The King of Chalupas visits Equestria
Be forewarned this story is absolutely meaningless was written on a whim and has be references to other stories and parodies it was meant for a chap laugh and nothing more. this was a dare by a friend and i will continue with my real fics shortly King of the Chalupa is a identity i created when me and my friends were eating tacos and having a ssbm tourney
feel free to hate it i couldn't care less lol..
This story begins with the mane six meeting outside of Fluttershy s home.
“Oh ummm I’m glad you could all come,” Fluttershy said timidly as her friends gathered around.
“Oh it’s no problem at all sugar-cube,” AJ responded nonchalantly.
“Yeah AJ’s right so what’s up Fluttershy, why did you call us all down here, Rainbow Dash said trotting up to her friend.
“Oh well you see, I was wondering if you could all do me a favor, I mean if you don’t mind,” Fluttershy stammered.
Well of course darling, were all friends I’m sure we’d all be glad to help you in any way we can, Rarity chimed in happily.
“So what is it you want us to do.” the orange earth pony asked curiously.
“Oh that’s simple I was wondering if you could all Ummm well I mean you see… please.” Fluttershy mumbled almost inaudibly.
“Well of course we can… wait what?” Twilight said confused by what she thought she heard.
As she responded Fluttershy smiled stood up straight and was about to say something else, when out of nowhere before anypony could react, a figure fell from the sky landing in front of the six baffled ponies.
“ITZ A MEEE MOMMA DADDY LUIGI!!!!!!!!” The green wearing plumber boasted as he posed like a complete douche.
“WHAT in the hay is going” …. F’CHING! Was the sound of Luigis fist colliding with Twilights face, knocking her through the tree behind her and getting her horn successfully impaled on the tree behind the first one completely cutting off the purple unicorns quip.
“HOLY TAP DANCING HAY-BALES AND MOONSHINE GRAVY! Why’d you go and do that?” AJ yelped in surprise.
“CAUZ I’m MAMMA DADDY LUIGI KING OF THE CHALUPAS, imma hear too kill some stoopid ponies HOO HOO.” the mustachioed man retorted pointing at the ponies’ anger and a cruel delight flaring in his eyes
“WAIT! CHALUPAS you mean like, like, like tacos and burritos and CHIMMICHANGAS , that’s incredible, I mean oh my gosh and you’re their king CAN WE BE FRIIIIEEENNNDDS!!!” pinkie pie burst out her first line in this story of course being something ridiculous and random.
“Exactly imma the king and I would be your friend but I kinda have to kill you imma sorry.” The self-proclaimed king said actually sounding sincere.
“Anyway, why would you wanna atta,”…BLAAAM! Luigi proceeded too dropkick rainbow sending her sailing away until only a slight twinkle indicated where she had been hit into the sky.
“Thatsa a for interrupting my conversation you stoopid whorse.” the plumber said blankly, … no I’m not kidding he had absolutely no emotion at all, for that fact while he said it a fly flew into first his left eye then his right and he didn’t seem to even notice I mean talk about strange, anyway sorry for interrupting my bad I’ll just go.
“WOW! She got some serious air; I mean I think she’s still going.” Pinkie laughed as if the pony’s’ life wasn’t in peril.
Just then Luigi ran up grabbing pinkie by her back legs and spinning threw her through a window straight into FS’s house. Then turning he charged at AJ like a craved mustached bull, but at the last second the earth pony spun 180 degrees and bucked her Italian assailant, with all of her strength sending him flying and crashing into Fluttershys chicken coop. This however was a mistake, because once regaining his senses Luigi grabbed the nearest feather he could find. He then used a whole lot of deus ex machina bull shit and ate it giving the same effect as the feather in Mario; you know the one that gives you the cape. Now with the cape Luigis speed and strength have doubled, he charges at Applejack now ready to show them his true power.
“Oh buck!” Applejack said knowing what was coming next.
But Luigi then stopped just inches from AJs face, and looked at her like she was, I dunno a new piece of furniture or a new restraunt that just opened, you know with a mix of hope and curiosity.
He then without blinking tilted his head slightly opened his mouth like he was a Canadian from South Park and said “please insert coin for free cookie.”
“Wait what?” The farmer pony managed, confused to the point that she didn’t even want to understand what was going on anymore.
“Please insert coin for free cookie.” Luigi repeated mechanically not moving even one muscle.
