The Not-So-Scientific Way of Flirting

by Soaring

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Comedy, Equestria Girls, Sex, Sunset Shimmer, Profanity, Twilight Sparkle (EqG), Slice of Life, Human
Length: 2647

Sunset recieves a text from Twilight, who attempts to hit on her. The attempt was definitely there, but Sunset didn’t want to believe it.

During the middle of the night, Sunset receives a text from Twilight. At first, she didn’t think anything of it, until she realized that Twilight was hitting on her, and she was serious about it.

It only got worse better from there.

Art done by freshfriend (can't find an active source for their art unfortunately).

Published 2023-12-08 14:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-12-08 14:40:00 UTC

Are you kidding me?

Author's Note

Challenged myself to write something completely out of my comfort zone. I've always had trouble writing romance fics, so I tried to write one here.

Hopefully you all enjoy it. :twilightsmile:

Are you kidding me?

Room was dimmed by a lamp in the corner. Shadows lurked around it. White walls stood tall. A calendar hung by a thread. 21st circled in red. Dinner with friends italicized. A black marker streaked down the side. On the floor was a mess: an old empty pizza box from yesterday still opened, the damaged remains of a blinder tossed asunder, TV covered in more boxes, a green sticky note smacked dab in the center of the screen—get this cleaned before a certain somepony relocates me to the Sun—and several books, textbooks in particular, were strewn about, open pens and notebooks too; even a picture of her and her friend, tilted just 90 degrees, hung in the balance between gravity and security over a bed.

On the bed was a girl. Young and spry, laying there asleep. Surrounded by insolence.

She started to move. Shifting. Rustling. A little too much. A rollover in bed. Call the paramedics.

“No… No…”

Her name was Sunset. She rolled, she rolled, then tossed, then rolled again. She clutched the sheets, fetal position on deck. The mast was set to sail.

Murmuring. Then she shivered.

“Twilight…”

Shiver, shiver, shiver. She murmured more. And then—

♪ WAKE ME UP, I’M DROWNING IN MY SECRETS! ♫

Sunset popped off her pillow. Her eyes were wide open, her breathing was haggard. She looked around, before setting her sights on her phone. She darted to it, only to completely miss her mark and almost punch her lamp.

“Oops—ack!”

She took another wrong roll and fell off her bed and onto the pizza box from last night. Groaning, she got up, and fumbled to the stand. She pulled down the string and—

“Aghhh!” she yelped. She rubbed her eyes. “What time is it?”

Sunset checked the clock. It replied in bold red numbers and letters: 1:20 AM.

“Why am I up right now?!”

Panicked, she attempted to wade through the boxes. She almost tripped over one, but thankfully the wall had her back, propping her up with no issues. With that, she bounced off it and picked them up. With a huff, she carried them into the kitchen and practically slam dunked them into the trash. She had to really pack them in there; the garbage was full.

Better take it out later.

She walked back into the room. Cleaned the rest of the mess as she said she would do: cleared the notebooks and textbooks first. Even the pens, which she had to find the caps for and regretted every second of it—threw them all in her book bag resting by her apartment door. Well, except for one textbook. A Chemistry book, which its pages were now bent as she had just missed her bag.

Missed her bag.

“I hate myself,” Sunset declared, attempting to make the pages as close to not bent as possible. She smoothed out the pages with her fingers, making sure her delicate hands didn’t take another paper cut. She sighed, folded them all twice over—scratch that, four times over, and then checked her phone—

BLING BLING BLING

“Pick up the phone, bitch!” the phone said with malicious intent.

“???”

Sunset sounded like a cross between a dog whimpering/barking, and someone scratching their nails on a chalkboard. She couldn’t contain herself, her hands gliding over the screen to open up her LINE app.

Hey, Sunset. I know it’s late, but did you study for the chem test?

Sunset grumbled to herself as she tapped that screen like it was the last thing she would ever do with that phone.

Why are you asking me this @ 1 in the morning?

Sunset was pissed. She was pissed that Twilight, her best friend, would decide to just text her about a text at this hour and not have the proper manners to say, ‘Hey, are you up?’, like who the heck doesn’t do that? I mean, at least mind your manners you—

BLING BLING BLING

Pick up the—

“Shut up, phone!"

Sunset held the ringer volume until it reached 0.

Can’t sleep. Too much prep work. And I thought you could use some company.

She rolled her eyes.

“That’s totally what Twilight would be doing—wait what does she mean by company?”

Company? Oh no no no. You’re not doing this now, Twilight. Go to bed. You’re drunk.

The screen flickered. A tilt of her head.

I’m not drunk! I just wanted to talk to you.

And you couldn’t wait until I got up in like… five hours?

Sleep is for the weak.

Facepalmed. Winced.

I hope you step on a lego.

