starlight remarked.

Ironwill snorted. “I am not some idiotic roughian. Ironwill is an entrepreneur and businessman.”

“Wait, why do you keep switching from I to Ironwill?” Maniac inquired.

“Yes, Trixie is most confused,” Trixie added.

“It's a character, you dolts,” Ironwill spat. “Do you really think I just go around talking in the third person and spouting rhymes for no reason?”

Trixie frowned. “Trixie feels as though she is being insulted.”

“Anyway,” Nan interrupted. “You know from being close to ponies how they are quick to jump to conclusions and generally panic. If you had told them to dial things down a bit and to not literally assault others if they get in their way, you would still be successful.”

Ironwill frowned, the minotaur grumbling under his breath. “Okay, so what if you’re right? What does Ironwill do now hmm? His career is in the toilet.”

“Yeah I’m kinda not sure about that one either,” Nan muttered.

“Wait, you aren't? Then what was the point of all this?” Starlight retorted.

“Just give me a second alright? I’m thinking,” Nan murmured.

I got it. Xathrid offered, the tree feeding Nan lines.

“Okay, so you write a second edition, right? Then you do a big public apology where you take some blame, but shift the majority onto them while also using a bit of guilt to get under their skin,” Nan repeated. “After that make an offer for Fluttershy for her to be a coauthor on that second edition I mentioned.”

“Her star power alone would be enough, given her whole save Equestria shtick. That and with a second edition I could sell books to the same customers that bought the first one,” Ironwill muttered, snapping his fingers. “And I barely have to do anything more than a bit of editing and a new foreword!”

“Exactly. You’d cover your butt while also responsibly advising those who buy your book,” Nan added, only to frown. “Why does your advice always involve shrewd financial dealings?”

“I am not a villain!” Ironwill proclaimed.

The minotaur vanished.

“Huh, he's just… gone,” Starlight murmured.

“It's part of the spell. He's fine and back in his own reality,” Nan assured.

“Interesting,” Starlight remarked.

“Well, this won't work on Trixie, for she is not a villain. Rather she is merely misunderstood!” Trixie proclaimed.

“Though you were certainly villainous when you had the alicorn amulet you’re first interaction with Twilight Sparkle and her gang was much the same as Ironwill’s. A cavalcade of bullheadedness, stubborn pride, and a case of poor coordination,” Nan retorted.

“What! They were completely in the wrong there! They ruined Trixie’s show and did a worse job on her career than what they did on that bull dude!” Trixie yelled.

“Ironwill?” Maniac offered.

“Whatever!” Trixie spat.

“Trixie, if you had simply been firmer with them, or explained it was an act none of that would have happened. I know they seemed like complete morons but they really aren't,” Nan retorted.

“Trixie don't know how you know this but since you were apparently there you should have seen with your own two eyes that she was attacked!” Trixie exclaimed.

Nan sighed. “Those ponies have either spent their entire lives living in the sticks or between the pages of a book. None of them had ever been to a magic show, never mind heard of you personally.”

“But everyone knows of Trixie! She has been touring for years!” Trixie proclaimed.

“One of them spent her life on a rock farm, the other on a regular farm, and two more of them are from Cloudsdale, Twilight spent every waking moment of her life until that point in a library, and at that point, Rarity was simply defending her friends. Honestly, she’s the only one who doesn't have much of an excuse here,” Nan continued.

“I… but… huh,” Trixie murmured.

“How do you know all this, anyway?” Starlight questioned.

“I’ve observed much of pony history,” Nan answered. “I am quite old you see.”

“So I can tell. What are you anyway? An extradimensional spirit? Some lost god from the time before even Discord?” Starlight pressed.

“That's not relevant right now. Trixie was in the middle of a revelation,” Nan corrected.

Nice one. Xathrid offered.

“Trixie supposes that now you will condemn her for purchasing that cursed artifact,” Trixie muttered, the unicorn kicking a hunk of dirt absently.