“Okay?” she said pulling out a bit, lifting the coin she stopped and wondered where in the tarnation she was supposed to insert the damned coin, but as she thought this there was the mechanical sound of gears turning Luigis nose then parted in two revealing a coin slot. AJ didn’t bother questioning it instead sighed and inserted the coin.
"There ya happy now where’s my damned cookie,” AJ asked less than amused.
“Please insert coin for free cookie.” Luigi repeated once again
“But I just did,” Applejack said getting even more annoyed.
“Please insert coin”… “Fine here,” she inserted another coin silencing the repeated instruction.
Well WHERES THE DAMNED COOKIE,” the pony yelled.
“Please insert coin for free cookie.” Luigi repeated again
“You wanna damned coin here take em,” AJ roared throwing the coins at the floating unmoving plumber. All this accomplished however was for her coins to clatter off the plumber and get scattered all over the place.
Rarity then trotted over “Darling you must calm down this is exactly what this brute wants. He wants you to get mad; it’s all a game to this Thing. So just calm down and lets go check on Twilight. The unicorn calmly explained.
"Huh uhu huh your right I guess I just let this freak get to me.” The orange earth pony huffed. Yeah let’s go check on Twi, with some luck we can get her un-impaled from that tree.
As they walked away the previously motionless Luigi opened his mouth and a chocolate chip cookie fell out. He then fell from his suspended state and in the blink of an eye was nowhere to be seen.
Now while Luigi choose to pop back to life, Fluttershy was busy trying to pull Twilight out the tree she was currently stuck in.
“UUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH! Damn that maniac punching me through a tree I swear by Celestia I will make him pay for this,” Twilight ranted.
“Twilight you should calm down.” Fluttershy cooed trying to calm her friend.
"She’s right Twilight getting all flustered won’t solve anything." Rarity said with a slightly condescending tone.
“Now let’s see if we can get you outta there,” AJ said with a slight chuckle.
“Not a so fast it’s a time for me to super smash some equestrienne ass, Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!” The king of Chalupas laughed, appearing from behind the tree Twilight was still stuck in.
“Oh this is bad it looks like he’s back to normal.” Applejack said, but as she did so Luigi pounced pummeling the earth pony with a series of punches and chops, first a donkey punch then a series of quick jabs then a heavy side kick finally head-butting the pony successfully knocking her in a daze to the ground.
He then grabbed the dazed pony throwing her full force into the air, and then he jumped with such force and power in less than a second he had already passed AJ and was still gaining more distance and momentum. This however was only part one of his attack, by the time he reached his max height, his target had already fallen back to earth and now laid only half-conscious on the ground. The worst part being she was directly below Luigi which means with the force he would fall guess who’s gonna be his cushion for the impact.(you stumped yet moron well it’s not ditzy doo I’ll tell you that.} As Luigi now descended going at a speed that would normally rip a human into pieces he stayed right on course for his intended target to feel the unbelievable power of Luigis signature ultra! Super! Explosive! Dynamite! Epic! Power jump, As he landed there was a tremendous shock wave like what would follow a high caliber earthquake or explosion then a cloud of dust and dirt shot out engulfing the nearby area in a severely sight inhibiting cloud. When the cloud finally dissolved the ponies saw a very disturbing sight and I don’t mean the one you’d think you’d see after that kind of thing, first Luigi stood there completely unscathed from the impact of the collision and where AJ had priorly lain was not the mess of gore and body parts, but instead she still lay there except she was flattened into a one dimensional version of what she looked like prior to the attack, well that and she was clearly dead but I think the squashed thing takes priority over that, so anyway back to your previously scheduled program.
The ponies were so disturbed by the sight in front of them they couldn’t even speak. They were no longer just angry and annoyed by their mustached enemy but now truly frightened of his crazy side-scroller reign of destruction.
Luigi then turned and with the face of someone who didn’t have the slightest clue of what’s going on. He smiled and yelled
“WHO'S A NEXT FOR BUTT WHOOPIN MOMMA DADDY LUIGI STYLE.”
Surprisingly the one to respond was Rarity now wearing the face of someone who had snapped (yes Fillies and gentlecolts it is none other than the evil self-inflicted master of torture lil’ miss Rarity) HA HA HA you might be a king but mommies here to put you too bed permanently, so I hope you’ve made your final farewells cause I’m going to rip you too pieces.
“You can’t beat ME imma make you wish you were never born…ooooohhhh bunny,” Luigi trailed off watching Angle bunny run from the side of FS’s house to the yellow Pegasus.
