Business As Usual

by Cozy Cottage

Rating: mature
Tags: Royal Guard, Horror, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Violence, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Original Character, Mystery
Length: 3204

Fancy Fun hears that Princess Twilight Sparkle is searching for a new apprentice and decides to try her hoof at the entrance exam. When she fails, she turns to murder. However, it seems that something is standing in her way.

Fancy Fun hears that Princess Twilight Sparkle is searching for a new apprentice and decides to try her hoof at the entrance exam. When she fails, she turns to murder. However, it seems that something is standing in her way.

Published 2024-01-25 00:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-01-25 00:20:00 UTC

Just Another Day at the Castle

Fancy Fun always considered herself to be a bright mare. The brightest in fact. She was always a good unicorn who dedicated herself to her studies when she was young and graduated with only the best grades. Her parents always pushed her to try her best and she did, excelling at everything she put her mind to. If she was somehow failing, then it wasn’t her fault. It was the school system that failed her. Fancy was the smartest pony in Equestria, or so she believed.

Fancy always made sure to succeed in school. Her parents always stressed that failure wasn’t an option. So she’d take notes and glue them to the ceiling during tests. It wasn’t her fault the material was too hard to memorize. She was Equestria’s best and brightest, after all. As Equestria’s smartest mare, sometimes she needed to cleverly beat the system that was trying to restrict her powerful mind by writing the test answers on the skin under her fur.

She went on to get into only the most prestigious university and graduated with her degree. It was smooth sailing. Well, it was supposed to be but there were some hiccups along the way. Nothing but a few late nights over at her professor’s house couldn’t fix. They loved her after all. Well, they mostly loved her ass but being Equestria’s best and brightest meant that she was destined to do well even if her professors took some unconventional convincing.

Despite her hard work, she only managed to get a position as a lab assistant after graduation. At first, she was mad that somepony with her talents was doing something meaningless work. Then one day, it happened. The moment she’d been waiting for her entire life had arrived.

Princess Twilight Sparkle was looking for a new apprentice. The flyer hadn’t said why, nor had she gone to the announcement the Princess had made about it but no matter. The why didn’t matter. What mattered was that the Princess had to pick her for the apprenticeship. She was the obvious choice. She was the smartest pony in Equestria. Princess Twilight Sparkle was the second smartest pony in Equestria. Sure being an apprentice was beneath her but she needed to get her hoof in the door and step up in life. She was the smartest this country had to offer. Her parents always said so. She figured she would apply. How could they not pick her? Fancy Fun was the only choice. Fancy Fun was the correct choice.

How could they not pick her? Fancy Fun had applied but hadn’t heard anything back. Granted, it’d only been a week. But if they liked her letter then they’d schedule her for an interview. An interview with the Princess herself. That was what she wanted. Then finally, they replied, saying they wanted to interview her. Fancy Fun could not be more ecstatic.

~

Fancy Fun sat on a stool in front of Princess Twilight Sparkle herself. Princess Twilight was larger in pony and had quite a long flowing mane. It was a beautiful sight. Her crown sparkled under the warm sunlight that filtered in through the stained-glass windows. Windows that seemed to tell a story, not that Fancy cared. It was probably the same story she’d heard a thousand times over. The ones of her friends and the Princess defending Equestria from many evils. And then they died. Boring. Nopony cared about a bunch of dead mares even if they were defenders of Equestria. Fancy hadn’t thought so. Not to mention that Equestria had record high peace thanks to Princess Twilight on her own. What was the point of those other mares anyways?

There were books everywhere in neat bookcases around the room. Pillows were strewn across the floor in no set pattern. There was a desk in the corner with a large stack of paper and notes on them. Beside the desk was a waste bin that was overflowing with notes and paper. It was quite messy in the room, Fancy thought. Even for a Princess.

“Hello Fancy Fun!” Princess Twilight Sparkled exclaimed warmly. “Welcome to my interview. Please, make yourself at home. Tea?”

Fancy shook her head. “I couldn’t possibly. It would ruin me.”

