Kick Hoofer Vs Equestria

by TrollestiaSubject

Rating: mature
Tags: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Random
Length: 2878

A pony traveling across Equestria to proof to his magical talking bitch that he's not into zoophili

Kick Hoofer, A black earth pony that grew up with the only company of Ana Lila Midas, a magical female talking dog, starts a travel all around Equestria, to prove to himself, and his bitch, that he's not into zoophilia.

A funny clopfic made out of the irony. And the clop, you know, just jokes, or references to jokes, and clop scene, luckily just after 3 or 4 paragraphs. Don't expect character development of any kind. Inside a vulgar version of Equestria, with ruthless rulers, where friendship as benefits, and princest is a common concept. More like that Equestria.

I warn you. Contains Marty Stu Black pony ahead, talking ponies, talking dogs, mild language, sexual deviations, offensive portrait of characters, and porn movie dialogs.

I'm not telling you what kind of dog is Ana Lila Midas, but she's not a diamond dog. She's more like Winona, Applejack's dog, but she talks, she's magical for that reason damn it! It's up to you to decide her breed. You sick Monster.

But just for you to know, I kinda picture her like a golden Irish setter in mi mind.

I know, I'm going to Hay, right?

Picture thx to neonstargirl, visit her deviantart gallery. Link in source.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-02 23:04:57 UTC

Vs. Outlands

Kick Hoofer Vs Equestria

Part 1

By: TrollestiaSubject

OC x his pet

Warning: Contains zoophilia, defloration, and consensual rape.

Hi. My name is Kick Hoofer, I would like to say that my friends call me Kick, but I don’t have any friends. I’m an earth pony, and I dunno if I should say I’m a black pony cuz that could sound a little breedcist, so I‘m not gonna say it. For what I remember I have always lived alone in the countryside of Equestria, with my only friend and companion, Ana Lila Midas. As you can say for the name, it’s a female dog; a bitch. I don’t know why dogs always have names like Allison, or Martha, and they don’t have normal pony names like Star, or Rain. Anyway the reason for such a long name is because it’s not an ordinary bitch at all; turns out she’s a magical talking dog, besides, I like the ring her name haves in Sponysh. In fact, if some parts of the story sound weird, it’s because that’s our first language. I don’t know how common are magical talking dogs out there in mainland Equestria, but it never seemed weird to me.

Now, loner life isn’t so bad, especially if you have somedog to talk to. Ana has always been open and playful to me. The problem came when I was growing up. I was yet in my foal ages the day I was feeling warm and cozy between my legs, when I saw there I was like: “Oh, a fifth leg!”. And I don’t wanna tell how was touching it, but damn hooves.

The point was that one day I was playing in the meadows with Lila, the game was running chase, and when I was running after her, I felt my fifth leg, as I call it, growing up after watch her run with her tail lifted, swinging in the air.

Back then, I hadn’t said anything about my body to her, But she always seemed to be a little more mature than me, the only memories I have of her as a puppy are when I was really, really smart, within memories of my parents telling me my name, teaching us to talk, and stuff like that, but back when they tough me to read, addition and subtraction, and stuff like that, I remember her as a grown up, or at least not too different form now. Then one day we were all alone and we just had each other as company.

But that fateful day, of running chase. I remember it well, cuz that day I got my cutie mark, so in fact it was a pretty good day too, I was running behind Midie not trying to catch her at all that day. Of course I never have admitted it to her, but I had watched her before, imagined that part of hers, and that day I couldn’t take any more. I told her something like “Hey, watch out, over there!” and the moment she was distracted I jumped over her with a hips stomp and sore fifth leg looking for some comfort between her puffy lower lips, they looked so tender and inviting that I could miss the chance of rub there for a change. And at the beginning she was rubbing a little with me, it was for me, a whole moment that I’d never forget, but frankly, they were just maybe a couple of second, before she asked me “Where?”. Still I started that and I wasn’t dropping that chance just cuz a damn dragon wasn’t dancing tap near there.

So I kept rubbing at her, and she was getting every time less corresponding, to the point she must've had suspicious when she stood fully quiet for a moment, then she started to told me to let her go but I knew that she knew how good was that for me, she hadn’t asked me to stop, after all she was my friend, ar at least the only person to talk around.

Anyway, she started to fight back to set herself free, struggling forth strongly, which was uncomfortable to me cuz when she set her apart; my thing was bitten with cold air, so I kept hipping myself close, trying to get a hold between a tender and warm place. And she must've had to start to get exhausted cuz her thighs were sweating so I just was focusing in finish it was before get her angry to me. But in some of her pulls and pushes, my mini hoof, I dunno how, slipped between her split. And I was like “Ponyhell. Celestia, no. If it hurts her as much it hurts to me, she never going to speak to me again”. I was scared like hay, and before get us really hurt I tried to push it back, but it was somehow stuck in there, and it hurt a lot. So I just grew up scared and tried to pull it out slowly, cuz, you know, if a fast pull didn’t work, maybe a slow one could do the trick, and I wasn’t so smart or afraid, to give up on pulling yet.

