Twilight Sparkle and the Seemingly Unanswerable Question

by ChaoticHarmony

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Fluttershy, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Princess Celestia
Length: 2748

When faced with a question that has no true right answer, what will our book-loving unicorn do?

"My most faithful student," Twilight Sparkle prepared for her mentor's inevitable question, though to be honest she had no idea as to what it would be about. Well, whatever it was, the Element of Magic was completely prepared for whatever the Princess could metaphorically throw at her.

That is, until the words that formed the question made themselves known to the world.

"What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen pegasus?"

Now, with only a day to figure out the answer to her problem, what will our purple protagonist do to figure it out?

Published 2012-10-06 01:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-06 01:40:01 UTC

Questions and Answers

---- Twilight Sparkle and the Seemingly Unanswerable Question ----

---- Questions and Answers ----

Remember, there’s always more than one way to skin a cat… oh, sorry Fluttershy… let me say it differently… There’s always more than one way to come at a problem… you have to… yes, Pinkie Pie, I’m getting to it. You have to think outside the box, and sometimes inside a chimney. Happy now? All right, let them read the story then.

Twilight Sparkle, esteemed scholar of Equestria and personal pupil of the Princess of the land herself, stood before the aged-oak doors that towered above her, their inlays of gold and rubies failing to capture her attention as it had many years ago when she was just a filly. She had to fight the urge to bolt away from the entryway, her hooves trembling on the stones as she sweated her worries. “It’s all right, Twilight. She’s just going to ask one question, she said so! Just one simple question. How could that be so hard?” She contented herself to pacing worriedly before the door, the clicks of her hooves resounding through the hallway before dying out in the silence. “I wonder when she—“ The creak of the ancient wood cut off her thoughts.

“Twilight Sparkle.” Celestia’s voice seemed deafening as it blasted through the quiet that had held the passage in its embrace, sending a thrill of fear down the lavender pony’s spine.

“I-I-I’m here.” She stammered and squeaked, suddenly gripped with a terror even greater than before.

“You may enter.” The ominous, emotionless voice died out as the door slowly swung open to admit the student. As Twilight made her way into the center of the circular room whose floor was painted in the likeness of an enormous sun. The alicorn lay on a cushion a short distance away, her garb of royalty polished to a bright shine. “Now, my dearest student, I trust you have come prepared?” A fast nod from the Element of Magic brought a chuckle from the alabaster princess. “As if I really needed to ask. You are my most faithful student after all. But don’t expect this to be easy, Twilight.” She added after a proud smile found its way spreading across her student’s face, effectively wiping it away.

“O-of course, P-Princess.” Twilight winced as her voice, wobbly with fear, was consumed by the vast room. Steeling herself, the studious unicorn took a bold step forward and nodded. “I’m ready.”

“Very well, Twilight Sparkle. As you know, I have but a single question for you, my dearest student.” The regal pony let the statement hang in the air, allowing time for the lavender unicorn a chance to gulp loudly. She took in a deep breath, bringing a small start from the pony that stood in the painting that represented the sun she controlled. “What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen pegasus?”

The words seemed to echo throughout the room, growing louder and louder before fading away. “What was that, Princess?” Twilight flicked an ear with a hoof. “I don’t think I heard that corr—“

“I spoke what I meant to speak, Twilight Sparkle. The question is ‘What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen pegasus?’.”

“B-but… h-how am I supposed to answer that?”

“In whatever way you think best, my faithful student.” Celestia pointed out of the window, through which Twilight could see the small arc of the sun poking from behind the horizon. “You have until the sun reaches the other side of the sky. Good luck, Twilight.” With that, Celestia glowed with a golden light and was gone, leaving the bewildered unicorn sitting alone in an empty room, the sun’s rays slowly climbing up her legs.

These legs were now racing through the streets of Ponyville, the location of their owner’s home and friends. Other ponies called out to her but, in her manner that she had adopted when she had stayed in Canterlot, she simply ignored them. The library door shuddered as her spell smashed into its surface. “Spiiiike? Spiiiiiike? Oh, where is that dragon?!” She tossed her head angrily and walked upstairs to find her oldest friend and assistant. “Spike? Are you up here?” When she finally entered their shared room, she was greeted with the sight of a scroll on Spike’s bed.

A purple haze surrounded the parchment as it was lifted by Twilight’s horn that glowed with a similar light. Holding up the letter to her face, she read the contents aloud. “Dear Twilight… went to Rarity’s house to help her with clothes. Should be back before you get here.” She rolled her eyes, sighing for her love-struck assistant’s incomplete sentences and reasons for being absent. “Yeah, clothes. More like, ‘let’s watch Rarity and drool over her’. I suppose I can’t fault him though, she is rather pretty.”

