Happy Farmer, Happy Corpse!
Happy farmer, happy crops!
Sunshine flooded the streets of Ponyville, it was a new and fun morning! What better way to spend a beautiful sunrise than by going over to the market and buy a few roses from the best gardeners in town? Nothing could top that!
Bert moved happily through the cobblestone path that led through the rows of buildings, his shiny green skin illuminated by the warmth of the sun, and he loved it!
It was way better than his cozy coffin, and that's saying a lot! Bert loved his coffin! It was soft and cuddly, and the nice, moist dirt that he sometimes placed inside it, much to the farmers discomfort, kept him cool and his skin soft.
Bert grinned happily, his shiny yellow teeth, well, most of them anyway, reflected the nice light offered to them by the sun. He was hopping along the path, humming a tune as he went, and basically enjoying life!
It had been a while since he had been able to enjoy it after all.
Bert arrived at the Ponyville market, several ponies were calmly walking around and through it, buying groceries as well as other necessities.
A careful look around the marketplace revealed his destination, Roseluck, Lily, and Daisy were standing behind their flower stand, multiple roses, lilies, dandelions, sunflowers and many other beautiful types of plants were lined up in the counter, just waiting to be bought!
Bert smiled widely and ran as fast as his bulky, semi-rotten legs, would let him. He waved happily at the three ponies as he went, he loved talking to them, they were so nice!
Roseluck noticed Bert and waved a hoof at him, smiling as she did so, Bert was one of her favorite farm zombies after all! And how much fun he could be! Despite the fact that he couldn't speak very well, he was really good at conversations. And he knew so much about plants it was really surprising!
Bert finally stopped in front of the flower stand and waved at Roseluck once again.
"Bleigh raght yufgruth!" Bert's smile widened, Roseluck always brightened his day, even though they were always bright!
"Good morning to you too Bert! What can I do for you?" Roseluck placed both front hooves on the counter and smiled kindly at Bert. "Let me guess, Caramel lost the grass seeds again didn't he?"
Bert laughed and nodded enthusiastically. Oh Caramel! What a silly pony he was, but fun nevertheless! He always had candy for a well behaved zombie, and Bert was very, very well behaved!
As a good farm zombie, he always made sure to help out when applebucking season came around, he couldn't kick the trees like Applejack did, but he was more than happy to help carry the apples into the barn, or load them into applecarts and help Big Mac take them to neighboring towns or just into Ponyville to sell them.
"How many do you need Bert?" Roseluck looked inside the stand's cabinets and produced several pouches of grass seeds.
Bert placed his hand on his chin, trying to remember what Big Mac had told him.
"BUY THEM ALL BERT! THE MORE THE MERRIER! CANDY LAND! IT'S A HAPPY LAND..." Big Mac had said as he danced around the barn wearing a pink dress and Applebloom's ribbon. Or that was the way Bert remembered it anyway...
As the flashback ended, Bert's eyes were staring off into the distance, his hand still on his chin, the memory of Big Mac telling him to buy everything seemed... Odd... But hey! He was the boss wasn't he?
Content with his flawless reasoning, Bert smiled at Roseluck and, using his bulky green fingers, signaled for five pouches of grass seed.
Roseluck smiled and rolled her eyes, she knew Bert quite well by now, and Big Mac had made it clear that whatever Bert asked for, she gave him only half.
"Bert, did you picture Big Macintosh dancing around the barn while singing candy land again?" Roseluck arched an eyebrow and looked questioningly at the green zombie.
Bert looked at the ground with an embarrassed smile, and then raised two fingers, lowering his order.
Roseluck giggled and gave him the pouches, after which the farm zombie handed her ten bits.
"Have a nice day Bert!" Roseluck called from her stand as the happy zombie made his way back to Sweet Apple Acres.
Bert waved his goodbye at Roseluck and continued on his way back home, humming the same tune he had heard when first emerging from the patch of soil where he had been planted.
However, not all was as calm as it seemed.
Among the bushes, a few hooves away from the happy zombie, a unicorn mare with a lyre for a cutie mark had been following him for a few streets now.
Carefully stalking her pray, making sure that nopony heard or saw her and the rather loud and clumsy earth pony that accompanied her.
Lyra grinned evilly as Bert made his way down the street.
"I swear to Celestia! One day you are going to get us in trouble with your antics Lyra!" Bon Bon grumbled from behind Lyra.
"Hey! It's my turn to choose what we do on sunday! Besides, there wasn't anything good to do at home anyway..." Lyra half turned around to meet her marefriend's eyes. "You can't complain anyway, you have the best view after all!"
Bon Bon blushed as Lyra gave her rump a little shake.
"Lyra!" she snapped at her.
"It's true though!" Lyra smiled before nudging Bon Bon playfully on the shoulder.
Bon Bon rolled her eyes and looked through the foliage.
"What are we looking for anyways?"
"That's classified information bunny bunch." Lyra produced a pair of binoculars and looked through them, searching for her prey.
"Don't call me that..." Bon Bon grumbled as she laid down beside her.
Both mares lay under the shade of the bush, Lyra expectant of what was about to happen, Bon Bon irritated and bored because of the situation and ignorance of what was going on.
As bert made his way to the Apple family's farm, he started to see more of his kind, moving through the trees, picking apples from them and placing the fruits inside baskets.
