The Christmas Movie Cumslut Caper

by Pillowfight

Rating: mature
Tags: Deer, Comedy, Bon-Bon, Profanity, Sex, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Other, Lyra, Romance, Original Character, Porn
Length: 6954

Inspired by sexy human movies, Agent Sweetie Drops and her horndog marefriend take a trip to Earth for Christmas, only to find that the holiday season isn't always like it's portrayed on screen...

Lyra Heartstrings simply loves human Christmas movies. From Becca’s Christmas Wish to A Cowgirl Country Christmas, she can’t get enough of the romance, the warmth, and the intensely erotic sex scenes. Her marefriend thinks those movies are utterly dumb and predictable, but nonetheless she’s arranged for a romantic couples’ trip to the place where these holiday treats are filmed: a magical, snow covered land called “Canada.”

But trouble is brewing, and the cozy attractions of small town Ontario will have to wait. Mere days before Christmas, S.M.I.L.E. has been notified of a threat to the ancient human holiday, one that will require two sexy mares to venture to Earth’s desolate North Pole and set things right. Will Lyra finally get her chance to be a real secret agent alongside the legendary Sweetie Drops? Will Ponyville’s most adorable couple save Christmas by being huge sluts? Yeah, of course they will!

A light hearted comedy clopfic for the holiday season, featuring bisexual LyraBon, butt stuff, food play, pony on reindeer action, enough cum to turn any Christmas white, and a happy ending for all concerned.

Published 2023-12-20 00:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-12-22 03:01:46 UTC

1: Last Christmas, I Gave You My Plot

Ponyville, Equestria
December 21

Bon Bon sighed as a notification briefly popped onto the screen of the strange human “laptop” she’d been issued by S.M.I.L.E. She was trying to focus on Lyra Heartstrings, her gorgeous snuggle-corn of a marefriend. Trying to pay attention to the romantic movie that was playing on the bright and magical screen before them. So what if Equestria was in danger? Equestria was always in danger, but Lyra wasn’t always here to be cuddled!

It’s true what they say... Bon Bon thought to herself unhappily. Once you take Celestia’s shilling, she never lets you quit...

“Awww, Bon Bon!” Lyra honked her snoot into a soggy handkerchief, bawling at the mushy sight on the laptop screen. “I’m so happy Slade and Becca got back together!”

Lyra playfully shoved her marefriend, her thoughts turning back to the cinematic “masterpiece” they were watching. “It’s a Christmas movie, you big dummy! The humans always get back together!”

“B-but what if they didn’t? So sad!”

Bon Bon tried to get back to the mental space where she could enjoy the stereotypical romance her marefriend loved so very much. The tale of Becca’s Christmas Wish was as classical as it was repetitive. The beautiful human mare Becca had left her high pressure job in the big city to return to her small hometown of Holly Springs, just in time (of course...) for Earth’s version of Hearths Warming Eve. While visiting a local fudge shop, Becca bumped into her high school boyfriend Slade, a kind of human Fluttershy who ran the local animal shelter. Naturally, Becca had cheerfully dropped to her knees and offered Slade a friendly blowjob, for old times sake.

Inevitably, (of course...) a simple deepthroating had led to a hole ramming, table rattling fuck session that left windows splattered with sperm and nearly destroyed the candy store. The seemingly gentle Slade proved to a beast when aroused, a hung brute as powerful as those giant fluffy doggos he cared for so tenderly. He’d left Becca’s makeup ruined, her legs quivering, her cunt gaping and her heart pounding with renewed love... much to the distaste of Carter, Becca’s fiancé, who had arrived in Holly Springs alongside her.

Carter was a truly evil human (of course...) He and his assistant Chantal wanted nothing more than to demolish Slade’s animal shelter and turn it into a cement factory. Much comical mischief then ensued, with each misunderstanding being resolved by a kinky sex scene in the festive, small town holiday setting. The sex was scorchingly hot, yet the pairings were utterly predictable. Carter and Becca, Carter and Becca and Slade, Chantal and Becca’s parents, Carter and Slade with Becca’s twin step-sisters...

Naturally, the scene Lyra and Bon Bon most enjoyed was a steamy lesbian encounter between Becca and Chantal, which began as a bitchy catfight, yet ended with a mutually squirting 69 and a plan for the new gal pals to get a manicure together. Friendship truly was magic, even on Earth!

In the end (of course...) the wholesome environment of Holly Springs changed Carter’s mind about cement factories, and the Christmas spirit swelled inside him — right around the time he swelled inside Chantal, blasting an epic creampie up his new girlfriend’s ass pucker that took 5 full minutes to dribble out in the movie’s longest close-up.

With two new couples happily together and the animal shelter saved, four humans now stood in the snowy town centre of Holly Springs: a place filled with music, decorated with bright lights and a huge Christmas tree. Bon Bon knew exactly what came next. Even if Lyra hadn’t already made her watch Becca’s Christmas Wish several times over, every one of these movies was the same...

