the Lawyer

by Layri_Cheetah

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Pipsqueak, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Princess Luna
Length: 1774

The princess's unfortunate joke is examined from the perspective of Equestrian laws.

As Celestia watched the captain leave, she turned to Pipsqueak. "I've noticed that you and Luna have developed a cordial relationship," The Princess said with a gentle smile.

"Oh, yes, Your Highness, since that very first Nightmare Night," Nodded the stallion, approaching her.

"You've been following my sister for so many years that you simply must give her a delightful night that will last forever."

- - -

Beta-readind and text edit by - EpicGamer10075.

Original story (rus-lang) - "the Lawyer".

Published 2023-11-21 10:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-11-27 05:34:50 UTC

It's just a law

Please, note: this story is "AI translated" from russian language.

Beta-readind and text edit by - EpicGamer10075.

"Well, Pipsqueak, I will certainly make use of your advice. Thank you for your help."

"Always happy to help, Princess Luna. Let me know if you need anything else."

Luna gratefully nodded, then tucked the piece of paper under her wing and teleported away.

The spotted stallion, delighted by her smile, stood in the middle of the palace hallway, leisurely packing a guidebook, pencil, and papers into his saddlebag. He nodded in greeting to Princess Celestia as she majestically glided in like a ship with majestic white sails, engaged in a lively discussion with the captain of the guard. Pipsqueak immediately understood from her focused expression that the ruler should not be distracted by elaborate, etiquette-appropriate greetings.

"Your suggestion is approved; put your plan into action immediately," Commanded the Princess of the Sun, pausing in the doorway.

"Yes, Your Highness," The captain saluted before dashing off.

As Celestia watched the captain leave, she turned to Pipsqueak. "I've noticed that you and Luna have developed a cordial relationship," The Princess said with a gentle smile.

"Oh, yes, Your Highness, since that very first Nightmare Night," Nodded the stallion, approaching her.

"You've been following my sister for so many years that you really must give her a delightful night that will last forever."

"And how do you know this?" Pipsqueak asked, slightly surprised.

"As her elder sister, it's my duty to not leave my younger sibling without proper supervision," She replied with the same sweet smile, gracefully raising her head, the multicoloured strands of her magnificent mane fluttered enticingly. Every feature of her regal appearance spoke of grace, kindness, and care for all ponies under the Princesses of Equestria.

Sighing, Pipsqueak straightened his slightly tilted saddlebag. "Your Highness, I understand your reasoning, but I must decline your undoubtedly illegal suggestion. I must also accuse you of abusing your official powers and privileges as a ruler."

"Abuse? On what grounds?" Asked Celestia, with a note of mild condescending surprise; to her, the statement felt like a slap in the face, but the princess was better than showing her utter astonishment with any abrupt gesture or word.

"Well, if you'll allow me, Your Highness, have a seat, and I shall explain."

The ponies settled on a bench by the open window, and Pipsqueak once again dug into his saddlebag.

"I have here the updated edition of the brief guide, 'Equestrian Law Compendium', including all of the amendments, which you yourself have created and supplemented, taking into account the changes in the global geopolitical situation," He explained unphased, pulling out and opening the book with a green cover featuring ornate gold embossing.

The ruler nodded slightly.

"Let's look at the section on relationships: herds, inter-racial unions, as well as unions between members of different social classes are allowed, provided that all the participants agree to such relationships and understand their responsibility for potential consequences."

Pipsqueak turned his gaze to Celestia. "Could you please clarify if you've explicitly and directly sought the consent of your sister Luna, as well as my own consent?"

"No I have not. But my suggestion to spend the night with Luna is merely a recommendation."

"I'm not disputing that, Your Highness. Nevertheless, your proposal carries an unmistakable commanding tone: 'must absolutely give her an enchanting night.' Meaning, Your Highness, you're implying a clearly defined obligation for me to sleep with Princess Luna regardless of our individual stances on the matter…"

Not waiting for the obviously taken aback princess to grasp the situation, the relentless Pipsqueak steered the conversation in his own direction.

"In doing so, you're violating the very law about harmonious relationships that you've written. Furthermore, and perhaps inadvertently, you are striking a blow to my family."

"How so?" Celestia asked, having steadied the flight of her thoughts, once again donned the mask of unbreakable composure.

"I can't dispute that for any stallion it would be the ultimate honor to share a bed with a Princess. But there is a special pony in my life who fiercely protects me, and she would hardly be pleased with such a turn of events. Incidentally, Princess Luna is aware of this and would never demand something be done that would be knowingly destructive to a family. I'm a fan of Luna; she is my childhood idol. I revere her, I'm prepared to help her, you, and all our country with all my power and knowledge. But I am a lawyer, albeit of an international caliber, and Luna is a Princess. To meld our lives, destinies, dreams, and thoughts together would be a very reckless move."

