I Don't Want To Overthink It All
I sat on my now ex-coltfriend’s couch, embracing him for one last time. “So… it’s over…?” I asked, trying not to cry. “You’re moving…?
“Yeah, I know it will be hard for you, but I must do this. It’s what I really wanna do.” Ember replied.
“I know, I don’t wanna keep you from your dream…”
“Just know, I never intended to hurt you, okay? We can still write to each other and stay as friends.”
I nodded my head as I let go of him. I know ponies say “When you love somepony, let them go” and all that, but they forget to mention how hard that would be.
I excused myself and began to walk home after giving him one last quick hug. I hung my head as my speed was a slow trot deep in thought.
I haven’t even been able to get through a full year with anypony. Was there something wrong with me? Am I not good enough?
Suddenly, I bumped into somepony. “Oh, sorry I should’ve been paying attention to where I was going.
I looked up finding my coworker, Jaded Steel letting out a soft chuckle. “No harm done,” he said. “Everything alright?”
“Y-yeah, just… a bit tired that’s all, sorry again Jaded.” I stared at the ground and kicked my hoof a bit.
Jaded let out another chuckle. “Like I said, it’s no big deal, good to see you, Script,” he said before walking off.
I nodded my head, still staring at the ground, a warm feeling growing in my stomach.
Why do I feel like this, I hardly know him… I thought to myself. Besides, I just broke up with Ember, I shouldn’t be feeling like this right now… Even then, I’m not going to get hurt again…
I quickened my pace to my house and opened the door finding my friend Ellie sitting on the sofa reading a book. We had planned a hang-out over the week so she was spending a few days at my house. Ellie looked up as I walked in and sat the book down placing a bookmark inside so she could pick up where she left off later.
“Hey, how’d the date go?” she asked.
I only folded my ears back as tears formed in my eyes and I rushed into the kitchen area. I opened the freezer, grabbed a tub of vanilla ice cream, grabbed a spoon, and just began devouring the tub of ice cream, sobbing. Ellie rushed over to comfort me.
“What happened?”
“Ember and I broke up again…” I said between sobs.
“Oh, Script, I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do?”
I just shook my head as I ate another bite of the ice cream. “I just wanna go crawl into a hole and cry for hours…”
Ellie rubbed my back, calming me down a bit. “Tell you what, how about we make some food to cheer you up, sound good?” she asked as she wiped my face a bit.
“I guess…” I muttered.
Ellie got up from the couch and went into the kitchen to prepare dinner. I just curled up on the couch staring at the photo of me and Ember on the end table. I just slammed it into the table, unable to stare at it any longer, and just rolled over on the couch.
After about an hour or so, Ellie came over and brought me some pizza she had cooked up. I began to devour it as she just sat next to me, comforting me.
“Thanks for dinner, I’m probably going to head to bed now…”
Ellie looked at me in concern. “You sure, you usually eat almost half the pizza.”
I nodded as I got up and walked to my room to bed. I opened the door to my room, noticing the photo album on my desk. I walked over to it, noticing it was open on a page where it had photos of me and Ember.
I take a photo of me next to Ember, our foreheads touching. Tears flood my eyes as I stare at the image. Even though we remained friends that doesn’t mean I still miss being with him. I miss being there for him, I miss him cheering me up when I would feel down, and I miss doing things with him.
But even then, I was a horrible marefriend to him. I was selfish at times, even overdramatic. I just wish I could’ve treated him better. I wish I treated him the way I should have in the first place.
I sat the photo down as I ran my hooves through my mane, sobbing. I was so lucky to have such a caring and kind coltfriend such as him. I doubt I would ever find someone like that again. Nopony would love me the way he did. I don’t even deserve to be loved.
I silently snarled and forcefully closed the photo album with a dull snap, tears threatening to drip down my face. I grabbed a box off to the side and dropped the photo album inside, along with the matching bracelet I made for him. It felt like I never really took it off until now. I got up and went around my room, grabbed everything that reminded me of him, and shoved it all in the box as well. I then closed the box and tapped a piece of paper on it that said “Broken Heart” on it. I picked up the box, dropped it inside my closet, and then ran to my bed sobbing, clinging to a pillow.
No more. No more cuddling. No more late-night movies. No more saying “I love you”. I wish I cherished those moments more than I did, I never knew how much they would mean to me.
I woke up the next morning a mess. My mane was in tangles, my nose was all stuffy and I just could not stop crying. Ellie gently knocked on my door as she entered my room.