Setting the note back down, Twilight ignited her horn and teleported downstairs to be amongst her books. “It looks like I’ll just have to find it myself!” Lifting a few volumes from their resting places, she levitated them and flipped through their pages magically before throwing them off to the side to pick up another wave of books. “No. Interesting, but still no. Oh, I didn’t know that earth poni-, wait, still no. Nope. Nada. Zilch.” Finally giving up her futile search, the unicorn tossed the leather-bound tomes of knowledge onto the floor. “Ugh, none of these have an answer! What am I going to do!?”

“Hey, watch this!” The sounds of flapping wings and rushing wind worked their way into the sanctuary of reading. “Oh, no, look out below!” Twilight only had time enough to leap aside before a certain rainbow-maned pegasus crashed through a window that had seen repair from occasions such as this many times before. “Ow, my head…” A cyan hoof connected with a bruised face as Ponyville’s premier weather pony and stuntsmare extraordinaire, Rainbow Dash, sat up from where she had crash-landed. “Heya there, Twilight.” Noticing the mess around her, she glanced up at the stunned librarian with a bashful expression. “Sorry about that, didn’t mean to get everything messed up again.”

Twilight pulled herself from her trance and waved a hoof at Rainbow’s apology. “Don’t worry, Rainbow. This wasn’t you, it was me.”

“Oh.” Dash stated simply before standing up and looking around once more at the disarray. “So… is it re-shelving day or something?”

“No, I’m just looking for an answer to a question that the Princess asked me.” Twilight proudly stated, the cyan pegasus perking up at her words.

“Oh, is there anything I can do to help out?”

“Um, no. At least, I don’t think s—“ Twilight felt as if a rather large object had just smacked into her face. “Wait! You can help me, Rainbow!”

“Is it something a totally awesome flier like me can do?” At Twilight’s nod, she brushed a hoof across her puffed-up chest. “Of course it is. So,” Rainbow began as she sat down with an expectant and confident look on her face, “What do ya need me for, Twilight? I can take whatever you throw at me.”

Twilight couldn’t help but beam as she prepared her questions. “All right, Rainbow, could you answer a question for me?” A raised eyebrow received for an answer, the lavender pony simply continued. “Well… how do I ask this…?” Steeling herself and taking a deep breath, Twilight allowed the ridiculous question to escape her mouth. “What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen pegasus?”

A few moments of silence followed her question, in which she kicked at the ground while her friend simply stared at her blankly. Without warning, Rainbow Dash burst into laughter, falling backward onto the floor. “What is it, Rainbow? Are you okay?” Twilight’s frightened tone was enough to pull the cyan pegasus out of hysterics, though she was still giggling at every other moment. “Why are you laughing? This is serious!”

“Yeah… serious… Twilight, you know that every pegasus flies different speeds right? I might not be an egghead but I know velocity means how fast you fly, and for me that means pretty fast!” She crouched down low before falling back into laughter once more. “Y-y-you’d have t-to go to all the p-pegasi in Equestria-a-a, ahahaha.” Unbeknownst to either pony in the room, golden threads of magic worked their way into the room through the walls and slowly headed towards the more-athletic of the two. “Man, I don’t know that. Twilight, I think that the Princess i- woah!” Whatever Rainbow was going to say was cut off as the bright light wrapped around her, picking the pegasus up and throwing her out of the window. “Look out beloooow!”

Another crash, this one alarmingly far away, filled the world with its sound. Twilight shook her head once, twice, and thrice before finally eluding the grasp of dumb shock. “W-w-what?” The door to the library was smashed open as another pony bolted into the room, looking around with a wild expression on her face. “Pinkie Pi—“

“Twilight, quick, there’s no time! Did somepony get grabbed with something and thrown halfway across Ponyville?”

“Uh, yeah, you just missed that happening to Rainb- Wait, how did you know that?”

Pinkie Pie merely rolled her eyes and sighed with the air of impatience. “Well duh, I just used my Pinkie Sense. At first I had a pinchy knee, and then a wobbly ear, and then a crick in my neck and the—“

“I get it, Pinkie Sense.” Twilight sighed and pointed to the broken window. “She went that way.”

The party pony reared back and galloped out of the room. “Hang on, Dashie! I’m coming!”

Looking out of the now-cracked door, Twilight shook her head confusedly before repairing the damage with a blast of magic. “What in Equestria is going on today? Oh well, I’ve got to find out that answer already!” A glint of gold caught her eye, prompting her to turn toward the window and experience a shock that felt as if somepony had dumped a bucket of water onto her head. “Where did the sun go?!” She was sure that it had only been a few minutes or so since she had begun her search but as she galloped to the other side of the room she could do nothing but watch as the sun, almost imperceptibly, crawled towards the horizon. “Oh no, oh no, oh no! What am I going to do!? The day is almost over and I’m nowhere close to getting the answer!” She stamped a hoof on the ground in frustration.