“I’m sorry for all the trouble, Becca,” Carter smiled gently at his ex. Chantal hugged her man closely, as if daring Becca to try and take him back. “I know you’ll be happy with Slade, and I wish you the best. I know it’s not much, but I got you something for Christmas.”

Without another word being spoken, Chantal then pulled down Carter’s trousers, dove her face between his ass cheeks and began to give his swelling prick a reacharound with her freshly manicured fingers. Becca eagerly knelt down in front of the big tree, smiling up at her ex and eager to take his load all over her face.

“I’d love to eat your ass like that, baby...” Lyra murmured when the scene cut away once again to Chantal’s vigorous and sloppy rimming.

Bon Bon giggled and wiggled her rump. “Oh, yeah? What’s stopping you?”

“Your big ole plot cheeks would block the screen, dummy.”

“But you’ve seen this movie a dozen times.”

“I’ve eaten your plot a million times, and I never get tired of that!”

“Hrm, that’s a good point.” Bon Bon stretched out on the couch, arching her back and raising her earth pony dumptruck into the air. “Dinner is served, milady!”

“Mmm, so yummy...” Lyra ran her tongue delicately up her “best friend’s” throbbing ponut, licking off a sheen of couch sweat before lightly pressing her lips against the wet and welcoming anal void. A tingle of Lyra’s magic tenderly pressed against Bon Bon’s clit, gently rubbing and vibrating, bringing her to an even more worked up state.

As her breathing tensed and the pleasure in her loins mounted, Bon Bon tried to keep one eye on Becca’s Christmas Wish. After Carter delivered his Christmas gift of a huge facial cumshot, it seemed that every male in Holly Springs had lined up behind him to clop off on Becca’s smiling face. With all the conflicts resolved, the movie had a mere 30 minutes left to run, showing the eggnog fueled bukkake that all Christmas romances seemingly had to end on. Bon Bon couldn’t bear how similar all these movies were, but Lyra truly loved them... and watching hot humans have kinky sex definitely got these two perverted mares in the mood to do the same!

“Oh, Bon Bon...” It seemed Lyra could no longer pay attention to the movie, lost in her real world romance. Her tongue ferociously wiggled its way up and down Bon Bon’s ass crack, slipping in and out of her pampered ponut. “Equestria’s brave, strong defender has such a tasty butthole...”

“I-I’m just doing my duty, Lyra. I only want you to be safe...” Bon Bon’s guilt at ignoring the message from S.M.I.L.E. fought its way into her consciousness, but it was drowned beneath that ultimate pleasure which Lyra considered to be her reward for all those dangerous missions.

“Ssh, it’s OK, honey,” the unicorn whispered. “You do so much, now let me take care of you. Relax and let Lyra be in charge for once.”

“Y-yes, Lyra...” The buzzing of unicorn magic reached a fever pitch, and Bon Bon felt her legs spread involuntarily, a truly epic maregasm building inside her. “Please, baby, you’re so good to me...”

“CUM! FOR! ME! BON! BON!” Lyra growled, a viciousness and insistence in her sweet voice that Bon Bon had never heard before.

“Uuunnnggghhh!” Bon Bon screamed, her legs twitching as Lyra’s tongue plunged deep into her sensitive plot. She sprayed her marefriend’s muzzle with sticky marecum, as gooey and thick as anything the males on screen were producing. Her orgasm was intense, and the atmosphere of wholesome love from the human movie in the background made Bon Bon feel relaxed and truly appreciated. She drifted down between the cushions of their thoroughly stained couch, utterly drained and satisfied.

“Feel good?” Lyra asked naughtily, extinguishing her horn and smiling at her marefriend.

“So good, Lyra... c-can I take care of you, too?”

“Later tonight,” Lyra promised. “I clopped off 5 times during the movie. Just rest for now.” The two lovers kissed and snuggled gently together upon their couch, then Lyra briefly spoke again.

“Do you know what would be really romantic, baby? If we took a trip to Earth, and banged in the same store where Becca and Slade hooked up!”

“Hrm?” Her eyes having drifted back to the still playing movie, Bon Bon was distracted by the sight of a truly massive rope of sperm gluing Becca’s right eye shut. “Oh, the candy shop... what was it called? Fudgepackers?”

“Just think of it, honey!” Lyra’s clit winked loudly and her pretty pussy gushed out a clear stream of mare-pre. “The smell of the fudge... our cunts rubbing together like ‘squish, squish, squish...’ stuffing peppermints up each others’ butts... it’d be just like the day we met!”

Bon Bon giggled at her truly insatiable marefriend. “Geeze, Lyra, we have sex in my candy shop all the time. What’s the big deal about letting humans watch us instead of ponies?”

“Aww, come on, Bon Bon, don’t be lame. Let’s have Hearths Warming on Earth this year! It’ll be fun!”