“No. You were hurting and made a poor decision but you have been condemned and hated enough already. I need not offer any extra insult to injury,” Nan remarked in a low, gentle tone.

“Huh. Trixie supposes that she is not a villain after all,” Trixie muttered.

Nan turned to Maniac and was about to offer her opening statement when Xathrid interrupted.

Starlight is casting a spell. Stated the tree.

Nan spun around, and grabbed the unicorn by the horn, causing an explosion of sparks to shoot out from between her fingers.

“Damn you. How did you know what I was doing? I hid my aura perfectly,” Starlight muttered through grit teeth, the pony clearly in a lot of pain.

“I have friends everywhere, now be quiet. I will get to you in a moment,” Nan muttered, tossing the pony into the waiting limbs of a wiry young willow tree.

“Ahh, its that time again. Go on, do gooder. Tell me why I am a monster who deserves to be caged forever. All because I want to destroy just one teensy weensy city,” prodded the maniac.

“You are far from a monster,” Nan exclaimed. “In fact you’re far closer to a victim than something so heinous.”

“I… what?” Maniac murmured.

“You have suffered an immensely traumatic experience which you haven't physically or emotionally grappled with,” Nan began, pacing back and forth in front of the grappled pony. “Your electrocution plus chemical exposure has likely left you with brain damage though if you are lucky it's not too late to receive the treatment you need.”

“The chemicals gave me power, the shock opened my eyes! That city and its ponies deserve to be destroyed!” The Maniac shouted.

“Why though? Really think about that question. Why would they deserve it?” Nan pressed.

“I… they-”

“I’ll cut to the chase. You don't have a reason,” Nan interrupted. “You don't have an ideology, or a cohesive set of beliefs, just a set of self-destructive tendencies stemming from an injury that has likely short-circited sections of your brain.”

The maniac seemed ready to fire back for a few seconds, only for her, and her hair to go completly limp.

“You see it now, don't you? How you have just been continually acting out, attacking any who got close,” Nan whispered, the stone creature walking up to the costumed villain. “Do you even remember your name? Your true name.”

Maniac stared down at the ground, unable to meet Nan’s gaze. “No,” whispered the pony faintly.

“You aren't a villain, but you do need help. Please, just ask for it,” Nan pressed.

“I… am not a villain,” murmured the Maniac.

“Now then, onto you,” Nan began turning around and looking at Starlight Glimmer.

The unicorn shrunk under the intense glare of the pissed-off golem only to sit back up, and glare right back.

She didn't try to cast anything, but I have a feeling she still has some fight in her. Xathrid added.

“Now then, me,” Starlight spat.

“You are the most dangerous and most corrupt of the lot by far. I don't even know where to begin with you,” Nan exclaimed.

“Save your metaphorical breath. I’ve heard condemnations before and they didn't bother me then,” Starlight proclaimed, puffing out her chest as much as her barky bindings would allow.

“Even if you’ve heard it a thousand times at this point, it still wouldn't be enough considering the worlds you’ve destroyed and the lives you’ve ruined,” Nan spat.

“I…” Starlight frowned. “Worlds? What are you talking about?”

So she doesn't deny the lives ruined part. Odd. Xathrid pointed out.

“Don't you remember how you went back in time, destroying Twilight's friendships and causing untold suffering?” Nan exclaimed. “You bullied children, and in your callus cruelty created a multitude of other doomed timelines filled with misery.”

“Timelines, bullying children? I don't remember any of this. What are you talking about?” Starlight retorted.

I think she’s actually telling the truth. Her heart rate is rock steady. Xathrid pointed out.

“What is the last thing you remember before being brought here?” Nan asked.

“Speaking to some…” Starlight paused, her face screwing up in annoyance. “Why can't I remember what they look like? I remember they convinced me of this plan but their face eludes me somehow.”

