Good Intentions

Chapters

Crisis of Faith
Friends 'Til The End
Diane and Samantha
Shared Suffering
Good Intentions

Crisis of Faith

By the time I finally tracked Applejack down, it had started raining.

I never liked the rain. So drab and dreary, not to mention the damage it could do to my hair. These days, I don't have the energy to concern myself with such things as how my hair looks. Considering the circumstances, it just feels… wrong, to dwell on something ultimately so insignificant. Were the situation less dire, I'm certain Applejack would have applauded me for my shift in perspective. Unfortunately, things don't get much more dire than they are now.

I hurry across, trying to get into the church before getting too wet. I reach for the door and, to my surprise, it's unlocked. There was no service underway, and I thought for sure I would need to knock for someone to let me in. Not the case. I pull the door open and step inside, the wet squelch of my footsteps surely alerting anyone who happened to be in the church at the time. Still, no one stops me, so I soldier on.

Once I make it past the lobby and into the nave, I can see her past the row of pews, kneeling at the altar before a large crucifix nailed to the wall. Her hat is on the floor, and she keeps her hands folded in front of her. I always knew Applejack to be deeply religious, but I've never actually seen her in church before. She doesn't look up as I enter, probably so deep in thought and prayer that she hasn't even noticed that I'm here. I leave her be for a bit, slowly and quietly approaching so as to not disturb her. I can't quite make out her muttered prayer, but I catch one word in particular. Forgiveness. I wait until she's done before I make my presence known.

"Applebloom told me you'd be here," I say. She looks up, and after a short second of confusion, she smiles slightly. "Mind if I join you?"

"Ain't my place to tell you no," she says. I nod my understanding and slowly lower myself to the floor beside her. "What brings you here? You never was one for church."

"No, I'm not. Well, not anymore. I did Catholic school before we moved to Canterlot City," I say. Applejack nods in understanding, then lets a tense silence descend onto us. "Respectfully, though, I'm not here for church. I'm here for you."

"Yeah. Figured as much. I haven't exactly been there for you. Or anyone," Applejack says. "Sorry about that."

"You have nothing to apologize for. After what happened, no one can blame you for needing some time to yourself."

"I s'pose. Still, don't feel right to leave you all on your lonesome."

"I'm not alone. I'm here, aren't I?" I scooch a bit closer to her. "So… Did service go over time or something?" Applejack looks at me, confused. "I just mean, you've been here for some time. There's plenty of other quiet places in town. Just curious as to why you came here, specifically."

She doesn't respond straight away, and I start to worry that I stepped over a line by asking. Worse than the silence, she turns away slightly. Then, as I watch her more closely, it dawns on me that Applejack isn't angry. She's embarrassed, maybe even ashamed. I can tell from the way she shrinks down, almost folding in on herself. The way she trembles slightly as I reach for her. The way her eyes are glued to the floor, never once meeting my own. To see someone as strong and steadfast as Applejack reduced to this… the only word for it is heartbreaking.

"Darling, please… You know you can talk to me, don't you?" I slink a little closer, and gently place a hand on her thigh. My presence stills her for a moment. Not a complete resolution to her turmoil, but I like to believe I'm helping in some small way. "I know you've always been the backbone of the group, but you don't have to be so strong all the time. It's okay to let yourself go a bit."

"It ain't that easy, Rares. It's not like some test I’m stressin' over," she says. "This is real. Some little boy is dead 'cause of us. He wasn't no older than Sweetie or Bloom, and I watched his Mama cry over his grave."

I feel a pang at that. I can't imagine how Mr. And Mrs. Blossom must be feeling right now. Sounds like every parent's worst nightmare, to have to bury their child. Just thinking about it sends flashes in my mind, images of Sweetie Belle in a tiny little coffin. I'd go mad, I just know it. It was that image, the thought of Sweetie getting hurt, that convinced me that we needed to take such drastic action in the first place, tragic though the result. Even still, I couldn't imagine being in the same room as the one responsible for her death, never mind inviting them to her funeral.

"So you went, then?" I ask. "To Ginseng's funeral?" Slowly, Applejack shook her head.

"Not really. Sorta just… watched. From afar. I 'member how Granny looked when Pa was buried," she says, her normally strong, even voice a quivering, uncertain mess. "I couldn't bring myself to look Mrs. Blossom in the eye, knowing I'm responsible for the worst pain she's ever known." She waits a bit before continuing. "I think Fluttershy went."

"Sounds like her. As hard as it must've been for her… She's a lot stronger than I think anyone gives her credit for."

"Hope she's doin' okay."

"You know… she's still in town. We can go see her, if you like," I say gently. Applejack doesn't respond immediately, so I nudge her just a bit. "Of course, if you'd rather be alone…?"

"I don't know, Rarity. I'm just not ready, I'm so…" Applejack sighs, and buries her face in her palms. "I just… I'm…"

"Deep breaths, darling," I say. I put my arm over her shoulder, and even though I'm a bit wet from the rain, Applejack doesn't push me away. That's nice. "I'm here for you. You can tell me."

"I'm scared, Rarity," she says, finally. It's only a few short, simple words, but it sounds like it was nearly impossible for her to say it. "I'm so darn scared…"

"Scared?" That's not what I've been expecting to hear from her. The danger is alleviated, the problem resolved permanently. So what does she have to fear? "I don't understand, darling. What are you afraid of?"

"Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law." It takes a moment for me to understand, but I realize after a spell that she's quoting The Bible. She has this solemn expression; A contagious guilt and remorse as she confesses her sins. "For this, Thou shalt not commit adultery. Thou shalt not kill."

"It wasn't on purpose. None of us ever meant to hurt him."

"Don't matter what we meant to do. He's dead now, and it's our fault," says Applejack. "And there ain't nothing we can do about it now. But I just keep asking myself… Am I… Am I gonna go to hell when I die? For what we did to that poor boy?"

I'm not sure if I believe in heaven, or hell. It's been a long time since I've given it any thought, but it's something we can never know for sure until it's too late. Still, for someone like Applejack, I can see how that would be an important question to ask. She's lived her whole life adhering to these rules and beliefs, and in a flash, she had to break arguably the most important of those rules.

"I don't know the answer to that, darling." After a short moment of thought, I get my words together and break the silence. "But what I do know is we've seen hell already. We've been through it right here on earth, and I wasn't scared for a single second, because I had you there by my side. We survived together, and if we're destined for fire and brimstone, there's no one I'd rather go through it with than you. Besides… depending on who you ask, I was going there already anyway."

