The next day, the Element Bearers and Spike have never been so ready to learn about a new SCP. As they wait for the orientation to start, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Spike munch on some popcorn, while Rarity sips some water. Twilight prepares her notebook and quill and settles down in her seat, eager and giddy about the next file.

Aris appears on the hologram projector and faces the group with; a small smile present on his avatar’s face. “Now, as I have stated yesterday, anomalies come in all shapes and sizes. They can be either animate or inanimate. The SCP we will be covering today will help you understand that.”

“You mean the Coffee Machine, Two-Nine-Four?” asks Pinkie.

“Yes. Found in the USA.”

“The USA?” asks Rainbow Dash, tossing a hoof full of popcorn into the air and catching it with her mouth.

“The United States of America. One of the four largest countries on Earth,” replies Aris as he displays a map of the planet Earth. This garners a lot of “oohs” and “awws” from the group, especially Twilight, who begins to scribble down the map in her notebook. “There are 195 nations around the world’s seven continents; Africa, Europe, North America, South America, Australia, and Asia.”

“Wow, that’s a lot of countries!” says Pinkie.

“Equis has many countries as well, but I doubt it’s as many as Earth.” says Twilight, thinking about the nations aside from Equestria; Saddle Arabia, Stalliongrad, the Dragon Lands, and Mexicolt.

Item #: SCP-294

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: There are no standard special containment procedures on file for Item SCP-294.

“No procedures required? But isn’t 294 a Euclid class?” Fluttershy asks.

“Fluttershy’s right. If this SCP was given this kind of classification, why is it not in containment?” asks Spike, reaching over to grab a clawful of popcorn.

“Well, during the early years of the SCP Foundation, the three containment classifications were only about, as you can guess, containment,” Aris answers. “But as time went on, the classifications also accounted for our knowledge of the anomaly and how it works.”

“Hmm…” Twilight scratched her chin. “So what that means, if 294 doesn't require containment, but is in the Euclid class, that means the foundation hasn't figured out its properties then right?”

“That is correct Ms. Sparkle.” Aris nodded with a slight smile.

However, only personnel of security clearance level 2 or higher are allowed to interact with it (see document SCP-294a). SCP-294 is currently being stored in the 2nd floor personnel break room and is monitored by two guards of security clearance level 3 at all times.

“If Ah remember correctly, didn’ you say there are six security clearance levels for SCP personnel?” asks Applejack.

“You are correct, Ms. Applejack,” Aris replies. “This has been implemented so that in the case of a containment breach, no untrustworthy person can make off with a dangerous anomaly.”

“And how exactly does this work?” Twilight asks, curious about the system used.

“For instance, there are certain anomalies and information that is barred from lower level staff. Level 1 is given to those who do not require direct access to anomalies. Level 2 is mostly given to researchers who require direct access to some of the anomalies.” As Aris gives his explanation, Twilight is scribbling down the levels in her book. “Level 3 is for senior security and researchers that require more data available to them than their lower-level researchers. Level 4 is one of the highest levels, typically only given to Site Directors, administrators, and Mobile Task Force commanders.”

“Is that all the clearance levels?” Asked Twilight, looking up from her notebook.

“Well, there is one more. Level 5. For as much as you need to know, this clearance level is only granted to the higher-ups of the Foundation and their select staff.” Aris responded cryptically. Twilight narrows her eyes, not liking the shallow response, but decides not to push it.

Description: SCP-294 appears to be a standard coffee vending machine, the only noticeable difference being an entry touchpad with buttons corresponding to an English QWERTY keyboard. Upon depositing fifty cents US currency into the coin slot, the user is prompted to enter the name of any liquid using the touchpad.

“Any kind of liquid?” Fluttershy asks with wonder.

“So if I requested something like wine from Prance or rainbow liquid, SCP-294 would give me that?” Rarity asks Aris, who nods at her.

Upon doing so, a standard 12-ounce paper drinking cup is placed and the liquid indicated is poured. Ninety-seven initial test runs were performed (including requests for water, coffee, beer, and soda, non-consumable liquids such as sulfuric acid, wiper fluid, and motor oil, as well as substances that do not usually exist in liquid state, such as nitrogen, iron and glass) and each one returned a success.

The girls are amazed by this, with some having stars in their eyes. Right now, Pinkie Pie is dreaming of all the milkshakes she could have if she got her hooves on SCP-294. Twilight imagines using 294 to acquire any liquid she would need for her experiments, even dangerous ones. For Applejack, this SCP could help with creating apple juice and applesauce to save time on the farm, Rainbow Dash thinks about all of the possible pranks she could pull with the help of this anomaly. And finally, Spike dreams about the taste of liquid gems.

