Ponies FTW

by Ditzy_Hooves_1

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Original Character, Random, Pinkie Pie
Length: 4249

"I had kind of a peaceful life, until two technicolor ponies ruined it. Can I get through this with m sanity alive?" read to find out.

"I had kind of a peaceful life, until two technicolor ponies ruined it.
Can I get through this with my sanity alive?
Read to check out."

description by M3Xkillers
This Fic is dedicated to my brother Jake, He helps write it but never wanted to be the author.

Published 2012-10-08 14:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-20 14:51:32 UTC

Crazy Nights and Messed Up Dayz

Well I thought I was going to get up and do the daily routine today and they would be gone, I thought that was all a dream but boy was I wrong the first thing I felt when I woke up was a certain lavender muzzle, touching my face.

I open my eyes only to see a lavender mare laying in front of me in my bed. So I reacted like any human being would.

"WHAT THE FUCK!!! GET OUTA MY BED YOU....PURPLE BASTARD!" I shouted,

With a just as shocked look on her face Twilight replied with a "huuh what...is it seven already? AHHHH!"

"WERE WE!? DID YOU!? DID I!? OKAY GET OUTA MY BED!" I shouted back,

an angry unicorn light up her horn and shouted "YOU BETTER NOT HAVE HAD SEX WITH ME!!!".

I furiously got dressed and shouted down the hall "WHA...I BETTER NOT HAVE! YOU BETTER NOT HAVE BITCH!"

As Twilight left I heard pinkie get up, she trotted in my room and still half asleep, asked me "Mr.hoo-man do you have any candy?"

I stared at her and thought "Okay what the hell, she wants to eat candy for breakfast...NO. I am not gonna go buy candy.....hey wait a minute, is that the smell of.....frosting?" I stopped thinking for a second to see pinkie leaning on me, asleep.

I quickly moved away and got my deoderant, and left pinkie on the bedroom floor, quickly running to the bathroom door I noticed it was locked....Sparkle. I shouted into the door, "Twilight get your lazy fat ass out of my shower!" no answer, I banged on the door a few times, still nothing, so I did what any late for work brony would do. I Slamed the door open, grabbed a towel, and pulled her out of there.

"What the hell are you doing!?" Twilight said, "at least she got the hang of the human swear words, instead of that celestia shit." I thought.

"I am taking you out of my shower, I am late for work!" I yelled loud enough for my neighbors to hear,

"well fine! just let go of me!" she replied awfully angrily.

I ran into the shower and fifteen minutes later, I ran out as fast as a roadrunner. I got my tasty oats and had breakfast, then I tossed Twilight an apple and said "I will be back in one hour, do not have any parties or fun just be quiet and don't go outside, I want you to make sure Pinkie doesn't break the fourth wall while I'm gone." I said as I ran out the door.

I hopped into my Toyota Sedan, and left for work. I just hope all hell doesn't break loose while i'm gone.

* * * * * *

Once I finally got to work I was bombarded by my boss Zane with some reports on what Dubstep songs we can remix, I started to open my laptop when suddenly Mason came by, "Zach we got a big meeting on Thursday okay." He wispered to me, "Thanks Mason." I wispered back. Little did I know we were going to have a hell of a meeting.

Intermission: I have no clue who you are, therefore you suck.

..."Oh Boy.....Where was I?"......" ah yes...", Zachary speaks as he starts writing these exact words down on the be damned text box. He starts to feel frustrated....instead of writing more of his story, he starts to play pokemon when a omious voice starts to speak to him, then nyan cat starts to play.

"What The Fuck is this?" Asks a curious Zachary as his room starts to turn black.
"Stop that!" he yells sounding angry.
"Fine, I will." said the mysterious voice, as it stopped the nyan cat music.
"okay...now...what do you want?" asked Zach.
"I am your Story..." said the story.
"NOPE." said Zach in a rather bored mood.
"FINE...just get off your lazy ass and write!" Yelled the voice.
"fine. But I have no clue who you are so therefore you suck." said Zach.

"What is X-Mas?".... "Oh no."