While the king of Mexican fast food was distracted by the small creature, Rarity took this time to do what she does best accessorize. However instead of a dress or hat, she ripped the gems nearby from their rock prisons and was now sharpening them, for the sole purpose of disemboweling the green loving plumber.
Once the bunny made it to its earlier mentioned target the plumber refocused and turned back to the white unicorn. “O akay so where were we.” Luigi asked not remembering what they said all of two minutes ago.
“OH WE were right here,” Rarity said with a huge grin spread across here face and a dozen precious projectiles flying at the always slow mustached plumber. However at the last possible second Luigi retaliated pulling from his pocket a giant ass hammer, which he swung with practiced ease knocking all the projectiles away or smashing them into dust.
“LUIGIS the WINNER! Hohohohohoho, nowa it’s my turn.” Luigi said running toward Rarity with the hammer still in his hands.
“No! You can’t a real gentleman would never hit a lady.” Rarity squealed from pure untainted shock.
“FOR TACO MAC!!!!!” LUIGI blabbered as a retort. His hammer then collided hitting rarity straight into the air a good twenty or thirty feet. Luigi then took flight after her this time actually aiming for the pony head first they collided making the unicorn gasp and cough up her breakfast. He then proceeded with a ridiculously overdone over the top DBZ kind of combo knocking the white pony around like some sort of crazy pinball he ended the combo with a clone of Cpt. Falcons Falco punch that he called The Chalupa Fist the shape of (the flame looking like a green … (to tell the truth I’m not sure what the flames supposed to be and frankly I’m afraid to ask.) regardless the punch collided knocking the mare away from the plumber and as she flew slowly away from him she started to dissolve into golden dust but with the last of her strength she managed one last sentence. “I hate Mexican food … cough… and look behind you asshole.” Then she was gone another casualty of the plumbers ridiculous assault. The now deeply offended king turned and what he saw made him fall outta the sky but not before he turned his head toward the metaphoric camera and let out a little “UH-OH this is a bad.” He then fell landing head first on the ground still staring at the oncoming streak of rainbow colored fury. (if you’re not sure how he landed head first on the ground and is still staring at the rainbow its cause he landed upside down not flat. Just in case you were confused.)
Before he even had a chance to blink, the blur of rainbow force collided with the plumber sending him soaring into the air. Where in less than a second the streak started a barrage of ground shaking attacks, beating the Italian around like he was nothing but a ragdoll. (Kinda like Smarty Pants huh! Huh! yeah you know what I mean heh heh heh heh.) This brutal assault was ended by a powerful a ground pounding double hooved kick, sending him straight into the ground creating a crater and leaving the plumber inside, mangled and beaten.
“THAT’S FOR ATTACKING MY FRIENDS YOU FAT ITALIAN MEXICAN LOVING BASTARD!!!” The still very pissed Rainbow Dash yelled down into the crater.
She landed and with Fluttershy walked to the edge of the crater “well at least it’s over…AJ…Rarity I’m, I’m so, so sorry I couldn’t get here any faster.” Dashie said tears starting to wail up in her eyes over the loss of her friends.
It wasn’t your fault Rainbow you did the best you could and at least he’s beaten, so no one else will get hurt. The yellow Pegasus said while hugging her sobbing friend.
Unfortunately Fluttershys words would soon be proven not quite true. For while the two Pegasus hugged, they failed to notice a strange green mushroom fall out of the maimed plumbers dislocated hat and travel slowly toward his tattered corpse, and on collision stir the supposedly dead man. While a slow grin spreads across the green loving Italian and his limbs start to shift.
The two pegasi had finally gathered enough sense back to decide to go assist their still stuck friend and then find Pinkie, who had yet to reappear from Fluttershys home. As RD and Fluttershy returned to where Twilight Sparkle sat impatiently tapping a hoof against the side of her barky prison.
When Twilight noticed her friends approaching, “finally would somepony PLEASE GET ME OUT OF THIS DAMNED TREE!!!!”
“Calm down Twi I’ll have you out in ten seconds flat,” Rainbow Dash said half-heartedly.”
As Dash began the tedious task of trying to pry Twilight out of the thick trunk, but as she did there was a sudden shifting in the wind and Rainbow was gone
“OH FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA, DAMN IT! FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, SHIT, AWWWWWWWW!!!....oh Ummm excuse me.” Twilight said embarrassed, remembering that Fluttershy was right next to her.
“Oh no…no…its fine, I don’t mind I guess, I mean I get why you’re annoyed.” Shy said in a timid whisper.
Meanwhile in the air several miles above the tree Twilight still waited from, a very smug plumber stared down a shocked and bewildered Rainbow maned Pegasus.
