Permission to Come Aboard?
The fireplace roars, filling the room and those inside it with warmth. It mingles and weaves through the dwindling rays of sunset. A family is gathered in the rustic main room of the cabin, making merry and letting their laughter echo between the rafters. There are six in the room: a foal, her parents, her aunt, and her grandparents.
The fireplace crackles and pops, sending heat and cascading throughout the room. The light from the flames and several candles illuminate the faces of those who remain. The lone foal and her grandparents retire to bed for the night. There are three in the room.
The fireplace simmers, little more than embers persist on the last log of the night. Candles have burned down to their base or been extinguished. A mug of hot chocolate, now quite cool, rests on the coffee table within reach of the last pony. A large blanket lay over her, probably passed down through several generations. It was rough and soft at the same time, in the way that well used things usually are.
All others had retreated to their rooms, leaving her alone with her thoughts. Alone except for the soft treading of hooves on wooden floorboards, then carpet, as another approaches.
“Cadence?” Asks the young mare, surprised. “What are you still doing awake? I thought I heard you go to your room nearly an hour ago.”
“That was just Shining, he’s never been a night owl like we are.” The off-duty princess regards her fellow royal with a warm smile. “Having trouble sleeping, Twilight?”
The younger mare eases onto the opposite end of the couch, letting her response out with a sigh. “Unfortunately, yes. You?”
“Mostly enjoying the last few minutes of the fire in peace.”
Feeling like she was intruding, Twilight made to rise. “I’m sorry, if you want to be alone I can go somewhere else.”
“Oh, pish posh.” Cadence waves off her concerns with a wing. “You’re more than welcome to enjoy it with me.”
She was greeted by a grateful smile as the other mare settles in, stealing a bit of the heirloom blanket for herself. Neither the blanket or the fire alone were enough to stave off the cold, but together they created the ideal cozy temperature.
“Is there something on your mind?” she ventures, instincts as a mother and foalsitter itching dig in despite herself.
Twilight shakes her head and chides, “No, no! We're relaxing by the fire. I am sure that you don't want me to spill my guts at you and ruin this moment.”
Despite her rebuke, her ears splayed back at a telling angle and her wings fidget at her sides.
Cadence sips from her mug patiently as the silence eats at the other mare like a starved animal. It was only a matter of time until…
“Okay fine, but you asked for it.” She yields when the tension between her ears reaches critical mass, avoiding eye contact and staring into the fireplace.
“It’s just… this past year has been difficult.” She glances at Cadence, amending her statement. “D-don’t get me wrong! It’s been amazing, but the hard days and easy days were there in equal measure.”
Cadence nods, being no stranger to the weight of rule and responsibility. Like with everything else, Twilight had eclipsed her by becoming the sole reigning princess of all of Equestria. At this point, the only thing she has on Twilight was age. But after a hundred years or so even that gap will be moot.
Twilight fiddles with the blanket, worrying at a seam. “The holidays always get me all thinky and introspective. Who knows where I would be without my friends, but I can’t help but think that we’ve all lost something special.”
“How so? I thought that they were very involved with helping you govern and manage the exchange of powers?”
“They've been invaluable and I wouldn't want anyone else at my side for it. But so much has changed, and I can't help but wish I could go back to how it was before I became a princess.
Just me and my friends, in our peaceful little town, saving the day every other month and growing together as ponies.”
Realization was dawning for Cadence, she encouraged the other mare to continue.
“I know I’ve been given a great gift, and I’m not saying that I am not grateful for it. But it is also a huge burden, you know? I mean, of course YOU know, you’ve been at this longer than I have and the Crystal Empire has not exactly been a cake walk since you arrived there. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to ramble but I just hoped that you would be one of the few who could understand.”
Cadence purposefully set down her mug and shifted on the couch so they could face each other better.
“I'm sorry to hear that you feel that way, Twilight. And I want you to know that it's ok to feel that way. More than ok. And I'd like to say that I know how you feel, but I don't. Not exactly.”
The other mare's face falls, Cadence wastes no time stroking her mane with a wing-tip and clarifying.
