Harem Alliance

"And he insisted, right then, on using a condom! Seven other mares, he used raw, and when he made it to me, he suddenly felt the need to wrap up!"

Celestia had been holding up her hoof for over a minute, waiting for this young mare to finish her complaint and fall silent, and her elbow was beginning to feel sore. While she definitely cared about her ponies and their plights, she was very busy. She had more than two hundred cases left to go over, and she would like to try for her record of fifty-six by the end of the day.

"And then, and then, the other one came over and stuffed a ball gag in my mouth! Like, how are they supposed to hear my carefully curated suggestions if my mouth is full? It's not like any of the other mares had anything to say. They weren't even talking, they just stayed silent the whole time! I mean, can you imagine what it's like to have to speak for seven other mares, plus myself? And I bet they just went to the purser's office and collected their funds and just went home and forgot about the whole day, like common whores! Don't they have a shred of self-respect? I mean, if I were them, I'd be down here first thing in the morning to raise a complaint, and as you can see, I am."

Celestia just sighed and leaned back in her chair. This young mare wasn't truly seeking council; she just wanted to vent. She was going to tell her to consider that she was lucky to not be pregnant, where the other mares might be, meaning the condom was a good choice. At any rate, she was spared the transmission of any venereal diseases that might have been transferred over. She would also have advised her that the other mares probably did want to forget and move on, and they were entitled to their pay from the purser's office like anypony else. They were just exercising their rights after performing a task, whether they saw it as right or not.

Suddenly, the doors flew open, and a guard ran up to the throne.

"Excuse me!" scowled the mare. "We were in the middle of something! Whatever this is about, it can wait!"

Regardless, Celestia waved him up. "Make it quick," she urged. He whispered something into her ear, and she nodded with a smile. "Very good, thank you. Prepare to send him in. And wake my sister; she needs to hear this."

As the guard disappeared out the door, the mare turned back to Celestia. "Well, that was rude. Anyway, I--"

"Let me stop you there," interjected Celestia, finally putting her hoof down. "I've heard your complaint, and I'm going to assign somepony to help you through the rest of this. I've just been informed that somepony who has already promised to look into solving this problem has just arrived. This meeting will determine the state of life in Equestria in the coming years, so I'm going to have to cut this meeting short."

"Cut it short?! I'd only just begun! I haven't even made it to the part where I had to hire a plumber to fix the damages done to my pipes!"

"I will assign somepony to deal with that. In the meantime, I have more important matters to which I must attend."

In a huff, the mare turned and stomped out of the throne room. Celestia was loathe to admit it, be she was glad to see her leave. She almost wished that there was a zebra here to fit her with a ball gag so that she could have a chance to speak. It was a terrible thing to think, but that's why she wouldn't say it aloud.

Moments later, General Zachar walked into the room. "Princess Celestia, an honour once again. I hear you have a problem, my friend..."

"General Zachar," she sighed. "I expected you two days ago." She turned to a guard. "Go tell the kitchen staff to send up my tea cart early and with two extra cups."

"Yes, ma'am," he saluted, running off.

"Apologies for my late arrival. It took longer than I thought to ensure our survival."

Celestia nodded. "There's nothing to be done about that, now. I can't make you arrive any sooner. I've sent for tea, and for my sister, and I'd like it if we can solve this problem befo--"

A burst of dark blue magic exploded next to her, and a very frazzled, unkempt and still half-asleep Luna appeared before them. "We're here!" she shouted. "What'd we miss, are we late?"

"Princess Luna," bowed Zachar, "It's a pleasure to meet. Now our assembly can be considered complete."

Celestia cleared her throat and offered Luna a mane brush, which she accepted with a blush. "Would you like to wait for the tea to arrive, or shall we set straight into the task at hoof?" Celestia asked, turning to Zachar with her head held high. "While I don't want to seem an ungracious host, it is imperative that we settle this right away. There is much to do, and it is best if we act quickly."

"No tea," answered Luna. "Our little ponies are suffering in a way that was unforeseen. We admit, it was our mistake that has caused this anguish, and therefore, it is our belief that we should set to thinking up a solution right away."

Zachar nodded. "As it so happens, I have already assembled a solution. One that will not do harm to your financial institutions. It allows your citizens their partners of choice, while simultaneously not silencing my little zebras' voice. All the coupons in circulation need not be collected to ensure that this oversight is quickly corrected."

"Fantastic!" beamed Celestia. "That sounds like exactly what we need! What's the plan?"

Zachar held up his hoof. "Not so fast, my dear royal friend. It is on fair trade that our ponies depend. We don't just give out solutions for free. Before I tell you my plan, let's discuss my fee."

Luna scowled. "Your fee? Your subordinates are the ones causing this problem! We didn't have a spree of completely legal rape until this whole coupon debacle. Now you're charging us to protect our ponies from your soldiers?!"

"I assure you, my solution is unintrusive and fair. I thought for a long time, and considered with care. If my solution doesn't work, I'll not charge you a cent. Screwing you over is not my intent."

The tea cart came in and was placed between them, along with some cushions for them to sit on.

"In any case, let's hear your cost," nodded Celestia. "If we can afford it, the fact that you already have a solution is invaluable. What would you ask of us if your plan proves successful?"