Pony Pony Yay Pony Neigh Cake Maud Pony Funny
It was a sunny day in Ponyville - flowing through the windows and bathing Sugarcube Corner in light. Standing just in front of the counter, rubbing her chin, was Lyra: “Well, which cake would you recommend?” She stared at all the delicious treats behind the counter - who could decide between such temptations? - then to the pony behind it. Maud Pie.
Maud stared at the pony for a bit, then blinked. “I don't know much about cakes. I don't work here.” Monotone. Blunt.
“Right, well-” Lyra stopped herself. Shook her head, tried to rattle out some idea in her brain. “I- Uh, well… You- You don't work here? Why are you behind the counter?”
“Normally my sister works here. Pinkie Pie. Maybe you've heard of her.” Lyra nodded as Maud continued, “She's very sick today. I offered to come to the bakery and cover for her.”
“Being sick hasn't stopped her before, you know.” Lyra avoided looking directly at Maud, instead looking off to the ground and running a hoof through her light blue mane.
“She's very sick.” Maud didn't hesitate.
Lyra looked back to Maud. Then to the food. “So you- You can sell me the cakes?”
“Yes. I can sell you the cakes. I can't bake any, though. The last time I tried to bake a cake, it didn't taste very good. Isn't that right, Boulder?” It was only now that Lyra noticed a rock on the counter. “It tasted so bad, Boulder wouldn't even eat any. Then again, Boulder doesn't eat much in the first place. He’s never very hungry.” Maud stared at Boulder.
“The rock?” Lyra pointed at the rock on the counter.
“Not just any rock. Boulder is my rock.” If Maud managed to crack a smile, or put some affection into her speech, Lyra might have found this quite sweet. As it was, she did not.
“Right.” Lyra looked towards the door. Considered it. How much did she really need that cake? Sugarcube Corner was clearly having… a strange day. But, Celestia, have you ever seen such a tasty looking cherry tart? Deep breaths, now. “How much is the cherry tart?”
Maud looked through the selection of pastries on offer: Delicious looking cupcakes, tarts, cinnamon buns, chocolate swirls, croissants, muffins… even some savoury pastries and breads. She went to check the price, but found herself lost within the selection. “Sorry, which one is the cherry tart?”
“The, uh…” Lyra planted her face in her hoof. “The one with cherries.”
“Oh. That makes sense.” Maud grabbed a note from behind the counter. “It says it's two bits.”
“Two bits. You do know how to count them, right?” Lyra chuckled to herself as she got out her money.
“Yes. I learnt how to count when I was a filly.”
“That was a joke.” Lyra placed her bits on the counter.
“Oh. Well it wasn't very funny.” Maud grabbed the cherry tart. Tried to at least. “Which one did you say the cherry tart was again?”
Lyra sighed. “The one with the cherries.”
“Oh. Yeah.” Maud grabbed a cherry tart and placed it on the counter. “I hope you enjoy.”
“Thanks.” Lyra took the tart, and walked off. As she cantered out the door, she took one last look at Maud and shook her head.
“What a weird customer, right Boulder?” Maud, too, shook her head.
As Apple Bloom walked through the door, the bell rang. She cantered over to the tasty treats on sale. “Hey, Pinkie P-” Apple Bloom re-examined the pony behind the counter. “Hey, you ain’t Pinkie! Ain’t you her sister?”
“No, I’m Maud. Wait -” Maud waited for a moment “- Yeah. I’m Pinkie’s sister.”
“Right. Why ain’t Pinkie here?” Apple Bloom crooked her head as she asked.
“She’s sick.”
“It ain’t-” Apple Bloom was interrupted very quickly.
“She’s very sick.”
“Oh. She gon’ get better?” Apple Bloom frowned.
Maud nodded. “She always does.”