“Hey Script, it’s time to get ready for work, I’ll make you some breakfast, okay?” she said. Ellie was right, I didn’t have much of a choice. They needed me there since it was going to be busy today.
“Thanks,” I muttered as I got out of bed.
I walked over to my dresser and began to brush my mane, trying to get the tangles out but barely made any progress. I then walked over to my bathroom to get a shower to wake myself up and tame my mess of a mane.
After my shower, I walked downstairs and found Ellie cooking me eggs and oats. I smiled as I took in the smell of breakfast. I sat down at the bar, awaiting my meal.
“I’ll be done in a moment,” Ellie said.
Once she finished cooking, she grabbed a plate and placed it in front of me. I grabbed a fork and began to dig in. Maybe today wasn’t going to be so bad after all.
I slumped into a chair in the break room and put my head on the table, barely touching my lunch. Today just seemed to suck in general, I wasn’t completely sure if it was because of the breakup, or if it was just because customers just seemed to be in a sour mood today.
“Is this seat taken?”
I looked up, finding somepony I recognized. I plastered on a fake smile and greeted him.
Jaded took a seat. “How’ve you been?” he asked.
I could feel my smile wavering, but I kept it going and said, “I’m fine, and you?”
Jaded tilted his head a bit in confusion. “You sure? You just seem a bit, off I guess.”
My ears folded back as a soft scoff escaped my muzzle. “You were able to see right through me, huh…?”
Jaded nodded as he scooted a bit closer, still giving me plenty of space. “I kinda noticed it when you bumped into me yesterday. You wanna talk about it?”
I let out a sigh. “Ember Flame and I just broke up last night…”
“Oh, um… I’m sorry to hear that.” Jaded stared at the ground a bit as his face turned a light shade of red, but I didn’t think too much of it. “You doing okay though?”
“Eh, I guess… It just hurts still.”
“Well, I’ll be here if you need me, alright?” I nodded as I continued resting my head on the table. Jaded rubbed his neck a bit. “So uh… I wanted to ask you something.” Jaded began. I sat up, looking up at him. “If you wanted to go see A Journey Through Equestria Solhaven: The City of Eternal Sunshine?”
I thought for a moment, wondering if Jaded was trying to ask me out, but I figured he just wanted to cheer me up, so I agreed. Jaded perked up as a big goofy smile grew on his face. “What day and time?” I asked. “I work most days of every week except Tuesdays or Thursdays,”
Jaded thought for a moment. “How does tomorrow sound at about… 5’oclock for the evening show? I’m off work at about 6:30 tomorrow evening. I’ll just meet you at the theater.”
I nodded as I got up from my seat and threw my lunch into the trash. Jaded looked at me in concern. “Aren’t you hungry?” he asked.
“I’ve lost my appetite…” I responded as I left the room.
After work, I could feel my stomach growling at me, but I just ignored it till I got home, even then I didn’t eat that much, only enough to get Ellie to get off my flank. I spent most of the rest of my day just curled up in bed, crying. I cried until morning.
Thankfully, I didn’t work today, which I was grateful for. I would’ve spent the whole day in bed, but Ellie forced me to get out of the house and took me for a walk through the park. Eventually, we got home and I decided to get ready for my hang out with Jaded.
Once I finished getting ready, I walked out the door and headed towards Ponyville Theater. I grew a little concerned when I couldn’t spot him right away, only to be tapped on the shoulder, I turned around finding him behind me with a smile on his face. I let out a slight giggle as we both walked into the theater. We paid for our tickets, grabbed some snacks from the snack bar, and headed into the theater to take our seats. It was the same theater that me and my coltfriend - My ex had gone to. My ears drooped back a bit. Jaded noticed as we sat down.
“You okay?” he asked.
I turned and put on a fake smile. “Yeah, just a little tired, I didn’t sleep too great last night,” I said.
A pony in front of us turned around shooting us a glare and shushed us. Jaded rolled his eyes. “The commercials haven’t even ended yet…” he muttered. I let out a chuckle.
Once the movie was over, Jaded offered to walk me home. I took the offer since it had gotten so late. I didn’t notice at first the route we decided to take until we walked through a very familiar alleyway. I stopped in my tracks as soon as I realized where I was.
Jaded stopped, turning around to face me. “Something wrong?” he asked.
I felt like I couldn’t move, I couldn’t even speak up. My body began to shake as my mind began to shut down. I felt like the walls were closing in as my breath grew faster.
The next thing I knew, I found myself curled up in a ball on a bench. I slowly got up, still trembling.
“Hey, you okay?” Jaded asked with concern in his voice. “You kinda shut down back there.”
