Ever since I was a young filly, my dream was to fly every day for a living, just like my father. For me, there was nothing that could make life worth living more than helping others, and to be flying while doing so, and nothing could make me happier.
My father was a member of the Wonderbolts, and my role model. Every weekend in lieu of anything else, I’d either be training to become a better flier or watching my father train and perform. I couldn’t have been any happier to do so.
When my mother passed, things changed; my father retired to take care of me and my younger sister. His job required long hours of training and for him to be on call at all hours as an officer. It had been his life's goal, but after only a few years on duty he was done. At the time I was baffled by how happy he continued to be.
Like my father, I had a knack for flying, and an even greater affinity for hard work. I spent every day, and every moment of my free time training, getting faster and more agile. Early on I was even dominant in the young flyers competition, only falling behind Rainbow Dash and Spitfire. I was certain that I was going to not only make the Wonderbolts, but be among the best flyers in all Equestria.
I still remember the day I got a letter in the mail, letting me know that I had passed the initial tests for speed and written aptitude. With that, I was now a member of the Wonderbolts. Or at least, I was on the supplemental team, where the recruits would be screened through the Academy before being put onto a waiting list to join the real Wonderbolts.
I couldn’t wait to start; I must have read that acceptance letter one hundred times. What I distinctly remember the most was the overwhelming happiness my father wore on his face that day.
My initial training went well; I wasn't the fastest in the group, but I was by far the most agile, earning top marks and even a record to my name. I could tell the evaluators thought highly of my skill with how they spoke to me. I was a hair’s length away from getting that coveted spot on the waiting list.
Then I had that final, devastating medical evaluation.
I stared at the chart the doctor had given me, gripping it tightly with my wing. He spoke to me in a candid and soft manner, but he might as well have been screaming at me with not a single word getting through to me. All I could hear was an Earth-shattering roar in my head as I stared at the words at the bottom of the page:
"Medical discharge".
What the doctor had tried to explain to me that day, and what I later learned once I regained my senses, was that I had been diagnosed with Brown's syndrome. The tendons in the eye socket are supposed to pull the eye back and forth, allowing the eye to be controlled and turned in different directions.
In my case, however, the Superior Oblique can get stuck in the trochlea (or the housing for this tendon), and the muscles no longer function like a pulley system to pull the eye back and forth. Subsequently, my eyes would drift or get stuck in some cases if I were to look side to side, but when I look straight ahead, they work perfectly fine.
Unfortunately, the Equestrian Air Force requires perfect vision, and what’s even worse is that there is no real treatment for Brown's syndrome... I could only hope it goes away, which would not be acceptable as the doctors would be concerned that it would return, or undergo surgery, which would be an auto-disqualification if I modified my eyes in any way, and surgery itself was not a guaranteed solution.
To say I was devastated would be an understatement. Despite my father's best efforts to console me, I was at the lowest point of my life. I felt like I had nothing to live for; I felt no joy or Happiness.
I couldn't accept it. I wouldn't accept it. I went to another doctor for a second opinion, followed by another, and then another, then another, and then another. They all told me the same variation of what the initial doctor's assessment concluded: Brown's syndrome, Brown's syndrome, Brown's syndrome, and issues with my trochlea, that last one was slightly different, but not really.
I didn't understand, it wasn't fair, I had never had issues with my flying, I was fast, and better yet my agility was amazing even by Wonderbolt standards. How could they reject me?
It just wasn’t fair.
I started to drift to some rather unpleasant, or should I say: devious thoughts. Maybe I could pay off the doctor to lie; maybe I could pay a doctor outside of the Wonderbolts program to fake an examination, or maybe I could get someone to forge the documentation. This raised the concern that I could be caught by a thorough investigation and face time in prison.
Another possibility would be to go out of the country to Nova Griffonia where the medical laws are extremely lax. I could get the surgery and have no record of surgery on my Equestrian records, and if the doctors examined me, they may conclude that the issue had simply gone away. This was not without risks, however, treatment for the Brown's syndrome was sketchy at best, and with lower quality doctors the odds of there being no impact was high, and chances of complications or even blindness would be an even greater risk. I ended up deciding against any of these courses of action, not because of the potential risks, but because I was afraid of disappointing my father.
