Equestria Copes

Twilight, Pinkie, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow, Rarity and Spike were all escorted beyond the golden gates. Not through the main door, as most entrants would be directed, but through a side entrance meant for personnel. They were, after all, guardian angels, and that granted them faster access, without having to go through the fanfare every time. Resting was entirely optional, but having a nice place to return to in order to unwind from a difficult, or perhaps just upsetting mission was one of the perks of the job. They had been granted access to paradise, and they were granted a space all their own to do with as they pleased.

As they walked away, another angel flew up to Vesper and gave her a clipboard. "They're waiting for you."

Upon reading the paper attached to the clipboard, Vesper nodded and sent the other angel away. She had to deal with this herself.

Or rather, himself. Stepping outside of the gate and behind a partition, Vesper pulled back her hood. The scales on her armour clicked and twisted, losing their metallic polish in exchange for a black enamel. The tips of her fingers grew out to pointed claws. Her pale, almost blue skin turned red, great black horns grew from her brow, and from her jaw sprouted mutton chops.

The white cloth of her robes was removed and dissipated to nothingness, revealing a black quilted doublet. Beneath that, a red waist cape covered scaled cuisses, greaves with a goat skull kneecap, and sabatons resembling the talons of a bird of prey.

His eyes opened, and seven black wings sprouted from his back, flapped once, and then folded. He looked down at the clipboard again, then looked toward the building he was supposed to attend. Somepony inside didn't seem all that happy, throwing themselves at the door to break it down, but that was to be expected.

As he opened the door, he gripped the changeling queen that had tried to bust through it and threw her back inside, entering and closing the door. "Good morning, everyone!" he grinned. "I trust you all know what I've called you in here for?"

"Never seen you before in my life," commented Cozy Glow. "Say, would you mind opening that door again?"

"I would mind, yes. I called you here for a reason. It'd be stupid of me to just let you leave, Cozy Glow."

Tirek grunted. "You have us at a bit of a disadvantage. I don't believe we've had the honour of meeting."

"Oh, yes. That is indeed quite accurate a statement. Lucifer Morningstar."

"The star of morning," smirked Tirek. "Such a power would be welcome in my grasp."

"Welcome to the team, Lucy!" squeaked Cozy Glow, shaking his claw. "Tirek and I were just discussing ways we could return to Equestria and exact our vengeance! Just as soon as Chryssi opens the door..."

Chrysalis hissed back at her. "I told you not to call me that!"

As Chrysalis jumped at Cozy Glow, Lucifer stepped in the way and knocked her back down. "I have come here to offer you a deal. A lighter sentence in exchange for a confession. If you sign these papers," he pulled out three contracts, "then I will make sure that the one in charge of your cases is made aware that you are very sorry for what you did."

Chrysalis just laughed. "Do you think I'm a fool?"

"I do," volunteered Tirek.

"You're like, super unfriendly and shit," retorted Cozy Glow. "Like, it's kind of no wonder you keep ending up caught, because you can't act like a normal pony."

Tirek chuckled. "You're one to talk. You even have the benefit of actually being a pony, and you can't even fit in on your own."

"Hey, at least my plan was kept secret until I was ready to spring it!" snapped Cozy. "Better than just roaming the countryside with a sense of impunity!"

"I had impunity, you rancid cunt! No one dared stand against me."

Lucifer whistled. "Everyone, I need you to sign these documents, or I will be forced to tell my superior that you didn't. Yes or no?"

"I need sign no document," snorted Tirek. "Do your worst."

Cozy just started fake crying. "Wh-why are you b-bullying me? I didn't d-do anything to you!"

Chrysalis spat on the pages. "Pretty sure we can convince your superior that we never saw those papers."

Lucifer just nodded and folded up the documents. "The fact that your saliva is on the page says otherwise."

The confidence flushed from Chrysalis's face.

"That's right. You've seen the documents. Your DNA is right there on the dotted line."

"Stupid bitch," chuckled Cozy Glow.

"Oh, I wouldn't laugh too hard, Cozy. Because now that she's been caught, what's to prevent her from striking a new deal to throw you under the bus for a further reduced sentence?"

Chrysalis smiled and shifted into the form of Cozy Glow. "I'm one hundred percent guilty, and Chryssi did nothing wrong!"

"She has you there," laughed Tirek. "It's settled. We blame Cozy Glow for everything, and the rest of us go free."

"You son of a bitch!" shouted Cozy. "I promise you, I'll find a way around this! Gimme that contract, Lucy!" Lucifer pulled out one of the contracts unsoiled by Chrysalis's spittle and Cozy scrawled her name across the bottom. "Looks like I'm the only one with a reduced sentence!"

Tirek grabbed the pen from her hoof and held out his hand to Lucifer, as if demanding a contract. "I'll not be subject to your filth, you little shit..."

Lucifer gave him his contract, and Chrysalis signed the last one. It would be quite detrimental to be the only one that didn't sign the confession.

"Very good," nodded Lucifer. "Who says the souls of the damned can't make a change? I'll tell your case worker that you signed this, and your sentence will be reduced."

"Reduced to zero, right?" pleaded Cozy, batting her eyelashes.

"Nope. You're still going to Tartauros. The difference is that now, you qualify for a parole hearing after your first thousand years."

"I thought that's something you'd have to take up with your superior?" questioned Chrysalis.

"Nope," chuckled Lucifer. "Forgot to tell you this, but I'm filling in for one of my subordinates. I'm the supervisor. He was supposed to hand over these papers to me. Whoopsie!"