Slowly, I reach for her hand, and just as slowly, she takes mine into hers. Our fingers intertwine, and I can feel her grip me tensely. For a while, we sit there in silence, hand in hand, while the world spins around us. I feel horrible. I'm sure she does too. At the moment, it doesn't quite matter, though, because we were horrible together. What more could I want?

"Yeah… I s'pose you have a point," she says. She looks up at me and smiles, tears in her eyes. "And I reckon I'm right there with you."

Applejack lays her head on my shoulder, and she finally breaks down. Tears race down her cheeks, and her body shudders against mine. There's a trillion things I want to say to her. Things about what we've all gone through. Things about how she feels. Things about how I feel. But this isn't the right time, and certainly not the right place.

I decide to settle for holding onto her tightly as she cried, not lasting long at all before my tears joined hers.

Friends 'Til The End

I've had a spare key to Fluttershy's house since we were, like, nine years old.

She lives right down the street, and we were always together. After school, or just if my parents were fighting and I didn't want to hear that crap, I'd always run down the block to crash at Shy's. It was always nicer at her place. Parents got along, and she always had the good snacks in her fridge. I must owe Shy for a million pudding cups, the name brand that my folks were always too cheap to get. Shy never seemed to mind. Said that if I didn't eat them, then Zephyr would just scarf them down, and anything to spite her annoying little brother was a good move in her eyes. Shy isn't normally vindictive, but it's always funny to see when someone pushes one button too many. After years of crashing at Shy's, and mooching off her snacks, I'd basically stopped knocking and just let myself in. Like I'm part of the family. I have the key in my hand, right now, and I could let myself in without anyone asking any questions. It'd be normal.

So why the hell am I hesitating?

"Nut up, Dash…" I say to myself. "Just do what you gotta do."

I think the reason I don't let myself in is, honestly, I don't want to be here. I don't really want to be anywhere. I don't want to talk. I just want to nap until this whole thing blows over. But that's not in the cards for me. All I can do is grow a pair and get this done, same as always.

I put my key back into my pocket and knock instead. For a minute, maybe two, it's silent. Not a sound. Then, slowly, from the other side of the door I hear rustling, then slow, tired footsteps. It takes almost two more minutes for her to finally creak open the door. Fluttershy is a wreck, her face hidden behind a river of untamed, unwashed pink hair. She pulls her locks from her face to see me, and I can tell she hasn't slept in days. Probably not since the battle. She doesn't say anything for a few beats, and then, like she just then remembered English, she croaks.

"Hi, Dashie." She sounds worse than she looks, if that's even possible. Even still, I feel a wave of relief pass over me. I don't want to see her right now, but it's still nice that she's up and about. "What're you doing here?"

"Figured you were probably hungry." I hold up a plastic bag, tied off at the top to keep everything contained. "Got some take-out."

"Oh. Thanks. I suppose I could go for a bite." She steps aside and gestures for me to enter. "Come on in."

"Is Zep around? I'm running out of ways to tell that dork to fuck off."

"He's with Mom and Dad. They're… waiting for things to cool down here. Went to stay with Grandma."

I don't say anything right away, but I step into the house anyway. It makes sense that they're gone. The Shys never dealt with this kind of heavy stuff well. This works out for me, though. I don't want to talk to anyone, but if I have to, I'd rather it be a one-on-one with my best friend.

She leads the way to the couch and takes a seat. The TV is on, but nothing is playing but static. The dim room is filled with that crunchy, buzzing white noise, and nothing else. Dead quiet. I sit beside her and pass her the fried rice I got her. Had to go all the way Uptown to get it from the place she likes, the only Chinese spot that makes a good vegetarian fried rice, but she's worth it. She mutters some sort of quiet thanks and slowly opens her container, and sort of just pokes at it with her chopsticks.

"So." I've got my own food, and I suck with chopsticks, so a plastic fork is gonna have to get me through my sesame chicken. "See anything good on TV lately?"

"Hm?" She looks up a bit, and apparently just then realizes the TV was still on. "Oh. That. I was going to check the news, but I got a bit sidetracked…"

"You're not missing much," I say flatly. She better not go there. "Forget the news, you need to focus on eating. You look like hell."

"Feel like it. Haven't had the chance to grab a bite."

"When's the last time you ate, huh?" I ask. "And I don't mean like one of those dinky-ass rice cake or whatever, I mean like an actual meal."

"Not since the funeral," she says. For a split second, I have no clue what she's talking about. Then, in a snap, I go from confused to annoyed as it clicks into my brain what she meant.

"You actually went?" I roll my eyes. Of course she did. Only Shy would be that soft.

"Of course I went. I had to go. It was nice. Closed casket, of course," Fluttershy pokes at her rice some more, then slowly takes a tiny bite. "His parents were very kind. We didn't talk much, but—"

"Could we not?" I don't mean to snap at her, but who can really blame me? I'm on edge these days. "If I wanted to hear their sob story—and, spoiler, I really don't—I would've gone myself."

"I wish you would have. It was… nice, I guess is the word," she says. I don't respond, and she doesn't push it. Just changes the subject. "So… Have you seen anyone?"

"The girls, you mean?" She nods, and I just sort of shrug. "Haven't seen AJ since the police station. Texted Rarity yesterday, she said she was gonna go check on her."

"Mh-hm. Hopefully, they reach out soon. We're really going to need each other to get through this."

"Speak for yourself. There's nothing for me to get through," I say, rolling my eyes. "You neither."

"Rainbow… What we did was—"

"Save the world, is what we did. Again." Obviously, I know what she's doing. What she's trying to say. I'm not here for it. "We're heroes, goddamn it. Don't forget it."

It gets quiet again, and even though I'm not looking at her, I can feel her staring. Judging me. She's always been kinda uppity and judgemental, always looking down on certain people for not living life the way she thinks they should, but I know she's kept herself from turning that on me over the years. Now, something is different. She can barely contain herself.

"Dashie…" she says slowly. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Better than fine." Maybe I'm being a little stubborn, but I just can't stand such a dumb question. Why wouldn't I be fine? "Are you okay?"

"I've never been less okay in my entire life, Rainbow. I haven't slept in a week. I feel awful, and I just want to talk to someone."

"What is there to even talk about?"

"What we did to Ginseng… It was horrible," she sighs. Ginseng. So that’s the little shit’s name. "Just thinking about it makes me feel sick."

"Then don't think about it," I say. "What's the point? It's over with."

"I know. I just… I can't stop thinking about that fight. Could we have done something differently? Maybe if we tried talking him down some more, he'd still be alive."