Test runs with solid materials such as diamond have failed, however, as it appears that SCP-294 can only deliver substances that can exist in liquid state.

Spike gives a light whine at this.

It is of note that after approximately fifty uses, the machine would not respond to further requests. After a period of approximately 90 minutes, the machine seemed to have restocked itself.

“Why would it not respond to no more than fifty requests?” asks Rainbow Dash.

“Must be some kind of fail-safe to prevent anypony… anyone, from overusing the SCP.” Applejack replies, with Rainbow Dash nodding in response.

It is also interesting to note that many caustic liquids that would have eaten through a normal paper cup seemed to have no effect on the cups dispensed by the machine.

“So if we ask for a cup of lava, nothing will happen to the cup?” asks Spike.

Aris nods at this. “Correct. Not even Earth’s strongest acids have been able to damage them, especially when immersed.”

“Woooow.” Rainbow Dash coos, causing the AI to look at her. “So if those cups are made out of paper, and are indestructible, then imagine the flight suit that could be made out of them!”

Dash threw her hooves in the air, captured by her own extensive imagination. The others including Aris give her a raised eyebrow. Seeing the confused look on all her friend’s face, she began to elaborate.

“Like, if those cups can stop lava, then imagine a bunch of pegasi wearing flight suits made out of that material! We could have races inside an active volcano! Imagine how cool that would be!” Rainbow has the largest smile on her face, fantasizing about her statement.

A look around the room, Aris can see Applejack face-hoofing, Pinkie, Spike, and Fluttershy are giggling to themselves, but Rarity and Twilight both seem to give it a serious thought.

“Actually, such an invulnerable suit like that could be beneficial for first responders and rescue workers.” Twilight elaborates, taking the thought more seriously.

“I think I could design one myself to be both functional, and fashionable.” Rarity smiled as she fluttered her eyelashes.

“I believe it would be best if we just continued for now.” Aris interrupts, grabbing all of their attention before continuing the file.

Testing is ongoing. As suggested, SCP-294 was moved to the 2nd floor personnel break room as a money-saving venture. Following incident 294-01, guards were stationed at the item and a security clearance became necessary to interact with it.

Document SCP-294a (regarding Incident 294-01): On August 21, 2005, Agent Joseph ██████ attempted to use SCP-294 to obtain coffee during his allotted break time at 9:30 AM. At the request of Agent █████ █████████ "to see what it would do", ██████ requested "a cup of Joe" from the item.

“I don’t like where this is going.” says Rarity quietly as Twilight, Fluttershy, and Applejack nod in agreement while they listen to the audio.

Moments after confirming the selection, Agent Joseph ██████ began to sweat profusely and complained of dizziness before collapsing. After moving the unconscious agent to the infirmary, the medical team recovered the contents of the cup dispensed by SCP-294: a combination of blood, tissue, and other bodily fluids. Testing revealed the DNA sequence of the biological material dispensed by SCP-294 matched that of Agent ██████.

“Oh! So SCP-294 doesn’t create its liquids, it siphons them from a nearby source.” says Twilight, earning an affirmative nod and smile from the red AI.

Agent ██████ made a complete recovery after four weeks of rest and intravenous hydration. X-rays and CAT scans showed no further signs of injury, and ██████ was released. Both agents were reprimanded. Additional security measures for SCP-294 have been recommended.

“Now onto the tests.” says Aris.

Addendum [SCP-294f]: After reviewing documentation on SCP-294, ███████████ suggested testing SCP-294's ability to 'retrieve' specific liquids from a distance.

Addendum [SCP-294h]: With the overseeing of O5-[DATA EXPUNGED] "a cup of SCP-075's secretion" was used as input.

“SCP-075?” Fluttershy asks Aris.

“An anomalous snail that secretes a corrosive slime.” says Aris

The product was proven to be the requested liquid and the cup was able to successfully contain the material. However, the report for incident 075-07 was acknowledged 2 hours after the test (See Addendum [SCP-075m]). A containment procedure breach had occurred exactly the same time this test was taking place, waking SCP-075 to its active stage. It was able to secrete an amount of basic solution equal to the capacity of a coffee cup before emergency containment procedure was applied and it was rendered passive. The liquid was not found in the post-incident investigation.