So I tried to pull out as slowly as I could but, and it seemed to work, but after a couple of inches out, I realized it was actually growing inside, not getting outside, then Ana started to whine a little, I could just imagine how hurtful it could be for her, so I started so exasperate, my heart started to beat a bit faster, and I had the brilliant idea of push inside. Dunno why, pulling out wasn’t working in any way, and I hadn’t the mind clear enough to suspect in the results of that, I was just guessing like in these hooves tramps where the secrets is to pull in to get you free.

In that moment Lila started to cry out loud, and moved her paws fast like trying to run away free but not really catching any ground, she was panting and her tongue was hanging out, her eyes closed in and angry expression, I felt something stretching and breaking inside her, then wetness flooding her insides, I knew I had hurt her bad but every time I tried to go outside something was sucking me in, each time more deeper, or maybe I was getting bigger.

I was too scared to think is something but then she looked over her shoulder and told me it felt nice. I was like “What the buck!! But I’m watching some blood over here from your insides!” But she was smiling and told me she was fine, that I could thrust a bit if I wanted, and I was like “You’re crazy bitch! I’m telling you, it’s tearing apart” But she wasn’t listening at all and started to move in her own, so I thought “damn you, I’m gonna show you it’s bad for you” So I started to push inn as hard as I could, and she just whined and drooled, but she was smiling silly so I knew it felt actually good.

I just knew it in that moment, it was a pleasant sensation. I realized after saw her face, and she seemed to felt great. So I plowed inside as deep as I could, each time faster with her accumulating moisture, scraping out some kind of hotness being gathered in form of pressure, very near the point I was trying make her reach inside of me, soon it was too much to hold. It was surprisingly released with an explosive force, sending a pressured hot acid inside the bitch, and soothing waves to my brain and heart

Her flooded parts felt clumsy and soft when my sore member was taking his relaxed position, the urgency satiated made her whines now into deep breaths, while something like milk, and blood, dripped out of her.

That had been the best one and half minute of my whole life. Just in that moment my flank shined and I could see clearly my cutie mark in that moment; it was a little chicken, above a small kitty riding a milk bottle. But since it’s fully black like my coat, just the silhouette is barely visible, against light, and looks more like a Rorschach’s test mark.

After that special moment, and with my cravings reduced a sleepy feelings, I started to lick Lila’s mane.

Then I realized she doesn’t have actually a mane and opened my eyes.

She was receiving the licks in her head with a comfy position, but holding a shocked expression directed right to me.

“Ooohh… you are sooo into animals!” She told me half smiling.

“No, I’m not” I argued back.

“Yes, you are tooo into zoo!”

“No, really, I’m telling you I’m not”

“Oh, you’re sooo going into ponyhell”

Until this day, I keep arguing with her that I not into animals, of course there is no other pony around to prove my point, but since Midie learned how to milk me out with her muzzle, she has argued a lot less about that.

Vs Conquerlands

Kick Hoofer Vs Equestria

Part 2

By: TrollestiaSubject

m OC x Robbed f OC, used without permission, so plz don’t sue me, I’m utterly poor.

Warning: Contains bondage, voyeurism, anal, and raw rape.

Here Kick Hoofer keeping with the chronicles of my life.

My magical talking bitch, named Ana Lila Midas, and I were living tranquilly in our little house, above a small grassy hill is some lost patch of land at the border of the Equestrian map, until Equestrian government found out of course, and build a city just below my hill.

At the beginning I thought it was going to be great to have some other pony to talk around, but since they all wanted to trade my hill for some small bits of metal I said “Buck you! Out of my lands!!” what they did? Build all around my place.

And I mean; ok, fine, my house is in the hills anyway, but seriously; they ruined the place, cut down the good food around, and filled the meadows with shops and sterile roads, now they exchange these bits for food not knowing the lot of edible plants around, which if even hilarious to me, is kinda sad too.

Besides the nights are noisy, and a bunch of them aren’t friendly, a lot of them seem to freak out to magical female talking dogs like Ana, and no pony seems to be bucking their bitches around except me. This is kinda tough to know cuz I totally could be banging my marefriend if I had one, even if Lila doesn’t believe me.