"Or maybe you'd be dead. Maybe everyone would be dead! I told you a thousand times, Shy, we did what we had to do, and we saved the fucking day!" I can't stand this crap. All of the girls are like this. Weak and spineless, too scared to admit that we did the right thing when no one else could. "Like we've done every time some evil magic psycho pokes their ugly face in here, we stopped them. We're heroes!"

"I don't think Ginseng would call us heroes."

"I don't really care what that little shit might call us. You know what I care about?" I stand up, tossing my untouched food onto the coffee table. I pace the living room, trying to get this energy out through my legs before it comes out of my mouth instead. I'm trying to stay calm, but nobody can blame me for losing my temper with this shit. "I care that some angsty twerp got sad and now Scoots might never walk again."

"That doesn't mean we should be happy he's dead. Ginseng needed help, the type of help we're supposed to be able to give people. We failed him."

"What? We failed him? Fluttershy, the kid killed people. He almost killed everybody. The only people we failed were the ones we didn't save because we didn't kill him earlier!"

Just as soon as the words leave my mouth, I realize I probably shouldn't have said that. I can tell by the look on Shy's face that I crossed some sort of line. I'm about to apologize, take it back, say I don't mean it, but I stop. I stop because it dawns on me, at that moment.

Fuck that noise. I said it because I meant it.

"If he has to die for everyone I care about to live," I say. "Then I'll dig his grave myself. Ten times outta ten."

"Rainbow, how could you say that?" Fluttershy says, as if I disrespected her personally. "He was a kid. Just a scared, sad kid."

"Don't care. He was dangerous, and we had to do something. Hell, we should've done more, earlier." It sounds messed up, but it's true. We still use training bullets, but the enemy is firing live rounds. Of course people are going to get hurt. "We keep giving these magical maniacs a slap on the wrist and sending them in their way, but I guarantee you that if what happened to the kid had happened to Gloriosa, or Vignette, or the Dazzlings, then Ginseng wouldn't have even tried us."

"You forgot two people," she says dryly. I tilt my head, confused, and she stands up to meet me. "All those horrible bad guys you say we should have killed. You conveniently forgot two from your list."

It takes a sec, but I finally get what she's implying, and it takes every ounce of restraint I have not to curse her out.

"That's different and you know it," I say.

"No. It's not different. They're all magic, all dangerous, and they all threatened the world. So why not kill them all?"

"Because—"

"No, no, you're right! If we would've just killed Sunset way back at the Formal, none of this would've happened!" For once in her life, Fluttershy puts some bass in her voice, some fire in her soul. I've always wanted that passion and intensity out of her. Now, it's pissing me off. "That's what you want us to be? A gang of killers who shoot down anyone we don't like before they cause us any trouble?"

"I want us to be the ones who do something! When no one else can, it's supposed to be us who gets business done!" I shout. Why would she say that? Why is she doing this to me? "We're not killers, we're heroes! And being a hero means making tough choices."

"If you think that's what we are, then maybe I don't want to be a hero!"

There it is. As close to a confession as you can get without coming out and saying it. Thing is, as mad as it makes me, I'm not even really surprised. She's always been like this. Too scared to do anything worth doing. It just never mattered before. I always cared about her too much to hurt her feelings.

But now, fuck it. She finally wants to get real? Then let's get real, sis.

"You are such a fucking coward." At this point, I don't even know what I'm gonna say until it leaves my mouth. All I know is that it's real, raw, and it's been bubbling under the surface for years and years. "That's what this is about, the fact that you've always been too scared to do anything. Even back in the day, when I was on the playground getting my ass kicked by kids twice my size—your bullies, remember, I was fighting them for you—when I had the guts to stand up to whoever was picking on you, what did you do? Not a damn thing."

"You're mad because I didn't help you fight off bullies from 8 years ago?" She rolls her eyes at me, and it makes my blood boil. She's missing the point, she always misses the point, because at the end of the day, Fluttershy is Fluttershy. And I'm, me. She can't imagine stooping down to "my level", and I'm sick of it. "Fights that you picked for me? I never asked you to fight anyone for me, Rainbow. That was your choice."

"Yeah, and I chose to be a good friend and have your back. Why can't you have mine for once?"

"Because this isn't about fighting off bullies who were pulling my pigtails, Rainbow. This is life and death. What we do, and how we choose to do it, matters. And I don't like the way we handled—"

"If it was up to you, we'd all be dead right now," I finally come out and just say it. What I've been thinking, what we've all been thinking. "You would've wasted your time talking to the kid when it's obvious he doesn't want to listen, and he would've gotten strong enough to put that poison out into the air. Everyone we loved would be dead, and it'd be your fault because you're too weak!"

It goes quiet right then, and uncomfortably tense few moments of silence. I glare at her and, to my surprise, she glares right back. She stands her ground, and I stand mine. I'd be proud of her if I wasn't already so mad. She can be strong, I've always known that. She just wastes that strength on shit that doesn't matter.

"I believe that all life is sacred. I believe that it's no one's job to take a life, no one but Mother Nature. But I killed that little boy. We killed that little boy. I went against everything I believe in, and I did it to follow your lead." Fluttershy reaches under the collar of her shirt and comes back with her pendant, one the geodes from Camp Everfree. The source of the bulk of our magic, Sci-Twi says. She looks at it with disgust, barely able to stomach the sight of it. “I had your back then, and you made me a murderer. We don’t even fuilly understand how our powers work yet, and you want to keep using it even after we ended a life with it? You call me weak, but you’re wrong. We obviously can’t control our power, so I’m doing the right thing. I refuse to use it. I’m not going to take the easy road and fight all my problems. And that makes me stronger than you ever were.”

“You can’t really be that naive. Do you even hear yourself right now?” I can feel the tears welling up, but I choke them back. I stand my ground, because I know I can get her to see things my way. This can’t go down like this. “You’re talking about quitting on us. What, you think this kid is gonna be the last monster that comes through town? Someone has to do something whenever these things pop up and put everyone in danger, Shy.”

“Maybe you’re right. But I’m sorry, Dashie. That someone can’t be me.”

Fluttershy tosses the geode forward, landing it gently at my feet. I stare at it for a second before bending down to pick it up. I thumb over the smooth surface of the pendant, my hands shaking. I try to flashback to those anger management courses. Count to twenty. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Think calming thoughts. But it doesn’t work. It never worked. Not when I was getting into fights in school, not when I was blasting that little monster to hell, and definitely not now, when my best friend is turning her back on me. After everything we’ve been through together, everything I’ve done for her, and she calls me a murderer. If I said it once, I said it a thousand times, we did what we had to do. If not us, then who? No one can do what we can, and if we let people get hurt by doing nothing, we’re just as bad as the villains.

