The Hooze Whose Hooze Case
Author's Note
This is apart of Ciderfest's Celebration of Writers this year and is being released alongside a few other stories written by me and edited by: https://www.fimfiction.net/user/27861/Nyronus
In order to give a preview of the convention stories to be presented a couple of weeks in advance.
Who Done It?
“What is a Hooze?” Twilight demanded of Cheese Sandwich.
“It’s a hooze and I need to find a hooze who knows the right hooze.” Cheese Sandwich replied with authority and vigor.
Caramel dropped in besides Twilight and looked at her a bit stunned. “Oh hi, don’t mind me, what’s this about a hooze?”
“Cheese Sandwich is insisting that hooze is something he can’t describe to me and that they exist.” Twilight replied as she tossed another book aside onto the pile of all the other books she had search through and found nothing related to a hooze.
“Not just any hooze, a hooze whose knows a very specific hooze. It’s a real case of a hooze whose hooze.” Cheese Sandwich replied with a flourish of his cowpony hat.
“There is no such thing as a hooze.”
“Twilight, might I point out that Discord brought something called a smooze to the Grand Galloping Gala, by my logic we can be very lazy with names, who is to say that there is no such thing as a hooze?” Caramel pointed out as she picked up another book and started to flip through it.
“I have searched every single book in my library and every single surviving book from the Golden Oak Library as well as half the books in Star Swirled the Bearded Library as well as even called Sunburst to look through his library. Not a single book in existence mentions a hooze.”
Cheese Sandwich leaned forward and closed the book Twilight was looking through. He was defying gravity as he used just his foreleg to close the book while hovering the rest of his body in air. “And you said that you couldn’t find friendship in a library and it didn’t matter once. Now it is everything you are about, is it not, Princess of Friendship?” Cheese Sandwich replied as he levitated back to the ground seamlessly.
“So why exactly do you need to find this hooze?”
“Because this hooze knows where Boneless is and I can’t possibly continue to be a super party pony without Boneless. Imagine the shame!” He covered his face mockingly and over dramatically. “The horror.” Cheese Sandwich switched to chewing at his forehooves and biting off the nails of the edges of his frogs. “The sadness.”
Somewhere, somehow, soft slow violin music began to play. Drawing in and playing “My Heart Bleeds for You” slow and somberly as Cheese Sandwich blew his nose dramatically into a handkerchief and tried to dry tears from his eyes.
“Pinkie Pie would be absolutely devastated if her husband couldn’t be a super party pony anymore.” Cheese Sandwich got on his knees and dragged himself across to Twilight with his forehoofs in a position of prayer or pleading as he dragged himself over. “Oh please please please, help me find the hooze whose hooze about my Boneless?”
Caramel pointed at him with both of her hooves exaggeratedly. “Come on now, surely you can agree as the Princess of Friendship and help Cheese Sandwich restore his life by finding his friend Boneless from the hooze?”
Twilight groaned and rolled her eyes, “Very well, I will help you look for this hooze, whatever it is but how can I possibly go looking for something I have no idea what it looks like, sounds like, smells like, or for that matter have any idea where to start?”
Cheese Sandwich suddenly found himself a monocle, detective's beret, and a magnifying glass which he uselessly looked at through the monocle. “It is a real mystery and you’ve arrived just in time to start solving it.”
He suddenly snapped to Caramel and leaned in close, “Where were you on Tuesday night about dinner time?”
Caramel looked taken aback, considering that she had been on his side the entire time. “Hey, what are you talking about?”
“You’re one of the hooze I don’t know about, so where were you on Tuesday night about dinner time?”
“Umm… eating dinner?”
“A likely story!” Cheese paced back and forth, suddenly finding a directional lamp to shine directly onto Caramel’s face. “What did you have for dinner?”
“Fishstick and mashed potatoes, is the light really necessary.”
“Yes, it is.” Cheese thought about it and turned to Caramel. “Can I have a fishstick?”
“Sure.” Caramel reached into pocket and pulled out a fishstick. “I kept one in my pocket for some reason, Barely suggested I might need it.”
Cheese picked up the fishstick from her hoof and examined it. He put it over a campfire that seemed to come out of nowhere and grilled it for a bit. Then pulled it back, smelled the fishstick, tasted it, and looked upon it. “Ah Ha! I have come to a conclusion!”
Twilight raised an eyebrow and facehoofed immediately as she looked at Cheese, “What could you possibly concluded from a fishstick.”
“That this is in fact an imitation fishstick and not a real fishstick and that Caramel was is indeed NOT the hooze whose knows the hooze I seek!” He exclaimed with an absolute certainty in his voice.
“Why would Caramel, a pony, be a hooze?”
“A hooze isn’t just a pony, it can be a griffon, a dragon, a hippogriff; those are the really sneaky hooze, a kirin, a yak, a nirik, yes I know one is one side of the coin as the other but still they are different in ways that you would find very subtle. A hooze can even be a draconequus!” He exclaimed again as he headed towards the door. “Fear not, Boneless. Detective Sandwich Pie is on the case!”
Twilight groaned out, “You mean a hooze is the creature you are looking for? That is called a suspect, you are looking for a suspect who could have taken Boneless.”
“A rubber-chicky napper! That is what I am seeking and I won’t stop until I find the right rubber-chicky napper!” Cheese shouted as he immediately tripped over something. There was a squeak of rubber and bird as he tripped in the middle of the walkway. He managed to faceplant himself into the ground all the way up to the neck.
Caramel walked over and started pulling to get him out. “Come on, I got you.” She called out. “One, Two, Three!” With a yank, Cheese Sandwich was pulled out the ground and Twilight rolled her eyes before laughing at something that she wasn’t quite voicing.
“What's so funny?” Cheese Sandwich asked, shaking all the dirt and grime from his head and face.
Twilight held up Boneless in her telekinesis powers keeping him aloft so they could see him. “Ya know that is the first time I’ve seen a Cheese Sandwich planted like an apple tree and then plucked like a carrot. I had no idea that our new friend here could possibly harvest whole cheese sandwiches.”
“You’re the Hooze whose Hooze and Rubber-Chicky Napped Boneless! How dare you? You’ve misled me the entire time! Give him back.”
Twilight sighed, “No silly, you dropped him outside while you were waiting to see me and tripped over him as you walked back out of the castle door. Now come on, let’s get you cleaned up and maybe I can get one of the royal chefs to make us a proper real cheese sandwich before you go?”
“So the case of the Hooze Whose Hooze a Rubber-Chicky Napper was solved by the one and only, Detective Sandwich-Pie!”