That's not good. You don't think that interdimensional jester set us all up, do you? Xathrid thought.

“We’ll cross that bridge later,” Nan whispered. “Now then, what villainous act did you last perform.”

“Other than refusing to tip the waiter, I’ve just been lying in wait. Hoping to find a moment to strike when they are weak,” Starlight proclaimed.

“Oh thank goodness. This is much easier then,” Nan muttered.

“Though this time magic idea of yours does seem like it may work,” Starlight murmured.

“What did I just tell you about untold lives ruined and entire timelines destroyed?” Nan barked.

Starlight snorted. “Timelines can't be created or destroyed, there is only the prime path. To suggest otherwise is to go against the prime exemption fallacy.”

Dial it back. Go back to the first thing that set her down this path of villiany. Xathrid offered.

“Right, so lets get this straight. You lost a friend because he just moved away and that spawned a psychotic obsession that lasted what, two, three decades?” Nan asked.

“How dare you! That was not just any friendship that was my only friend!” Starlight shouted.

“So instead of thinking, oh wow I’ll just go talk to him and work things out you instead thought, I’ll destroy the lives of dozens of people out of sheer misplaced spite?” Nan continued.

“I-” Starlight began, only to be stopped by a stone finger held her mouth shut.

“Shh, mommy’s talking,” Nan declared. “Now then, let's get straight to the point. You see cutie marks as the very reason why your friendship ended, right?”

Starlight glared silently for several seconds before nodding.

“But a friendship could end for a million reasons. How many variables are you going to account for hmm?” Nan poked. “Are you going to make everyone the same gender so sexism isn't an issue? Perhaps even wipe out all other races so racism won't be a factor.”

Starlight recoiled as if struck.

“I’m just taking your ideology to its logical extreme. At the end of the day, you are seeking to destroy these potential problems like cutie marks and the like, why not go further?” Nan pressed, leaning in close and continuing to meet Starlight’s gaze even as she flinched further away. “You already dominated the bodies of those townsfolk without their consent, why not their minds next? Simply scrub away everything that makes them unique, as after all, differences in personality are the number one ender of friendships.”

Lets uh… let's pull back a bit. I think she's about ready to pee herself. Xathrid remarked.

Nan recoiled slightly, releasing the grip she had on the pony. Starlight wiggled her jaw and cleared her throat.

“I… I get it,” Starlight muttered. “If I really want to reach my goals I’d need to do something truly unspeakable.”

“You would need to become a monster the likes of which even Discord would find repulsive,” Nan added.

Starlight winced. “But what other options are there? What if I’m right and that is the only way.”

“You cannot control for all variables, all you can ever do is weigh the dice in your favor,” Nan explained. “Besides, can you really call it friendship if you’ve effectively mind-wiped them and forced their comradery out of mental compulsion?”

“No,” Starlight muttered, the pony slumping to the ground after being released from the tree’s grasp.

“Life is unfortunately chaotic, and by forcing order upon it you end up breaking far more than what you would fix,” Nan continued. “Just live your life and do your best. It's all anyone can do really.”

“Augh, you make it sound so simple,” Starlight spat.

“It is,” Nan retorted with a chuckle. “Take it from someone who’s on their second life. Living isn't all that complicated when you get right down to it.”

Starlight smiled faintly. “You know that is kind of a nice thought now that I really think about it.”

“It is isn't it?” Nan remarked.

Oh and tell her to get some therapy for her sociopathy. Xathrid added.

“Oh, and you should probably get some therapy. Also, your friend is likely in Canterlot at this point,” Nan pointed out.

“I suppose I should try to reconnect with Sunburst and see that therapist my father recommended,” Starlight muttered.

“And once you get your head in order you’ll do great things. I just know it,” Nan professed.

Starlight breathed in slowly and exhaled just as slowly.

“Alright,” she muttered. “I am not a villain.”

With that, the pony vanished.

That was kind of nice. Xathrid added.

