What lingered on Spike's mind as he entered the small, warmly lit building wasn't the purpose of his visit. It wasn't the other ponies present, nor the pony that wasn't present. It wasn't the formal clothing he and his family were adorned in, and it wasn't the tears falling from said family's eyes. It was how tall he had gotten.
It wasn't long ago that he went through his molting and sprouted wings, but nopony, not even Smolder, expected him to grow quite as quickly as he did. After just a few short years, he found himself standing a head taller than most ponies, able to meet even Celestia at eye level. He wasn't used to seeing his mother, Twilight Velvet, from that angle. And yet, he didn't feel big.
He felt very, very small.
He glanced at Twilight, who was also growing taller than anypony expected at the time. She met his gaze, and through her watery eyes she gave him the tiniest of smiles. Neither said a word as they were escorted into the chapel.
For what it was worth, the decorations were immaculate. Said decorations consisted of donated flowers, hoof-made wreaths, and photo collages, all dedicated to the stallion that lay deceased in the open casket near the back of the chapel.
The stallion in question was Night Light, husband of Twilight Velvet and father of Prince Shining Armor, Princess Twilight Sparkle, and Spike.
They, as well as his daughter-in-law Princess Cadance and granddaughter Princess Flurry Heart, stood in a row before the casket. The kind mare that led them in dismissed herself and gave them the space they needed. None said a word, but the room was far from quiet. Sniffles and sobs came from every member of the grieving family with only two exceptions. Flurry Heart was still too young to really grasp the situation, even if she was old enough to stand by her mother's side at that point.
Spike simply refused to cry.
He looked down at the stallion, who was the closest thing to a father he had. In truth, Spike had always wanted to know who his biological father was. However, acknowledging how still, how silent, how... peaceful Night Light seemed in that moment caused a lump to form in his throat. He had taken Night Light - his dad - for granted.
The first to step away from the casket was Cadance. She had always been a mare to wear her heart on her sleeve, and this was no exception. The wide-eyed Flurry Heart followed her to a nearby seat, where she quickly made use of a box of tissues before settling in. Perhaps she figured that she was the least "qualified" to stand near the casket, having been the least familiar with Night Light, or perhaps she simply couldn't bear to see him any longer.
Spike stood between his mother and sister. Twilight Velvet's face was covered by a dark veil that was crafted to hide her grief, but was utterly failing to conceal her sobs. Twilight Sparkle was less vocal, but she was wiping tears from her cheeks almost constantly. Between the two of them, Spike chose to lean towards Velvet and gently placed his hand on her back. With that action, she broke down completely and practically threw herself onto him, and he didn't hesitate to embrace her.
Neither said a thing. Spike did not cry.
He wasn't sure how long they stood like that, but he didn't dare move until she was ready. When she did eventually pull away, she quietly smiled and thanked him before taking the large seat reserved for her. Spike turned to his siblings, seeing that the still-sobbing Shining Armor had taken a seat next to his wife and that Twilight was looking back at him, apparently waiting for him. He gave her a nod, and they both sat down as well.
Visitation was held in the morning, while the funeral procession was to be held later that night. The family exchanged a few quiet words when the moment called for it, but the room was otherwise filled with nothing but the sounds of mourning. Occasionally, a staff member would offer them some water or another box of tissues, but for the better part of an hour, they went undisturbed.
When the doors opened to the public, it became much more noisy. Twilight's five closest friends were first in line, ready and willing to comfort their dear friend in her time of need. Spearhead came to visit Shining Armor and Cadance, who (mostly) composed themselves by the time more guests arrived. Twilight Velvet wasn't the most social mare around, but even her friends were willing to visit her.
Spike remained quiet.
He was checked on at multiple points, of course. Rarity, dressed in a surprisingly subdued gown, gave him a tight hug, but it was clear from the mascara running down her cheeks that she needed it more than he did. For once, he didn't blush. In fact, he hugged back harder, allowing her to use him as a way of venting her emotions.
The rest of Spike's friends did not neglect him either, though they didn't linger on him as long as they did Twilight. It was clear from a glance that he was taking it better than she was.
Celestia and Luna arrived quietly, doing their best to not cause a commotion among the slowly growing crowd. They silently paid their respects at the casket before approaching Spike and his family. Celestia's warm presence was appreciated, and many hugs and condolences were shared. Luna, however, surprised Spike by taking a seat next to him.
She began to ask him things, such as how he felt and if there was anything she could do. When he told her that he was holding up well, she looked at him with what he could only interpret as pity. He was "hiding his emotions," she told him. Why, though, she didn't understand. Spike did not respond.
The hours continued to crawl by. Countless visitors arrived, be they friends and family of Night Light or ponies just wanting to offer their support to those grieving. At some point, Twilight sat herself down next to Spike and wrapped a wing around him. He didn't even notice it at first, at least not until she began to sob again. He wrapped an arm around her in turn and held her close. Once she had calmed down, she thanked him. He smiled.
She can always lean on him.
As the day went on, Celestia lowered the sun in Twilight's stead. Eventually, the time came for the funeral to begin properly. Spike prepared himself, as he had been asked to be a pallbearer. It was a natural request, he supposed. He was the adopted son of the deceased, and he was large enough to help carry the casket. Naturally, he agreed.