“Hrm, maybe we could...” Bon Bon rolled over and tapped a hoof on the laptop, skipping through the seemingly endless ejaculations that closed Becca’s Christmas Wish. As the film quickly progressed, the two mares watched Becca’s smiling face become nigh unrecognizable under thick glazings of semen. Bon Bon had to admit it was an inspiring sight. A single human male couldn’t produce nearly as much jizm as an Equestrian stallion, but by working together, they had found a way to give their cum hungry women all the gooey nut a girl could want!

Bon Bon’s hoof lingered on the final shot of a slow, passionate, cum swapping kiss between Becca and Chantal, all while Slade’s huge cock spurted a fresh load over both happy faces. Having made it to the closing credits, the earth pony confectioner and sometimes secret agent peered at the text on screen, searching for the data that she might use to fulfill her marefriend’s own Hearths Warming wish.

“Let’s see, now... ‘filmed on location in Maple Falls, Ontario.’ If I remember Earth geography, that’s in Canada, not very far from the portal to Equestria!”

“Yes!” Lyra pumped an excited hoof. “Let’s do it, baby!”

Bon Bon’s momentary enthusiasm for her marefriend’s plan was soon dragged back down to Equestria. “Ugggh, but inter-dimensional travel is so expensive! We wouldn’t be able to afford any presents this year!”

“No problem, I planned for this!” Lyra assured cheerfully. “I’ll cut off my mane and sell the hair to human perverts online, so I can afford a cute butt plug for you.”

Bon Bon rolled her eyes. “Yeah, and I’ll lock my plot in a chastity belt live on Ponlyfans, so I can buy you a comb for your beautiful mane...” The resourceful earth pony wrinkled her brow with thought. “There’s got to be a way to make a lot of bits really quick that doesn’t involve being sexy internet horse lesbians!”

“Does there, though?” Lyra shrugged.

“Hrm... give me a minute, honey.” Bon Bon picked up her laptop and held it secretively to her barrel. “I have to take care of some secret agent business.” With the movie completed and Bon Bon’s horny holes temporarily satisfied, that urgent notification from S.M.I.L.E. could wait no longer. With trepidation, Bon Bon opened the secret message and read it:

FOR YOUR HOOVES ONLY
CLASS 3 HOLIDAY DISRUPTION EVENT IN PROGRESS
LOCATION: EARTH, NORTH POLE
S.M.I.L.E. ASSISTANCE REQUESTED IMMEDIATELY
REQUESTED AGENT PROFILE: 2 FEMALE EQUINES
CUTENESS: MAXIMUM
SEXUAL APPETITE: MAXIMUM

AGENT MATCH IDENTIFIED:
0007 SWEETIE DROPS
6969 WHAT GOES HERE? IS THIS MY SECRET AGENT NAME? THIS IS SO COOL, BABY!

With a tap of her hoof Bon Bon pulled a map of Earth up on the laptop’s screen, looked at it thoughtfully, then closed the lid. “Hey... Lyra?”

Lyra looked up at her marefriend with an expression of being caught, a pair of scissors hovering perilously close to her lovely mane. “Uhhuh?”

“Do you remember how I said I’d never, ever put you in real danger?”

“Y-yeah, you tell me that every time we do a kidnapping scenario, during aftercare!” Lyra shuddered with pleasure, thinking back to their last romantic date, which had begun with her bound and gagged in the trunk of a carriage. Those cruel pegasi had been so rough with her... she almost wished Bon Bon had actually beaten them up during the big rescue scene!

“And do you remember how no matter how many times I tell you that, you keep being a dumb annoying Lyra? How you keep pestering me to let you be a secret agent too, so we can do ‘fun secret agent things’ together as a couple? And how I finally gave up and put you into the S.M.I.L.E. system?”

Lyra’s ears perked up excitedly, her tail hiked and the scissors hit the floor with a clank. “Ummm... yeah?”

“Well... if you really want to be a secret agent for a few days, I think we can get a free trip to Earth out of it.”

“Woo hoo!” Lyra hoofpumped. “Lyra and Bon Bon are going to Canada!”

2: Bon Bon Got Run Over By Eight Reindeer

North Pole, Earth
December 22

“Dang, Canada’s super cold, and only one guy lives here!” Lyra shivered as the two mares approached the cozy, snow-drifted house near the airdrop. The couple were dressed from hoof to muzzle in matching boots and parkas that were just the cutest ever! “Where’s all the maple syrup and hockey?”

“This is the North Pole!” Bon Bon shouted over the howling winds. She pulled her coat tightly against her barrel. “We’re going to Canada after we take care of the mission!”

As the couple stood on a welcome mat and stamped the snow from their hooves, they felt a blast of warm air as a finely carved wooden door swung open. Standing above them was a large and elderly human man with a huge white beard, dressed all in red and white fur.

“You must be Mr. Claus,” Bon Bon surmised. “We were sent by S.M.I.L.E. to solve your little holiday problem!”

“Ho ho ho!” he human chuckled, his rosy cheeks dimpling at the sight of the Equestrian visitors. “Such toyetic little ponies! Come in and have some hot cocoa-ho-ho!”

Lyra grinned like a foal. “Cocoa? Love that for me!”

