Shorts (no skirts) by Tactical

by TacticalRainboom

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3538

Just a collection of my stuff

And no explosions either, naturally. Well, there might be explosions, but you get it.

I seem to have started a fad of contests with ass-tighteningly strict word limits, so I'll update this any time I give into temptation and enter yet another one. I guess I'll also use this for anything else I happen to write that is too short and simple for me to want to post it as its own story.

I'll fix errors that are so glaring that I see them while copypasting the stories into here, but other than that I won't be painstakingly editing these. That way, these show what I wrote when I was under a tight time limit, instead of just being very short, mediocre fics.

Also, who honestly cares?

Each one has the contest it was written for and the prompt that it was based on at the top.

Published 2012-10-05 02:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-08 19:15:59 UTC

Invisible Warfare

Minific Mayhem
"Into the Machine"

She'd done it hundreds, thousands of times now, so at this point Redshift had given up on ever getting used to the click of a heavy cable being plugged into her neck and the tiny shudder that always came when the connection went live. The transition was smooth; it always was. The world faded out and the network faded in seamlessly. She still had feeling in her limbs—simulated feeling, of course—and she could even blink and cough and stretch. That little shiver lasted all of thirty seconds, but it was enough to remind her for the next hour that everything she saw was being fed to her brain through a cable in her spinal cord.

All right, I'm in, she pinged to the unicorn on her HUD. Before her, the network was laid out before her, shimmering pathways and pulsating open nodes under a starry sky of protocols and scripts. She made sure to sound as grouchy as possible as she talked to Wrench, so that even that ruster's rig could pick up the kinesics. Let's get this over with.

C'mon, show some enthusiasm, the little prick replied in his nasal whine. Not every day you get to totally slag a net this nice. It's like a nice clean room, begging for some violent remodeling.

Redshift didn't have it in her to properly insult him. I'm heading for 52.61.35, she pinged. I'm gonna expect you to slice your node perfectly 'cause we're gonna need to be all aces for this. Grok?

Grok, Wrench replied happily. The little shit.

Redshift's hooves blurred as she galloped towards her target node. Some of the stars above swooped down to make some kind of attempt to stop her. A smirk crossed Red's simulated features as they dove close, only to be shattered in mid-air, breaking themselves against her rear hooves in a shower of sparks. She skidded to a halt, glancing around for more trouble—a multi-stage barrier perhaps—and of course there was nothing to see. In the lull, she allowed herself a glance at her own body. Her avatar's legs were as toned and as battle-ready as always. And, as always, the sight made her smile, an expression that was increasingly reserved for when her face was made of data and not flesh. Runner's legs, fighter's legs, like she'd had a few years ago. The Net wasn't all bad after all.

Writing this was fun, but it has nothing to do with ponies and it has no plot. So, it's shit.

Also, I'm not required to use the term "grok" correctly, because they're ponies and the word might mean something different to them, so screw you.

But I surely did like using sci-fi slang all over the place.

Peace Negotiations

Ponychan Write-off
"What Lies Beneath"

Two sisters stood on one of the castle's many balconies. This was to be the last time they would see each other for a very long time, and they both knew it. They would meet again, of course—destiny required that—but the sunset was fading into dusk. When night fell, they would become generals on opposite sides of a line, and sisters no more.

Luna's voice boomed across open air. “The citizens are restless.” Her helmet ignored the sky's pale glow and glittered in the starlight from her mane. “They require an answer soon, or unrest will turn to violence. This may be your last chance, Celestia. If a revolution begins, every life that the war takes will be on your own hooves.” Her voice was as cold and as black as midnight, because she willed it to be so. The sky darkened as the Lunar Princess spoke.

“Your 'citizens' have heard their answer.” Celestia stood at the railing, and did not turn to face Luna. “Your support of the rebels is pure foolishness. I will not negotiate with petty vandals and instigators. I have always loved the little ones with all of my being, and it was not long ago that you stood alongside me, sister.” Her tone was warm even though her words were frank.

“Little ones!” Luna scoffed. “Your distaste for the dignity of ponies is typical. When Manehattan and Cloudsdale are in flames thanks to your tyranny, then will you see what it is to deny ponies their rightful place in society?”

“When Manehattan burns, the revolutionaries will have turned from instigators to terrorists.” The sky darkened. Celestia still did not turn her head. “I am finished with imploring your faction of lunatics to reconsider,” she lied. “You came here with honor and humility. For that, you have my gratitude. However, tonight I must offer an ultimatum. Denounce the rebellion and join me in scattering it, or this will be the last time we meet.”