I look up, and she hasn’t changed at all. She stands across from me, ten toes down and staring at me defiantly, and something inside me snaps.

“Go fuck yourself, Shy.” I dig into my pocket and pull out the spare key to the house. She gave it to me herself, when I was sitting in my backyard crying about my parents fighting. She called me her sister, and said we’d always have each other’s backs, no matter what. What a fucking joke.

I fling it at her head and stomp off, straight for the door. She doesn’t shout, doesn’t swear, doesn’t say anything to try and stop me. She just stood there and did nothing. What a shocker. I slam her door shut behind me and stop on her doorstep, just shaking as I try not to punch something. I hear movement from behind me, and for one stupid second, I think she’s coming to call me back in. To talk things over. To have my back.

Instead, I hear the door lock behind me, and I storm off down the street, all alone.

Diane and Samantha

Keep putting one foot in front of the other, and you’ll get where you’re going before you realize you’re tired.

Just something my Pa would tell the sisters and me whenever we complained about working the farm. I don’t think he ever meant for it to be real advice, or even something we remembered past childhood, but I never forgot that. Nowadays, all I can do is put one foot in front of the other, just like Pa said. Some times, I know where I want to go, even if I don’t know how to get there. Most times, like now, I don’t know where I’m headed until I get there. I look up at the door I’m standing at and I realize I don’t know what to do. What to say. Truth be told, I don’t even really belong here. I’ll probably just end up putting my foot in my mouth—Classic Pinkie, I know—and make things a whole lot worse.

Then again, I can’t really imagine what could possibly be worse, so I knock on the door anyway. Nothing happens, but I kinda expected that, so I knock again. And again. And one last time before, finally, I hear movement from inside the house. I wait patiently—as patiently as I can manage, anyway—for what feels like ages before the door swings open.

Sci-Twi doesn’t even look at me, her eyes glued to her notebook. She was scribbling notes, and it took another minute before she remembered where she was and looked up. She seems tired, with dark circles around her eyes, and her hair is a bit of a frazzled mess. Other than that, it looks like she’s okay. Maybe just surprised to see me. Can’t really blame her.

“Oh. Pinkie. Hi.” She’s still writing, clearly trying to get her thoughts out onto the page before they slip away. I know what that’s like. Probably why I run my mouth like I do. I wait until she’s finished and looking up to wave. “What’s up?”

“Was just in the nieghborhood, wanted to check up on everyone,” I say with a shrug. Sci nods, and for a second, it’s quiet. Awkward. Weird. “Are you busy?”

“A bit, yes. Been running some calculations, reviewing the footage, doing tests,” says Sci, completely oblivious. Bless her heart, she’s always had trouble picking up what I’m putting down. “Trying to figure out what went wrong. I have some programs running in the lab, I’m just trying to get my data together so I can…” She looks up slowly, and this look washes over her. Like she just remembered I was standing there in the cold. “Do… Do you want to come in? I can make coffee?”

“That sounds nice. Right behind ya, Sci!” For some reason, Sci-Twi pauses for a second before stepping aside and letting me follow her into her house. I’m not sure what that’s about, but I don’t say anything about it. Not yet, anyhow. "Sorry I took so long to get to you. I wanted to see everyone one-on-one, and that means someone had to be last."

"It's alright. I've been busy, anyway." Sci-Twi walks me down the stairs to her basement, a big space primarily taken up by machines and doo-dads that I'd be too bored to explain even if I knew what they were. The one machine I did recognize is in the corner, her coffee machine, with various snacks and treats stocked up. "How do you like your coffee?"

"Think about the most sugar you can fit in a cup," I say with a grin. It doesn't come as easily as it did before, but I still managed. "Then go ahead and double that."

"Heh. Why am I not surprised?" Sci-Twi pours me a cup, then herself, and passes me my drink. We sip in silence for a second before Sci realizes that she should probably say something. "So you spoke to the others, then?"

"Mostly. Sunset texted me, said she wasn't ready to see anyone. She seems… Well, she says she's hanging in there. Rarity and AJ are doing good, they've been hanging out with each other a lot more. Dash and Shy, though…" I grimace a bit as I dig into my pocket and pull out Fluttershy's magic pendant, which I show to Sci. Even just holding it hurts my heart. "Dash gave this to me. Said… Well, she said a lot of things I won't repeat, but mainly that I better take it before she tossed it in a lake or something."

"Ouch. Dash mentioned checking in on Fluttershy the last time we spoke." Sci-Twi takes the pendant, looking it over one way and then the other. "Looks like things didn't go over to well…"

"Yeah. Flutts says she's out. Says she doesn't want to be a part of… this." I shrug. "Can't really blame her for that."

"No, of course not. Even still, this is going to put a damper on things… The way I understand it, our powers only work properly when we're all together." I know she means well, but that was the least of my worries. I think Sci realized that, because she quickly continues. "Man. They've been friends forever. It's so sad to see them fight… What a disaster."

"Yep. It's been rough for everyone," I say with a sigh. Sci-Twi beckons to a chair next to her computer, and I take a seat. She takes the one next to me, and we sip our coffee in awkward silence again. Okay, my turn, I guess. "Y’know, it's like my Pa always says, no one ever learned anything from a good day." Sci-Twi snickers and, even though I don't know why, it makes me smile. There we go, that's what I'm talking about! I can work with this. "What's so funny?"

"It's just… you said 'Pa'. You sound like Applejack."

"Well, yeah. I moved to the city younger than she did, so I guess I don't have much of an accent anymore?" I shrug. "Sometimes, the country girl in me just slips out a little."

"Country… girl?" She tilts her head, confused. "You're… huh. I always just assumed you were from Canterlot City."

"Nope! RD and Shy are the only ones from here. Rarity is from Manhattan, and me and Applejack, we're cousins, and—"

"What?!" I can't help but laugh. That little tidbit always seems to get people.

"Yeah, yeah, AJ is my like third cousin, eight times removed or something like that. Pretty distant, but we grew up pretty close by," I say. "Well, as close as two farms in the middle of nowhere can be." Sci-Twi nods slowly, still trying to unpack that bombshell. It is pretty weird, AJ and I are about as opposite as can be. Still love her, though. "I guess you haven't been around long enough for that to come up, huh?"

"I guess not. You've all known each other for so long, I feel like I'm playing catch up," says Sci-Twi. One of her doohickeys beeps, and she trails off to check on it, but it's clear that she had something else she wanted to say. She's being weird, even for her. Maybe I shouldn't have come. But being alone these days… I don't think I'd be able to handle it. “Hm… Gonna need more tests…”

"Hey, Sci," I say gently. She jerks her attention back to me, like I just woke her from a nap. "You know you're one of us, right? You don't have to try to solve all of this alone. We're all in this together."