“Indeed. It feels like a bit of kindness is all they really needed,” Nan remarked.

Agreed.

The Stage At The End Of Reality

In a far-off world, not connected to the greater existence, there existed a stage, as grand as any Canterlot had seen. The rows of seats extended on into infinity, while the stage was large enough to fit an entire orchestra and then some with ease. Though the ceiling itself wasn't visible, any who stood on the stage could see the walls that separated back from front.

Red, gold and many shades colored the stage as well as its surroundings. Fitting, as the name such a venue bore was the Red Gold theatre, though few, if any, knew such information. Those who arrived simply found that they were on a strange stage with an infinite, and empty audience watching them.

Though grand in its scale, this theoretical visitor would find that it had all the charm and pomp of bar room stage. The floor was scarred and bore visible burn marks but there was no major damage save for the odd knick or scratch. The floodlights were cheap but functional, and the air was heavy with the smell of mildew and spilled beer.

Despite its state, and lack of operators, the stage pulsed with energy. A light turned on by itself, the curtains withdrew on unseen mechanisms, and the sound of a drum roll came from the darkness. The lights twirled about, growing in number before suddenly shifting until they all pointed at a single point on the stage.

An unspoken cue had been given, prompting a square roughly twenty feet across to give way and reveal darkness. Down somewhere in the bowels of the theatre a machine chugged, and whirred, unseen pistons pumping. Slowly, an orange-hued mass became visible, rising up from below until finally, the nonpresent audience could see that it was a tree.

Gnarled, with a squat, thick trunk and twisted bark that resembled an anguished face of an unknown species, it was intimidating, for a tree. The beautiful array of fall colors that adorned its many branches was less intimidating, however. The overall appearance was like that of a particularly ugly bonsai tree in the midst of shedding its leaves for winter.

The creature that bore this strange tree upon its back was far scarier than the odd plant it carried. It had massive shoulders, a head that poked forward out of the top of its chest, and arms large enough that its knuckles nearly dragged across the ground. Made from a mixture of several different kinds of rocks, the stoney monster seemed to only be half-formed.

Yet despite this, the tree’s roots kept its form together, the large twisting mass of wood acting as the glue that held one segment to the other. Moss and small vines had found a home on the stone creature as well, creating a blanket of green that covered much of its shoulders and upper body. Though both tree and stone golem were inert as they rose up into full view, that changed when they reached stage level. The golem’s emerald eyes flickered before igniting, while the tree seemed to shift uncomfortably, its limbs twitching.

An arm reached back, and touched the base of the tree’s trunk, noting idly that the mass was centered mostly on her right side. This information was dutifully logged, and cataloged, though only really grappled with it after several seconds of silence.

“Why is there a tree on me?” she grumbled.

Why am I rooted to some manner of golem. Thought the tree.

“Wait, who said that?” murmured the stone creature.

I did you dolt, I’m the tree. Retorted Xathrid irritably.

“Last I checked trees didn't talk,” remarked the rock monster.

And last I checked neither did rocks. Xathrid shot back.

“Touche,” murmured the golem.

Turn around, and find out where we are. Commanded Xathrid. I can only see out of your eyes.

“You do not order me, tree,” declared the golem, hands on hips.

Xathrid mentally sighed. Please look around.

“That’s better,” she murmured.

The golem then turned slowly, doing a full circle before stopping and facing the crowd once more.

“What a strange place,” she muttered.

Quite so. Wait… Xathrid paused. Didn't I agree to help some strange pony?

“Piercings, kinda girly, with a jester stick cutie mark?” asked the stone golem.

Thats him. I assume you made a similar deal? Xathrid inquired.

“Indeed. I assumed it was more of my ponies coming to join the colony, but evidently, I was incorrect,” admitted the golem.

I didn't even know what I thought. I was just curious and wouldn't in a million years have guessed that this would have happened. Xathrid exclaimed.