What he wasn't prepared for was what happened before the casket was moved. As the crowd of visitors lined up to give Night Light their final regards, they all passed by Spike and his family. Many quietly gave their well-wishes. Many more offered them brief hugs or pats on the back. Seeing the despair of so many ponies was almost overwhelming for Spike.
But he did not cry.
After the visitors all took their turns and the line reached its end, Spike and his family stood. They were the last to go.
To Spike's surprise, Shining Armor embraced him as he passed by. He mentioned to Spike that he didn't hug Night Light all that often, though he wasn't sure why. He didn't want to make that mistake again. Although it was awkward reaching around his formal Royal Guard Captain uniform, Spike tried to return the favor. For a moment, he felt his lower lip quiver. However, he did not break.
Shining Armor, Cadance, and Flurry Heart went before him. They began to cry once more, but they composed themselves enough to continue walking after a minute or two. Spike went after them, and for the first time since they arrived, he faced Night Light alone. Thoughts began to swim through his mind. Memories started to bubble to the surface, threatening to boil over and make themselves known on his face.
He stifled them.
...But he couldn't bring himself to move.
Twilight Sparkle, his sister and closest friend, brushed up against him. She stared at her father for a long, quiet moment. Tears silently rolled down her cheeks, which she had gotten tragically used to by then. However, after a single sniffle, she turned her attention to Spike. He wasn't crying. For a moment, he couldn't look her in the eye. It wasn't until she wrapped a foreleg around him that he snapped out of it.
She whispered to him, asking if he was okay. He insisted that he was, and he promptly moved out of the way. She raised an eyebrow, but felt it inappropriate to say anything else.
It took Twilight Velvet quite some time to leave her husband's side. Once she eventually decided to do so, Spike took her hoof and led her out of the room. Once she had time to breathe and gather her thoughts, the funeral home staff helped guide the rest of the ponies present to where they needed to be. Meanwhile, Spike and Shining Armor were led back into the chapel, where they began their duties as pallbearers.
The casket wasn't as heavy as Spike was expecting. Perhaps he was simply tense after the day's events, or perhaps he was getting stronger as he was growing taller. Regardless, he and his brother walked in tandem out of the room, guided by the staff out of the building and down the quiet Canterlot street.
The sun was half-set as the funeral procession continued through the city. In truth, it should have been dark by that point, but Celestia decided to leave the sun up for a while longer. Meanwhile, Spike focused entirely on the task at hand, making certain that the casket got to its destination safely. If he let his mind go anywhere else, he would surely collapse.
When the group reached the cemetery, Spike barely even processed the change in scenery. It wasn't until they reached the grave site and he was instructed to set the casket down that he understood where they were. It felt almost automatic when he located his seat nearby and helped his mother into hers.
The next few moments were a blur. Somepony gave some kind of speech. He could have sworn there was music. Perhaps some words were exchanged. He doesn't remember. However, when that casket was finally lowered into the ground and the funeral had officially ended, he can recall feeling strangely sore. He focused on his aching joints. He focused on the setting sun. He focused on how hungry he was getting after such a long day.
He focused on everything but what really mattered.
Cadance gave him a hug goodbye before she prepared to head back to the Crystal Empire. Shining Armor did the same, while Spike took initiative and gave Flurry Heart a pat on the head before waving goodbye to the three. Grief or no grief, they're royals. They had their duties, one way or another.
Of course, the same was true for Twilight and Spike as well. They made sure to get their mother home safely first and foremost, and once she had made it inside and they were confident she would be okay, they began to head home. Around that time, Celestia finally lowered the sun.
Canterlot Castle wasn't far. Spike mindlessly trudged down the dark streets with his sister at his side. He didn't say a word. He couldn't say a word.
When they finally made it back home, Spike began to head towards his quarters. However, he felt a hoof on his shoulder, and he turned to meet Twilight's gaze. Her eyes were misty as they looked at him.
His eyes were dead as he looked back at her.
"Why?"
"Why.... what?"
"Why are you trying to pretend you're okay?"
"..." Spike was silent for a long, uncomfortable moment. When he responded, his voice was shaky and barely audible. "So you could lean on me."
"What?"
"You... mom... everypony needed a shoulder to cry on."
"But what about you?"
"I'm your number one assistant, Twilight. You don't need to worry about m-"
Spike was cut off as Twilight wrapped her forelegs around him. Her wings did the same, and she pulled him into her embrace as best she could. He tried to raise his arms to return the hug, but found that he didn't have the strength.
"You're my brother, Spike. And he was your dad."
"I..."
"..."
Twilight wanted him to know that he was loved, that their family would be there for him just as much as he was there for them. Spike wanted to tell her that he was okay, that he would be strong for their sake and that they didn't need to worry about him.
But neither said another word.
The dam finally broke. Spike crumpled in Twilight's embrace, completely unable to return it. His tears fell freely, staining both his scales and Twilight's coat. He let out cries of complete anguish, days of grief and sorrow finally making themselves known all at once. His voice echoed through the dark, empty hallways of the castle, heard only by his loving sister. He wasn't okay. But then, neither of them were. Who could be after losing someone like that?
Spike cried, and Twilight stayed with him for as long as he needed.
Author's Note
If you have anyone you care about, be sure to tell them you love them.
You won't always be able to.
