I’m Not A Princess!

by Admiral Producer

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sunny Starscout, Spike, Comedy, My Little Pony: A New Generation, Dragons, Random
Length: 3608

Sunny wants to get to know Spike better after their battle with Opaline, so she takes a trip to the Isle of Scaley for a simple conversation between friends. Unfortunately, Spike seems incapable of grasping this one simple fact about her….

Sunny wants to get to know Spike better after their battle with Opaline, so she takes a trip to the Isle of Scaley for a simple conversation between friends. Unfortunately, Spike seems incapable of grasping this one simple fact about her. Together, the two of them attempt to settle the dispute as to whether or not Sunny truly qualifies as a princess once and for all.

She…might not like the answer though.

A/N: Episode 3 of the G5 Supplementary Universe. Featured on Fimfiction’s List of Stories On The Homepage: December 3, 2023

Sequel: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/552756/how-does-it-not-bother-you

Published 2023-12-03 07:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-12-03 07:40:01 UTC

If You Say So

“Ugh, how many times do I have to tell you?!” Sunny protested angrily. “I am not a princess! I don’t even qualify to be one!”

“Sure you do,” Spike replied teasingly, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. “You have a horn and you have wings. That’s pretty much all it takes.”

Sunny groaned, putting her hoof to her face in exasperation. She looked to the other dragons around her for help, but they seemed just as clueless as she was. It was at this point that she knew that she was on her own, and she silently cursed herself for letting things escalate to the point where it was at now.

She had expressed interest in following up with Spike for a while after the battle with Opaline as she felt like she barely knew him. Even though they had fought together to save Equestria, the relationship between ponies and dragons was still all strategy and she wanted to break the ice with the famous Dragon Lord. So when she finally had some time on her hooves, she flew out to the Isle of Scaley and arranged a meeting with him via Blaize and Lava. She thought that it would be a simple meeting between friends, and that she would get along with him no problem.

Little did she know, Spike was more of a jokester than she had anticipated, and he couldn’t help himself from attempting to settle an old score with her. For some reason, he was convinced that because she could turn into an alicorn, she had to qualify as a princess. She had no concept of that whatsoever, and she certainly didn’t think herself as royalty. In her mind, she wasn’t any different than the other ponies in the land. She didn’t feel any more special than her friends, and she had tried to tell him as much, but Spike was stuck in ancient times and couldn’t wrap his head around this idea that she wasn’t the rightful heir to the Equestrian throne by default.

He was determined to get her to see the error of her thinking, even if it meant confusing the heck out of everyone around him in the process.

Spike noticed her frustration and cleared his throat. “Let’s take it from the top again as there appears to be some misunderstanding. Sunny, you are an alicorn, right?”

Sunny nodded. “I can turn into one, yeah. But how does that-“

“And alicorns were historically known to rule parts of Equestria, no?” he continued. Again, she nodded. “Okay, so by definition, you are a princess and therefore, the rightful ruler.”

“But I’m not a true alicorn!” argued Sunny, taking a step forward defensively. “It’s a magical power up! It isn’t some sort of permanent transformation, you know!”

“The fact that you can become an alicorn makes you qualified enough in my book,” Spike said calmly. “Like I said, if you have a horn, and you also have wings, you’re a princess! That’s just how this works.”

“What if I choose not to be a princess?” Sunny challenged him boldly. “What are the laws for that?”

Spike smiled sheepishly. “Eh, you can’t exactly do that. By Equestrian tradition, you are a princess. I’ll admit there’s never been a case of somepony outright ‘refusing’ their title, but you just might be the first one. But no, you can’t refuse.”

“So if somepony is born an alicorn, they’re pretty much stuck being a ruler forever?” Sunny asked, her eyes widening in horror.

“Yeeeeaaaah,” Spike answered. “I hate to tell you, but that’s pretty much right on the money. But don’t worry, I have been through this before, so I know exactly how you’re feeling. Twilight went through the same stages of denial over her ascension.”