“Right. Well just so you know…” A horrid thought was forming in Apple Bloom’s head. Or more actually, it was forming in her rumbling stomach. “Pinkie usually- Pinkie usually gives me the cake for free.” She grinned awkwardly to hide her lie. Honestly, Pinkie would give her the cakes for free if Applejack had let her, but Applejack was a little too scared of hurting Pinkie’s business. “For- for free.” Apple Bloom nodded her head a little too much.
“Oh, okay.” Maud nodded too, joining in with Apple Bloom.
“Yeah, I’ll get-” Apple Bloom gulped as she spoke. Dug her hooves into the floor. “I’ll get a cherry tart.”
“Oh. That’s good. I don’t really know any of the other ones.” Maud ducked behind the counter and took out the pastry. “Here you go. Free of charge.”
“Yep! Free!” Apple Bloom rushed to the counter, not making eye contact. “That’s how it always is! Pinkie gives me the food for free.” She nodded again as she took the tart. “That’s how- that’s…” Apple Bloom didn’t finish her thought. She stared at the floor for a moment, before just turning around and running out the store. Not looking back.
She stood outside, holding the tell-tale tart in her hooves. She stared at it - heart wrenching itself in and out, sweat making itself known on her coat. Apple Bloom sighed and shook her head. “I’m a Cutie Mark Crusader criminal… I gotta get rid of the evidence.” She brought the tart to her mouth, readied to take a bite. No - she shook her head. Criminals don’t get treats. Instead, Apple Bloom rushed to the nearest trash can. As she snuck up to it, she tried to hide herself, scrunched herself to the floor. Crawled over and chucked the tart in. “Phew.” It was only as Apple Bloom finally brought herself from the floor, looked up, that she realised she was standing right in front of Sugarcube Corner’s window - Maud right behind it, looking down at her.
“Have a good day.” Maud continued to stare at Apple Bloom, who just nodded and backed away. Maud furrowed her brow and looked back to Boulder.
Another bell ring. Another customer. Maud didn’t look up from the pastries, simply saying “Do you want a cherry tart? I’m good at serving that one.”
“Oh, um… I'm just here to drop off some post.” It was the nasally voice of the local mailmare, Derpy. She had a box wrapped under one of her wings. “Did you say cherry tart?”
“Yeah. Cherry tart.” Maud punctuated her remark with exactly two nods.
Derpy considered it for a moment. “What's in a cherry tart?”
A pause, Maud struggled to remember. Then, pop! It was there: “Cherries.”
“Oh. That makes sense.” Derpy posited.
“Yeah. It's a helpful name.” Maud agreed.
Derpy tried to place the box on the counter with her wing. She failed. The box fell to the floor, and Derpy scrambled to pick it back up with her hooves. It wasn't working.
Maud looked a little worried. “Do you need help?”
“I'm fine.” Derpy looked up at Maud, still awkwardly scrambling about on the floor. “This happens all the time.”
“Oh. Okay.” Maud watched.
Derpy got the box between her hooves, but as she went to stand up, she lost balance and fell. “Oops. Let me just…” Derpy pushed the box flat against the counter. She held it against the surface with one hoof, lifting it slightly. She then commandeered herself around the box, supporting it from underneath with her wing. She took her hoof away, lifting her wing higher. She now proudly held the box over the counter. “Ta-da!”
Maud grabbed the box from Derpy. “Thank you.”
“Hey, what did you say that tart with the cherries was?”
“Cherry tart. I learned that this morning.”
“I'll take one of those!” Derpy reached into her bag for some bits. She spilt them on the floor. “Uh oh.” She looked up at Maud. “How many bits?”
“Two bits.” Maud plucked a cherry tart from the display as Derpy searched for change on the floor. “Are you sure you don't need any help?”
Derpy had managed to grab a couple of bits in her maw. “Nope!” As she opened her mouth to speak, they fell right out. “Oh.” She planted her face back to the floor and began biting at the bits. After a few seconds had passed, she managed to hassle the coins back into her mouth. She reared up to the counter, and spit them out. She then grabbed the tart and shovelled it down as fast as she could, leaving red stains around her lips. “You know, it's a shame Pinkie's not feeling well.”