Silence. Luna saw Celestia hang her head, and her heart ached. She knew that Celestia loved the ponies every ounce as much as she claimed to. From the bottom of he heart, Luna wished she could embrace Celestia and fly with her across the land, showing her the truth as a sister, not as a negotiator.

Celestia knew that her sister could see her weariness. She wanted to beg Luna to help her turn back time, to a time before the Princesses were divided by such pettiness, but the time for these things had passed. Luna was brave and loyal, and she would not abandon those who trusted her, not even for the sister whom she had loved for a thousand lifetimes.

Celestia knew the pain that her sister was in. Luna knew the pain that her sister was in. Loving sisters they were, for but a few more moments that were over too soon.

Celestia turned her head, presumably to see if her sister would agree to peace. They both knew that such a thing would be impossible, no matter how dearly they both wished it.

Neither of them shed a tear as the Princess of the Moon backed away by a few steps, then turned her back on the ruler of the sun and, with a blink of moonlight, disappeared.

The stars twinkled coldly against a cloudless, black sky.

This got blasted out at the last minute. I was sleep-deprived but I wanted to get one more out. This is an idea that I've written in youtube comments as a self-imposed challenge to "caption" a song with a single youtube comment. This time I had a lot more space.

I thought it was going to be just fuck-awful due to practically being a stream of consciousness but people thought it was okay. Reading back over it, yeah, the language and whatever isn't bad.

Top and Bottom

Ponychan Write-off
"What Lies Beneath"
Mild sexual content.

"Wait! Don't come in!"

Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow and pressed an ear to the door. Shuffling... sounded like Twilight was throwing around her covers? “What do you mean don't come in? What, are you not decent or something?”

“Um, yes! Not decent.”

“Oh, right. Buck naked, I'll bet.” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. Twilight wouldn't be able to see it, but Rainbow Dash was sure her sarcasm would be plenty apparent from her voice. “How could you possibly be doing anything that you wouldn't want me to see?”

She pushed the door open. There was a flurry of movement, and Twilight sat guiltily in bed, holding the blanket close to her chest.

“Seriously?” Rainbow Dash furrowed her brow. “Is there something I should know about? You got a rash going on or something?”

“I... No, there's no rash. I just, um, I'm feeling sort of...” Twilight looked so nervous that Rainbow Dash thought she could hear her marefriend's heart thumping.

And then she smelled it. That distinctive scent that always reminded Rainbow Dash of some very nice memories. She let out a long, mocking snort.

“Is THAT it? Come on! We've been living together how long and you're still embarrassed about that?”

“Um... Right! S-sorry, I know you like me being open and--” Twilight yelped as a blue bolt of pegasus suddenly flashed into bed on top of her.

“And I know you like having a few things open too.” Rainbow Dash's grin was wolfish. “Lucky for you I'm in the mood for some fun.”

She planted her hooves on either side of Twilight's head, but Twilight still looked scared. Rainbow Dash suddenly flipped from playful to concerned. “Twilight? Usually you love this kinda thing.”

Twilight nodded unconvincingly. “Oh, I do... Mmmm, Rainbow Dash, I love lying beneath you and--”

Rainbow Dash shook her head. “Don't give me that. Loyalty, remember? I don't want this to be just for me.” She leaned down and kissed Twilight at the base of her horn, which got a wonderful shiver out of her. “I love you, Twilight. I'd die for you. You know that.”

Twilight nodded and suddenly reached out to pull Dash into a tight, horizontal embrace. “I'm sorry,” she whispered, burying her face in Dash's shoulder. “I love you, Rainbow Dash. I'm sorry.”

Rainbow Dash ran a hoof comfortingly through Twilight's hair, trying not to let her confusion show. Twilight had some strange moments, but this was an odd one even for her. Rainbow Dash thought she heard a whimper, but from another room in the house. She raised her head away from Twilight and looked over her shoulder.

“Did you hear that?”

“No, I didn't. I mean—hear what?” Twilight seemed to shrink backwards into the bed. Rainbow Dash kept staring at the door, but she didn't hear or see anything more.

“Never mind. Now if you don't mind, I had been about to take care of the little problem of yours that I smelled on the way into this room...”

Twilight made a happy little noise as she rolled the sheets back with her magic. Rainbow Dash snuggled close to her unicorn lover, and then Twilight pulled the blanket over their heads.