Addendum [SCP-294i]: Researcher punched in request for "cup of gold". The machine dispensed a cup of molten gold. Researcher requested similar precious materials with the same result.

Addendum [SCP-294j]: Researcher punched in (from a safe range) request for "cup of anti-water". The machine hummed briefly, then displayed "OUT OF RANGE" on entry pad. It is theorized that SCP-294 has a limited range of collection, and cannot reach into alternate universes/dimensions.

“WHAT?!?!” Spike and all of the girls except Twilight scream in shock, the lavender mare looking up from her notebook.

“Well, There are numerous anomalies known to the Foundation that are of extradimensional origin,” says Aris, remembering multiple SCPs like the Red Sea Object.

Addendum [SCP-294k]: Researcher punched in request for "diamond". SCP-294 briefly hummed, then displayed "OUT OF RANGE" on entry pad. SCP-294 gives this result for all solid substances. As diamond is a solid crystalline form of carbon, it appears the machine will not dispense liquid carbon, as this does not result in a "diamond". When "cup of carbon" was subsequently punched in, the machine dispensed a cup of liquid carbon. SCP-294 was immune to the damaging effects of the dispensed liquid.

‘That does sound obvious,’ Twilight comments in her head. ‘Diamond doesn’t exist as a liquid, so if somepony tried to melt it, it’d just turn back into carbon.’

Addendum [SCP-294m]: Testing for range of SCP-294's capacity for retrieval has been initiated. A unique compound has been formulated, composed of undisclosed ratios of ███████ brand bleach, █████ ██ ███ █ brand cola, MET-RX powder, and Garam masala.

“What’s Garam Masala?” asks Applejack.

“It’s a type of seasoning. Translated to English, it means ‘Hot or warm spice’.” says Aris.

The fluid was created and placed in a sealed container 25 meters away from SCP 294. When requested, the fluid was dispensed. An equal amount of the mixture was no longer present in its original container.

Addendum [SCP-294o-01]: Researcher ███ ██████, under observation of Level 4 personnel, keyed in a request of "the best drink I've ever had". SCP-294 dispensed a fluid similar in appearance to cola. The researcher identified it as a mixed drink he recalls having at a bar during his bachelor party, and was convinced it was "the best drink". ██████ did not know what ingredients were in the drink besides rum and cola. Further tests are scheduled to ascertain how SCP-294 gathers information.

“Maybe it’s telepathic?” Fluttershy suggests, with Rarity nodding in agreement.

Addendum [SCP-294o-01a]: Under the same conditions, Agent ████████ "the best drink I've ever had". SCP-294 delivered a dark fluid topped with white foam which was later identified as Vienna lager. The cup was printed with a color picture of five (5) men and two (2) women drinking beer on the beach; ████████ was one of them. In his briefing, Agent ████████ confirmed that his favorite drink ever was a Vienna lager he consumed at the beach with his friends. It has now been confirmed that SCP-294 has the ability to directly gather information from someone's mind in order to comply with the given conditions.

“Well Flutters, it looks like you were correct.” says Applejack. Fluttershy smiles and blushes lightly at the compliment.

“Hey, Aris!” says Pinkie Pie, catching Aris’s attention. “Could you create the best drink I’ve ever had?”

Aris shakes his head. “What? Why not?” Pinkie asks.

“I don’t know what drink you’d consider the best you’ve ever had. I’m not a telepath,” says Aris. Pinkie pouts at this.

Addendum [SCP-294q-01]: Subject keyed "the perfect drink."

‘I’d so want to try that.’ thinks Pinkie.

The machine dispensed a cup containing an odorless lavender liquid. After drinking the liquid, subject appeared to go into shock. Subject later committed suicide, leaving a note which read "I'm sorry, but at this point everything's just one big letdown."

Pinkie pales at that. It was a drink so perfect, it caused everything else around the human to feel like a big disappointment, so much so that he killed himself. She banishes her desire of that drink into the back of her mind as the recording continues.

Requesting such a drink again is highly discouraged. None of the components of the drink have yet been identified.

Addendum [SCP-294t-01]: Subject keyed in "something Cassy will like".

“Who’s Cassy?” asks Spike.

“An animate sketch of a human female designated SCP-085.” Aris answers.

The device was heard to hum for about three seconds, before dispensing an empty cup. Printed on the side of the cup was an image of a traditional soda fountain glass, filled with something brown, and topped with whipped cream. Upon introduction to SCP-085, it was identified by her as a chocolate banana milkshake and judged 'delicious'.