“But but-“

“I’m surprised you haven’t rebuilt Canterlot by now.”

“But I’m not!” Sunny insisted. “I’m just…little ‘ol me. I’m not princess material! Maybe it was like that back in Twilight’s day, but times have changed! We don’t have alicorn rulers now!”

“So no one rules Equestria anymore?!” Spike demanded in shock, gasping audibly. He looked petrified beyond belief at the prospect of this being true.

“That is not what I meant-“ Sunny tried to say, silently cursing herself for saying the wrong thing.

Spike wasn’t having any of it. “Oh no no no no no no. This is bad. This is really, really bad. No wonder you ponies needed our help against Opaline! You guys don’t even have a ruler of your own!!”

“No!” Sunny cried desperately. “Spike, you have to listen to me!!”

“We must initiate a takeover of Equestria!!” Spike declared, standing on top of his throne and spreading his wings out wide. “These ponies have no idea what they’ve lost! How much they’re suffering!! WE FLY OUT AT DAWN!!!”

The dragons all roared and breathed fire in approval. They stomped their claws on the ground and chanted his name. Sunny could feel the world crashing down before her very eyes and she had to say something before it was too late.

“STOP!!!” she screamed at the top of her lungs. The dragons all quieted down and faced her upon hearing her. She took a deep breath to calm herself. “Look. We do have rulers, but they’re not alicorns. Heck, ponies don’t even control the Sun and Moon anymore.”

“Wait, they don’t?!” Spike asked in surprise, doing a double take upon hearing this. “Geez, you guys have really been slacking off. So who raises the Sun now?”

Sunny shrugged. “I don’t know. They’ve just been operating independently for years. Maybe we don’t need alicorns to control them anymore. I certainly don’t know how to do it.”

“So if alicorns don’t rule Equestria anymore, then who does?”

“Well,” explained Sunny carefully. “We do have three separate civilizations for each of the pony tribes, but it doesn’t really matter anymore since anypony can basically live anywhere. There are separate leaders for each town, all with their own rules.”

“This is blasphemy!” Spike exclaimed in horror. “No one to manage all three pony tribes at once?! How can you all have unity without any form of central leadership?”

“We’ve…been operating pretty fine the way we’ve been,” she countered. “I mean, it’s not like the lack of alicorn authority is really a detriment.”

“It kinda is though,” Spike retorted. “Those other leaders were taken out by Opaline like it was nothing. If we had someone like Celestia in charge, she would’ve been taken out like nothing and we would’ve been spared 45 minutes of nonstop cutie mark stealing shenanigans.”

“How does that-“

“Opaline’s methods may have not been right, but she was correct in theory. Equestria needs its princesses and the only good one around here is you, Sunny. It’s your destiny! You were born for this! You need to assert your dominance over everypony…in a nice way, of course.”

“But I’m not a leader!” Sunny insisted. “All I do is take the initiative when my friends are in trouble and I’d do anything to help them!”

“So…basically a leader then.”

“No! I’m not a leader-“

“Sunny,” stated Spike a matter-of-factly, his expression showing that he was quickly getting tired of her arguments. “Let’s just face the facts. You took a stand when nopony else did and fought for what you believed in, even when everyone else doubted you.”

“I did,” Sunny admitted, nodding. “But I don’t see how that proves-“

“On top of that, you also brought magic back and became the sole keeper of the Unity Crystals,” he continued. “You lead a group of friends who spread friendship to those in need.”

“Yes, but-“

“And you are who other ponies turn to in times of crisis.”

Sunny sighed. She was losing this debate faster than a pearnana deluxe smoothie popping out of the blender, and she hated it so much. “Yes.”

“Does that not make you the leader of ponies and dare I say it,” Spike asked her sternly. “A princess?”