“How…How…is it possible you, you WERE DEAD.” Rainbow finally managed, completely baffled as to how the Italian got back up from his beating and was not to mention completely healed.
“HoHoHoHoHoHo! you foolish little horse that’s easy I HAD A 1up. Now it’s a time I repaid that attack, prepare for a burrito bash, a taco takedown, a…a…enchilada Engagement, and finally prepare to die.” The insane king ranted eyes derping out as he went and his mustache twitching as if it had a mind of its own.
“Fine you want to go again then I’ll just put you back down in that crater where you belong, and this time I’ll bury you when I’m done.” Dash quipped back not feeling quite as cocky as she made herself seem.
“I guess we will see now come at me BITCH.” Luigi taunted charging the blue Pegasus.
“Fine I’ll show you my full power.” Rainbow retorted also charging the plumber.
Their clash shook the very heavens, as they collided mountains quaked, oceans boiled, and the very fabric of space and time was torn at its seams, as the universe split apart from this SHEER AWSOMENESS of the conflict the classic bout between the unmovable object (Luigi) meets the unstoppable force. (Rainbow Dash) Neither would relent as these two titans clashed and fought for the very destiny of EQUESTRIA!!!! (Meanwhile somewhere in a blue police box somewhere in the time stream, a very familiar British colt shudders but doesn’t have the slightest knowledge of why.)
(Now I could go into a deep awesome, super, exciting, explanation of their fight for I do hold the extensive vocabulary to do so. Unfortunately for you I’m an extremely lazy asshole. So I will just say to imagine the sickest, most badass, over the top, ridiculously, mind boggling battle for realities very existence, and then multiply that times one hundred thousand, and you would only have one tenth of how awesome my descriptive genius would allow me to construct said fight. Like I said though I’m lazy so yyyyeeeaaaahhhh….oh and for anyone who says I could have just written the battle in place of this long winded apology GTFO!!!!!! Anyway I’ll just go to the ending of the fight now, sorry for this inconvenience and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story, sorry for this cop out. He heh he)
As the two collided both now covered in varying bruises cuts and other assorted injuries, neither would give. They continued to struggle and attack each other with very little care of their own injuries.
“You might think you’re the king but really your just a monster, a killing machine and I won’t let you hurt anypony else, even if it costs me my life.” RD announced though Panting profusely.
“I see, well then I guess I’ll just have to kill you, though I have to admit you have been the most entertaining so far, I’m sad to hava to finish this up so suddenly but I have other people to see and the rest of your friends to kill.” The mustachioed combatant retorted though panting as well.
Then with speed even dash couldn’t compete with he dashed behind her and head-butt her straight down. When she collided with the ground Luigi pulled a small bomb looking thing with eyes. (Bob-omb) and threw it with full force at his stunned opponent and on collision the small bomb creature exploded, but before anything could react Luigi threw another and another with rapid succession he threw a torrent of bombs. When the smoke finally cleared all that was left of the speedster pony was a scorch mark and a small pile of ashes.
“HoHoHoHo! Stoopid little Gaybow, thought she had a chance how adorable now let’s see whose next.” With this the Italian took a good look around the only target he spotted was Fluttershy which he quickly descended towards, a stoopid grin beseeching his mustached face.
“Well my timid little friend it looks as if- but before he could finish, a blur of pink struck him from the side sending him skidding like a pebble over a liquid surface, until he collided with a large rock nearby.
“GUESS WHO’S BACK?” Called an all too familiar pink pony.
“HEEEEEY! Didn’t I kill you?” The plumber questioned innocently, as he rose “OH! And watta the hell happened to your mane, and your eyes?”
"Hahahaha, you thought you could kill me? Then you have a no idea who the hell you’re dealing with.” (From the deepest depths of her psyche rises the most notorious Killer in all of FIM. Its…its…its….PINKIMENA DIANE PIE!!!!)
“Nooowww let’s plaaaayyy!!!!” she laughed giddily, drawing her favorite array of knifes, needles, and scalpels from a doctor’s bag she pulled from seemingly nowhere.
“Well it’s very nice to meet you but you hava to die now missa Pie, sooo come at me bro.” the Plumber parried.
“I guess we’ll see.” The murderous pink pony mused as she trotted toward hurt opponent knife clinched in her jaw.
“Hey now iffa you’re gonna use weapons then soo will I.” proclaimed the Chalupa king. With this he pulled out his own weapon of choice the mighty hammer, and charged as well.