But a night I heard rare sound downstairs, and I could have thought it was her if not because she was just below me rising her tail getting ready to be bucked, and it’s not that I’m into talking dogs, or bitches at all, but… well, whatever. I told her about the sounds and she said something about excuses, and be going to ponyhell anyways, but I made her hush using my fifth hoof, and so she detected somepony crawling in the house thx to the subtle sound of the crockery smashing in the floor. We went downstairs trying to be silent as a pegasus, what we saw round the corner was the unequivocal form of very light brown earth mare between the darkness, getting as she could in a big black sack.

As I’m black I didn’t care and ran out to catch her, pinning her hooves below mines Midie lighted on the place to reveal a red maned mare full of freckles wearing a black beret.

“You got her, you got her” shouted Ana running around looking for something

“Let me go!!” exclaimed the thief but she had broken the crockery of my parents and that’s was the only I had left from them, so it wasn’t be so easy.

“No, you own me big!” I told her, and Lila had brought rope and a cloth to tie and gag up the intruder.

“Well, that’s it!” Midie confirmed very proud to her tying job. I thought.

“I hope that guars thing, actually works like they promised” I said but Ana gave me a daring smile.

“nonono” she said waving her left paw “I mean, you have a mare here” she said lifting her left brow, and licking slightly to the left she took the beret off of the mare.

I was like: “No, nono! I’m not doing a ginger mare, I lack of enough proofs of a soul in them”. I explained.

“Oh you’re such a dog bucker Dex” Dared my bitch. “I knew you couldn’t do a mare even if you had her tied down”. Then the mare started to struggle to get her freedom, but I didn’t know if it was because she hadn’t seen a magical talking dog, or the implicit nature of our conversation.

“Look, you have a mare, a furious hard on” she continued, and I hadn’t noticed so I had to look down, and yeah, I had one.

“But she’s all full of freckles” I countered “and I don’t like freckles at all, they are like do an undernourished cow”

“Oh yeah, but a nurtured cow is alright, isn’t?” she mischievously suggested.

“I’m not into animals!!”

“Prove it!” she grinned “Look, just lift her up to the table, put her over her belly, and show me”.

And since I knew she was going to keep bugging me with that, I just did how she said, the thief had her hooves tied on her back so she didn’t oppose a lot of resistance when I pulled her up to the table, most of the tableware were already in her robber sack, which made me felt madder to her, we didn’t even need to take anything off, I placed my hooves on her flanks noticing her cutie mark was a winged hoofshoe , and not that having Lila watching was exciting or something, but my fifth hoof was ready for some kicking.

“You have plenty of space to play there, and the night still young” Midie bitched to the intruder who was hopelessly fighting. I wasn’t very sure of how good was this idea so I decided to finish fast. I took some air to build up courage, and, and, maybe a couple more of deep breaths could stack up on courage. Then just before my bitch could say something again I trusted has hard as I could, thinking that the movements of struggling could be enough to finish the job. Hay how wrong was I there. I didn’t even noticed where I crashed on her, but it’d hurt a lot.

And I started with “Ouch, ouch, ouch…“ But I had to regain composure before the thief mare could get away but I only could hold her there with the weight of my own body.

“tch, tch, tch” complained Ana disagreeing with her head, “you just made obvious to her that you haven’t had a mare. Don’t rush things up, enjoy it”. She said condescending with her paw and an expecting sight.

And I was thinking, “I dunno, maybe it’s wrong. Maybe I should just call the guards, and stop listening the dog” but I suspect that I did think it too long, cuz while I was doing it I had my body over that strange mare, her warmth below, even with her hooves between us, reaching into my coat in a way that Midie could never achieve, her smell was nightly somehow, like a campfire, or slept under the stars, or anything like these but still nice, it helped me to relax and I started to rub certain part of me with tranquility, her meat was tender and smooth behind. With each of her twirling she was whipping my length without notice. I hadn’t moved in a while. “Maybe she thinks that I passed out, and she thinks she can run away” I thought.

I hugged her has hard as I could, ramming my thighs closer to prevent loss of energy in her movements against me, even starting to give back. Soon after that she started to move her hind legs. Almost throwing me out of balance. I thought she has started to enjoy it, but it wasn’t anything about her enjoying it, so I changed my shaft out of that place between her loins, and aligning myself, I started to point into a spot that even my bitch had forbidden me in her.

Thinking that I could pin down her whole body from inside that point, I pushed inn. But I found more resistance of what I thought.

“I don’t think that thing can go in there” clarified Ana, who was silently moving wildly her tail side to side wile hanging out her tongue, watching everything from closer of where I thought. I wasn’t really in mood of keep listen her. So I tried again the back entrance, but Kicker Jr. was on strike and simple refused to go inside.

“Told ya”. I heard from behind

To Be Continued...