“I-“

“It does. Like it or not, you’re the leader to all ponykind in all but name and the sooner you admit that, the better off you’ll be. You brought magic back, you showed leadership qualities when reuniting the tribes, and you even showed it with us. I saw that rare form of confidence in you when you recruited us to help. You are representative of the next generation of alicorns. You can carry on Twilight’s legacy! Take up her mantle for pony’s sake!!”

“But I wouldn’t be a better leader than Alphabittle and Queen Haven!” Sunny argued. “I can’t manage the pegasi and unicorns like they can!”

“You’re an alicorn who’s under the authority of earth ponies, unicorns and pegasi,” Spike replied. “Something’s not right with this picture. Anything would be better than giving normal ponies this kind of authority. Alicorns became rulers for a reason. They possessed the magic of all three types of ponies, and that granted them the kind of authority that regular ponies just don’t. You have that. You should use it to help better the lives of your fellow ponies. I’m sure your friends would love being on the new Council of Friendship.”

“I’m sure they would,” Sunny reasoned. “But that’s a big responsibility! Not to mention, I can’t even be classified as a princess! I’m not the daughter of some pre-existing ruler.”

“Neither was Twilight,” Spike said. “Celestia and Luna weren’t either. Back in my day, ‘princess’ was a term reserved for the rulers only. We didn’t have concepts of heirs by birthright. The only exception I can think of is Flurry Heart, and she took on her new responsibilities pretty well, all things considered.”

“So princesses were the sole sovereigns? What about kings and queens?”

“They were usually evil, so they didn’t count.”

“All of them?”

“Pretty much,” Spike answered her. “I can’t recall a single queen figure aside from Queen Novo that was benevolent. Weird how that stereotype worked back then. You guys don’t have evil queens anymore?”

“No. Queen Haven’s very nice,” Sunny explained. “Aside from Opaline, queens are generally very chill now if you really think about it. It’s a good thing too.”

“Man,” Spike mused, putting his claw to his chin. “Times must have really changed. Nice queens, no alicorn princesses? The Sun and Moon move on their own now?!”

“Also earth ponies have magic. Like, real magic.”

“Wow.”

“I hope this is not too much for you to process,” Sunny spoke cautiously. “I know it’s been a long time since dragons have been around.”

“It certainly has,” Spike replied to her, conceding the point. He sighed deeply. “So essentially, what you’re trying to tell me is…alicorns like you still exist in the present day, but they hold no authority whatsoever. The title of ‘princess’ is basically meaningless now as anypony born of a ruler can have it.”

Sunny nodded. “Yeah. We don’t raise the Sun and Moon, nor do we hold any form of governmental office. I think that’s for the best though. I’d probably blow up the entirety of Equestria if I was forced to be on the throne.”

Spike put his claw to his forehead in exasperation, groaning. “Oh dear…well this is definitely not the future I had hoped to wake up to, that’s for sure. The old traditions are gone, alicorns are basically useless, you guys have all migrated by species to separate civilizations… How does anything work now?!”

“Sorry,” Sunny apologized. “But hey, at least there are ponies like my friends and I who are dedicated to restoring the old ways, right? We’re carrying on Twilight’s legacy already just in our everyday lives!”

“But that means nothing!” Spike exclaimed, throwing his claws up into the air. “We were evacuated to this island as part of Twilight’s plan to keep everything the same! She gave everything up so that you all could live better lives! Little did she know, you guys would lose magic all by yourselves and undo all that friendship she spent her life building towards!”

Sunny blinked in confusion. “Wait…so Twilight didn’t drain all magic from Equestria? The fact that the other ponies separated wasn’t her mess?”

“Heck no! Her plan was to store all the magic in the Crystals in order to protect it from Opaline, not hold it hostage in order to force cooperation!” Spike yelled. “Ponies could still use magic no problem! What kinds of idiots would interpret her actions like that?!”