“Interesting, what is your name, sir Tree? Also, should I keep using masculine pronouns, or…” murmured the stone creature.

Xathrid, yeah either that or it slash its, what about you?

“I… hmm,” murmured the stone creature. “Most just call me mom, or some variation thereof. From that, I’m sure you can assume what manner of pronouns I use.”

I’m not doing that. The name I mean, I’ll use whatever you like otherwise. Xathrid deadpanned.

“Fair,” she muttered. “Perhaps just Nan?”

That's better. Not perfect but better. Fine, Nan it is. Xathrid admitted.

“Good to hear that my star team are both on the same page,” declared a familiar voice that echoed from everywhere at the same time. “Soon you’ll be beating baddies and saving the day like the best of friends.”

“Where are you, you little punk?” Nan demanded, adopting an offensive stance. “I didn't sign up for this.”

Me neither. Xathrid added.

“Relax, relax. You’ll be saving the universe, plus I’ll make it worth your while!” Jest exclaimed.

The diminutive stallion stepped out from somewhere and appeared amidst the many empty seats of the audience.

“I don't care about your universe, send me back to mine,” Nan demanded a second time.

Yes, and me as well. I had experiments I was in the midst of. Xathrid added.

“Please take a breath, or uh pretend like you did,” Jest exclaimed while trotting toward the stage. “You’ll be sent back to the very moment I absconded with you so don't get too worked up.”

“Is that true, you have that kind of power?” Nan inquired, posture softening slightly.

“I teleport you to a pocket reality of my own crafting and you wonder if I have the power to time travel. Can you believe this chick?” Jest retorted.

Nan made a snorting noise and crossed her arms over her chest. “I don't know how your powers work. Maybe this is the extent of it.”

“Oh no, it's much much more than just moving things from place to place, though that's usually what I do,” Jest admitted with a shrug, pausing briefly to hop up onto the stage. “What fun is there in doing everything yourself?”

Is that why you grabbed us? To do your dirty work? Xathrid demanded.

“Oh, I mean saving the universe can hardly count as dirty work. Especially when you would be beating up villains all day,” Jest added.

“Explain,” Nan half asked half stated.

“Well, it's like this,” Jest began.

The stallion trotted over to a spot on the stage and stomped twice. A large whiteboard fell from somewhere and landed perfectly beside him, the white expanse already adorned with pictures. They were mostly of ponies, but there were others like dragons, a few odd creatures neither of them knew of, and some that they did. Of the ones they knew of, there was a griffon and a minotaur, and of the ones they didn't, there was a strange noodle monster, an insect pony, and finally a pony made of shadows.

“Who are those people, and why do they seem familiar?” Nan muttered, trodding up to a few feet away in order to get a better view of the board.

This does seem oddly nostalgic for some reason. Xathrid added.

“That's because you’ve seen them all before when you watched the show My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic,” Jest added. “Unfortunately whomever, or whatever transported you from one universe to the next damaged enough of your memories that you can't recall them.”

I recognize that one at the top with the weird horns, he's Discord. The jerk that sent me to Equestria in the first place for beating him in a dumb game. Xathrid pointed out.

“Yeah, that does sound like him,” Jest remarked, tapping the smarmy face of the god of chaos with a pointer. “He's responsible for more than a few of you dimensional transplants. Rarely cares about keeping the same form or maintaining your memories however.”

The ass. Xathrid muttered bitterly.

“Hmm, that's weird. I don't recall any force bringing me to Equestria,” Nan remarked.

“I think you’re motherly instincts did,” Jest replied. “You’re appearance in Equestria probably wasn't the plan of any thinking being unless there is an entity above that of my employer.”

“Your employer?” Nan asked curiously.

“Don't worry about it,” Jest dismissed, smacking the board a second time. “This is more important.”

And this is… what? A murder board? Xathrid inquired in an amused mental tone.