No lego stepping. Just me, you, and twenty minutes of unfettered commentary on The Conspiracies of Starswirl’s Beard Vol 1 of 5!

IT. IS. A. WEEKDAY.

AND? MORE OF A REASON TO TALK ABOUT IT!

Sunset nearly threw her phone across the room, but she caught herself and instead flopped on her pillow. Furious typing followed.

Twilight, it’s late. I need my rest, and you need some too.

A long pause. It was like she heard Twilight from all the way down the street contemplating her next move. The next move in a twenty move battle thus far, and for some reason, Twilight’s Queen was out in front, shuffling down the board to put Sunset’s King in check, and she wasn’t a fan of that right now, not one bit. In fact, she would rather have her Queen sacrifice itself to destroy Twilight’s but she hadn’t crossed that bridge of anger… yet. It was distilling in a giant vat somewhere deep within the confines of herself. She wasn’t willing to go there, not even if she was going to find the end of a rainbow that was filled with a pot of gold—

Suddenly, Sunset’s phone vibrated like she just found the pot of gold.

Then if you don’t want to talk, what if we slept together?

What if we slept together

What if we slept together

What if we—

Sunset gasped, and then nearly punched a hole in her wall.

I’m sorry, what?

It was not even a few seconds before her phone suddenly flickered to life.

You read that right. I’m in your walls.

Sunset weakly chuckled. Fingers danced on the screen.

No you’re not.

I can if you let me.

????

LOL, you’ll be full of soot and grime.

I don’t think we’re talking about the same walls.

There’s no way you’re doing this right now.

The screen bust out the purple lights. A giant sticker of a pony with a tongue sticking out. Playful as can be.

Got a problem with this?

Eyes boggled.

“Is she serious?”

See what I said initially to you, then read what you just said. And slooooowwwwwlllllyyyyy.

I know how to read, Sunset. Look, do you want me to sleep with you or not?

Are you sure you know what you’re asking?

Did Einstein write a comedy about gravity?

A little giggle. Air escaped through the nose of disappointment.

No, but you probably could make one if you just mc2 it.

Better get tickets to my show then. I’ll make sure you get the best seats in the house.

Shifting in the blankets. A little yelp sprung forth.

Not buying any. I’m broke right now.

Sunset… did you buy pizza again?

Yes. I ate them all.

A giant pizza emoji glowed in front of Sunset’s smile.

Liar! You definitely have some saved.

Her fridge moaned in response.

How did you know?!

I said I’m in your walls. Or rather, outside them. Legitimately. Open the door before I freeze my butt out here!

What.

Sunset turned around, walked down the hall, and peered through the eye of the door.

Twilight smiled, sheepishly, holding a pillow in her arms. She had on her glasses, and she was wearing PJs with a light lavender shirt that said in very BOLD lettering: WEAR PURPLE on her chest. Sunset stared at the shirt, then back at Twilight.

Words began to form:

“W-What are you doing here?”

“Sleepover. Now.”

Sunset held her arm out, pressing right against Twilight’s forehead. “Not until you tell me why.”

Twilight put on her best pair of puppy eyes the world had ever seen. “But Sunset, please consider my safe—”

“It’s way past midnight right now,” Sunset replied. She glared daggers at her friend. “Your safety for yourself was out of the question by you when you decided to walk over here in the freezing cold and—”

“Just let me in, please?” Twilight pleaded, giving Sunset something akin to a dog begging for a treat.

“No.”

“Please?”

…

Twilight stared, her eyes shimmering in the night. Her eyes were half-lidded and that smile formed into a smirk that Sunset felt deep within her body, like her heart was starting to speed up and—

“Okay, fine.”

Twilight rushed into Sunset’s apartment, and hopped on her couch. “Thank you!” she sang.

Sunset took a deep breath and shut the door behind her. “So, are you really over here just to sleep over?”

“Sleeping over? Yes. How you would like it? No, I’m contrarian.”

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Sunset replied as she moseyed her way over to said couch. She noticed Twilight was wearing a smirk on her face, something that was… well, contrarian of her to wear.

Maybe she really was contrarian—

“So… about that chemistry test.”

“I thought you wanted to talk, not study?”

Twilight twiddled her thumbs. “I wanted… to do both—”

“Nope. I’ve already studied. It’s time for sleeptalk.”

“Sleeptalk?”

“Well you’re the one that wanted to come over to talk, and I’m the one who wanted to sleep. Those two combined makes for a one-sided conversation while I cuddle with my blanket and pillow—”

“You mean your body pillow of—hmph?!”

“Stuff it,” Sunset said, putting her hand over Twilight’s mouth. “No one needs to know.”

Then, she felt it, a tongue licking her hand. Sunset repulsed, flicking her hand back to her side. “Why did you just—”

“Fastest way to get you to squirm,” Twilight said. She giggle-snorted at Sunset, who was totally not enthused with how things were going. “Y-You are really that embarrassed?”