“Oh trust me,” Sunny revealed wearily. “You’d be quite surprised as to how many ponies on the Canternet are saying that Twilight would never do such a thing, and that she failed to protect Equestria from Opaline’s wrath. I know. Crazy, right?”

“That…actually makes the whole Friendship Journal fiasco we went through look tame by comparison,” remarked Spike, taking everything in. “How do certain ponies even wake up in the morning?”

Sunny shrugged. “I don’t know.”

That was when Spike got back on topic. “Nevermind. That’s not important. Equestria may have changed, but in the time period I come from, alicorns are princesses. And so are you, Sunny. You can’t deny your own destiny!”

“But what if I don’t want to?!” demanded Sunny. “What if I don’t think I’m ready for such a responsibility?”

“You don’t have to rush it,” conceded Spike. “But eventually, there will come a time where you have to do better, where you’ll have to step up. The last thing we’d want is another nut job from Skyros coming in and ruining everything. Do you want everything to fall to pieces again?”

“No, I-“

“Good. Be sure to invite me to your coronation next week.”

“Next week?! But you just said-“

“Kidding! But my point still remains. Do you want to protect Equestria or not?!”

“I do! I just-“

“So you’d rather nopony rule Equestria?” Spike pressed. “You want the land to stay separate forever and eventually fall into anarchy?”

“No!” Sunny cried. “That’s the last thing I want!”

“Do you want more evil alicorns to start invading and causing havoc?” Spike grilled her, his eyes going wide with panic. “Imagine the threat of Opaline, but multiplied to over a hundred! Cutie marks being stolen left and right, a holy war spreading across the universe like an unquenchable fire! Towns and cities being burnt down to a crisp! Millions of ponies dying by the second and being slaughtered in cold blood! All because you couldn’t save them! You couldn’t save your own friends!!!!”

“No, please!!” Sunny begged, her eyes filling with tears. “Don’t make me-“

“Don’t cry in front of me, soldier!!” Spike barked. “You are a princess!! You are more than this! You’re stronger than you believe!! You must take the initiative or everypony will DIE BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES!!!!!”

“Fine!!” Sunny sobbed, sniffling as tears streamed down her cheeks. “I’m a princess! Are you happy now?!”

Spike leaned back on his throne, smiling with satisfaction. “I am. Thank you for finally seeing the error of your ways, Sunny. Now if only Twilight could see how savage I’ve become in the last several hundred moons. She’d be quite impressed.”

“Your Spikeness,” Blaize interjected, stepping in between them. “My apologies for intruding on this…” She glanced apologetically at the inconsolable Sunny, who was crying her eyes out on the floor. “…very enlightening conversation, but I don’t recall traumatizing our new friends being part of our initiation.”

“I couldn’t resist,” Spike answered her, shrugging his shoulders. “Perhaps I went a little too hard on her though. I could’ve been a lot nicer with my friendship test.”

“Emphasis on ‘a lot.’” remarked Luxxe flatly.

Sunny got up from the floor upon hearing this exchange and she glared daggers at the Dragon Lord. “Wait…WHAT?! You mean to tell me that you traumatized me for life and threatened my friends with the possibility of death, all for a stupid friendship test?!”

“Surprise!” Spike revealed. “I know that I could never force you to become a ruler if you don’t feel ready, but that doesn’t mean that I couldn’t have a bit of fun at your expense.” He smiled sheepishly. “I’ll admit that some of my O&O sessions with Discord have kinda rubbed off on me.”

“Obviously,” Sunny growled. “You just have way too much fun with teasing me, don’t you?!’

“You remind me a lot of Twi,” Spike admitted. “And I used to pull this with her a lot as I grew older. She eventually got used to my antics. You, however…just seeing the look on your face as I did the whole overreaction thing was absolutely priceless. I’m never letting you live that down.”

Sunny sighed. “Whatever. This at least is the most interesting conversation I’ve had in a long time.” She swallowed her pride and faced him once more. “Are you ready for us to actually talk like friends now?”