I spent days lounging around the house, still shell-shocked by the devastating news. I desperately cried into the ether, I pleaded to Celestia - to anypony who might've heard my cries, only for them to fall on deaf ears, at the end of the day all I was accomplishing was screaming into an uncaring void.
Through all my bemoaning, my family was still there to support me, and tell me that everything would be okay.
I didn't believe them.
After all, how could I? My dream was over.
My father disagreed.
I spent most of my days at that point lying in my bed and staring at the ceiling. Despite my family's desperate pleas, I could do little more than eat anything at all.
My father knocked on my door and asked, "Can I come in?”
I gave him the green light with a slight nod and sat up. He took this as an invitation and plopped down next to me, jouncing the bed and me along with it.
"Derpy, do you know what the happiest day of my life was?" He asked with a smile on his face.
I stared at him for a second before answering him, "When you were accepted into the Wonderbolts?" I asked inquisitively.
He shook his head and gave me a side eye as though it was obvious.
"The happiest day of my life was when you were born. Or maybe when your sister was born." He joked as he gave me a playful nudge at that last remark.
"Thanks, but that doesn't help me, what am I supposed to do now?" I asked softly as I stared down at my hooves.
His expression soured quickly. "There are a lot of jobs out there where you can fly for a living. I'm sure that with my recommendation you could— "
"No," I interjected. He stopped and looked at me intently. "It's been my dream since I was a little filly, I looked up to you and wanted to follow in your footsteps, and even beyond that I really..." I paused to wipe a tear from my eye — "I really wanted to help ponies, to serve Equestria, and I know that my talent was the best way I could do it."
He paused for a moment, mulling over my words before finally deciding on his response.
"I think it's okay to fail, and I think it's okay to give up on our dreams. You tried your best, and in doing so you gained so much, you're an excellent flyer no matter what you or others may think."
He raised his hoof to interrupt as I tried to respond. "And I think that it's ok to find new dreams. When your mother died, I was forced to give up something I loved, but it was ok because I was able to find purpose in something else. Nothing could have made me happier than raising you two. You just have to find something to make you happy."
I had nothing to say to this and just stared blankly back at him, searching for the right words. "If you want a job here in Ponyville where you can get paid to fly, they're always hiring at the post office. Being a civil servant is another way to serve your country".
He looked back at me for a moment; studying my face, waiting for me to respond. Eventually he smiled, deciding that I needed some time alone to think. He hopped off my bed, once again jouncing me slightly, before trotting out of the room.
I took up his suggestion and, with a lower bar for flying ability as well as eyesight, was easily able to pass their tests. I would effortlessly be the best flyer in the entire postal service. At first, I felt uncomfortable at this fact. It felt like I was betraying a part of myself to go down this path. Regardless, I reluctantly applied and became an official mailmare for Ponyville.
Initially, I didn’t enjoy the job, for it was far too easy with my speed; I’d finish an entire day of work in under two hours. I'd get so bored that I began to start up conversations with anypony I met along my mail route that day just to make the work go by faster.
At first there were not too many ponies, but over time, I got to know each pony along my mail route. It was rather nice to be able to meet so many individuals. Seeing ponies receive their letters and packages just seemed to bring a bit of joy to their lives and mine as well .
I chatted with everypony whom I delivered to, meeting and making friends with just about everypony in Ponyville. This even gave me the chance and honor to crash land on top of Princess Twilight once! What an honor!
Eventually, my mail route went from being an affair I could finish quickly, and rapidly evolved into me having to work my full shift. Sometimes I’d even had to work over not that I minded any, because for the first time in what seemed like a long time, I genuinely felt... euphoric.
Ever since I was a young filly, my dream was to fly every day for a living, just like my father. For me, there was nothing that could make life worth living more than helping others, and flying while doing so, and nothing could make me happier.