“Where is all this confidence coming from, Twilight?”

“Lack of sleep, Chemistry, and being hot and bothered for my friend who thinks I’m messing with her when I’m just socially awkward and need to force herself into uncomfortable situations in order to feel comfortable—”

“Slow down there, Twilight. It isn’t a race!”

Twilight’s eyebrows furrowed. She popped off that couch like she meant it. “I’m not racing! Well, other than my heart. I think if I don’t get this out, it’ll leap out of my chest or something!”

Sunset saw how Twilight looked. She looked maniacal, while also graceful. It was completely out of the ordinary. Sunset imagined that if Twilight had wings right now, she would be flaring them out and would be standing her ground. Yet again, this is all an illusion, though. She was talking about the I ❤ Science girl that was… way more academically gifted than socially confident. Where was this all coming from?

“Did you talk to Rarity about this?”

Twilight stopped, her body slumping right back down to Sunset’s couch. Her eyes closed as she breathed out, “Yes. Yes I did.”

“And she told you to just come onto me?”

Twilight’s eyes snapped open. “N-Not like that!”

“Okay gutter-brain, I mean like force yourself to come over to my apartment this early in the morning and confess your feelings out of the blue!” Sunset shouted. She pointed a finger at Twilight, whose eyes widened. “Like, what compelled you to even do this? How did you think I was going to take this?”

“Desperation and the willpower of peer pressure? I don’t know! None of the calculations made sense, but Rarity told me to put away the pencil, paper, and that TI-83 calculator that I had in my backpack at the time and to rush up to you and kiss you, but I don’t know if I could do that and—eep!”

Twilight literally clamped her own mouth shut with her hands as she squealed and rolled over, flopping like a fish on Sunset’s couch.

The room was silent. Twilight was cosplaying as a tomato, while Sunset’s mind was rushing a mile a minute.

Yep, she was serious. Serious as a heart attack. She confessed to me right here, right now. And she’s probably embarrassed and wanting to run back out of my apartment.

Sunset looked at Twilight. Her head was now under a pillow, and she was screaming into it.

A minute or two max. Do I like her back?

Do you?

Uh…

What?

This isn’t happening. Let’s not sound like a psychopath.

Sunset shot her conscience in a back alley with a metaphorical blast of magic.

That’s better. Anyway, do I feel the way she does? Probably. But do I really think I can like her like that?

Yes.

Didn’t I just shoot you with my magic?

Yes, and you missed. You really struggled at aiming when you were younger—

Let’s not talk about that—oh god, I’m turning into a psychopath!

I would recommend not self-diagnosing. Besides, therapists are expensive.

… So I like her like that, huh?

You didn’t notice this but you were staring at her when she walked toward your couch.

I was?

Eye on the prize.

Fair enough.

Sunset sighed and sat next to Twilight on her couch. Twilight left the pillow on her face, but stopped her screaming. She must’ve felt Sunset sitting down next to her, and paused.

“Sunset?” Twilight asked through the pillow.

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay with me liking you?”

“Yeah.”

The pillow was off her face.

“And…?”

Sunset shrugged.

“I don’t know. Part of me likes you and part of me is confused.”

“Confused how?” Twilight said as she scooted herself upright and right next to Sunset.

“Well,” Sunset said, scratching the back of her head. “I want to say yes, but I don’t know… I feel uncomfortable saying yes when I’m this tired.”

“So you’re saying you want to sleep on it?”

Sunset nodded. “Ask me again when I’m not dead tired.”

“So… at school?”

“After school. I don’t need an audience looking at us like we’re a social media post gone wrong.”

“Gone wrong?”

“You and I both know that we’d be looking like a couple of tomatoes if you did that.”

“Fair point,” Twilight said as she giggled. She looped her arm around Sunset. “So, how about this then? I’ll sleep on the couch if you—”

“Nope. You sleep in my bed and I’ll sleep on the couch—”

“No, Sunset. I’ll sleep on the couch and—”

“No—”

Sunset stopped and looked at Twilight. Twilight stopped and looked at Sunset.

“What are we doing right now?”

Sunset laughed. “Being stupid.”

“Good, I’d rather be dumb right now,” Twilight said.

“Same, but with more sleeping.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “So, no Chemistry?”

Sunset smiled as she flopped right on Twilight. The latter ‘oofed’, before giggling as Sunset nuzzled into her. “This is Chemistry. Good night.”

Sunset felt a pair of fingers walking on her shoulder. “You know we could sleep in your bed and—”

“Too late. Comfortable here.”

A murmur of a groan. Arms looped around her. She could hear Twilight sigh as she nuzzled back. The world of Sunset faded to black. But one thing stood out:

She forgot to study for the Chemistry test tomorrow.