"Whats X-Mas?" asked a confused Twilight, as she read silently.
"X-Mas is the day people try to kill each other over toys and stuff to give to their kids..." said Zach as he grew more and more grumpy at the feeling of X-Mas coming up.
Indeed was X-Mas coming up, it was coming up like the sun in the morning. Zach "hated" X-Mas....but no one ever new why, usually it was full of "fun", and "gifts", and "cheer", but for Zach it was....
"I hate X-Mas its so dumb and annoying....its full of cheer, horrible, horrible, cheer!" said Zach as he walked into the kitchen to get a glass of milk.
"well why don't you celebrate by starting spring like we do where I'm from?" asked twilight curiously.
"....oh my god....we don't.....the seasons change themselves.....I probably should've told you that earlier" replied a grumpy Zach.
"Really!?" Exclaimed twilight in curiosity.
"Yes....really....." mumbled Zach as his mind wondered to the fact of how many ponies were in the room.
"wait.....SHIT!!!" yelled Zach as he darted out of the kitchen.
Zach ran into the garage, his room, the attic, the bathroom, and the living room, only to find that he couldn't find a zany pink pony anywhere. he was frantically running in and out of rooms, but no pony.
"HAVE YOU SEEN PINKIE????" asked Zach while looking everywhere for Pinkie.
"uh...yes....why?" asked Twilght, wishing she hadn't a seccond later.
"WHERE????" Asked Zach as he shook the lavender pony.
"Sheeeeeees innnnn thhhheeee baaaaackyaaaaard." Twilight said as she was shaken.
Zach ran out into the backyard only to find Pinkie, Confetti, and lots and lots of frosting.
"Oh.....My...God...." said Zach as he facepalmed.
"Good luck with that Zach" said Twilight as she sheepishly tried to sneak away.
"Don't..... move....Sparkle......." said Zach without turning around.
Zach walked up to Twilight and pushed her outside, tossed a bucket, and put a vacuum cleaner outside and shut the door.
"Clean up then you can come in, okay? Zach said just before walking into his bedroom to play his limited edition X-Box 360.
Soon after they cleaned up Twilight let them in, and they walked up to Zach.
"what?" asked Zach, still a little mad about Pinkie's mess.
"I'm sorry" said Pinkie, with her hair deflated.
"So?" Zach asked, pausing the game he was on.
"What" asked a curious Twilight.
"Do you wish to join me?" asked Zach pointing at a controller with a pink P on it.
"SURE!" replied Pinkie, as she tried once more to get the hang of using a controller.
"what about me?" asked Twilight looking for her controller.
"here." Zach said handing Twilight a controller.
Twilight used her magic to pick up the controller and started to play.
"Well this is nice...but I think I'm kinda warming up to the ponies....heh whatever." Zach thought to himself.

Author's Note

This chapter is pretty hard to write cause I am using an IPad and I have no creative juices flowing.....*Facepalm*

Will Zach feel the spirit of X-Mas? Will the ponies get home? Will the ponies get a present? Tune in next time for the rest of the story!!!!!

Meet the Ponies

"bleep bleep bleep" bleeped the alarm clock, Zach was still asleep at 11:00 AM and the ponies were just getting up.
"pshhhhh" was the sound that woke Zach up, it was the sound of the shower being turned on. Zach was furiously getting out of bed as he marched down the hall. Once again Twilight was the first to use the shower, Zach was definitely not pleased about losing the shower, he walked into the kitchen and made breakfast. Un-aware of the visitor he was going to have today, he passed his calendar and read a book while he waited, when suddenly he heard a knock on the door just as Twilight came out of the shower.
"Hello?" asked the voice, the voice sounded familiar to Zach.
"Yes? Who is it?" grumbled Zach as he walked up to the door.
"*Gasp* Zach....is that really you???" asked the familiar voice.
"Oh no...." mumbled Zach as he opened the door, only to find Katie.
Katie was a childhood friend of Zach's, she was always his "Yin" as he was always her "Yang". Katie loved Zach deep down but didn't ever have the courage to tell him.
"Why are you here?!" Yelled Zach as he picked up the basket she left at the door.
"oh no reason, just to give you a gift basket...(and to glomp you as well)" she said with a smile on her face.
"Pfft whatever" Zach said as he turned around to use the shower, when suddenly, Katie gave Zach a big tackle hug.
Not liking the hugs one bit Zach quickly got up and told Katie to stop.
"He he he! Its okay Zachy!" she replied with a cheerful smile.
But Zach was already giving her an unwelcome frown.
"uh Katie you gotta go now! okay? Bye!" Zach yelled as he looked to his side to see twilight sneaking away.
"but I just got here...." Katie moaned.
as soon as she was outside, Katie started to peep through the window, what she saw she could not believe.
through the window was Zach talking to a technicolor pony...that looked exacly like the one on the popular TV show.
she knocked on the door and said "Zach! Open the door please!" as she looked through the window slightly.
Zach motioned for Twilight to sneak away and hide as he came up to the door.
"WHAT?" asked Zach as he looked very very angry.
"I know you have a secret..." Katie teased.
"YOU WHAT??" shouted Zach as he closed the door.
"Yes! You somehow are hiding technicolor ponies!" Katie said as she looked around.
"Great! just mother fucking great, why don't you just blurt it out to the whole dam world!" said Zach angrily.
"its okay I wont tell a soul!" said Katie reassuring Zach.
"...Fine...come out guys. Meet Pinkie. said Zach as he pointed to the overly excited pink pony.
"and this is Twilight" said Zach as he pointed to the lavender pony hiding with a book.
"Nice to meet you all!" said Katie waving.
"This is going to be a long day..." Zach thought to himself.