Underneath the bed, Rarity took her hoof out of her mouth and pressed her hooves against her ears instead. It didn't matter if she was crying now; the lovers in the bed above her wouldn't hear anything thanks to the noise they were making themselves.

The ONLY reason I wrote this is because I thought it was a clever use of the prompt. Also because I wanted to push limits and write something that other people wouldn't write. So, this is crap. Sorry. People were able to guess who I was immediately from this, because I'm the only pony with the balls to write something like this for a contest.

No, I don't ship TwiDash, though it's awfully cute. The character being cheated on was definitely going to be Rainbow Dash, but the other partner couldn't be Applejack for pretty obvious reasons. I didn't consider Pinkie Pie while writing this, but I wouldn't have done that either.

The Song of Secrets

Ponychan Write-off
What Lies Beneath

I do not often entertain visitors. This suits me. Potions and rituals are things best conducted in private. When a knock came at my door, I knew who to expect.

"Good evening, Zecora!" she said. "I'm sorry to bother you at such an hour, but I thought you might know the answers to some questions." Twilight Sparkle is a very polite guest.

"Greetings, Twilight! Please come in.
You seem quite eager to begin."

She wasted no time in levitating pen and paper from her bags.

"Do you know anything about the origins of Tartarus? I've been planning to write a report, and..." She trailed off when she saw the darkness on my face.

I looked to the masks adorning my walls. Each one represented a spirit of virtue, and now I looked to Wisdom for help.

"The knowledge you seek is truly ancient.
These stories have been known to leave strong minds bent.
If stories of Tartarus are what you crave,
Use well the knowledge, lest it lead to your grave."

Astonishment is unbecoming of Twilight, but after I spoke those words, several beats passed in silence.

"I think I can handle it." Twilight's eyes narrowed. "In fact, I think it's my responsibility to learn. Ponies everywhere should know about such things, and I'll be the one who's brave enough to find out and tell them."

Twilight's dedication was heartening. I turned to face her with a softened expression—and nodded.

Twilight's pen, glowing in the grip of her magic, hovered over her pad as I began.

“Tartarus, the under-city, prison of terrors.
The stories are wild and full of errors.
You know, I imagine, of its long disuse,
But you may not have heard of its tragic misuse.
A bottomless pit? Kings saw it as useful
For disposing of anything they saw as harmful.
Cursed gold, evidence, even their nemeses--
Tartarus just fed their brutish, crass tendencies.
But Tartarus still served its intended goal:
For Goddesses to seal away demon and troll.
Tartarus was sealed, but thanks to the ages,
There lived no scholars, no priests or sages
Who could hope to count all the horrors within--
Yet to this day brave and foolish go in
Hoping to scavenge a fabulous prize
Though few ever enter and leave there alive.
My dear Twilight, you now know the tale
Of Tartarus: Graveyard. Treasure trove. Jail.

My story ended, but Twilight's quill continued scratching for a long time more. Then I heard her pack her notes and prepare to leave. “Thank you, Zecora. I hate to leave so quickly, but I'd really like to get this down.”

She started to leave. I made to open the door for her.

“Oh, and... Zecora?”

I turned to face Twilight.

“How did you know all this? You don't keep books around... were you told by somepony, or...”

I smiled as I told Twilight an old lie.

“My people are well-versed in verbal tradition.
There are those, such as I, who make it our mission
To remember the stories, no matter how ancient...

I coughed, and looked to my masks again. Twilight nodded, and left.

The mask I looked at this time was a very old one: Divinity. Unlike the others, I had not carved it with my own hoof. This mask, I found. Recovered, as it were. From a very dark and dangerous place.

I know many secrets. Some of them, I have heard. Others, I have seen with my own eyes. I do not share all of them. This secret, I intend to hold close.

This was my serious entry to this contest. It was well received except that I am not good at rhyming. Some of these are just a result of me not knowing what I'm doing and writing very weak rhymes because I refused to compromise any meaning. Other rhyming errors were just fucking boneheaded, like rhyming "misuse" with "disuse".

The original idea was to have Zecora look up at the crossbow mounted on her wall or something. The punchline is "Zecora's secretly a badass!"

Brief Notes on Friendship and Magic

The magical land of Equestria is known for many things, but mainly the uniqueness of its inhabitants. Concrete information about the physiology of the intelligent miniature equines who share the title of “dominant species” with a handful of other sentient creatures is frustratingly limited, but not nonexistent. These equines, more commonly known as Little Ponies, are unique in that they come in three wildly divergent phenotypes: Pegasus, Unicorn, and Earth Pony.