“I didn't have a close-knit family or a great group of friends before I ascended. I was the lone pegasus in a town of earth ponies, and always felt like a bit of an outsider. Suddenly becoming an alicorn was just the cherry on top of an already lousy social life.
So I don't know what you're feeling, I can't relate in that way. But if the love you feel for your friends is anything like what I feel for your brother, then I understand enough.”
She scoots them closer together.
Cadence tilts her head. “Are you sad because you think all of these changes are driving you apart from them?”
“Yes and no. Yes, I'm now off in Canterlot and I miss them terribly. But we're growing older and some paths are going to naturally lead elsewhere. Rarity is making regular trips to her store in Manehattan, and Rainbow Dash does shows with the Wonderbolts.
But it's bigger than that. Yes we are all making our own journeys in life and taking different paths, but I feel like these wings have… well they…”
She huffs and silently holds her face in her hooves, unable to get her thoughts in order enough to communicate them
“I think, Twilight, that you are taking these changes much better than I did.”
The maelstrom in her head quiets as she glances up, meeting the pink mare's gaze. Did she hear that correctly?
“To be completely honest, I spent several of the years following my ascension absolutely furious.”
“What were you upset about?”
“Everything. Nothing. I think of it as my alicorn teenager years. I was filled with many thoughts and emotions, swirling around violently inside me. When you've been plucked from a quiet little nowhere town and dropped into the country's seat of power with a sudden royal pedigree, things get a little hectic.
Noone is quite sure where you go or what you're supposed to do. So I had a lot of time on my hooves to wander the castle grounds and contemplate my new circumstances. Faced with the concept of near immortality, it's easy to start thinking differently about death.”
Twilight's ears were perked and the anxious twitching of one of her legs had subsided with interest.
“Did you know I once asked Celestia if she was my real mother?”
It was a good thing that Twilight was not holding a mug of cocoa herself, else she might have spilled it everywhere between her shocked sputters.
“Yes. I asked her that question twice, to be exact. The first time, she sat me down and explained how alicorns usually come about and how I fit into that. I’ll admit I was disappointed by her answer. It would have made so much more sense if I was her secret daughter for why I suddenly sprouted a horn and gained enough strength to shatter stone.”
Twilight stares, mouth agape. She had entertained a similar thought right after her own ascension, but did not have the courage to ask Celestia directly.
“The second time I asked, I was greeted by the same response. I was disappointed by her answer for a very different reason, then. Do you know why?”
Twilight let the silence speak in her place, too busy watching and listening to even breathe. Cadence was breathtaking in this moment, but not in the usual way. They were sharing the air, and it was her turn to use it.
“Because I wanted someone to blame. I wanted someone, something, that I could hate and despise for what happened to me. I was angry and sad and had no one to hold accountable besides myself.
Because at the end of the day, despite my strongest efforts and best intentions… regardless of how many happy memories I make…”
“They’re still going to die someday.” Twilight finishes the thought for her, letting out the breath she had been holding. Two pairs of violet eyes meet with shared intensity, unsure whether they are looking in a mirror or at each other.
“They’re going to die, and you won’t. You’ll get to live on…” Said one princess to another.
“But you’ll feel like you were the one who was left behind.” Responded the other in kind.
“You won’t live nearly as long as Celestia or Luna, but your hourglass now has more sand than in all the beaches of the world.”
“You never realized, before it was gone, how comforting a deadline could be.”
“You can barely imagine what the world will look like then, when the last grains fall.”
They both pause, letting more air into the moment so they can continue.
“Will you love again? And after that one?”
“Will you make new friends, will you like them more than the ones now?”
“Will you force yourself to keep moving forward…”
“...knowing that it’s not really your choice to make? Could you even stop if you tried?”
They lean closer on the couch and embrace, their chests feeling like they should be gasping. It was a painful tightness that they had each felt before, alone. Together, though, it did not feel nearly as bad. Knowing that there was someone who understood, who could relate.