Spike nodded. “Certainly. What’s on your mind?”

“Well,” Sunny said worriedly. “You mentioned that there were other alicorns out there from Skyros…right? Possibly worse than Opaline?”

“Yeah,” replied Spike. “Skyros is where Opaline came from. If she could be that evil, then imagine how many others could be waiting right now to finish what she started.”

“Do you think that…they still exist today?”

Spike nodded again, his face now looking serious as he looked her squarely in the eyes. “I believe they do.”
———————————————————————————————————————————————
The skies above are a blood red and overcast. Lightning strikes from the clouds and onto the peak of the mountain. The soil is all barren and dry. Clouds of ashes and dust obscure the landscape and nothing can be seen. But there are noises. The sounds of a thousand hoofsteps can be heard through the slowly clearing haze. They are slowly drawing near, and the stomping intensifies as they get closer to their destination.

Figures emerge from the haze and soon materialize into full-blown alicorns. Their expressions are grim and they are wearing battle armor all over their bodies. They carry swords and lances in their hooves. Their coats are marked with cuts and bruises. They are marching out to war, and no one can stop them. They have had enough of staying in the shadows, and they feel that it is time to take back what is rightfully theirs.

The army stops at the edge of the mountain at the request of their leader, skidding to a halt. The alicorn commanding the charge is a large mare with massive wings and a horn. Her mane and tail is red, but that is all that can be seen as her face is obscured by her looking at the ground.

Slowly but surely, however, she lifts her head in order to look at the path ahead. A forehead is first revealed, followed by the pitiless gaze of those piercing blue eyes.

Her lips slowly curl into a sinister smile, and her horn lights up with a crimson aura.
———————————————————————————————————————————————
“Buuuuuuuut…” Spike finished, grinning nervously. “It’s better if we just don’t think about that too much.”

“Oh great, now I’m gonna have nightmares,” Fountain commented. “Thanks a lot for ruining my beauty sleep tonight.”

Blaize sighed with exhaustion. “It’s what he tends to do, intentionally or not. But whoever he was describing, it’s probably no one important.”

“Well that’s a relief,” Sunny chimed in, smiling. “I wouldn’t wanna have to deal with another one of those any time soon.”

Spike stood up from his throne. “Well luckily, you won’t ever have to go through it alone. Ponies and dragons are friends once again, and we’ll always have Equestria’s back no matter what!”

Sunny and the dragons cheered at this news as it symbolized the formation of a new unbreakable bond, and the beginning of a new era. There was nothing to stop this alliance now. The unity between them was stronger than whatever power that a villain could dream of, and absolutely nothing would break the good mood that she was feeling.

“As long as you agree to assume the throne of Equestria next week!”

“…What?”

Author's Note

Evil Fausticorn confirmed? Eh, I’ll just go ahead and confirm that yes, I snuck that in as a little Easter egg tease. This likely won’t be getting a follow up in any capacity as it was always meant to be just a silly one-shot from its very conception. I might make more stories based around this Spike providing this one performs well, but they won’t be sequels to this one.

This fic was something that I decided to write yesterday night while taking a break from studying because I was feeling quite like the funny guy for some reason. After watching that little exchange in Chapter 6 where Spike calls Sunny a princess as he’s heading out to stop Opaline, I knew that this was some juicy material that I had to expand upon. Imagine what would happen if we had an episode where Spike wanted to settle that score with Sunny and finally convince her to fulfill her destiny as an alicorn. And well…this story was born. I’m quite proud of how it turned out, and bonus points goes to anyone who can spot my not-so-subtle dig at the G5 hatedom in there. It’s cleverly buried within the whole discussion, but once you see it, you can never unsee it. :raritywink:

I hope you all had just as much of a laugh reading this story as I did writing it, and feel free to let me know what you think of it down below. One story down, five more to go this month. Let’s do this! I’ll be seeing you all soon. Bye!