“Oh, you know?” Maud was surprised.
Derpy nodded. “Everypony knows! Ponies like to, uh… talk a lot. About different things! And one of them is that Pinkie is sick.” Derpy nodded again. “So somepony told me that. While I was delivering mail.” Derpy pointed at the box on the counter. “Not that, though. I delivered that here.”
“That's true.” Maud remembered Derpy delivering the package to Sugarcube Corner.
“Oh, well bye. It's nice to see you, uh…” Derpy began to canter off, but looked back to Maud. “I don't think I know you. Bye!”
“What about the rest of your bits?” Maud sort of nodded to the few coins still left on the ground.
Derpy thought about it for a moment. “You can keep the change.”
“MAUD!!!” Pinkie’s voice cried from the top of the stairs.
“Pinkie, you’re coming down? But you’re sick.” Maud was right.
“I’m VERY sick -” Pinkie nodded “- But I CAN’T SPEND ANOTHER SINGLE SECOND WITHOUT MY SISTER!” Pinkie tried to canter down to the counter but she could barely keep herself upright. In fact, she tripped down the last couple of steps. She stuck a hoof to her head - “Oops. I’m a little dizzy.” She grinned.
“You need to go back to bed, Pinkie. You need rest.”
“But it’s SOOOOOO boring! Can’t we just talk for a LITTLE bit?!”
Maud thought about it. “Just for a bit. Then you go get some sleep.”
Pinkie stamped her hooves on the floor in celebration. “YAY! How is it working in Sugarcube Corner? Isn't it just SO GREAT?!”
Maud reflected on the time she had today. “It's… strange. Everypony here acts so strangely.”
Pinkie grinned. “I know! Isn't it so great?!”
Maud smiled. “It is pretty great. You know, everypony is worried about you. They want you to get better.”
“I AM getting better. Look!” Pinkie stood tall and took a deep breath, prepared to show off with some grand stunt. Instead, her face wrapped itself into some sour look as she gulped. “Nevermind. I threw up in my mouth a little.” She stuck her tongue out. “yuch.”
Maud shook her head. “You really need to get some rest.”
“Oh, come on! Not yet! You haven't told me anything I've missed!”
“What you've missed? Let me think.” Maud held a hoof to her chin. “A lot of cherry tarts. They seem pretty popular. Apple Bloom wanted one so I gave it to her for free.”
“FINALLY! Do you KNOW how long I've been trying to stop her from paying?! Like… At least a day!” Pinkie was flailing her hooves as she spoke. “SO. LONG.”
“She didn't eat it.”
“Oh.”
“Ponies here are strange.”
Pinkie nodded. “Anything else AWESOME happen?”
Maud thought. “Not really. Oh, you came down. But you already know about that.”
“Yup!” Pinkie started to nod even harder and more violently than before. Then she threw up in her mouth again. Some silence for a bit as the two ponies thought. “You know, maybe I should get some rest. But it's SOOO LONELY up there.” Pinkie frowned.
“Hmmm. I'd love to go up and keep you company, Pinkie, but the ponies of Ponyville have begun to rely on me for their confectionery needs.” Maud began to consider her options. “Oh, I know. Boulder can keep you company.” Maud picked up Boulder and held him out to Pinkie.
“REALLY?!” Pinkie began to tear up. “Are you sure? I don't wanna make him sick!”
“Boulder's strong. He's got a good immune system. He'll keep you company.” Maud extended her hoof as much as she could, Boulder on full display.
Pinkie took Boulder and began to cry. “I LOVE YOU MAUD…”
“I love you too, Pinkie.” Maud shed a single tear. “I'd give you a hug but I think that would be a hygiene risk for the customers.”
Author's Note
Practicing my dialogue and... less heavy, pretentious prose. Criticism welcome and encouraged!