As she brought up her hoof again, a soft knock at the door made her pause. Through the door’s window, Twilight could see a pink mane that curled ever-so-slightly. The knock came again, followed by a soft fluttering of wind that Twilight recognized as Fluttershy’s voice. “Um, Twilight, I was coming by to see if you were okay. You were… um… pretty loud.” She heard the sound of hooves click on the cobblestones, getting softer and softer as the shy pegasus’ mane moved away from the library, no doubt a product of her backing away. “Oh, okay then, that’s fine. I’ll come back lat— eep!”

“Hi, Fluttershy!” Twilight felt her ear twitch slightly but could do nothing to stop it, as intent on her prey as she was. “Wanna help me with something?” After staring at the terrified Element of Kindness, Twilight glanced back at the sun and then back to the pegasus. “Please, Fluttershy? Clock is ticking!”

“Oh, I don’t know, Twilight…”

“Please?”

“But—“ After looking at Twilight’s distraught and slightly crazed face, Fluttershy acquiesced with a sigh. “Oh, I suppose I could help you. At least, if it isn’t too much…” Something in the pony’s voice suggested that she wished for the latter.

“Oh thank you, Fluttershy! I just need you to help me with a question that I was asked to solve.” Twilight gestured for the mare to sit down next to her. “All right, are you ready?”

Fluttershy assumed the stance of one at complete attention, a determined and confident expression on her face. “Ready.”

“All right, Fluttershy… I’m going to ask you the question now.” Twilight took in a deep breath and looked around them for any sign of the golden light. When she was satisfied with her search, she turned back to the confused pegasus and looked her in the eye. “What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen pegasus?”

A flash of shock seemed to pass over Fluttershy’s face before making way for her usual, frightful expression. Her face seemed to glow brightly but Twilight only assumed that it was the either the sun or the youth of Fluttershy that brought the shine. “Um… who did you say asked you that question again, Twilight?” Fluttershy backed away slightly, suddenly fearful of her friend and her question. “Because, I don’t know that one… I’m sorry I couldn’t he- eep!” Her words turned into one long squeak as she was flung, in a fashion similar to Rainbow Dash, into the air. She watched as the falling pony’s outline was followed by the sun, eventually falling below the horizon.

She felt a sense of despair grip her body as the yellow magic wrapped around her, bringing with it the familiar feeling of a teleportation spell. “Twilight Sparkle, it is time for you to answer the question.” Celestia’s voice, stern and commanding, filled her mind as she shook off the last disorientation that came from the spell. “Your time is up. Speak now or fail.”

Panic gripped her mind as she trotted in place, looking back and forth in the dark room for some sort of inspiration or hint. None came, leaving her to look like a failure before her teacher’s eyes. Dropping her head to stare at the floor, Twilight suppressed a sob before giving her answer. “I… I don’t know, Princess…”

“Well, I suppose I will ask my sister.” Walking over to a closed door, Celestia knocked on it with a hoof. “Luna, would you please enter my chambers?” After a few moments, the door swung open to admit the regal Regent of the Night. “Ah, here you are, dear sister.”

“Yes, we ar- I mean, I am here, sister. What do you require of… me?”

“I only require that you answer a simple question that my pupil has failed to.” Twilight felt her cheeks burn at the remark, the heat building to the point of nearly being a sun itself.

“Well, sister, please divulge the problem, and we… er… I… would be happy to, as they say, try my hoof at it.”

Celestia stood up and returned to the small cushion that covered the ground before Twilight, gesturing for her sister to sit next to the purple unicorn in the middle of the sun. “Very well, are you ready, sister?”

“I am always ready.” Luna flared her wings and smiled with a winning confidence so reminiscent of Rainbow Dash before returning to her formal stance. “Ask away.”

Celestia nodded and took a deep breath. “What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen pegasus?”

Without skipping a beat, Luna’s eyebrow raised as she replied. “Whatever do you mean, sister? Is it a pegasus from Canterlot or one who originates from Cloudsdale?” Twilight gasped aloud as the two sisters stared at each other for what seemed like eternity. Suddenly Celestia’s face melted into a beaming smile as she nodded.

“Correct.”

“Huzzah! We have gotten this question correct! We are most pl- er… I mean, I am most pleased with this!” Twilight watched as the usually regal princess began dancing in place as she celebrated.

The purple pony looked back and forth between the two sisters, her mind working to comprehend exactly what had just happened. “Um… that’s it? That’s the answer?” Her mentor simply nodded in reply. Something deep down in Twilight snapped, bringing out a side of her that was better left undiscovered. “Oh, you have got to be bucking kidding m—”

“And that, everypony, was how Equestria was made!” Pinkie Pie finished her story with a flourishing of hooves, descending into a mad giggling as the rest of her friends simply stared at her with bewildered expressions upon their faces.

Rainbow Dash simply snorted and grabbed another hoof’s worth of popcorn, tossing it into her mouth as the pink pony rolled around on the floor. “Pinkie Pie, you are so random.”