I clung to myself, unable to calm down. “Sorry, I guess I had another panic attack…”
Jaded tilted his head. “Another? You’ve had one before?”
I nodded my head, unable to look up at him. “It’s been happening quite a bit lately…”
“Why though?”
“I would rather not say…”
“Oh, alright, I won’t push you if you don’t want to say anything.”
I turned to him and smiled. “Thanks, Jaded.”
Jaded rubbed his neck. “I just figured you would wanna get home sooner rather than later, that’s why I decided to take that route.”
“It’s alright, I feel more comfortable taking the other route if that’s okay.”
Jaded nodded. I slowly got up and my body began to calm down. We continued walking toward my house. Once we got to the front door, I stopped and smiled at Jaded.
“Thanks for tonight, Jaded, I had a lot of fun, despite the panic attack of course,” I said.
“Yeah, no problem!” he replied.
I found myself staring into his eyes, causing us to blush slightly. I quickly turned away, said goodnight, and opened the door.
I walked inside and found Ellie asleep on the couch. I chuckled to myself a bit as I just grabbed her a blanket and headed to bed myself.
I walked into my room, got ready for bed, and climbed into bed. I couldn’t help but think about Jaded. The way his eyes sparkled. How his smile warmed my heart.
I shook my head. No, not again. I’m not going to get hurt again. Not like the others.
I slowly closed my eyes as I felt myself grow tired and I drifted off to sleep.
I woke up the next morning feeling a little better than the day before. I got out of bed and walked down to the kitchen, finding Ellie cooking some scrambled eggs. I sat at the counter, waiting for my breakfast.
“You got home late, did everything go okay?” she asked.
“Yeah, it was alright, I just had a bit of a panic attack…” I replied.
“What happened?” I could hear the concern in my friend's voice.
“Oh, Jaded just took me down the alleyway.”
“Did you handle it alright, other than having a panic attack?”
I nodded my head as she brought over my breakfast and sat beside me rubbing my back. I rolled my eyes. “Ellie, I said I’m fine…” I muttered.
“I know, I just worry about you sometimes.”
I shook my head as I continued eating my breakfast.
Once we finished breakfast, I decided to head out for work. Ellie handed me lunch as I said goodbye to Ellie and walked out the door.
After a few minutes of walking, I saw Jaded coming out of what I assumed was his house. It was a cute little building, small but cute. It wasn’t too far from mine as well. He waved as he began trotting up to me.
“You heading to work too?” I asked.
Jaded nodded. “I’m running a bit late though, I was supposed to be in about half an hour ago,” he replied. “I’m not much of a morning person.”
I let out a giggle as we began to chat on our way over to work. We parted ways as we got to the time clock and got to our workstations.
I felt my face go red a bit as I walked up to the register. I shook my head, quickly coming back to reality. Not again. I won’t let it happen.
After work, I headed home, bumping into Jaded once more. We walked home up until we arrived at his house. We waved goodbye as he walked inside and I continued walking home.
When I arrived, Ellie was outside with a worried look on her face. “There you are!” she said. “I was starting to worry a bit, what took so long? Did you get into trouble at work?”
I shook my head as I waved a hoof. “Nah, Jaded doesn’t live too far from here so we walked home together.”
“He’s the unicorn that took you on a date yesterday, right?”
I gave my friend a weird look. “We’re just friends, it’s not like that.”
A smug grin grew on her face. “You sure about that?”
I rolled my eyes as I shoved her to the side. “We’re just friends, you know I just broke up with Ember, I don’t want anything to do with relationships right now.”
“I suppose you’re right on that one.”
“I’m really tired, I’m going to head to bed early, work was exhausting today.”
“Do you want something to eat first?” Ellie asked.
“Nah, I’m alright, I just wanna sleep right now,” I replied as I was walking up the stairs. “You feel free to cook anything you want though.”
Jaded and I have been hanging out for a few months now, we’ve gotten to know each other more and we enjoy each other’s company. I could tell he was crushing on me a bit, but I’m not going to get hurt again. I walked into the living room and found Ellie on the couch. We had planned another sleepover over the weekend due to me struggling with my mental health lately.
“Hey, me and Jaded are gonna go out for a walk tonight,” I said.
Ellie gave me a smug grin. “Oh, you two finally going to get together?” she asked, poking me in the side with her elbow raising her eyebrows.
“What do you mean?” I asked. “Jaded and I are just friends.”
“Come on, Script, it’s been a few months now,” Ellie replied. “I think he sees more in you than you think, Script.”