Author's Note

This one was really going to be a easy, but it came out hard. so Enjoy! :)
~Will Katie keep the secret? Will the ponies get to spend New Years with Zach and Katie? Will Zach and Katie make a good couple? "NO." answered Zach. Will the ponies ever get home? "I hope so" said Zach mumbling. Tune in next time to find out!~

Intermission: A letter to the readers

Hello whoever you are, I am Zachary.
I am the author of this ~~book~~ fanfic, I am pleased that you are reading it.
I have worked very hard on it, and you all have helped me keep writing.
in conclusion this is just a thank you, to all the readers that read, or are reading my story.

Thank You.

Author's Note

the story is FAR from over folks, this is just a thank you note to the readers!

Operation Mistletoe

"Okay...I am gonna do it." said Katie as she walked up the sidewalk up to Zach's house.
ding dong went the door bell.
Katie hung up the mistletoe right above to door, ready to have the kiss with Zach she waited for.
"grum grim grum grum" Zach mumbled as he walked up to the door and opened it.
Zach was too far away from Katie, so she went to plan B, she grabbed another mistletoe and as soon as Zach left the room,
she put it up. She was ready.
"Katie go ahead and help yourself to some cereal." said Zach from the hallway.
"thanks!" Katie said as she waited next to the hall.
Zach was ready too. He was going to block the kiss, he knew this would happen.
Zach was walking down the hall holding a pony, Katie was at the end of the hall with her eyes closed and ready for a kiss.
"AHHH!" said Twilight Sparkle as she was awoken by being kissed.
"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!" laughed Zach as he put on a devilish smile.
"that is what you get for taking the shower before me, and yes, I can be an asshole to you even Sparkle.
"Zach! That wasn't nice!" Katie scolded, blushing.
"pfft, not nice? screw that, I AM NOT EVER GOING TO BE YOUR BOYFRIEND! get used to it Katie, were mother fucking opposites. You are all happy and cheery, and I'm all Evil and dark. I made you kiss a pony for chist's sake!" Zach shouted at Katie, as he motioned for twilight to go do the morning routine.
"but...I.....I...I thought we would be perfect together." Katie whimpered, as she stepped up to the door.
"No Katie I am an opposite.....I have no match....do I have to fucking spell it out?!" Zach said angrily, as he watched Katie start to open the door.
Katie left, she was heart broken. She thought he was sorta mean, but deep down, he was a nice guy.
"Great, shes gone...well, what kind of cereal do you want sparkle?" asked Zach feeling a little better.
"why are you calling me Sparkle, what happened to "Twilight"..." asked Twilight as she walked into the kitchen.
"meh, sorry..." Zach replied feeling that she was going to ask him a dumb question.
"Zach, how did you meet, and why do you hate, Katie?" asked twilight gripping the spoon with her magic.
"............fine...we met in preschool, she was trying to get to know everyone. she wanted to have as many friends as possible.
she was walking up to me when I saw her, I introduced myself....she had a sparkle in her eye when she saw me...I could tell it didn't mean anything good. It was then when she tried to spend as much time with me as she could, I hated that. Why she would have a crush on me? I don't know, but in 6th grade, she asked me out to the special dance our school was having. I said no, because I had a date already, she used me though. I was alone after the first 10 minutes. I walked into the hallway and sat there for a while. Katie came and tried to ask what was up. I said nothing, and told her to go away. all the way through 7th and 8th grade she was trying to get me to love her, she gave me flowers, cards, all the crap that you get. and on valentines day, in 8th grade she even tried........" said Zach as he trailed off.
"she tried what?" asked Twilight as she walked into the living room.
"nothing....never mind...." said Zach as he walked into his room.
"also don't you dare try to get me and her together!" Zach shouted to Twilight.
Twilight didn't care she started formulating a plan to get them together.
her spell book was at Equestria, as was her lab, so what could she do?
she pondered and pondered, until she knew what to do.