“Now we’re getting into the more interesting experiments.” says Aris.

Addendum [SCP-294w]: Researcher keyed in request for "a cup of music".

“How would that even work?” Applejack asks, though Rarity and Twilight are deeply interested.

SCP-294 produced a clear, sparkling fluid that tasted vaguely alcoholic. Following ingestion, subject reported "feeling" and not hearing, a continuous rhythm, and demonstrated the ability to move and even dance with a certain fluidity that he had not previously shown.

“That would be amazing!” says Twilight.

Testing on other abstract concepts is continuing.

Addendum [SCP-294ab]: During a mass security breach, Agent ██████ requested "a cup of pertinent medical knowledge" while taking shelter inside the second floor break room. Of the four agents in the room, Agent ██████ was the only one who was not injured. SCP-294 poured a cup of clear green liquid. Following the ingestion of this substance, Agent ██████ began mending the other agents' wounds in a manner consistent with Foundation medical training. Agent ██████ no longer has the medical training that the liquid provided and other attempts to recreate the effect have failed. The agent has speculated that this event was an emergency measure taken by the object to ensure self-preservation.

Addendum [SCP-294ac]: Dr.████████ requested "my life story" from SCP-294; SCP-294 made humming noises and shook violently for approximately 3 minutes before providing a highly viscous, opaque black liquid.

Rarity gags at that while Pinkie cringes in disgust.

Upon consumption, Dr.████████ reported that he remembered everything that had ever happened to him. Following this test, Dr.████████ entered his office and returned 48 hours later with a 538-page autobiography.

Twilight is impressed by the results. If she ever gains access to SCP-294, she would punch in the same request for her life story.

Addendum [SCP-294ad]: Researcher produced request consisting solely of the phrase "surprise me". Device produced an opaque cup containing normal water, later determined to have been heated to approximately 200 degrees Celsius. Upon receiving vibration from transport, the contents of the cup turned into steam, violently spraying boiling water in a 2-meter radius.

Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash laugh at the fact that the anomalous coffee machine has a sense of humor.

Addendum [SCP-294af]: Researcher produced request for "Blood of Christ". SCP-294 vibrated and produced the message "Hic est enim Calix Sánguinis mei", then produced a paper drinking cup containing approximately 0.12 liters of red grape wine.

“…What?” Rarity raises an eyebrow at that.

“I’ll explain that later.” says Aris.

Addendum [SCP-294ag]: Researcher produced requests for "cup of Smilodon blood", "cup of passenger pigeon blood", and "cup of Thomas Jefferson's blood", and received three "OUT OF RANGE" errors.

“Ew! Why would they request for blood?” asks Rainbow Dash.

“Well, a Smilodon is a prehistoric animal mostly known as the saber-toothed tiger, while Passenger Pigeons are a subspecies of pigeons that went extinct 110 years ago. As for Thomas Jefferson, he was the third president of the US.” Aris explains.

Addendum [SCP-294ah]: A D-class personnel with IQ of 99 and low curiosity scores was given written instructions about what to request.

“Hey Aris, ya still haven’t told us what D-class are.” Applejack speaks up, causing the red A.I. to pause the video.

“D-Class personnel are expendable personnel used to handle hazardous anomalies, and as test subjects in more dangerous experiments which could lead to serious injury, death, or worse. Members consist of criminals incorporated from countless prisons, especially on death row.” Aris replied, and for once the entire room went silent, not a single peep was heard as the look of shock and disbelief formed on the faces of mares and dragon.

“Y…You use people as unwilling guinea pigs?” Twilight asks.

“Guinea pigs? No, they’re humans.” says Pinkie.

Aris frowns at the mare, who is clearly missing the point. He pinches the bridge of his “nose”, not even entertaining the party pony with a response before looking at Twilight.

“In most cases, yes we do. Though as stated, we gather our D-classes from those on death row. So these humans are far from innocent civilians. Some of them or rapists, murders. Those who are to be put to death, and use them for better understanding the contained anomalies.” Aris tried his best for her to understand, but Twilight and most of the others still wore frowns, except for Dash who surprisingly understands.

“I get it.” Rainbow spoke with a nod. “If they’re going to die, why not have them do something useful?”

Most of Rainbow’s friends give her a weird look, especially Twilight who just looks at the pegasus in shock. Aris nods to her response, glad to see at least one of them gets it. He snaps his fingers and continues the video, though he feels this will not be the end of this conversation.