All three phenotypes share the same quadrupedal build. Additionally, all possess humanlike intelligence, enormous eyes capable of both 180 degree and binocular vision, and brightly colored coats and manes that appear to be unique to the individual. One individual's mane was even noted as having no less than six colors in sequential stripes. All ponies also bear some kind of design on both flanks. The ponies themselves refer to these as “cutie marks” and believe them to be representative of the individual's personality and/or talents.

Pegasus ponies, also known as pegasi, take their name from Hercules' winged horse in Greek mythology. As the name would suggest, they possess a pair of feathered wings and have the ability to fly. Exactly how these wings enable such feats as hovering and rapid acceleration is unknown; pegasus wings are ludicrously small. Interviews with the pegasi themselves on this matter have proved unhelpful. In the words of professional flier Spitfire, “How do I manage to fly? You might as well ask me how I manage to walk. We're born with it. Some of us can fly before we say our first words." Pegasus wings also give their owners the ability to interact with clouds in strange ways. Pegasi are often seen busying themselves by changing the weather over the towns where they live.

Unicorns, named for the single horn that each one possesses on his or her forehead, possess an even stranger power than pegasus flight. All unicorns are capable of telekinesis, along with reality-bending feats like visual illusions and teleportation. These feats are totally inexplicable by any currently known methods. Unicorns themselves call this ability “magic,” and many of them even develop specific “spells.” One such unicorn by the name of Twilight Sparkle offered a researcher named Dr. Hypha the chance to watch a demonstration. Twilight Sparkle's abilities were astonishing even by unicorn standards, and she revealed to Dr. Hypha that her ability was not a typical example—that she was extraordinary among unicorns.

Finally, ponies who possess neither wings nor horns are known as Earth Ponies. While Earth Ponies face little or no discrimination from their winged and horned peers, exactly what special qualities they possess that are analogous to flight or “magic” is unknown. A hint may be found in the fact that, stereotypically, Earth Ponies are skilled farmers and chefs. A stallion named Big Macintosh, though he insisted that he was too busy to speak to researchers, displayed the ability to harvest apples from a tree simply by bucking the trunk with his hind legs.

Researchers understand almost nothing about pony biology, but have had many chances to observe pony society. Entire books could be written about the ways in which ponies differ from humans, but a common value on friendship seems to be prevalent. Twilight Sparkle in particular had an almost religious belief in the power of friendship, insisting that the bond she shared with her friends was not only the source of, but also utterly synonymous with, her magic. There is currently no way to know exactly how meaningful this statement is, but we have little choice for now but to defer to her knowledge.

Descent

Minific Mayhem
"Whispers in the Dark"

The blackness was coming, the ever-approaching dark that no candle could light and that her voice could not escape. It had already painted the entire room in a blank, light-absorbing void, leaving her pressed against the cold brick wall. When she tried to call for help, her voice was swallowed by the darkness and reflected back as otherworldly murmurs. Hissing, bubbling, breathy whispers filled the air. She felt like she was inhaling ghosts whenever she forced her lungs to suck in another breath, and every time she did she saw the darkness edge in just a little further, shrinking her island of sanity, which was already almost too small for her to stand on.

As the darkness crept closer, the voices became clearer. She heard laughter.. anger... sorrow... many voices forming a cacophony of madness. Abruptly, she turned her back on the void and turned to the only thing remaining in the room, the wall. She couldn't look into the emptiness any more. The wall was normal. With a long, shuddering breath, she closed her eyes. Even now it would be touching her hooves, crawling over everything until there was nothing left...

When she opened her eyes again, the wall was gone. She looked down at her body, and she was still there, the same cool pink-purple coat, the same violet mane. She walked forward, and did not bump into the wall. She kept walking through a field of deep emptiness. Soon she could see grass under her feet, and it was a welcome change from walking on black space. She saw a house floating in the air, and walked towards it. Ponyville was forming itself out of nothing, lit and visible under a black sky. The sun appeared, and she was happy to see the town in natural light. Then the moon appeared, throwing its cool glow over this strange world. Then the sun again, shining on pink clouds and hovering trees.

She looked down and realized she was flying. It felt good. It felt free. She turned in the air, made a silly face, and laughed because everything was okay. As she turned a happy somersault, she caught a glance of her own flanks. Her mane was tinged with pure white, and her cutie mark had changed to some kind of white ball, next to a carpenter's screw.

AN: People hated on this one for not having a plot. I don't know, though... I liked it. It didn't have a conflict, but it had a build-up and then a meaning.