Confined With a Goddess

"I think that's commendable," smiled Celestia, climbing back onto the raft. "Both parts, actually."

"Seriously?" huffed Jake, struggling to pull himself up as he and the raft bobbed at different rates. "That can't be your decision. They're two contradictory statements! You can't agree with both!"

"Yes, but both sides have a good reason, so I understand why you're so conflicted. Hurry up, now..."

Jake twisted and contorted until his right heel managed to catch on the edge of the raft. Finally managing some leverage, he tried to pull himself up, but a wave beneath the raft tossed him back off.

Shaking her head, Celestia used a bit of magic to lift him onto the raft. "You're so slippery..."

"I'm all wet!" argued Jake. "And all I caught was one stinking mackerel." He indicated the tiny fish that had caught his spear when he tried to nab the red one. He'd tried to catch it four more times, and had failed at every turn. Celestia had taken the spear and skewered him on the first try. Seeing the two right next to each other, with Celestia's massive haul of prime sockeye salmon next to his dinky little chub mackerel only served to remind him how big she was when compared to him.

Dick size notwithstanding, he was exhausted. "It doesn't really matter, I guess."

"Oh?" Asked Celestia, grabbing her oar. "Why not?"

"It's not like I can come out here and provide for you when you're sick, anyway. I can't cast the spell to breathe underwater."

"I can cast it before you come out. I can make it last four hours, even if I'm sick. Plus, we can just stew some fruits and vegetables."

"Jake scoffed. What kind of fruits would go into a stew?"

"Tomato," smiled Celestia. "Some peppers."

Jake looked up at Celestia. "Those are vegetables."

"No, they're not."

"But they're all vegetable-y!"

Celestia scoffed at him. "Do you know what the difference is between fruits and vegetables?"

"Fruits are sweet."

"Like lemons and grapefruit?"

"Those are different."

Celestia shook her head. "Fine. Carrots and onions are sweet. Sweet potato? Sugar beets?"

"Well, yeah, but those are vegetables."

"They're sweet, though. By your definition, they're fruit."

Jake thought for a moment. "Vegetables grow underground. Fruit grows aboveground."

"Spinach is a fruit, now?"

"What? No!"

Celestia shrugged. "Spinach is sweet, and it grows aboveground. Same with lettuce and cabbage. Is every salad a fruit salad?"

Jake grumbled. "Fine. What's the difference?"

Celestia smiled. "All fruits are actually vegetables. Vegetables just means edible plants. Roots, like carrots and beets, stalks, like broccoli and cauliflower, leaves like spinach and cabbage, tubers, like potatoes... What makes something a fruit is dependant on two factors. First, it came from a flower. Second, it has seeds in it. Fruits are nothing more complicated than seed pods with all the nutrients to advance its growth."

"So if you just let a fruit sit on the ground, it'll just grow?"

"Well, no. Sometimes, it has to pass through an animal's digestion, first, and then it comes out the other side with a big ol' gob of fertiliser."

Jake grimaced. "That's disgusting!"

Celestia chuckled and shook her head. "That's a part of life. That's how seeds make it from one place to another. That's one of the reasons why they're the hardest, most difficult part of a fruit to break through. Because they sometimes have to survive through stomach acid."

As Jake rolled his eyes, a large wave came up from behind and tossed him overboard. He wasn't very far from the shore, and even exhausted as he was, it wasn't a long swim back. However, he was thankful that the spell cast on him was still active, as he ended up with stands of something sharp wrapped around his leg. He was suddenly in searing pain, and as he gasped and screamed, he was glad that his lungs weren't filling with water.

He pulled himself back to shore, still not sure what had snagged him. Celestia was already there, and while she was dragging her raft ashore, she dropped everything as soon as she heard Jake shouting in pain.

She dragged him into the sand, and in the dim light of the evening, she saw the little yellow balloon he was dragging with his leg, about twenty centimeters wide.

"A jellyfish," she noted, untangling it from his leg and tossing it back in the water. With any luck, it was still alive and uninjured enough to float away.

Jake gasped and panted. There was only one way to neutralise the toxic venom of a jellyfish sting. "You have to pee on me!"

Celestia raised her eyebrow. "You sure about that?"

"It's the only way! It could kill me!"

With a nod, Celestia grabbed her penis and started spraying Jake's face with a stream of urine.

"My leg!" he shouted through the deluge. "Piss on my leg!"

"Sorry, but that doesn't work. Not for me, and certainly not for you."

As Jake continued to swat her away, her stream ran out, and she picked him up and carried him back to the house, setting a cauldron of water on the fire. She left him sitting on the bed while she left to grab the fish, then came back to add some cold water to the cauldron. It was very warm, just over forty-five degrees when she pulled his leg over next to it. With a pair of tweezers and her magic, she ran all the way up and down his leg, plucking out any barbs she could see.

"Luckily for you, that's not one of the more dangerous jellies," she said, having come down past his knee. "Yeah, the myth about spraying urine on the wound is baseless. I mean, the actual solution isn't too far off from that, just being hot water, but pissing on it will just cause a tiny bit of relief and a moderate chance of bacterial infection. You wouldn't smear manure on an open wound, would you?"

Jake shook his head. "How was I supposed to know? I've never been stung before, and everyone says that's the only cure!"

"I've also been told that the only cure for ignorance was a lead pipe, being applied vigorously to the temple. And yet, despite hearing that several times, I still keep my school for gifted unicorns open. Or kept, I should say. I don't know how it's faring without me."

Jake put a hand on her shoulder as he winced in pain. "I'm sure it's fine..."

Celestia nodded. "And I'm sure that Luna will send you some rash cream for your leg."