"I… I appreciate the sentiment, Pinkie. Really, I do. But—and please don't take offense to this—I don't think either of us really believe that."

"Sci… Why would you say that?" That kinda breaks my heart, if I'm being honest. My girls are like family to me. Of course Sci is one of us, why wouldn't she be? She's a little different, but then again, so am I. Maybe that's why I felt compelled to see her. Because she'd understand. "Is… Is it something I said?"

"No, no. It's not you. It's just the way things are. I think I've always felt that, but after the Ginseng incident…" Sci lets out a tired little sigh, turning to face away from me. "I've been giving things some thought. I was trying to figure out what went wrong, and I just can't. Everything went the way that it normally does. First, I thought it might've been Rainbow. She was so angry after Scootaloo got hurt, I thought maybe… Maybe she wanted this to happen."

"You think Rainbow did this on purpose?"

"I had to consider it possible. But I ran the numbers, she wouldn't have been able to do that intentionally without burning her own pendant out, and severely hurting herself in the process. Since that didn't happen, I looked into each of us, individually," explains Sci-Twi. "Nothing out of the ordinary. You, Shy, AJ, Rarity, Rainbow, even Sunset, all normal. That leaves one last variable unaccounted for."

"Sci. Stop. You can't blame yourself for—"

"But it's me. It has to be me. I'm the outsider, I'm the one who doesn't belong. I'm a spare cog in this machine, not the right size, and things went off the rails." I can hear the tears rising up in her voice, and I reach out for her. She pulls away, almost sliding out of her seat to get away. “I’m only here because The Rainbooms need a Twilight, anyway. If Princess Twilight was here, Scootaloo wouldn’t have gotten hurt. Ginseng would still be alive.”

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe, if Princess Twilight had been here, everything would be sunshine and rainbows,” I say. It's tough to say, but it needs saying. I need her to understand that we love her just the same as we love each other. “But we’ll never know, because she wasn’t there. That's the thing, Sci, is you're always here for us. The Princess is our friend, of course, but we’re a vacation home to her. We can’t count on her to be here for us when we need her. But I know that we can count on you. And you did the one thing none of us, maybe not even the Princess could have done. You made a choice, and there’s a lot of people right now who are alive that wouldn’t be if you weren’t here. It’s not about you being a back-up Twilight, Sci. You’re our friend. Our Twilight.”

Sci doesn’t say anything right away, and I don’t blame her. It’s pretty easy to not believe me, but everything I said was the truth. Truth be told, Sci and I were never super-duper close. Way different energies, is all. So when she was a bit off around me, I never gave it much thought. I just assumed I wasn’t her favorite person, which, y’know, I get it. But this is different. She thinks we don’t care, she thinks we’re turning our backs on her, and I’m not about to let her sit here and think that she’s not a Rainboom. If that’s even something to be proud of anymore.

“Pinkie… I don’t understand.” Sci-Twi turns back to face me, dabbing the tears from her eyes. “How are you handling this so well? How can you keep trusting me, when I was this close to… Ending up like Ginseng? Why do you even care?”

“Because you’re my friend, Sci.” She asked three questions, but the answer is the same to all of them. “And I want my friends to be happy. I want to be there for them, because as long as we all stick together, there’s no stopping us. I guess that’s just how I cope. By looking out for you guys. I know what it's like to be an outsider, and from one weirdo to another… I'm not handling this. I feel a mess. But if you can hold it together, I can do the same. For all of you.”

It’s quiet again, but not like before. Not awkward and uncomfortable. This is thoughtful, careful, almost soothing. Sci sets her coffee down onto the table, her eyes drifting to her screen and all the tests that she’d been running. She reaches for the machine, but pauses, looking back at me for a moment. We lock eyes and, with a tired little grunt, Sci-Twi hits a button on the nearest console. There’s this low, electric whirring from throughout the room, slowly trailing off into nothing as the machines power down.

“I’ve been cooped up in here too long,” grumbles Sci-Twi. She pulls her glasses off and rubs her eyes tiredly. “I… I think I’m in the mood to order a pizza. Care to join me? Maybe you could catch me up on the group some more? Any other secret familial relationships I don’t know about?”

“Well, Sunset’s my dad, I don’t know if you knew that one.” It takes a beat, but eventually, Sci-Twi chuckles, shaking her head at silly ol’ Pinkie Pie. It’s a small step, but even a small step is progress. “Sure thing, Sci. We can run to the store for some pop and have us a little girl’s night. If you want.”

“That sounds perfect, actually. Except…” Sci takes in a breath, almost like she has to work up the nerve before going on. “Pinkie, do you think you could maybe… not… call me that?”

“Hm? You mean Sci?”

“Yes. I never really liked the name ‘Sci-Twi’, but it caught on so fast, and everyone else has a cute nickname so I didn’t want to be the one to ruin that,” she explains. “You said that I’m not just an back-up Twilight. If that’s the case… I think I’d prefer if you didn’t talk about me like I’m just an alter-ego of the real deal.”

“Oh, man, I’m sorry. We didn’t mean it like that, we just wanted to try to avoid confusing everyone.” Well, duh, of course she doesn’t like that name. I’d say I want to give whoever came up with that name a piece of my mind, but I’m pretty sure it was me. “Of course, whatever you want to go by. Did you have something in mind?”

“I’ve always liked the name Samantha. It’s my middle name,” she says, a bit nervously. She pulls her hair from out of her face, not even able to look me in the eyes at the moment. I lean forward a bit, so she can see my smile, and she starts to get a little flustered. “Um, yeah, Samantha is good. Or Sam, I guess. Sammy. Just not—”

“What kind of pizza are we getting, Sammy?” I say with a smirk. She freezes when she hears the name from someone else’s mouth, and it’s like a weight is off of her shoulders. She looks a little more comfortable. Like she belongs. “I’m a pepperoni addict, personally.”

“Is pineapple off the table?”

“You’re crazy, Samantha. I like it!”

We laugh as we get our stuff together, and for a while, there’s nothing for us to worry about. Not fighting friends, not tragedy, not even Twilight. Just me and my new friend, Sammy, and a big, greasy pizza for us to share.

Shared Suffering

Where… where am I?

My back is killing me. Our head, too. My head, I mean. Bed is too hard. Except… There is no bed. I didn't make it home last night. I think. I can't remember. Last I remember was the bar, and that asshole kicking me out. Now… Come on, man. Open your eyes, Sunset, get in gear.