The fight between these two murderous heavyweights, is an intense flurry of close calls, narrow parries, heavy attack, and brutal injuries that consist of both sides being covered in cuts bruises and welts the covered their body and left both in a stale mate. Now the two fighters stare at each other grim smiles besmirching both their faces.
“I’m impressed; I’ve never met anyone who could face me in mortal combat. I have to say it’s really really fun.” Pinkimena reasoned.
“I agree, I’m sooo happy I think we should have a party.” Luigi announced.
“A PARTY, that sounds superdooperextraamazingly FUN!!!!” The once again normal party pony giggled.
It took Luigi only a second to notice the change, and only another second to act. He pulled out a small orange flower and ate it, while pointing his right arm open palmed at the smiling pony.
“Silly little Pink one you lowereda your guard now you die.” Luigi stated coolly as he fired a large green fire ball at his whimsical target.
Pinkie barely had time to register what was happening before the ball of ice cold flames collided with her flesh. It packed such force it actually lifted her several inches off the ground and rocketed her into the sky were it exploded into a B E A utiful series of fireworks that amazed even the Momma Daddy nearly to tears.
After the fireworks had ended Luigi took a moment of silence for his now deceased rival.
Luigi turned a grin of sheer mirth upon his face he strutted once again to the completely shocked Yellow Pegasus.
“Welluh I think that takes care of her don’tcha think?” he asked pleasantly.
"Ummm…well…i…i…I," the meek pony retorted.
Luigi was about to say something else when he heard a large crash, followed closely by a now flying tree. “Do trees normally do that?” me thought aloud.
“WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR ISSUE, YOU STOOPID BASTARD? I’M GOING TO KILL YOU RAAAAAWWWWWWRRRRRR!!!” A finally free Twilight bellowed.
"That’s not very nice,” Taunted the mustachioed fool.
“OH!!! REALLY JACKASS, I’M GOING TO SHOW THE MEANING OF THE WORD AGONY, WHEN I REMOVE YOUR INTESTENTS AND CHOKE TO TOO DEATH WITH THEM.”
“Feel free to try.” The Green Plumber asked as he flew forward.
“With Pleasure,” Twilight responded. As she focused her inner rage setting her alight in a coat of flames, and she charged madly toward her oncoming enemy.
They collided in a dome of energy. They were locked in a vicious fist to hoof grapple session where the glares alone were fatal. As the two powered up fighters slowly rose into the air energy shooting off endlessly in all directions.
When they finally untangled themselves they hovered twenty or so feet in the air, the raging energies, fighting to gain an upper hand or hoof or whatever, over the others. They both knew how this was going to end as they condensed their energy inward for one final charge.
“You realize that this will be the end of one of us?” Twilight asked strangely calm.
“Yep, this is the end, you already to face the end my purple friend.” Luigi said just as icy.
With that they rushed forward and when they did, it created an explosion so intense it would make a megaton bomb look like a fire cracker. When the blast faded, and the dust settled one figure rose from the crater and walked into the light.
“HOHOHOHO! I WIN. XD!” Luigi whooped with more emphasis than was strictly necessary.
For the umpteenth time he walked too Fluttershy. “There their all dead damn it unless there are any more bitches you didn’t mention.” He exhaled.
“Ummm no…no …NO that’s all of them my faithful killer you did your job and you did it well.” Fluttershy laughed.
“Thanka you I try to please.” he Retorted. Fluttershy then pulled out a small bag and tossed it to the Mexican loving killer.
“Now Thatsa profit, HOHO pleasure doin business Mrs. Shy. So uhhhh whatcha gonna do now? He asked
“OH that’s easy my Mustached friend first the other Elements, then the Princesses, THEN THE WORLD AHAHAHAHAHA uhuh…hehe sorry.” Fluttershy elaborated.
“Well I wish a you the best in your questa for power. Bye Bye.” Luigi then went as stiff as a board and with no seeable or explainable propulsion he flew straight into the air then through the atmosphere and was gone to where? No one knows and most just hope it’s not to their world. With that the Mysterious Chalupa king disappeared as strangely as he had come.
In the brush nearby a silhouette leaned against a tree and watched the proceedings. The unicorn couldn't believe what she had just heard after all of their friends dying to protect her, it turns out Fluttershy was the villain all along. With a tear in her eye the unicorn started to limp in the direction of the library she had a letter to send.
like i said way to much SSB and Waalah! i hope you enjoyed please comment or like thank ypu and remeber stay chill and deal HOOT!!!