“Sorta,” Jest answered. “It's all the baddies that showed up in the show, and it is all the foes you will have to face if you want to save the universal constant from being unraveled.”

“Which is what? Stop pausing and just explain everything in one go,” Nan complained.

“Fiiiine,” Jest whined right back. “So basically you know how the good guy always wins right? Well, this is by design, the universe is slanted in just such a way to ensure that this is almost always the case. There are slight deviations, but eventually, the good guys usually beat the bad guys and harmony reigns. Hooray.”

The stallion threw a hoofull of glitter in the air in a half-hearted manner.

“And they want to stop this,” Nan anticipated.

“Exactly,” Jest stated. “They want to alter reality itself so that they have a fair shot of winning which can't happen for obvious reasons. Untold suffering, destruction, yada yada.”

This leads us to the obvious question, why can't you or your employer handle this? Xathrid asked.

“Finally a good question!” Jest exclaimed, leaping up onto Nan’s unoccupied shoulder. “You two have traveled the space between before which is why you were selected, plus you’re also from the same universe so it was easier to grab you. Two birds one stone and all that. Pun very much intended.”

“What does-”

“Shhh, daddy’s talking,” Jest interrupted. “Now where was I? Oh yeah, you’ve been tossed into other realities before, which helps make things easier because the world I want to toss you into is guarded against me.”

Now we’re getting somewhere. Xathrid remarked.

“This dimension is the most boring of them all because nothing sapient ever evolved there. Just bugs, animals, etc., etc.,” Jest continued, rolling his hoof in the air. “So it was a simple matter for them to go there, and create a barrier against interlopers such as I.”

“And which one of them is the mastermind that we have to stop?” Nan asked, gesturing back to the board.

“All of them, and not!” Jest unhelpfully replied. “Their presence empowers the spell, meaning that you need to take each one out or get them to declare that they aren't a villain anymore. If they do that, they’ll be sent back to their native dimension by the same spell they are trying to cast.”

My money is on Discord. Xathrid declared. That jerk would absolutely weigh the dice on his side.

“From what you’ve said he certainly seems the most dastardly, though that purple, pink, and blue one’s smug aura mocks me,” Nan added.

“Oh right, forgot to give you back your memory,” Jest clopped his hooves together. “There we go. It probably won't last long but it should help with matters.”

Why can I still not remember more about Earth but I suddenly have complete recall about some show for little girls? Xathrid inquired.

“Yes, the fact that you gave me back memories of watching a show with my kids but not the kids themselves are most… vexing,” Nan muttered bitterly.

“Sorry, those bigger ones are harder to restore and something tells me you don't want me rooting around in your noggin any more than necessary,” Jest apologized.

“Fair,” Nan admitted.

So to recap, we go there, get them to admit they aren't villains, or turn them into bloody mush and stop this spell. Xathrid recapped.

“Pretty much,” Jest replied.

“And what do we get out of this exactly?” Nan inquired.

“I’m glad you asked! The answer is as simple as it is vague, I’ll grant you a boon,” Jest declared, throwing more confetti in the air.

That is vague. Xathrid pointed out.

“Yes I was hoping for something more concrete, like say a ton of gold, enough metal to arm a small army, or a giant pile of medical supplies,” Nan declared, hands on hip.

“Look just trust me, it’ll be worth it,” Jest retorted, hopping down from the stone golem’s shoulders and leaning against the whiteboard.

Yeah, I don't trust that for a second. Xathrid stated.

“Well, it's a good thing your input no longer matters. Buh bye now!” Jest called.

“You little bugger,” Nan shouted.

The stone giant lurched forward, her hands reaching for the stallion only to grasp naught but air. The floor under her had given way, and she fell into the darkness alongside her newest companion, Xathrid the tree. Though the fall itself was brief, they would land in an entirely new reality, where they would gain many more new and novel problems.

Such as, how to extract several tons of stone of neck deep mud.