Within Mr. Claus’ house, smaller humans no larger than ponies rushed about, carrying large presents topped with colourful bows. The scents of cider and spice could be smelled everywhere, a pleasant atmosphere not far from the one to be found in Bon Bon’s bustling candy shop back in Ponyville. Yet this building seemed not to be a store or restaurant, but a busy workshop. The small humans were hard at work fashioning toys: wooden blocks, model trains, and marching tin soldiers that wound up with springs. Far from the technological wonders the two mares had come to expect from Earth, these were relatively primitive toys, which would not have seemed out of place in Equestria!

Bon Bon and Lyra sat at a work table and looked about, surveying the scene and trying to determine what evil had interfered with the cozy magic of this wholesome holiday. Mr. Claus swiftly returned, setting down two large mugs of cocoa before the two ponies, each topped with a huge and fluffy marshmallow.

Bon Bon eyed her human host a bit suspiciously. “Mr. Claus, I’ve read the mission briefing, and I have one question: you say you deliver toys to all the children of Earth?”

The old man looked shiftily from side to side as Lyra began to slurp her cocoa. “Not all of them, but that’s the gist of it.”

Bon Bon folded her hooves skeptically. “And you do all this in a single night?”

Mr. Claus chuckled. “Christmas Eve! The biggest night of the year, around here!”

“Nom nom nom...” Lyra added, hungrily chewing upon the marshmallow that floated in her cocoa mug. It was so large and delicious that it couldn’t help but remind her of Bon Bon’s plot. “Mmm, sit on my face, you sexy marshmallow...”

Bon Bon tried to ignore the constant horniness of her dork of a marefriend. “You put all these toys in a big sack?” she continued, glaring at the elderly human.

“The biggest!” Mr. Claus agreed.

“And you put that sack in a sleigh, which is pulled by magical reindeer?”

“Ho ho ho, exactly!”

Bon Bon nodded firmly. “I have just one question, Mr. Claus... why do you do any of this?”

“Ho, ho... whaaa?”

“Why risk the safety of Christmas every year with this absurd system? It’d be way more efficient to use delivery drones, or teleportation magic! Or you could just have the kids’ parents—”

“This is an ancient tradition!” The old man’s voice rumbled angrily. “I’ve been doing this for hundreds of years!”

“Let it go, baby,” Lyra interjected, a beard of marshmallow fluff now covering her muzzle. “I bet some of Equestria’s traditions seem super weird to humans. Like cuteceañeras, or royal incest!”

“Hrm, you’re right,” Bon Bon mused, pulling back her puzzlement. “S.M.I.L.E. agents are always culturally sensitive... which is why I couldn’t bring home a bottle of zebra cum for you, Lyra, they wanted me to drink it all there!”

“Ugh, I told you it was fine, stop bringing it up...” Lyra muttered.

“Ahem... well, how can we help you, Mr. Claus?” Bon Bon asked with a smile.

“Come with me,” the human nodded. “It’s hard to explain, you’ll have to smell for yourself.”

“Smell?” Bon Bon wondered, but she didn’t need to wonder for long. Lyra happily hovered her marefriend’s cocoa for her, as the two ponies followed Mr. Claus into a cozy wooden stable next door to his workshop. The air within was crisp, and practically dripping with the exotic reek of strange and pent up males!

Within the stable could be found a number of stalls, each with the antlered head of a reindeer poking out and staring at the visitors. These were strong, virile bucks capable of pleasuring a female of any species... and from the way they smelled, pussy was a long forgotten memory to them!

“Oh, fuck, Bon Bon, make me pregnant, right now!” Lyra’s tail shot up and her glistening lips swelled and throbbed at that exciting scent. “Give me a million earth pony babies!”

“M-maybe later, sweetie... geeze, why do I love this weirdo?” She had to remind herself that this was Lyra’s first mission for S.M.I.L.E. Bon Bon was quite accustomed to being helplessly desired by strange creatures in foreign lands, not to mention fucking her way out of danger, but the heavy scent of this stable could drive even a seasoned agent to the point of madness!

“Mmm, lookie here, boys...” growled an especially large deer whose stall was labelled “Donner.” “Looks like the old man finally brought us some fresh meat...”

“I call dibs on the fat unicorn!” shouted a smaller buck known as Prancer.

“Hey!” Lyra protested, looking back at her plot with a sour expression. Maybe she sported a little extra cushion back there, but that only proved how much she loved her marefriend’s sweet candy concoctions! Anyways, a big butt made it easier to sit on benches!

“I think we see what you need, Mr. Claus,” Bon Bon nodded knowingly, her nose eagerly soaking up the tangy scent of virile buck, “but how’d you get into this pickle?”

“My boys refuse to fly!” Mr. Claus bemoaned. “Vixen won’t be their cumdump anymore, and now their nuts are backed up from here to the equator! And it’s just a few days until Christmas Eve, ho, ho, ho!”

“Vixen, eh?” Bon Bon quickly counted the stalls in the stable, as a shy reindeer doe nervously waved at the couple from one of them. “W-wait, you’ve only got one doe for 8 bucks?”