I blink slowly as I sit up. An alleyway, someplace. Downtown, by the looks of it. I don't see anyone, and the sun looks like it's setting. It looks like I blacked out all day. There's no one else around, no one to see me like this. Silver linings, I guess. God, how could it have ended up like this?

I check my phone, see that I missed a few calls from Pinkie. She texted me, too. Asking where I've been, asking if I'm doing okay. She knows the answer already, but she has to ask, and she means well. I know she does. That's why I can't tell her the truth, and the truth is, I'm not doing okay. I don't think I'll ever be okay ever again. Even just thinking about everything we've gone through, all the pain that we felt… Fuck, I need a drink. Maybe I've got a couple of dollars on me, enough to just take the edge off…

I blink a second before remembering that I’m holding my phone still. My phone's about to die, and I probably won't get back home for a while, so I have to text her now

Sorry, Pinkie. Not really ready to talk to anyone right now. Don't worry about me. I'm hanging in there.

Hopefully that's enough for her for the time being. Maybe I'll be able to face her after I get my act together. Maybe when it doesn't hurt quite so much. I don't know if that's ever going to happen though. Every waking moment, I can feel that fight. The toughest, most dangerous Equestrian magic we've ever encountered, and it decided to grab up a high school freshman. Every breath, I can feel his poison stinging my lungs, even though I knew for a fact that it was all gone now. When it gets too quiet, I can feel that power surging through him, our magic cutting a hole through our chest and…

I need a drink. Just something to take the edge off.

I lurch to my feet, groaning like the walking dead, and drag myself out of the alley I collapsed in. I wish I could say this was the first time this had happened, and I wish I could say it'd be the last, but that's not true. The sad, ugly truth is that I've been a wreck for weeks now. Drinking, passing out, waking up behind a dumpster someplace, it's been like this ever since we died. Ginseng died, I mean.

Before long, I find myself in what's probably the last seedy, shady dive bar in Canterlot City that doesn't know me by now. It's a run-down little hole in the wall, the type of place that looks like their drinks come with a knife fight, on the house. Still, like I said, it's the last spot that I haven't been booted out of yet, so it's my best bet. I've got maybe $25 to my name right now. A shitty place like this is gonna be my best bet.

I walk into the place and drag myself to the bar. By the time I get my drink, I forget what I ordered. Something cheap and strong. I slam it right in front of him, then ask for another. He gives it to me, and I take it with me to a table in the corner. Quiet. Lonely. Sad. Just like me. I sip my drink in silence, hoping to forget. Hoping to let this whole thing go past. Hoping that this liquor puts me out of my misery, one way or the other.

“Looks like you were right, sis. There's a killer loose on the streets.”

My blood goes cold in my veins, and I freeze with my drink to my lips. No. No, no, no, no. I look up, praying to God that I somehow misheard, but I didn't. Three girls had entered the bar when I wasn't looking, and it was three girls I hoped to never see again. But who cares what I want, right? What I want didn't matter with Ginseng, and what I want doesn't matter now, as The Dazzlings stroll through the bar, sights set on me.

“Told you it was her,” says Adagio Dazzle. She leads the trio to my table, and they surround me. To my right, Aria Blaze. The hothead. My least favorite of the three. To my left, Sonata Dusk. It's almost funny. In a weird way, I could see the two of us getting along, under different circumstances. And right across the table, smirking that bitchy smirk of hers, is Adagio herself. The brains of the operation. Even if Aria is my least favorite, I don't really care for any of them, after what they did to us.

“Never would've thought we'd see a real, live superhero in a place like this,” Aria snickers. She pulls a chair up and sits down, as do her sisters. “Then again, I guess she's not much of a hero these days.”

“Leave me alone.” I don't need this. I can't handle this, not now. Being stuck here with these three, it's getting me antsy. “I want nothing to do with you three.”

“What? We didn't do anything.” My eyes dart to Sonata, and it's hard to tell if she's messing with me, or if she's really just dumb enough to not realize what's going on. “We just wanted to say hey.”

“Exactly, just saying hello. Maybe we could catch up a bit,” says Adagio. She smiles like The Devil, leaning forward so she can really see how defeated I am. “What's been up with you, Shimmer? Been busy saving the world? Fighting off monsters?”

“Killing kids?” chimes Aria. My fist slams the table, almost without me realizing I had done it, and Aria just laughs at me. “What? Touch a nerve?”

“You wanna take this outside, Pigtails?” I don't like fighting, but at this point, what I like doesn't seem to matter anymore. “If you've got a problem, we can solve it.”

“Nah, I'm good. I don't wanna get rainbow-lasered to death.”

I polish off the last of my drink, and stand up to leave. I can't do this. These three are monsters, and the worst part is, they're right. I'm no superhero. Not some defender of the innocent. I'm a demon who helped murder a child. Just because they have a point doesn't mean I want to hear it.

“Go fuck yourself, Pigtails.” I take maybe two steps for the door before Adagio stands up, and pulls her wallet from her pocket.

“Sonata, be a dear and go up to the bar for me,” says Adagio, offering her wallet to her sister. “Come back with a glass of water for me, and a bottle of whiskey for our friend Sunset here.”

I freeze, weighing my options. Obviously, this is a trap, Adagio’s way of keeping me here for whatever reason. But, even though I know it's a trap… maybe it's worth it. A bottle is a lot more than I've got now. Maybe this won't be so bad. Maybe I'll be able to sleep tonight. Maybe the liquor will kill this thumping, throbbing pain in our head. My head. I hate myself as I do it, but begrudgingly, I sit back down and sulk while Sonata runs up to the bar. Now here I am, stuck with the two jackals of the group.

“What do you want?” I say through gritted teeth. Adagio smirks and gives me an almost flirty little wink.

“Some cheap laughs at your expense,” she says, with a level of honesty I wasn't really expecting. “You did ruin our lives, after all.”

“Considering what you people did to that kid, maybe we got off lucky,” adds Aria. God, I hate her. So petty, bitter, vindictive. It's like she gets off on making me unhappy. She reminds me of myself, before I met the girls. “Seriously, when did your friendship cult start using lethal force.”

“Here you go, sis.” Sonata’s back with Adagio’s water, a bottle of cheap whiskey, and four glasses for the table. After handing Adagio her water, Sonata distributes glasses and sits the bottle on the middle of the table. With a snort and a roll of my eyes, I reach forward and grab the bottle, pull the stopper, and take a big swing straight from the bottle. “Guess I didn't need so many glasses, huh?”

“It was an accident,” I say quietly. “Obviously, you three have to know that. Right?”