Ugh. Leaf juice.

“Alright, that’s fine as well,” the Princess nodded. “Then let’s get started. Tell me a little bit about yourself.”

“My name is Fancy Fun, and I was born in Hoofsville. It’s a newer town that’s within walking distance of Ponyville,” She added, hoping the relation to Ponyville might get her some brownie points with the Princess. “I graduated from Hoofvard. I got my degree in natural sciences.” Fancy Fun lied. None of that was true. She hadn’t gotten into Hoofvard. Apparently, they decided to pass up on her amazing talents. But saying she had gone to Hoofvard made her sound really good and Fancy wanted nothing more than to quit the job she had currently anyways. “I currently work as a lab assistant.” She paused and thought for a moment before adding, “I am very intelligent.”

“Of course,” Princess Twilight’s smile never wavered. “Do you have any background relating to magic theory?”

No. She didn’t.

“Of course,” Fancy Fun lied. But she could. She was Equestria’s brightest. She could catch up on magic theory in a night or three. It was that simple.

“Good! Just a little pop quiz, can you state Meadow’s magical law and then name the twelve schools of magic?” Princess Twilight asked.

Fancy started to panic. Of course, she didn’t know that. But Princess Twilight didn’t have to know that she didn’t.

“I’ve currently forgotten,” Fancy Fun replied. “Must’ve slipped my mind.”

“That’s fine,” Princess Twilight replied though less cheerfully this time. “Well, I still have a few more questions…”

Suddenly the gigantic double doors behind them creaked open and in popped a cheery yellow mare pushing a cart filled with cakes, teacups and a teapot. She brought it up to the two of them and cheerily smiled at Princess Twilight.

“Princess Twilight, I know you said earlier that you and your guest wanted tea, so I brought you some!” The cheery yellow mare said and began to pour the tea. Fancy noted this mare’s glassy eyes and stiff mannerisms. It was odd. If she hadn’t seen this mare talking and breathing, she might’ve thought it was some kind of realistic doll.

“Oh, I hadn’t asked for any tea whatsoever,” Princess Twilight replied, a confused expression appearing on her face.

“Nonsense! The order came directly from you merely a few minutes ago.” She turned and started at Fancy Fun. She blinked then gasped. “Oh Fancy! Fancy meeting you here.” She laughed. As if Fancy hadn’t had enough ponies making a pun off her name. However, the fact that this pony recognized her was alarming to say the least. Fancy realized then that she knew her as well. That annoying little mare from her physics class. She could ruin everything.

“You know Miss Fun?” Princess Twilight asked, taking her tea and adding a few sugar cubes into it.

“Yes indeed! We went to college together.”

Fancy’s world slowed. It was like she was frozen, unable to stop this mare from saying the words she knew were coming next. Lying had come to bite her in the ass. It was only one tiny little lie!

“We went to Summer Community College.” The cheery yellow mare said delightfully as ever. “We graduated in the same class from there. You do lab work now, don’t you?”

There it was. Her whole world, a shattered shameful secret. The Princess only seemed confused at this fact. But her expression changed to one of disappointment.

“Ah I see,” Princess Twilight said.

It was at that moment that Fancy Fun knew her chances were over.

“I’m sorry, Fancy but I will not be considering you for the apprenticeship due to your lies.”

Fancy Fun hadn’t even waited for the Princess to say the words she was so sure she would hear before she threw herself out of the stained-glass windows.

~

Fancy sat at home, applying ice to her cuts and bandages to her wounds. She’d been rejected from her only way out from her soul sucking gig at the lab. Talents like hers shouldn’t have been wasted.

What made things worse was that the day was barely over, and Princess Twilight had already chosen a candidate. It was her dead friend’s daughter of all ponies. Talk about nepotism at its finest. Why go through the process if you’d already chosen? Fancy Fun shook with rage at the thought of it. The working class never got a fair shake at the big leagues. It was always those rich nobles and their kids.