“Sounds like heaven...” Lyra murmured dreamily.

“Not if the orgy lasts hundreds of years,” Bon Bon pointed out.

“Indeed,” Mr. Claus grumbled. “I thought I’d solved the problem when I hired that cute femboy Rudolph, but he just made it worse! He’s the horniest reindeer of all, but half the guys won’t even look at that little ho, ho, ho!”

“Oh, I look, Santa,” Donner snorted. “I just ain’t gay.”

“Hey, any hole’s a goal, bro,” Dancer shrugged.

“Don’t blame Vixen, Mr. Claus,” Bon Bon scolded. “If she’s stopped putting out, it means the guys aren’t satisfying her anymore. They’re taking her for granted!” Bon Bon put her hoof on her marefriend’s wither. “Lyra, what if you head into Vixen’s stall and give her a little love, while I teach these rowdy bucks how they ought to treat a doe?”

“Yay!” Lyra practically leapt into Vixen’s stall. Beaming with a big smile, the eager would-be deerfucker playfully rubbed her muzzle against the doe’s trembling body. “Ready for some real fun, cutie?” she asked playfully.

“Oooh, a unicorn mare, I always dreamed...” Vixen’s lips descended towards Lyra’s, meeting them gently in a tender kiss. Lyra’s hooves stroked Vixen’s coat, and her horn lit up with a soothing magic, reaching down and gently stroking against the deer’s sore and swollen labia.

“Oh, poor sweetheart,” Lyra murmured. “All those rough bucks who only care about their own pleasure. Here, let Lyra take care of you. I’ll teach you how to love again... with steamy lesbian squirt-sex...”

“Dang, lookit that girl on girl action!” Comet practically drooled as he looked over the wooden divider into Vixen’s stall.

“Eyes up here, boys!” Bon Bon insisted with a stomp of her hoof. Trotting up and down the stalls, the fit secret agent twitched her tail saucily at a whole herd of pent up bucks. “I hear you’re tired of having venison every day,” she teased. “Well, who wants to try a nice, juicy pony flank steak?”

The strong and tough earth pony was very much prepared for rough treatment from eight horny males... and the sway of her hips as she began to strut commanded their attention! Thanks to her strenuous gym regimen, Bon Bon’s body was designed for ultimate pleasure, and she knew it. Her ass was solid and muscular, yet well tenderized from being pounded into her sofa cushion by Lyra’s magic strapon. Her teats were well sized, and promised to make perfect, perky pacifiers for two lucky reindeer. Her pussy was wet and winking — and with one well timed swish of her tail, its scent cut right through the fog of frustrated musk, bringing every buck present to full mast in seconds.

“D-d-damn!”

“That smell!”

“That ass!”

“Dem horse titties!”

“Let’s show this bitch some reindeer games!”

The doors to the reindeers’ stalls swung open like gates at a racetrack, and in an instant Bon Bon was swarmed by the lean yet muscular bodies of the bucks. Hooves went roughly to her plot and her teats, and her lips suddenly felt unskilled pressure and the repulsive odour of a hay scented kiss.

“Eew!” Bon Bon practically gagged on the foreign tongue that pushed rudely into her mouth. Thankfully, the smell of reindeer breath was swiftly replaced by the much more pleasant stench of an unwashed cock slapping her between her eyes. When it came to males, Bon Bon greatly preferred the end with a dong attached! She put out her tongue and began to lick up and down the slender shaft, eagerly washing out the grassy taste in her mouth with the salty savour of dick sweat.

Bon Bon’s fellow ungulates boasted long and skinny dicks, exotic specimens that thrilled her to her core, and heavy balls that churned with untasted deer sperm. Falling back beneath their rough treatment, she soon found herself on her back with a cock thrusting deep into each hole and a fourth slapped between her teats. As the bucks settled in to their desperate humping, sharing the earth pony between them, Bon Bon relaxed her plothole, skilfully reached out all four of her hooves and began to stroke up and down the remaining dicks, not wanting anycreature to be left out.

Though their lovemaking was hardly sophisticated, the sheer desperation of these reindeer was its own turnon where Bon Bon was concerned. Huge and swollen sacks smacked against her body with each thrust. Her nipples pulsed as her teats were roughly fucked by a babbling buck. Thanks to the unusual thinness of reindeer dick, her plot felt full and empty at the same time, as a buck rammed in and out of the puckered tailhole Lyra loved to kiss. Bon Bon’s cervix clenched at the strange penis that dove into her womb, stroking her deeply from the inside.

Yet before Bon Bon could ride these strange pleasures to a climax — her first since her marefriend had rubbed her off during the trip through the portal — the three bucks inside her cried out with premature happiness and deluged Bon Bon’s holes with pent up floods of thick sperm. Geeze, no wonder Vixen’s pissed off! she thought to herself. Even stallions last longer than that!

