Equestria Copes

Everypony turned to look as the door slid open. Through the opening, a rather tall, thin creature walked, completely upright, like the beings encountered by Twilight when she visited Canterlot High School through the mirror portal. Its face was completely obscured by its hood which was crowned with a silver halo on its brow, and its body by robes. The only parts of its body unobscured by cloth were its claws, both of which were covered in metal plates, like armour. In its hands, it held a large binder.

"Finally!" grunted Rainbow. "Do you have any idea how long we've been waiting here?"

"Patience, Rainbow," urged Twilight, holding up a hoof. She then turned to the figure. "It has been quite a long time. We were wondering when you would come back for us, or even if you were going to come back for us."

"My apologies for the wait," it answered in a feminine voice. It seemed to echo backwards, as its words sounded quiet at first, then bounced back louder and louder until it hit just above a speaking volume. "There was much to do in preparation for your arrival."

"Four hours of preparation?" snorted Rarity. "That's quite a length of time to go with neither word nor water. If this is how you begin all of your eternal damnations, it's very well executed."

The being summoned a chair and sat down. "Damnation?"

Twilight nodded. "We've already figured out that there's some reason we weren't allowed in, and that we must have done something horrible without realizing it. I'm aware that I can be fairly negligent when I'm not paying attention, like that time I completely ignored Moondancer's party and drove her to shut out everypony around her. I was a pretty bad friend before I came to Ponyville. Who knows who was hurt when I accepted the role of Equestria's princess?"

Rarity sighed. "I must admit that I'm not above throwing a temper-tantrum."

"Ah'm stubborn," snorted Applejack bluntly.

"I act without thinking, all the time!" shouted Pinkie.

They all turned to Rainbow, who just kind of sat there for a moment. "Don't look at me; I'm the best."

"My beloved Angel Bunny is going to starve to death for my recklessness," sniffled Fluttershy.

"...I see..."

"And so we've decided," concluded Twilight. "The six of us are all going to be punished for our actions. Whichever one of us has performed so poorly as to bring the others down with us, we'll forgive. But we can't do that if we're separated. So give us your worst. We'll face it together."

Tick... Tick... Tick...

The creature cleared its throat and clasped its claws together as it leaned forward. "Do you know where you all are?"

"In a waiting room," answered Twilight, "at the gates of Tartauros. We are about to face our judgement and be punished for our crimes against all of Ponykind."

The creature shook its head. "It seems you have not been informed of what is happening. And it seems that in addition to that, some other things were done wrong. Allow me to correct a few things."

With the snap of its claws, a box protruded from the wall, upon which, a door opened, and several glass bottles rolled out, coming to rest in front of each of them. For Rarity, sparkling water. Fluttershy was given spring mineral water, Rainbow and Applejack were each given cider, Pinkie Pie punch, and Twilight a coconut and pineapple juice. Even Spike was served, being given spicy tomato juice with a single stalk of celery.

"Let me put you at ease. I have not come here to assign you any punishment. If it is your wish to leave this place and go to paradise, you need only to walk through the door through which you entered and inform the gate guard that you've spoken to me and decided not to accept my offer. No judgement shall be cast upon you for doing so. You have certainly done enough within your lifetimes to be afforded that amount of luxury and comfort."

"Is there more cider there?" asked Rainbow, almost slamming her empty bottle on the table.

"As much as you can drink."

"I'm sold!"

As Rainbow once again tried to fly off, it was revealed that Applejack had never released her tail. "Hang on, there!" She turned to the robed creature. "What's this here offer ye'r talkin' 'bout?"

"I'll admit, I haven't heard the offer, either," shrugged Twilight. "Or if I have, I either didn't recognise it or don't remember it."

The creature opened the binder and placed a single claw on the page. "I'll not go over all of the rules or give the entire speech at this particular moment in time, but the short version is that I'm offering you a job."

"Doing what?" asked Rarity. "I'm not one to shy away from hard work, but I would need to know what I'd be doing before I agreed to do anything."

"Well, I can't give you the exact details, as how you go about it does depend on you, but basically, you've been selected because you exemplify the qualities that we want to see in the world."

"It looks like you just have to keep doing what you were already doing," clarified Spike, having snatched the binder and flipped through several pages. He was speedreading, just like Twilight had taught him. "It looks like there are going to be some complications, given that we're all dead, but there are lots of ways around that. Methods we'd have to learn, techniques we'd have to employ, and a boss we'd all have to report to, but other than that, we're pretty much going to be the will of the seven elements of harmo-- Seven?"

"There are six elements of harmony, Spike," reminded Twilight. "I remember that, at least."

"There are seven," answered the creature, retrieving the binder. "Would I have brought Spike in on this if he didn't show a quality that we found to be important?" The creature stood up and walked to the door. "I will be leaving a guardian next to the door. If you need anything, just ask. Think it over, and if you want to help, then ask for me by name. If not... you know where the gate to eternity is."

Twilight took the binder as it was offered to her. "How do we ask for you? We haven't been given your name."

The creature chuckled, perhaps even smiled under its hood. "I am Vesper Evenstar."