“Uh… You accidentally drank straight from the bottle?”

“She means the kid she killed,” says Aria, rolling her eyes. “Honestly, Sonata, pay attention. Idiot.”

“Oh, I'm sure it wasn't on purpose,” says Adagio with a nod. “At least, I'm sure the others didn't mean to. You, on the other hand…”

“What's that supposed to mean.” I'm not stupid. Of course, I know what that's supposed to mean. I try not to think about it, but she's right. I have no business here, trying to do good for this world. All I've ever been is bad, everywhere I go.

“If you're going to play stupid, this isn't going to be fun for any of us. And, just for the record?” Adagio leans in, like she has a secret for my ears only. “It's not as much of an accusation as you seem to think. Truthfully, Sunset, the fact that you're willing to take such a strong stance… It's one of the few reasons I find myself begrudgingly respecting you, specifically.”

“Can't say I condone killing a kid in cold blood, but hey.” Aria shrugs, every word out of her mouth making me froth inside. The way she talks about Ginseng, so callous, so casual, it gets me closer and closer to punching her lights out. “I bet you wouldn't keep getting attacked by magical monsters if you guys would've quit with the half-measures earlier.”

“Ginseng Blossom was not a monster. He was… troubled. He needed help.”

“Yeah, you sure helped him, huh?”

“You know what's funny? I keep thinking about you three. Can't get you out of our head, especially lately.” I take a swig or two to keep me steady, my heart twitching, my hands shaky, that same pain in my chest I had when I breathed in Ginseng’s poison. I feel like I might die, and I feel like I won't bother fighting it if I am. “And I just keep thinking, why Ginseng? Why do you three get to be here and he doesn't?”

“Four, you mean.” All eyes are suddenly on Sonata, who had managed to stay mostly quiet. She mainly fiddls on her phone, and it takes a few seconds of our stunned silence before she looks up, just as bemused as the rest of us. “What? It's obvs not just us you're mad at. You were already drinking before we saw you, can't blame it all on us.”

Probably the smartest thing I've ever heard come out of her mouth. Who would've thought that she could be so insightful? Or maybe I'm just a lot more obvious these days.

“Yeah, well. You got me. The fact that we all got blasted, and the only one of us to die is some innocent little kid… Bullshit. It's a load of bullshit.” I'm halfway through my bottle by now, and I'm not feeling any better. Who would've thunk it? “The way I see it, we all deserve to be dead a lot more than him.”

“Oh my God, if I would've known you were gonna be so fucking lame, I would've waited in the car!” groans Aria. “You're supposed to argue with me so I can make you look stupid.We get it, you're sad cause you fucked up, boo-fucking-hoo.”

“Shut up, Aria.” To my surprise, and I think Aria's too, Sonata speaks up again. She's still buried in her phone, but she rolls her eyes at her sister's antics. “I don't really like cheater-pants here either, but lay off. She might, like, off herself or something.”

“Yeah, like I give a shit.”

“Then she's right, we should be dead.”

“Enough. I'm curious, now.” Adagio regains control of the situation easily, and it's obvious that she has to keep the other two from fighting pretty often. “Tell me, Sunset. Why do you think that?”

“We all knew that what we were doing was wrong. Ginseng… I'm not so sure. Those kids at school, they were brutal to him.” They treated him so badly, and we just stood there and watched. I could've done something, anything, but I didn't. “He was fighting back. And yeah, he went about it the wrong way, but maybe if we would've done something different…”

“Oh, Sunset Shimmer. And after I swallowed my pride and admitted I respect you, too.” Adagio rolls her eyes and reaches for my bottle. Her hand grabs the glass, and I almost snatch it back, but I let her take it and watch her take a swig. She paid for it, after all. Besides, I don't see Adagio as much of a drinker. She'll probably leave me plenty. “Surely you're not that naive. You don't think he chose his path already? I read about what happened, you know. And I know, as well as you, that the kid was beyond saving. The way he was talking, stopping him was your only option.”

“Yeah, well. It's still not fair.” I can tell I'm starting to slur my words, and I can almost feel the pain fading away. As soon as Adagio sets the bottle down, I take it back from her. “Why do we deserve a second chance, huh?”

It takes me a second to realize, but none of them respond right away. I look up and see the sisters sharing looks of confusion. Even Pigtails seems taken off guard, and she wasn't taking any of this seriously. What's going on?

“What do you mean, second chance?” Adagio asks.

“You're still alive. You gave up trying to take over the world or whatever. We beat you, and you had a second chance at life. Just like me.”

“Huh. I think I owe you an apology, Shimmer. All this time, I thought you were being a bitch,” says Aria. “Turns out, you're just stupid.”

“What she means is… Well, you destroyed our gemstones. No gems, no negative energy. No negative energy, no food.” Adagio looks to her sisters, then to me, with none of the bitter vindictiveness that I'd expected from her. It almost looks like she pities me. Can't say I blame her. “We had some energy sort of stockpiled in us, but when you shattered our gems… That started the clock. We have maybe… six years left?”

“Five,” says Sonata, still not looking up from her phone. “Well, five and a half, I guess. These are all guesstimates though, so who knows?”

“Definitely gonna die soon, though,” says Aria. “So you really didn't know, huh? That's why you never checked up on us, because you didn't know that you guys killed us.”

They're lying. They have to be lying. We didn't… we couldn't have… No. No, it's not a lie. We hurt them. Maybe that's all we ever did. Just hurt people we should be helping. Save the day? Maybe. But then we leave people like The Dazzlings behind. Our actions have consequences, and we never cared to deal with them.

Adagio’s wrong. I don't deserve her respect. I deserve to be exactly where I am now; Rock bottom.

“I'm sorry,” I mutter. “We didn't know. We should've… We… I'm sorry…”

“Well, this got boring. I'm gonna go smoke,” snorts Aria. She stands up, barely even looking at me. She got her laughs at my expense. No reason for her to stick around. “See you later, Gacy.”

“Go with her, Sonata. I'll be out in a few.” Adagio watches as her sisters gather themselves and walk out of the bar. Once we're alone, she locks eyes with me, and I have to look away. I don't want to be here anymore. I'm not sure I want to be anywhere anymore. “Now that we're alone, may I ask you a personal question?”

“Does it matter if I say no?”

“No.”

I snicker darkly at the honesty, then I grab my bottle and give Adagio a little nod.

“Obviously, you're sad about the kid. Who wouldn't be?” says Adagio. There's something weird about her vibe, almost like she's suspicious of me or something. I don't really care by this point. Whatever she thinks I am, I'm probably guilty. “But why did this hit you so hard, hm? You didn't know the kid personally, and I don't imagine the rest of your friends are out drinking themselves blind. So why are you so damaged by this whole thing?”