Yet Agent Sweetie Drops was always a professional, especially when it came to stroking the tender male ego. “Not bad, boys,” Bon Bon forced a smile as she chugged down the last of Blitzen’s cum and licked her lips. “You’ve got enthusiasm, for sure, but you need to learn some technique if you want to win back Vixen’s heart. Now, remember, when you’re with a girl—hey, watch it!”

Interrupting her lesson with a cackle of evil glee, Donner stepped on Bon Bon’s barrel, pinning her down beneath his superior weight. “See, these ponies ain’t so tough!” he boasted. “She lost to our dicks right away! Why, I bet we could take over Equestria, all by our—glurrk!”

Over the years, Donner had made Vixen utter many a glurrk! with his quick, powerful face fucking thrusts. Yet in all these centuries, he’d never said it himself. He glurrked now because Bon Bon had swung her back hooves around his neck, cutting off air from his windpipe. In an instant the seemingly harmless mare had him on the floor in a sleeper hold, her front hooves positioned and ready to snap his neck, her burning eyes glaring dangerously into his own.

“Don’t even think about it, my guy,” Bon Bon hissed. “You don’t want to know what happened to the last gang of reindeer who tried to take over Equestria.”

“Ulp...” Donner whimpered. Bon Bon looked over the group of shocked bucks, her legs shifting slightly to keep Donner locked down tight as he struggled. “Now, who here wants to learn how to eat a girl out?” she asked cheerfully.

Seven sets of hooves went tentatively up, even as their friend struggled mightily for air. “Alright...” Bon Bon nodded at Comet and Cupid, two of the bucks she’d been giving hoofjobs to. “You two, come here... you on my pussy, and you on my ass.”

“Eww, the ass, that’s gross!” Cupid complained.

“Not as gross as a buck who can’t satisfy his doe!” Bon Bon lifted her leg lock on Donner’s neck, and surveyed the other nervous deer as he crawled away and gasped for breath. It would be a tough assignment, transforming these toxic, quick shot dudebros into Vixen’s personal harem of caring and compassionate studs... but Bon Bon was a professional, and Christmas needed saving!

“As for you guys...” she sternly ordered the remaining deer, “my marefriend’s cocoa mug is empty. I want to see it full of hot and frothy nut. Get clopping, guys! And, Mr. Claus, get her another one of those big marshmallows.”

“You’re the best, baby!” Lyra called out from Vixen’s stall, before diving right back into juicy reindeer muff.

“C’mon, you little cuties...” Bon Bon lay on her back in the hay and gently stroked the short manes of Comet and Cupid, as the youngest of the bucks took their places at her crotch. The six other males stood around Lyra’s cocoa mug and began to stroke themselves with their front hooves, nervously glancing back at the strong and dominant mare who was determined to tame them.

It’s a tough job, Bon Bon thought to herself, as thin deer tongues began to lap and sample her creampied holes, but somepony’s got to do it...

3: Hole For The Holidays

Maple Falls, Ontario
December 24

“There it is, Bon Bon!” Lyra squealed, pointing through the gently falling snow. “The most romantic spot in all of Canada — Fudgepackers!”

“Are you sure?” Bon Bon asked with puzzlement. “It just says ‘Maple Falls Fudge Shoppe...’”

“I’d recognize that shop window anywhere! Look, it’s still covered with Slade’s cum!” Indeed, the many icicles of frozen sperm that had been fired against the shop window formed a beautiful shape like that of a frozen waterfall.

“But the cum is on the outside of the window...” Bon Bon pointed out skeptically.

Heedless of this incongruity, Lyra was already opening the door to the warm candy shop, letting its bell ring out cheerfully. Yet no sooner had the unicorn set a hoof inside, than the human male who stood at the counter was waving his arms at her and yelling angrily.

“Get out!” he cried, more with frustration than any hint of genuine anger. “I’m sick and tired of you God damn ponies! Get out and stay out!”

“Whoa, calm down, dude!” Lyra responded.

Bon Bon shook her head with disgust. “Geeze, and I thought Canadians were polite!”

“S-sorry,” said the human, hanging his head with patriotic shame as he realized how he’d disgraced his homeland. “You can come in and look around, just please don’t do... what you were going to do.”

As she trotted inside, Bon Bon hungrily gazed at the very tables Slade had conquered Becca on. Each was the perfect height for tying Lyra down and hoofing her til she hosed the floor down with her squirt. She’d hoped that the shopkeeper might even join in, giving the couple their first taste of real ape dick! Yet it seemed he was determined to be a wet blanket, forbidding even the most wholesome of couples’ Christmas sex. Bon Bon was so close to being able to fulfill her marefriend’s fantasy (and her own, to be quite honest!)... yet this lousy human was standing in the way!

“What’s wrong?” Lyra asked the human enthusiastically. “Can we help?” She was so excited about their successful mission to the North Pole, that she saw another ruined holiday as an opportunity to make everything better. Of course, when it came to a dirty bathtub or a sink full of dishes... that was the sort of “friendship problem” that Agent Sweetie Drops had to handle all by herself!