Author's Note

I was originally going to have Katie kiss Zach, but i figured the ponies should have more tourture.
~What is Katie doing? Will Twilight be able to get the two together? will this story ever end? Find out next time on Ponies FTW!!~
Why doesn't pinkie get much tourture you ask. "Cuz, pinkie is my favorite >:P >:3"

The Wonderful Ending (or is it?)

"Fine I'll do it!" Katie said as she put on her apron, and got out ingredients.
Katie was baking like the wind (if the wind baked that is what it would be like) she was racing trying to get the pie done.
she poured the potion on the pie, and took a slice to Zach.
ding dong! went the door bell. Zach answered the door and said "what do you want?" with a grimm face he let her in and she said "I want to apologize, Zach I made you do something you didn't want to do." Said Katie.
"yea whatever I'm sorry too" said Zach as he walked into his room.
Katie was shocked to see that Zach was apologizing to Her! She gave Zach the slice of pie and said "here I made an apology pie." as she walked away.
"wait! you cant leave the slice...cuz I don't want it." said Zach as he started to burst into laughter.
"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!" Zach laughed.
"wh.....wh....what?" asked Katie, astounded.
"I saw Twilight write the note....It was too easy to predict you would try." said Zach as he walked over to Katie.
"I didn't think you would be this desperate!" said Zach as he walked away from Katie.
"....Zach......you know......never mind." mumbled Katie as she started to leave the room.
"Don't even think about it." Zach said as he walked up to Katie.
"Don't even think about wh-" said Katie as her words were cut off. Zach and Katie kissed and after they were done, Katie freaked out and ran home in joy.
"looks like it was a happy ending after all huh Zach?" said Pinkie, appearing out of nowhere.
"Where were you this whole time pinkie?!" asked a confused Twilight. Pinkie and Zach just winked, and walked away.
Suddenly a flash of light appeared, it was as bright as the sun.
It soon formed an few ponies and one alicorn.
"Thank fuckng god!" Zach said as he pushed the ponies to Queen Celestia.
"We've been looking all over for you Twilight and pinkie!" exclaimed the princess, as he picked up pinkie in her magic.
"Thank you dear Zachary Kattson, for helping my little ponies get home." said celestia as she bowed to Zach.
"Pfft whatever, just please get them out of my life." begged Zach.
"sounds like you need a lesson in friendship." said celestia chuckling.
everyone laughed, then Zach said "no seriously, go, now." with a stern look.
the ponies left and Zach went to bed, until he noticed something was n his bed. what was in his bed was a round purple ball. He kept it to remind him of the times he had with the ponies.

The End!

Author's Note

finally...get ready for the sequel to this story! Pony WTF!!

Intermission: Giving Thanks

Thank you all for Reading and Supporting my story, but the adventure is not over yet...for I am making a sequel..so get ready for an even wilder ride!

Thanks!
~Zach

The Housing Call

I thought that it would be a little hard to see that flash of light, since I am a heavy sleeper, but strange enough I saw It.
When I heard a noise that night I didn't expect it to be instead of a robber, a.....visitor or two you could say.

* * * * *
When I awoke in the middle of the night only to find two pony like siloutes out in my backyard, suddenly thinking i was about to get robbed I grabbed the first thing I saw, a baseball bat. Of all the weapons I could have gotten, I had to get a baseball bat. As I walked to the back door I slowly slid open the door and watched as the two sillouetes stood idle, I ran out as fast as I could, and smacked on upside the head with the bat. The loud bang made me think I busted its skull open, then out of nowhere the other ran in the house and hid. I shut the door and turned on the light, only to find a freaked out, technicolor, lavender, cartoon pony staring at me in my futurama boxer shorts.