I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to answer her. But I don't really have much choice. Adagio’s probably not going to take no for an answer here, and honestly? After what we did to them, to Ginseng, she deserves an answer. And I deserve to suffer through the memories. I polish off the last of the bottle, push down the puke, and look up at Adagio.

“Our powers got an upgrade since we fought. Now it's not just, like, high-five and then a rainbow laser happens. We've got real powers now. Mine is… Well, I don't really know what to call it. I'm an empath, I think is what Twilight said?” Twilight. Where is she, man? Where has she been? We needed her, and she ditched us. When she finds out what happened, she probably won't be able to look at us. “Basically, I can see people's memories, feel their feelings. That kinda thing. And Ginseng… every time he moved, a new cloud of that poison would waft out. Wave his arms a little and he could turn a room into a gas chamber. So if we were gonna stop him, he had to be restrained.”

“You held him down,” says Adagio with a nod. “Fuck me…”

“I was closest, there wasn't time. If we didn't do anything, he'd have killed everyone. So I held him down while the others blasted him.” Maybe someone else could've done it. Rainbow would've been fast enough, but she wasn't thinking straight at the time. Can't really blame her for that. “And I can't, like, turn my powers off. Just, if I touch someone for long enough, it activates. His rage, became my rage. His sadness, mine. And his pain… I felt that beam cut through us. I felt our body burning. The pressure in our head, pop like a water balloon. When I try to sleep, I can still feel the hole in our chest. When I close my eyes, I can hear him screaming in pain. Begging for it to stop. Crying for his mother. I died with him, except when I was done dying, I had to get back up and deal with what happens after.”

I don't know when, but I started crying at some point. The tears just started coming out. Don't like it. I feel bad, just miserable. Head hurts, stomach hurts. I just want to go to sleep. Maybe I'll feel better when I wake up. Maybe I won't wake up at all.

“You've been through a lot, hm? Well, Sunset. Let me give you some advice.” Adagio stands up and throws a $20 onto the table. “Forget about us. Forget about the kid. Start over. Move on with your life. I'm going to call you a cab, and then, hopefully, we never see each other again.”

“Forget…” I grab the money and look up, wondering why she was doing this. She's swimming before me, and I can't really focus on her, but I can see the pity on her face. “Why forget?”

“It's better that way.”

She's gone. I blink and minutes have passed, and Adagio is gone. I clutch the money she gave me, her parting words bouncing around my brain. Forget, it's better that way. Maybe she's right. Maybe I should just forget. But a bottle of whiskey isn't gonna get me there. Nothing on Earth can just make me forget.

Huh. Not on Earth, but maybe back home…

“Thanks… Sorry…”

I don't remember what happens after that. I don't remember leaving. Don't remember falling asleep. Next thing I know, I'm in my bed, hungover and puking over the edge of my mattress. When I'm done being sick, I sit up and cry. Not because of Ginseng, and not because of The Dazzlings. I'm crying because of me. What I plan to do, and what's going to happen next. And the worst part is, Adagio was right.

It's better this way.

Good Intentions

Let me just start this letter by saying that I am so incredibly sorry.

I was away, and you all needed me. Maybe if I was here, things could have gone differently. And I wanted to be here, I swear by Celestia’s sun, I wanted to be here. I was trapped in Equestria, a magical anomaly locked off the connection. I swear to you all, I was not ignoring you. I was stuck. But now, I'm making excuses. Truly, all of you, you deserve better.

I rushed over as soon as the barrier fell, but I already knew from the journal that I was too late. I wanted to see you all, to talk to you in person, but I bumped into Sunset on my way in. She had some strong words for me, and I deserve every single one. She went back home, and she intends to stay there. I tried to follow her, but by the time I made it back through, she was gone. I looked for her for a few days, but Sunset is a very capable unicorn mage. If she doesn't want to be found, then she won't be.

After what Sunset told me, I figured most of you wouldn't want to see me. I don't blame you for that. Truth be told, I'm not sure if I could face you. Not before I got to the bottom of all of this.

I read Ginseng’s… manifesto, for want of a better word. I'm sure you've all seen it by now, so I won't put you all through that again. What matters is that Ginseng was a troubled, haunted soul, and you all did everything you could for him. Sunset seemed to blame herself, but you all did everything right. Some people just can't be helped, because they don't want to be.

I wish I had more comforting words for you all. I know hearing that you all did the right thing isn't going to magically fix things. I don't think there's anything I can say that will make things better. So I made a decision, that I would act rather than speak. That decision, difficult as it was to make, is the best thing I can do for you all.

I've decided that I am going to close the Mirror Portal, and sever the connection between your world and mine.

Now, I know, this is quite sudden, but it's not as much of a knee-jerk as it might sound. I've been thinking this over ever since I read the journal entries detailing the Ginseng Incident. The simple truth is that all of this, every magical threat that has ever threatened your world, has been because of me. I left the door open for the dangers of my world to infect yours, and I didn’t give you sufficient means to defend yourself. I didn’t intend for it to happen. I hope that, even though I let you all down, you can believe me when I say that. I left the Mirror open partly out of a selfish desire to return to this wonderful world whenever I could, but truly, honestly, I believed that we’d be better off together than apart. I see now that leaving the portal open, while also leaving you all alone to be in Equestria, was irresponsible and dangerous. My intentions were good, but they say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

By closing the Mirror, this will stop any Equestrian magic from spreading in your world. It will also kill off any Equestrian magic that’s already here. This means your powers will fade in a matter of weeks, although based on what I’ve heard, some of you may prefer it that way. Obviously, in addition to your powers being gone, this would also make it impossible for another Ginseng Incident to occur. You won’t have to worry about a tragedy like this ever again. Of course, this means that the journals will no longer function as communication devices, so you won’t be able to contact me again. I don’t expect that you’d want to. Perhaps someday, when I find a way to make things right for your world, I can reopen the Mirror and apologize face-to-face. For now… I hope this letter will do.

You have no reason at all to care about what I say, but if I can make just one request, I ask that you all take care of yourselves. This experience was highly traumatic, and you’re all going to need each other. Look out for one another, and stand together no matter what. Maybe it doesn’t seem like it anymore, but I love and care for you all, and I want nothing but the best for you. Sometimes, what’s best isn’t always pleasant. Soon, I think you’ll all agree, things are better this way.

Thank you all for your friendship, your guidance, your love. I hope to one day see you all again, but for now, let me do the right thing, for your sake.

Forever your friend, Twilight Sparkle