“I’m sorry,” the human repeated Canadianly, “it’s just that you ponies are ruining my business! I hardly sell any fudge anymore, because all you want to do is fuck on my tables and quote some dumb movie!”

“Hey, it’s not dumb!” Lyra objected. “We’re talking about Becca’s Christmas Wish, the first Earth movie to win Celestia’s golden ‘I Clopped To This’ award!”

“Huh?” The man hit his head with a palm. “Becca’s Christmas Wish? I was talking about A Cowgirl Country Christmas!”

“Ooh, that one’s fun too!” Lyra agreed. “They never fucked cowgirl style, though... I wonder why it was called that?”

“Geeze, I can’t even tell them apart anymore... ladies, dozens of Christmas movies are filmed here in Maple Falls every year!” The exasperated human looked out his jizz stained window, silently cursing the festive small town outside and its perfect suitability for cinematic tales of holiday cheer. “From April to September, it’s nothing but fake snow and fake smiles. Then the real Christmas season starts, but we can’t enjoy it anymore, eh?”

“Awww, that’s so sad...” Lyra put a gentle hoof on the human’s leg, then let it slowly drift towards his crotch, sizing him up. “Maybe I could deepthroat you a little, to cheer you up?”

Yet the human swiftly brushed away Lyra’s roaming hoof. “Now that they’ve started showing Christmas movies in Equestria, I get no winter tourist traffic, only an endless flood of you equine perverts, trying to have sex in my store. I’ll be lucky if this place makes any money at all this year!”

“That doesn’t seem fair...” Bon Bon pointed out. “If humans can have sex in your store, why can’t ponies?”

“Don’t you get it?” the human shouted, fists clenched with frustration. “There’s no sex in here! Those scenes are shot in California, with pornstars! They edit them in, so they can sell to the Equestrian audience.”

“W-wait...” Lyra rubbed her horn with confusion. “Human movies are censored?”

“No, we get the original movies, and you horny horse hosers get a chopped up version with extra porn.”

“Hrm...” Hoof to her lips, Bon Bon pondered all the little things about Becca’s Christmas Wish that didn’t add up. The way Becca went from totally clothed to naked and sweaty, then back again in an instant... the way her chestboobs changed back and forth between cute little B cups and massive artificial bimbohonkers... the way she’d suddenly turn into a middle aged Asian woman whenever it was time for an anal scene... She’d thought these were just silly little continuity mistakes, but now it all made sense!

“Golly, we’re sorry for causing trouble,” Bon Bon offered. “We sure don’t want your store to go under.”

“Yeah, ponies are all about love and friendship!” Lyra added. “And we’re secret agents who specialize in saving Christmas! How can we help you?”

“Tell Equestrians not to come here!” the human pleaded. “I’m begging you, I’m at the end of my rope!”

“Ooh, you sell rope?” Lyra’s ears (and tail) perked up. “Can we do a bondage scene if we promise no penetration?”

Suddenly a lovely human female swinging a broom emerged from the kitchen in the store’s back room. “Out! Out!” she yelled. She was beating back a red pegasus stallion who was in the midst of a truly impressive orgasm. His massive horsecock flopped about as he tumbled through the air, flinging a huge rope of nut to slide like a liquid blanket across a slab of freshly cooked fudge that sat on the counter.

“God damn it, honey!” yelled the human male. “I told you not to let any in!”

“They sneaked in the back door!” his seeming mate protested. Lyra courteously held the door open for the plummeting pegasus, who rang the store bell as he crashed through the open doorway.

“Meteor, help me!” he cried out as his wings beat frantically. He swerved up and down in midair, tossing more fat loads against the frozen ropes of cum that already covered the shop window. He flew higher with every spurt, as the weight of his balls slowly diminished. “I can’t cum and fly at the same time!”

“I’ll save you, Peri!” shouted a surprisingly muscular unicorn mare, fleeing the woman’s broom and charging out of the shop, with her horn glowing and her teeth clenched.

The human male slammed the door shut and locked it, then turned with despair at the cum soaked fudge next to his cash register. A lake of gleaming silver liquid pooled atop the rich chocolatey candy as the put-upon human raged at his latest misfortune.

“Another batch of fudge ruined by these skanky horse sluts!” he wailed. “Why did I ever agree to let them film anything in here? Now everyone calls my place ‘Fudgepackers’ and it’s nothing but pony jizz, all over my floors, all over my food, all over my wife!”

“Oh, it’s OK, honey, I kinda like it now!” came the woman’s voice from the kitchen.

The human male gently picked up the slab of soiled fudge, grimacing at the thick layer of horse nut that swirled atop it like silvery jam. “Just look at this!” he insisted, showing it to the two drooling mares. “It’s ruined!”

“W-we’ll take the whole thing!” Bon Bon shouted greedily.

“Huh?” the human stopped short, about to drop the cum laden confection into his trash bin.

“It looks so yummy...” Lyra moaned.

“Yeah, serve it to us quick, before the cum gets cold!” Bon Bon urged.