But that suddenly gave Fancy a really good idea. Fancy was the best and brightest in Equestria. Her parents had said so her whole life. It was more than likely that she was Princess Twilight’s first choice, but nepotism had gotten in the way. What if she eliminated the first choice? Or even just eliminated the Princess entirely? Then she could either be in first place or take the crown for herself and rule the country and choose her own apprentice? Idiots didn’t deserve to run the country anyways.

And she was no idiot.

She eyed the knife on the counter of her kitchen sink. She’d never taken a life before. Still, it couldn’t be too hard. Flesh was fragile. She’d experienced it herself when she nearly cut herself trying to get a can open in the past. So it couldn’t have been too hard to jam a knife into somepony’s throat. Throats were as fragile as hooves and knifes were as sharp as the edges of a can.

Fancy levitated the knife off her counter and looked at it. Tonight, she would make her dreams come true.

~

Fancy snuck into the castle after hours. She’d been pretty good at sneaking around. She’d spent a lot of time sneaking across her professor’s front yards, trying not to get caught by their wives and husbands. The guards were easy to sneak past as well. Most of them were dozing off anyways. Which wasn’t great. She was going to have to remember to replace them when she was in charge.

Fancy kept the knife holstered in her saddle bag. She rolled across the carpet, being as stealth and as silent as possible. Then she saw it. Two large double doors with the words NEW APPRENTICE ROOM on the front. It was like they were begging for her to find the apprentice and kill her. They even put the words out where she could see them. How nice of them!

How stupid of them.

The door itself was already even ajar. She slipped in quietly. Not quietly enough however, as the lights suddenly blinked on, and Fancy found herself face to face with a creature.

It was not like any creature that she’d ever seen before in her life, and it was quite… horrifying to look at to say the least. Not only was it the most horrifying thing she’d seen since maybe forever, it was also quite gross. The red around its mouth wasn’t helping her nerves either. Would it eat her? What did it eat? Ponies? It couldn’t be ponies. Probably not.

She thought Princess Twilight had picked her dead friend’s daughter to be her apprentice but this thing was not a pony. Maybe, given the red around its mouth, it had eaten the apprentice already. Fancy briefly noted the jelly oozing out of the donut on the table. That was a no then.

It stared at her while she stood, frozen in fear before it scowled at her. Or at least, Fancy thought it was scowling. She wasn’t sure. She definitely wanted to leave but her legs wouldn’t move. Finally, she pushed the paralyzing fear aside long enough to move something, but it wasn’t her legs that moved.

“I…um…I’m just here on o-official b-business!” She stammered. “Wrong room!”

“Then get out.” The creature replied. Fancy suddenly felt a large force push her out of the room and the door slam shut in front of her face.

Fancy blinked then ran for it, down the hall. Her legs suddenly were filled with the burst of energy that went to her mouth instead, just seconds earlier.

Suddenly, she dove around a corner as she saw Princess Twilight step out of her room. Luckily, she was quick enough to make it before the Princess saw her. She grabbed her knife from her bag and levitated it into the air as she heard the clacking sound of Princess Twilight’s hooves against the marble floors. Or maybe they were glass. She wasn’t sure. It didn’t matter as the sound got closer and closer and then…

And then nothing. The sound disappeared altogether. After another second of silence, Fancy peered around the corner. Princess Twilight was truly gone. Had she teleported? She supposed so then berated herself. She should’ve killed the Princess when she had the chance. Now she was gone, and Princess Twilight could’ve been anywhere in this maze of a castle. It was bad enough that the Princess was missing but there were dozens of guards everywhere and Fancy felt she was bound to get caught at some point. Even the smartest mare in all of Equestria couldn’t hide forever.

There was also that creature that Princess Twilight chose as her new apprentice. What had the Princess been thinking? Was she forced to by the thing? What the hell kind of creatures was Princess Twilight friends with anyways? The memory of it scowling at her was burned into Fancy’s brain. Still, thinking back on it, it seemed familiar somehow. Something about it rubbed Fancy’s brain in all the right ways. She’d met something similar to it at some point. But what was it? There was something else in Equestria like it that Princess Twilight might’ve been friends with. Or maybe defeated. She could’ve sworn she saw something similar to it on a stained-glass window at a glance.