I just gave her an annoyed smile and shoved her away as I heard a knock on the door. I opened it, revealing Jaded holding a flower with his magic. I let out a giggle, as he levitated it into my mane.
“Thanks, Jaded,” I said. I turned toward Ellie lounging on the couch and said, “I won’t be out too late. I’ll see you when I get back.”
“See you two love birds later!” Ellie said waving as I shut the door.
I rolled my eyes again. As we began to walk toward the park, I hung my head. We’re just friends, that’s all we’ll ever be, right…? I thought.
“You alright?” Jaded asked.
I looked up at him smiling. “Yeah, I’ll be okay, just got a lot on my mind lately.” We just chatted as we walked over to the park and sat on the bench.
“So, what do you want to do?” I asked after a long pause of silence.
Jaded shrugged. “Just hang out and stargaze I suppose.”
I looked up at the sky, smiling. “It sure is beautiful tonight.”
“Yeah, it sure is.”
We sat there in silence for a moment as we just stared at Luna’s beautiful night sky. I didn’t realize how close Jaded had gotten, so I scooted a few inches further away from my friend, not daring to get close, I wasn’t going to get hurt again.
Glancing over to my friend, I noticed he hung his head a bit, trying to keep quiet. I stayed silent as well, but soon broke the silence.
“What do you see in me?” I asked.
Jaded looked at me with a small look of confusion. “Huh? What do you mean?” he asked.
I looked down a bit as my face began to blush. “I’ve noticed the way you act around me, what do you see in me? Why do you care so much about me?”
Jaded looked at me dead in the eyes. “A lot of things, for one, I see a fighter. Somepony who doesn’t give up easily.”
My ears drooped back. “But I do…”
Jaded put a hoof around my shoulder. “You’re a fighter, I know it. You’ve told me you’ve attempted in the past, but you’re still here. That takes strength, Script.”
I slowly got up from the bench and began to walk away. “I’m just not good enough…”
I began to walk through town as I heard Jaded galloping behind me. I found myself back in the main part of town. I turned around to face Jaded as I held back the tears. Why am I so scared to fall in love…? I think to myself. He’s not going to be like the others… right?
I felt him grab my hoof. I looked up at him, smiling softly. I walked a bit closer to him for a hug, the tears finally coming down.
“What about me?” he asked.”What do you see in me?”
My face began to glow a brighter shade of red as I pulled away from the hug, still smiling. “I love that you don’t shame me for my past, even though my past partners never really understood my perspective from it, you did.”
“I don’t think they really took the time to sit down and completely fully understand how your trauma worked, but you wanted to help them too so they wouldn’t feel unloved. You never give up on anypony.”
“I just don’t want them to feel like they’re beyond hope,” I said. “You know I want to please everypony.”
“You’re an amazing pony, Script. You’re smart, kind, caring. You’re always trying to help your friends, even when they end up hurting you sometimes. That’s what I love about… That’s why I…”
I looked up at my friend in surprise. Is this what I think it is? I thought.
“I think that I…” he stuttered. “I love you.”
Jaded looked at me with a romantic look in his eyes. He put his hoof on my shoulder, but I pulled away, frowning.
“What, is something the matter?” he asked concerned. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No, it’s just… I don’t want to get hurt again…”
Jaded pulled my chin up. “Script, I’m not like the others. I’m not going to leave you behind, not like them. I’m tired of seeing you get hurt by others. I won’t let that happen again. Not as long as I’m around.”
He rested his hoof on my cheek. I grabbed it as tears streamed down my face and I smiled. “Thanks, Jaded.”
Jaded blushed. “So, does this mean that you like me too?” he asked. I stared at the ground as I felt my face grow hot, too shy to answer. Jaded let out a chuckle. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
I looked into his eyes with a big smile on my face. Jaded began to blush as well. We sat down on a nearby bench and I rested my head on his chest. He rubbed his neck, letting out a nervous chuckle. “Can I ask something?” I nodded my head. “You don’t have to if you’re not comfortable, but could I… well, may I… give you a kiss?”
I looked up at my friend, if my face had blushed even more, my whole face would’ve become even more red. A part of me was still scared but wanted it so badly. It had been so long since I’ve experienced it and I wanted to know that feeling once more. I nodded my head. He began to lean in as I shut my eyes and I did the same.
It felt different than it had before, not like the other times. It felt more special, more real. We both pulled away, our faces even redder than before. I fiddled with my mane a bit. Jaded let out another chuckle.
“You’re so adorable,” he said.