“Erm... OK, but that’ll be 50 dollars each!” The human improvised swiftly.

“Canadian dollars?” Bon Bon scoffed. “Why, that’s nothing!”

Their saddlebags a bit lighter, Lyra and Bon Bon finally were allowed to sit at one of the coveted tables. Even though Slade and Becca had actually been fucking on a California porn set, the experience of being on the supposed spot of their meeting had both mares juicy down below, and ready to romp. They eagerly devoured huge slices of semen covered fudge, trying desperately to keep their hooves off of each others’ crotches as they moaned with enjoyment.

With this display of polite restraint, not to mention the heartwarming smiles of two ponies enjoying something sweet, the shopkeeper seemed to warm to his customers. He brought them complementary mugs of coffee, which they slurped from adorably. He then sat down next to the two mares, but only after thoroughly sanitizing his chair.

“Mmm, this is soo good!” Bon Bon squealed, relaxing in utmost luxury as the spermy fudge gangbanged her tongue with flavour. “Take it from a fellow chocolatier — you’ve got a real talent, Mr. Fudgepacker!”

“Yeah, the cum gives it such a special, romantic taste!” Lyra agreed. “Baby, why don’t you mix stallion cum into your fudge?”

“I do, duh!” Bon Bon scowled at her marefriend. “But that’s just it — I mix it in and cook it! Here the cum is fresh, and it’s spread right over the top, so you really get the flavour!”

“And it looks great, too!” Lyra admired the gooey topping before stuffing another slice of nutty fudge into her maw. Now that she’d had this sweet and salty treat, she didn’t want to eat fudge, or cum, any other way!

“Could it be I’ve been looking at this all wrong?” The store owner mused. “Maybe this isn’t a horse slut disaster, it’s a horse slut opportunity!”

“Yeah, you’re in a great business position.” Bon Bon licked fudge from her hooves as she encouraged the human to think bigger, and dirtier. “Ponies are crazy about cum and food play — it’s the secret to my success! I hired 5 stallions just to masturbate into the soft serve machine all day!”

As his grumpiness slowly lifted, the human smiled at the cheerful customers who’d shown him the light. These two mares in love made the perfect ambassadors from the world of ponies, spreading sunshine wherever they went. “The Equestrian versions of these Christmas movies...” he spoke tentatively. “You say they’re real hard core?”

“The hardest!” Bon Bon affirmed.

“Fucking and kissing!” Lyra added.

The man sighed and wiped his brow. “Man, what I wouldn’t give to see those on basic cable! My wife loves the romance of them holiday flicks, but the sweaters the chicks wear are so baggy, I’m lucky if I see the outline of a single tit! Of course, sometimes they’ll do one about a lesbo couple, that always gets me hard...”

“We can just give you copies of the Equestrian versions!” Lyra suggested. “Bon Bon’s got a zillion movies on her ‘laptop’ thing!”

“Ssshhh!” Bon Bon hissed. “I stole all of those movies, with Bitstorrent!”

Yet Lyra was far too excited about her brilliant idea to stop on such a technicality. “In fact, you could sell copies here! Tons of ponies come to Maple Falls to see the real live Fudgepackers, right?”

“Unfortunately, yes...” The man angrily shooed away a unicorn couple who were peeking hopefully into his window.

“Wait, those guys could be your best customers!” Lyra objected. “Look how horny they are — he’s unsheathing already! I bet they’d would love to have an overpriced copy of Becca’s Christmas Gift to take back to their motel!”

“Heck, you could even set up a place for couples to bang in the back!” Bon Bon trotted across the floor of the small shop and peeked into the kitchen, only to be hit with an angry broom and pushed back out. “Yeah, there’s plenty of room back there for all your Equestrian fans! Put an extra table back there, let them fuck in private, then pour their cum onto your fudge and sell it to the next couple!”

Bon Bon’s fellow confectioner stroked his chin thoughtfully. “Hrm... unsanitary candy, an illegal love hotel, and pirated DVDs? I like the way you girls think!”

“Yay!” Lyra cheered. “We saved Christmas!”

“You sure did,” the human admitted with a tear in his eye, “at least for this humble human. There’s no reason I can’t spread the spirit of the season and make a dirty profit!”

“Now, how about that blowjob?” Lyra offered. She cast a lustful eye once again at the tall, undoubtedly hung human. “Me and Bon Bon will start fooling around like naughty little fillies... then you can ‘catch’ us, and teach us how good human dick feels in our holes!”

“I’ve got a better idea,” the human suggested cheerfully. “Say, honey?” he called into the back room. “You know how you’ve always wanted to get it on with another woman?”

A feminine giggle was heard from the kitchen. “Baby, please! Not while there’s customers about!”

“Aww, don’t worry about that, honey,” the human male urged. “Come on out, I think I’ve just found your Christmas present...”

THE END
AGENT0007 AND AGENT 6969 WILL RETURN IN
“HORSEPUSSY”

Author's Note

Happy holidays to all! Please, don’t be like this guy... don’t wait til the day before to find that special present!