Harem Alliance

Celestia hung her head as she walked back into the castle proper. She'd somehow managed to hold her head high as she walked through the streets, and had even forced a smile as she loudly told her guard captain so that all surrounding ponies could hear that she had convinced the zebra general to give them another day of ceasefire.

In truth, that was only because Zachar was interested in hearing her rebuttal after she said she was going to make him a better offer than the gryphons had. He was very interested in hearing what she came up with.

And so was she. She knew what they were paying him, and the price to step over them was more than Equestria's coffers held. She couldn't afford it.

"Well?" asked Luna, marching up to her. It was late in the afternoon, so it was a bit early for her to be up.

"Well, what?"

"Thou knowest what we mean, sister," scolded Luna. "Tell us, how went the meeting?"

"You know I hate it when you talk like that," seethed Celestia.

Luna nodded. "It has gone poorly, I see. Come, we shall rally the troops and prepare for their attack during the night."

"No!" commanded Celestia. "It went poorly, but it didn't go that poorly. We still have a ceasefire; it was extended to cover today and tomorrow."

"And you bought that?"

Celestia scowled. "I told him I would come back tomorrow with the offer necessary to extend this peace indefinitely. He is waiting for my proposal."

Luna cocked her head to the side. "That doesn't sound like it went poorly."

"Look, there's only two ways to bring peace. We either give the gryphons what they want and condense the entire population of Equestria into half of Manehattan, or we buy out the zebra mercenaries they hired."

"Sounds like an easy choice to make," shrugged Luna. "It's just gold, after all. We can make it back. We have thriving trade routes and lots of mutually beneficial deals. It may take some time, bu--"

"It's going to be ten years."

Luna's eyes went wide open, and her jaw dropped. "We cannot be in such debt for so long! It would destroy us! Equestria would be the poorest country in the world!"

"You think I don't know that?! Keep your voice down!"

The foyer fell silent. Not even a maid was to be heard.

"We need to supplement it, somehow," concluded Luna.

"Yes, but how?"

Luna rubbed her chin. "We could give more favourable deals to the zebras through our trade routes."

"That costs money, Luna. We need things that won't lose us money."

"We could offer them an enclave within Equestrian borders."

"Free rein to move about Equestria as if they were citizens is already on the table. They had it before the war, they're going to have it after. You know the only zebras that weren't allowed to come to Equestria were the ones who would be committing crimes by fleeing their own country of origin. It's not that hard to cross the border as long as you're not a criminal."

"Well, what did they want, then?"

"He specifically said it was about the money," reiterated Celestia. "He wants us to exceed the contributions of the gryphons, or he's going to ream us."

Luna blinked. "What did you just say?"

"I said, if we don't pay more than the gryphons, we're going to be obliterated."

Luna shook her head. "No, no, you said "ream." Quick, follow me."

Luna took off for the castle basement with Celestia following close behind her. They bounded right past the dungeons and into long-term storage, where Luna ripped the dust cover off of a printing press.

Celestia cleared her throat and scrunched up her face, inhaling sharply through her nose. "Luna?"

"Yes, dear sister?"

"When I said "ream," I was not referring to a ream of paper!" she shouted through her teeth.

Luna stopped moving the pieces around and slowly turned to Celestia. "I am not a great oaf, Celestia. I did not bring you down here to suggest that we start giving them regular paper." She turned back to the press and quickly arranged the stamps to spell out her message, then stamped a single sheet of paper, waved it in the air to dry the ink, then offered it to Celestia. "Would a great oaf be able to come up with a plan such as this?"

The paper was divided into four sections, all of which were the same. If it were cut into four pieces, it would show four coupons.

The bearer of this coupon is hereby entitled to one (1) free service of their choice* from the Equestrian citizen of their choice**.

Coupon to be presented at time of service. Coupon cannot be combined with other offers. Applicable processing charges still apply. Returns and exchanges of services purchased with the coupon will be refunded at the discounted price. Any attempt to manipulate, reproduce, tamper with or fraudulently transfer the coupon will void its use for all parties involved, and may invite legal action. Any disputes shall be heard in the Royal Court of Canterlot.
*Value of service cannot exceed 500 bits. Time of service cannot exceed two (2) hours. Any services that would break the law or aid in breaking the law are prohibited. Any service which would cause harm to ponies, living or dead, is prohibited. Offer not valid in Appleoosa. Restrictions apply. See guard for details.
**Infirm citizens and elderly citizens exempt from offer. Citizens under the age of eighteen (18) exempt with exception to Las Pegasus. Citizens under sixteen (16) exempt in the city of Las Pegasus. Void where prohibited. See Guard for details.

Luna held her head up. "Well? What do you think? Am I a genius, or am I a genius?"

Celestia looked up. "What if they want a different service? What if the final coupon has a window cleaning, and one of the recipients has no windows on his tent?"

"That is the final coupon. It allows the citizens to regain their peace and security through work. I even made sure nopony would be hurt by it. A simple spell to make it a binding contract, and now you have a bunch of pieces of paper valued at five hundred bits."

"Coupons expire," added Celestia.

"Read me the expiration date," nodded Luna.

Celestia looked down at the page. There was no expiration date.

"Are you sure the citizens are going to accept this?"

"For peace? Absolutely. I'm sure they'd rather paint some zebra's barn than be chased around only to be impaled on a spear. Look at the number of casualties we have accumulated, and let them be thankful that they're not among them."