“I am sorry this has happened to you Twilight.” Cadence said after an immeasurable moment. “You've shouldered this burden better than many others would and you're going to make us all proud.”
“Celestia said something similar when she officially retired. I think part of her is glad to have a few other immortals around.”
Cadence's expression sours.
“Celestia knows what she's done, and she will carry that weight on her conscience forever.”
Twilight leaned back, concern etched across her brow. Cadence considers her next words.
“It's different for you than me. I wasn't working toward a goal or doing anything spectacular. I was struck by fate like a freight train. It surprised us both, I don't think Celestia knew that new alicorns were even possible. My ascension opened her eyes, and for that I'm sorry.”
She lays a comforting leg on her withers, pulling her back closer so she could look directly into the other mare's eyes.
“You, Twilight. You were planned. You were selected, coaxed and directed. I was unexpected, you were Celestia's pawn that she navigated to the end of the board.
I earned my horn by accident.
You got your wings intentionally, even if you didn't know that was the end goal. That spell, Starswirl's lost whatever, was never meant to be finished. I've read his notes, sealed in the restricted section. He remarked, ‘I fear that, should I progress any further, I will have gone too far and will not return the same’. He knew he was at the event horizon of something he wasn't ready for, and backed off.
Celestia gave you that spell knowing what would happen, or at least selfishly hoping it would.
I have noone to blame but myself.
But you can ABSOLUTELY hold Celestia accountable for yourself.”
The embers reflecting in Twilight's eyes danced and writhed, matching the turmoil of her thoughts.
“Should I hate her?” Came the timid question. Cadence shook her head slightly.
“I can't answer that for you. That's for you to determine.”
They sat in silence for a while, alternating between looking at each other, the darkening fireplace, and the emerging stars outside.
It's not until Cadence is stirring the ashes with a poker, trying to reveal any surviving wood, that Twilight breaks the stillness surrounding them.
“Can we rewind for a bit, back to when things were simpler?”
Cadence titters as she returns to the couch, an unscathed apple of oak now crackling. The last vestiges of fireplace warmth waft across the duo.
“Do you remember reading to me when you were my foalsitter?”
She nods and smiles, looking at a picture of a younger Twilight on the mantle.
“Were you angry, then?”
“No. Those were welcome breaks from the stress of everything else. Just me and a little filly who was too concerned with proper astrology terminology to care if I was an alicorn princess. When the biggest problems could be solved by a warm hug and a nap.”
Lost in the memory, she didn't feel Twilight shift closer.
“Permission to come aboard for snuggles, Captain?” she asks, heat flooding her cheeks as she fights back a silly smile.
Cadence leans back on the arm of the couch and opens her forelegs, lifting the blanket with a wing. “Granted.”
In short order they settle into the mostly-familiar position, with Twilight snug to the slightly larger mare's chest and encompassed in her legs and soft feathers. The addition of her own wings did little to change anything, other than slightly tickling the inside of Cadence's own.
“I think…” Twilight said after a time. “That I hate her. Just a little.”
Cadence nuzzles the top of her head, ruffling the mane between her fuzzy ears. “Me too.”
“But… I also love her. She's been my teacher and mentor, sometimes almost a mother. I can't imagine how lonely she must have been while Luna was gone. It doesn't excuse what happened to me, but I think i'm starting to understand why she did it.”
“I love her too. She was the closest thing I had to family for a while. But she's nowhere near as special to me as you are.” Another nuzzle.
“Sister in law, alicorn sister, best foalsitter ever. Of all the ponies in Equestria, I have to admit that I'm glad that you'll be sharing what comes next with me.”
Twilight squeezes her hard enough to crack the ribs of a normal pony, what alicorns call extreme affection.
“Me too. Goodnight, Cadence.”
“Goodnight, Twilight.”
Author's Note
Allo all,
This is bug, trying something new and getting a little deeper than usual. I think I pulled off the tone I was going for, hopefully.
This was an idea that I'd ruminated on previously, but the Secret Santa was a perfect opportunity to hash it out.
And of course, merr chrimas IsaSpSp!