The D-class personnel produced a request for 'blood of canis lupus' and received a cup of liquid subsequently identified as wolf blood. The D-class personnel next produced a request for 'saliva of equus ferus caballus' and received a cup of liquid subsequently identified as horse saliva. The D-class personnel next produced a request for "urine of phascolarctos cinereus' and received a cup of liquid subsequently identified as koala urine.

Rarity’s face turns green at this. Why would these humans request such disgusting fluids?

The D-class personnel next produced a request for "cerebrospinal fluid of phoberomys pattersoni" and received a cup of liquid currently undergoing analysis. It is to be noted that Phoberomys pattersoni went extinct during the late Miocene epoch, approximately 8 million years ago.

“Does that mean these…Phoberomees patersonees…aren’t really extinct?” Asks Pinkie Pie, earning a shrug from the red AI.

“It’s possible,” the red AI replies.

Addendum [SCP-294ai]: Dr. King produced request for "a cup of room-temperature superconductor", and received a cup of apple juice with seeds floating in it.

Addendum [SCP-294aj]: Dr. Menchu produced request for "cup of D-151839's leukemia", and received a cup of fluid;

“What’s leukemia?” asks Spike.

“It’s a type of cancer; a group of diseases that occur when cells in the human body grow and spread uncontrollably, sometimes causing death,” Aris explains. “Leukemia exclusively affects blood and bone marrow by causing the latter to produce white blood cells that are incapable of fighting infections.”

“That’s horrible,” says Fluttershy.

“Indeed. At least one-fifth of the human population will develop cancer in their lives.”

the fluid was microscopically examined and found to contain leukemic blast cells, which were a genetic match to D-151839. A second request for "cup of D-151839's leukemia" resulted in an "OUT OF RANGE" error. D-151839 was subsequently found to be free of leukemia; however, within 15 days, the leukemia had recurred.

[ Other SCP-294 experiments are currently awaiting approval. ]

Everyone looked shocked at that before the film ended. SCP 294 had drained the D-class of his leukemia, but it didn’t cure him.

“Why isn’t this SCP available to the public?” asks Rainbow Dash. “I mean, I know it has to be kept secret, but it sounds like this thing could help save a lot of lives, especially these cancer patients.”

The girls and Spike nod their heads in agreement as they look at Aris, except Pinkie, who says, “Well it’s kinda obvious. If SCP-294 were available for public use, ponies…people…would just use it for personal gain.”

Everyone in the room turns their heads to look at Pinkie Pie, who looks back at them with a smile. “Just saying.”

Aris smiles, impressed by the pink mare’s perception and foresight. People would abuse SCP 294 for their own selfish motives, and that would be unacceptable. He should make note of that. The ponies and Spike leave the room after thanking the red AI for the session, who bids them good afternoon, before disappearing back into the machine.

Upon entering the terminal’s digital realm, Aris begins looking through his data. He still hasn’t figured out the identity of the pony who he was supposed to be sent to, but he does know they’re a member of Equestrian society. The red AI knows it will be some time until his order data is repaired. So in the meantime, he’ll just have to stick with these ponies; they’ve proven trustworthy… For now at least.

Author's Note

Hey everybody!!! Sorry it took me so long to finish this chapter. Anyway, that was SCP-294, by Arcibi. I couldn’t have completed this without the help of my co-author, k00l.

So, the next SCP I want to do will be Christmas-related since it’s still the month of December, and I’ve narrowed it down to two Keter-class candidates: SCP-2536 (The Gift That Keeps On Giving) and SCP-4666 (The Yule Man). 2536 is one of the underrated Christmas SCPs, and it best represents the holiday spirit in my opinion; the meaning of giving and being with your loved ones… Well, maybe not the latter, but you get the point. 4666 is a nightmarish form of Santa Claus mixed with Krampus and would keep up with this story’s Gore tag. I feel torn between writing one or both.

Before I conclude this AN, I need to ask a favor from everyone. My co-author, k00l; he and I have been working on his fic “Halo: Contact Equis” for almost 2 years now. We’ve put a lot of hard work into writing that story (especially the latest chapter), yet I’ve rarely seen any of his fics get featured compared to mine. Please go check out Contact Equis and his other stories if you haven’t. I’m sure he would very much appreciate it if you did, and I would too if you left a comment.

Anyway, I wish you all a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyful Kwanzaa, Freaky Festivus, and all other winter holidays you may celebrate. I shall you next time…