"In that case…"

"Allow me--" Pipsqueak made a cautionary gesture with his front hoof and flipped through several pages. "Let's look at the 'Penalties' section. The first item: the measure of punishment must necessarily be chosen taking into account the nature of the punished, their social status, and other nuances. Thus, considering your particular characteristics, Princess Celestia, the best punishment for Your Highness will be the deprivation of bananas, pancakes, banana-strawberry cakes, as well as éclairs for the term of three hundred years. In their place - rye crisps and tea. The punishment is to be served in a house with all the amenities, filled with chickens. And a specially designated loudest rooster of Equestria will be assigned to you."

The sentence handed down by Equestria's finest lawyer was so harsh in its thirst for justice that it managed to shatter the once-regal composure of the Sun. Celestia, shuddering in horror, tried to swallow as delicately as possible to avoid choking.

"In that case," The alicorn muttered, unable to conceal a bitter sigh, "Please accept my sincere apologies for the unfortunate joke."

"Apologies accepted," Pipsqueak stated cordially, closing the book in his hooves.

"May we consider the incident closed?" Inquired the princess with a tentative hope.

"Yes, Your Highness, the matter is closed."

"Thank you, Pipsqueak. You have demonstrated excellent preparation, professionalism, and expertise. Continue to work for the good of Equestria."

"I shall, Your Highness."

With a smile, Celestia teleported away. The failed jest had slightly disrupted the ruler's schedule, and there was time to be made up for. Fortunately, on this cloudless day, Lady Luck herself smiled upon the princess; the penalty for a moment of weakness failed to staunch the regal grace of the Sun's steward.

Meanwhile, Pipsqueak, after admiring the dissipating sparks of solar magic in the air, slipped the bulky green book with an intricate golden pattern—recently obtained at the palace library—into his bag and headed to his office.

Original rus-story - "the Lawyer".

Anarchy

Please, note: this story is "AI translated" from russian language.

Beta-readind and text edit by - EpicGamer10075.

Celestia shivered from the ambient cold and glanced nervously at the door, behind which the dreaded sounds of a rooster crowing were coming through. Carefully, she edged towards the table, then swallowed and looked at the crackers atop it, and reached out a hoof...

"Just, please don't..."

Suddenly, a triumphant crowing erupted, and a large rooster swooped down onto the table from above. The Princess immediately recoiled in terror to the corner, and the rooster crowed rudely after her, strutting smugly across the table, and began to leisurely peck at the rusks.

"Tea... only tea... again... I hate it!" Celestia attempted to cast a spell, but her magic only fizzled away into weak golden sparks. The Princess was on the verge of tears when suddenly she heard a voice that she hadn't heard in... a very, very long time.

"Well, did you lose the desire to matchmake?"

"L-Luna?! How are you here...?"

"Oh, it’s simple enough. You know, after returning from the moon, at first, I was so overjoyed that I didn't pay much attention to everything around me, but then I accidentally overheard your conversation with Pipsqueak... Out of nowhere, I have a nephew, new alicorns popping up all over like mushrooms after rainfall... Are you trying to replenish the treasury by matchmaking, or just for the love of the craft?"

Celestia stared at the rooster finishing off her crackers. Memories cut through the induced gloom like bright flashes.

"So this is... a nightmare?! LUNA!!!"

"What--me? I have nothing to do with this; this is all entirely your own creation, proving that at least a shred of conscience remains in you--I'm just watching from the sidelines. But, you'll run yourself ragged at this rate, so I decided to intervene. Sure, I could return things to the way they were, but..."

"No! Please don't!" Celestia wailed. "Get me out... wait, no, hold on. Give me back my magic."

"No problem..." Luna chuckled and flicked her sparkling wing.

"Well, you bastard, now I'll show you how to eat my rusks!" Celestia's nostrils flared viciously. The rooster, showing commendable awareness, swiftly dived through the window like a fish, which a moment later exploded outward along with a chunk of the wall.

"Feeling better?" Luna, sitting by the bed, smirked at her sister, who had bounced up and then, with a relieved groan, collapsed onto the sweat-soaked pillows on the bed.

"Phew... I could curse your Pipsqueak for such fantasies and a wild imagination..." Celestia muttered. "Eh... I'm starving now. Literally starving!"

Luna snickered.

"Firstly, Pipsqueak is not mine.” Luna slowly followed her sister as she spoke into her office, after she had slipped into slippers and a robe. There, Celestia pushed aside her grand portrait on the wall and hastily punched in a code on the formidable safe. It took her four attempts, her hooves shaking quite a bit. Luna rolled her eyes—inside the safe was a refrigerator filled with whole, non-eaten cakes.

"Not so fast. What about my nephew and other relatives?" The safe began to close slowly under the influence of her own magic.

"Are you kidding me?" Celestia tried to hold the door open. Golden magic mingled with cobalt, casting the safe in emerald hues, but night reigned around them... and the day lost.

"I should at least know when to expect a new addition to the family…" The safe slammed shut, the numbers on the locks spinning, changing the combination.

"LUNA!!!" Celestia jumped up in bed, looking around wildly. In the empty bedroom, a ghostly chuckle emanated around, slowly dissipating away.

"That little rascal..." Groaned Celestia, her stomach rumbling loudly, and from there the princess crawled back to the office, solemnly promising herself to think her jokes through more carefully in the future.

Original rus-story - "the Lawyer".