I was about ready to smack my skull in with the bat, when twilight with a shocked expresssion on her face said "WHAT THE TARTARUS IS GOING ON!!!!"

I had slowly replied "uhhhh, hmm let me see, oh yeah YOU BROKE INTO MY UNIVERSE AND APPEARED IN MY BACKYARD!".

She put a poker face on, and said "wait...wait...wait, did you say your universe?"

"yes indeed I did why?" I said

"CELESTIA'S TITS!! I AM IN ANOTHER UNIVERSE!!!" she shouted

she trotted over to the glass door and muttered a curse under her breath.

"Okay who did I smack over the head with a baseball bat?" I asked,

"Pinkie..." Twilight replied

"Just wonderful, I got the smartass and the pink tornado from hell" I said

"okay let me get this straight....one, how did you get here...full story now!" I yelled.

"This is exactly how it happened, I was in my lab busy with the studies of magic and all, when pinkie comes in and starts to mess with my potions, so I try to teleport her out of there when suddenly we were transported here." twilight explained.

I knew this was going to be a long night, so I got out a few sleeping bags I had stored in my garage, and rolled them out.

"okay pinkie goes here you go here." I said as I pointed to both sleeping bags, then it hit me...pinkie was bleeding outside, in the dirt. I grabbed a flowery beach towel and got pinkie, from outside carrying her with the towel under her head catching the blood. I set her on the sleeping bag and walk away. I almost felt bad for her, almost.

I slowly craw back in bed hoping this is all and illusion and it will be gone in the morning.

Long Nights and Writers Block

The white blank page mocked him as he sat there staring at the computer screen. All he could see was white, for he had a bad case of writers block. He went downstairs to get some cereal, as he walked by he awoke a sleeping pony.

"why are you up?" asked Zach, eating his midnight snack.

"you woke me up." said Twilight, with a tired expression.

"oh, sorry." said Zach, as he looked into the white as snow, milk.

"no, its okay, I wasn't getting much sleep." replied Twilight as she walked upstairs.

Zach came after her and told her he was busy and to stay out of his room. She ignored him and looked at his computer.

"what is this?" she asked pondering about the white page.

"A story I am going nowhere with, It's about a guy who gets cloned and his clone turns evil, thus trying to kill him. I probably wont even try to start it." Zach, explained to the tired Twilight.

"oh, well cool." Twilight says trotting off out of his room.

"Goodnight." she says going downstairs.

Zach, closed the computer and crawled into bed, it was 3:00 AM. Zach was starting to like having the ponies at his house...so far. He had a busy day yesterday, he brought home a new X-Box and taught the ponies how to play. He had a big day tomorrow, for it was nearly X-mas. He was going to have to celebrate, like it or not. He doesn't let family visit, cause he is very un-social, and he was going to have to hide two ponies....if he invited anyone.

A broken heart, and a black hole

As Katie ran home she decided to never see Zach again, Katie was devastated about what Zach said to her.
"he has no heart, he has a black hole instead." Said Katie as she cried into her pillow. Zach had broken her heart, but what was he doing?
"Twilight?" Zach called, hoping to find the lavender pony before something bad happens.
"in here!" Twilight said as she fiddled with something in the garage.
The clinking of glass was heard through the door, Zach got suspisions of what she was doing.
"what are you doing?" asked Zach, as he got ready to open the door.
"Nothing." Twilight said sheepishly, she knew he was onto her. she had to think fast.
"I'm coming in on three okay." said Zach, as he got ready to push o the door.
"1.....2.....3!" exclaimed Zach as he pushed open the door only to find twilight making a pink potion....how she does that, he doesnt know...
"What the fuck are ou doing?" Zach asks while walking to twilight.
"Nothing...nothing at all..." she said sheepishly while hiding her set of tubes and beakers.
Zach took all the beakers and test tubes he could find, he put them away and shut the door.
luckily Twilight has one beaker....the one she needs.
Twilight tried as hard as she could to teleport a note and the beaker to Katie. She had succeeded!
"What is this" Katie said looking up at her desk, a pink potion with a note on it.
the note said "Dear Katie, This is Twilight, I see that you and Zach have known each other for a while, anyhoof
I need you to put his in something you are making for Zach, this will get him to love you!" Signed twilight
"fine I'll do it!" Katie said to herself.

End of Part 1.

Author's Note

oh boy oh boy oh boy! 2nd to last chapter!!! >:3