Bert waved at them and shouted his 'hello' in a series of guttural and throaty noises and sounds, the other zombies smiled and waved back.
As Bert moved through the trees, he started to notice the beautiful smell of a certain zombie he knew well.
Looking around the fields revealed the love of his afterlife.
There, leaning on a tree, looking as radiantly rotten and decayed as ever, was Milly, the beautiful girl zombie.
Should he still have a heart, it would have fluttered and beaten so hard it's possible it would have flown off his chest.
His eyes turned into green hearts with a few holes in them as he gazed upon the stunning Milly.
She noticed him after a while and waved at him, smiling widely.
Milly loved all of her zombie friends, especially the farm ones, it wasn't that she didn't like the larger, stronger and somewhat dumber, zombumpkins or that she didn't appreciate the smaller mini zombies with their energetic behavior, and she was quite fond of headless zombies and their intellectual prowess, but farm zombies just seemed to brighten her day!
Oh, yeah, and there were also the garden zombies, excellent gardeners and overall great with plants of all sorts! Best friend a gardener could have! They were pretty shy though, and had a hard time making friends.
Milly ran towards Bert, still waving and smiling.
"Grufgreth juvrethgrth!" she said in her sweetest voice.
Bert couldn't blush, but he would have done it if he could. Ya know, no blood and stuff?
"Dregrthfurgt hrevinthregfrth!" Bert replied, smiling awkwardly as the girl zombie of his dreams happily smiled at him.
They made small talk for a little while before Bert remembered he was supposed to deliver the grass seeds to Big Mac.
He said goodbye to Milly and she kissed him on the cheek, saying bye as well.
Bert then floated over to the barn, surrounded in butterflies and hearts, oblivious to the world around him. Big Mac was waiting for him outside the door, looking calm and undisturbed.
The farm zombie immediately came out of his daze and ran towards his boss, well, his boss's brother, Applebloom was the one who planted, grew and harvested him after all, she was 'The Farmer' as far as Bert was concerned.
"Bert." Big Mac said as Bert came closer.
The farm zombie smiled and handed him the grass seeds.
"Eeyup." Big mac smiled at Bert and patted him on the head, then he turned around and gave him an apple, fresh from the tree!
Bert devoured the apple with joy, for some reason the apples of the Apple family were the best in the whole of Equestria!
Big Mac smiled again and trotted over to Caramel, who was standing a few hooves away from the barn.
Bert didn't see what happened next, but he didn't need to, Big Mac was probably going to give him the dreaded, 'Nnope'.
Bert felt bad for caramel, but he couldn't do much about it, so he decided to give him an extra happy smile and hug at the end of the day to make him feel better.
Smiling at himself for his cleverness, Bert ran down the path to the Apple's house, he had a party to attend!
Entering the large wooden house, Bert quickly made his way through the guest room and the kitchen, where he stopped for a slice of apple pie.
"An what do ya think yer doin mister?" Oh noes! The Farmer's sister!
Bert panicked and swallowed the entire slice of pie, he couldn't choke on it though, no breathing!
"Ah sure hope that ain't what Ah think it is Bert." Applejack walked over to the farm zombie and looked him in the eye, scanning him for any hint of nervousness.
Bert smiled sheepishly and kicked at the floor, he wasn't going to get away of this.
"Is that apple pie? On yer mouth?" Applejack raised an eyebrow and waited for an answer.
Bert shifted uncomfortably and quickly nodded.
"Now Bert, what have Ah told ya bout sneaking in snacks before lunch? It ain't healthy, and ya cant keep on eating sweets so much after all, ya can end up like that chubby feller Pinkie keeps on stuffing with cupcakes!"
Bert giggled slightly at the mention of on of his friends, Applejack had many funny friends and they were all so nice to him! It was really cool that each one of them were farmers too!
There was Pinkie for example, she was farmer to a zombumpkin that simply loved to party! He also enjoyed her baking so much that it was a surprise he hadn't been harvested as a mini zombie!
Speaking of which, there was also that adorable friend of Applebloom's, Scootaloo she was called, a very nice filly, which wasn't a surprise considering that she came from SUCH A WEALTHY FAMILY WITH A MOM AND A DAD THAT LOVED AND CARED FOR HER WITH ALL THEIR HEARTS, she was farmer to a really energetic and competitive mini zombie.
And then there was Sweetie Belle, another very good friend of Applebloom's, she was farmer to none other than Milly herself, that girl zombie always had a love for singing, which didn't come as a surprise considering how much of a great singer Sweetie was, if she was that good at singing could you imagine how good she would be at her special talent?!
And last but not least, there was that really shy garden zombie that lived with his farmer Fluttershy on the outskirts of Ponyville, really nice zombie that one, even if it took a lot to get him to hang out.
"Ok now Bert, Applebloom is waiting fer ya, go on now, and thanks for bringing the grass seeds!" Applejack smiled at him and left, Bert waved goodbye before running up the stairs and heading into Applebloom's room.
Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo were supposed to be meeting with them in a few minutes, and they were going to bring their zombies with them, some sort of super secret crusading mission of sorts.
Bert smiled before entering the room, he loved being Applebloom's designated squire, it gave him a sense of pride to protect his farmer on their daily crusades for her cutie mark.
But enough thinking! He had some crusading to do!