It didn’t matter. She was lingering for far too long. She needed to move. Plans had changed. She knew where the creature was and killing it was her chance at winning for once. No, not for once. She shook her head. Not for once. No, she’d won before. She always won. Because she was the best and brightest.

She was doing the world a favor by getting rid of it anyways. That’s right, a huge favor. Then she wouldn’t have to look at it or think about it anymore. But something about the thought of trying to kill it made her legs tremble. Something wasn’t right about it.

Something wasn’t right about the castle either. Fancy had started to wander on her own, trying to find her way back to that room but not only was she starting to notice a lack of guards, but she was also starting to feel like the hallways had become a maze, trapping her within. The exit had to be somewhere.

“Intruder!”

There was a royal guard directly in front of her. He certainly wasn’t there before and now somehow, he was. She’d blinked and he was there. It would’ve been easy to assume that he’d teleported in front of her, but he had wings. She would’ve heard his wing beat if he came in from above. But she hadn’t. Could the guards have really been that stealthy or was she just distracted? Something about how he looked didn’t feel right either.

There was no time to think about the oddities of the situation. He stared at her, his dead, emotionless eyes burning a hole into her soul. She had to think on her hooves.

“I’m here on official business!” Fancy stated. The Royal Guard shook his head.

“Princess Twilight’s hours are only during the day. You should know those rules.” He stated sternly. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t throw you in the deepest pits of the dungeon right here and now.”

Fancy’s mind raced. This was bad. If he found her knife, she’d be toast. Attempted murder had to be a life sentence. She had to think and fast. “I’ll…I’ll fuck you?”

“Come again?”

“I’ll fuck you!” Fancy offered. The Royal Guard shrugged.

“I’ll take it. But after that, get out.”

Sex was just a backup plan in case Fancy got caught. However, she never dreamed it would actually work. She turned around and lifted her tail so the guard could get started with his work.

But what happened sexual was nowhere near sexual. This pony didn’t have the same weight and warmth that the other stallions she’d bed had. He felt way too light even though she was sure he was on top of her. He was so light, she might’ve thought he was nothing more than a doll.

She glanced up at him and he looked as real as any other pony. His expression, however, was blank. There was no emotion on his face. His eyes looked glassy like she was looking at a corpse. Then his blue eyes darted down at her. They made the briefest of eye contact before he let out a strange howl and started dry humping her. But that’s all it was. Dry. It was mechanical in motion and there wasn’t anything he was humping her with. It was like he had nothing down there.

Suddenly, the Royal Guard slumped forward over her. He felt like he weighed nothing, like he was nothing more than a limp doll. He then fell off her and it was then that Fancy noticed he did seem more doll like than anything else. But he was breathing. She was sure of that. Or maybe that was just her imagination in the dimly lit hallway.

That’s when Fancy noticed that he was being slowly dragged backwards into the darkness of the hallway behind her, something that she hadn’t noticed before. She hadn’t even noticed that dark hallway until that very moment.

Fancy watched as the horrifying creature she’d met earlier practically slithered out of the darkness, holding up the guard like a rag doll. He was being held in the air by strings. It was like he was a doll. No. He was a doll.

That wasn’t right.

It stared at Fancy with its sunken, horrible eyes.

Fancy immediately bailed by tossing herself out of the nearby stained-glass windows once more and took off down the street.

~

The horrible creature snapped its claws, causing Princess Twilight to appear out of nowhere. She looked at the creature and sighed.

“Harmony, I can take care of myself, you know,” Princess Twilight said sternly. “I hope whatever you did to that young mare wasn’t too horrible.”

Harmony smiled. “Of course not, Princess Twilight. I would never hurt her. But I think,” Harmony picked up the knife that Fancy had left behind, “That she definitely wanted to hurt you.”

“I think we’ll have to keep an eye on her from now on, I suppose.” Princess Twilight replied. She smiled at Harmony. “Want a midnight snack?”

“Gladly.”