Wreck the Halls

by Hazel Skye

Rating: everyone
Tags: Adventure, Pinkie Pie, Limestone Pie, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 3415

Pinkie Pie gives her sister Limestone Pie the holiday gift of punchable feelings.

Pinkie Pie has planned an epic surprise for her sister Limestone Pie's Hearth's Warming gift this year.

One emotionally volatile mare mixed with newly discovered magical phenomena—what could possibly go wrong?

Written for Cookie Crumbles for Jinglemas 2023.

Published 2023-12-25 19:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-12-25 19:30:01 UTC

Fa-la-la!

Rare was the occasion when Pinkie Pie failed to deliver an effective surprise, and her Hearth’s Warming gift to her sister Limestone Pie was a testament to that fact.

The four Pie sisters facilitated a holiday gift exchange annually between themselves, and this year Limestone had simply received an innocuous looking envelope from Pinkie. It revealed no confetti bursts or glittery fanfare when opened, signalling an uncharacteristic seriousness from the mare. Inside, a hoof-written letter with directions to meet at the Canterlot Museum of Natural history during a guest lecture by Princess Twilight Sparkle. Nothing more, nothing less.

“The Transformative Properties of Psycholitharomorphic Crystals?” Limestone recoiled when she read the length of that sentence aloud. What would a princess have to say about rocks? She knew rocks better than anyone. While her family also worked the rock farm, it was Limestone who bore the relentless weight of arduous labour. The days stretched endlessly, each filled with exhausting toil that left her collapsing into bed, fatigue settling upon her like a heavy boulder. A Sisyphean cycle, repeated relentlessly day after day, wearing down mind, body and spirit.

Someone had to keep the farm afloat and her family fed. How could a Princess possibly understand the plight of the working pony? But Pinkie had an uncanny way of befriending everyone, even ascended royalty, and despite Limestone’s grousing she loved Pinkie. The capricious mare sounded like he had a plan up her metaphorical sleeve. So, Limestone swallowed her pride and left the familiarity of the rock farm for Canterlot, her first vacation in many, many moons.

“Do you know that these gems were sourced from the cave system beneath Canterlot? Their existence fell out of popular knowledge, but back in the pre-unification period unicorns mined the caves extensively for spellcasting materials.” Twilight Sparkle was in her element as she gestured to a series of beautifully cut gemstones displayed behind her in a glass case. “Some of the crystals that grow much deeper in the cave have quite fascinating reactive properties when channelling a magical current. Here, let me demonstrate—”

“—Princess, is it true you were trapped down there?” came a nasally shout from somewhere in the audience.

Twilight swivelled her ears at the interjection and looked for the heckler amongst the mass of multicoloured bodies. “Just ‘Twilight’ is fine, please—and yes, you’re correct. I was teleported there by Queen Chrysalis when she invaded Canterlot with her changeling army. She trapped Princess Cadance as well.” Her eyes darkened briefly as she recalled the memory. “After the wedding, I was curious about what I saw, so I did some research into the mine’s history. However, it wasn’t until many moons later when I had the time and courage to revisit them in person myself.”

Pinkie jumped and waved from the front of the surrounding crowd on bouncing hooves, “I helped! Pick me!”

“Of course,” Twilight laughed, “I wouldn’t have made any discoveries if it wasn’t for Pinkie Pie’s expertise on mining rocks and minerals, and her willingness to indulge me in a little adventure in the name of science.” She gave Pinkie a smile, which the other mare returned earnestly.

“Wow, she really is a turbo-nerd…” muttered Limestone under her breath. She was getting impatient, and it didn’t look like this lecture was going to end anytime soon.

Unaware of the earth pony’s chiding, Twilight continued her walk alongside the line of cases, crowd following along attentively. “During our exploration, we discovered that while most tunnels were cleared of gems, there were some tunnels that were hastily sealed up—and once opened, completely untouched. I managed to extract a few samples and after running some experiments, made an amazing discovery!”

With a pulse of her long fluted horn, a jagged crystal shard materialised into her outstretched hoof. Unlike the array of colourful gemstones on display, it was a nondescript dull grey. “As I was saying earlier, let’s see what happens to this sample when we apply some magic.”

The shard glowed and shimmered pink in her magical aura. Nothing happened for the first few seconds. Suddenly, it began to shake and quiver, and slowly floated upwards, suspended in midair. Twilight’s aura receded, and the crowd murmured in appreciation as the shard pulsed with a vibrant yellow glow.

“When exposed to a pony’s magical energy these samples appear to react to that pony—their thoughts, feelings and desires are reflected back at them. Strong emotions cause a notable reaction, in particular.”

From next to Pinkie, Limestone huffed and stomped her hoof, “So what’s the point? You’re saying you found a giant mood ring underground?”

“No, Limestone, mood rings are simply gimmicks.” Twilight’s voice took on an exasperated tone which she mainly reserved for her slower students. Or Rainbow Dash. “They’re jewellery with an inset stone that has a thermochromic element. Mood rings are just toys that are inaccurately marketed as having the ability to reveal a pony’s emotions. What we’ve uncovered is the real deal.”

The shard floated over the crowd, who collectively reached out to touch it with curious hooves. It trembled and swiftly morphed through a kaleidoscope of colours upon contact with skin. As it floated over the sisters, Pinkie giggled and gave it a poke, but Limestone flattened her ears and shied away. Freaky magic rocks were best treated with caution.

After watching the happy scene for a few moments, Twilight looked outwards and cleared her throat, “Now everyone, as you would have seen on the sign-up sheet, I have a special dispensation permitting us to go on a short tour of the mines, where I’ll continue the lecture. I’ve planned a route through the mapped areas—it’s perfectly safe, but those uncomfortable with this can stay behind if they prefer. For everyone who wants to go, please group together near me now and I will teleport us into the mines.”

“Phew! Finally, that went on forever!” Pinkie shoved her sister forward into the thong gathering around Twilight. “Almost time for your surprise. Oh, but first you’ll need to put on this blindfold, I can’t have you peeking and spoiling it.” She pulled a piece of fabric out of her saddlebags and went for Limestone—

—who slapped Pinkie’s hoof away with a growl. “Pinkie, what’s going on? You dragged me all the way here to listen to some boring presentation and now you want me to go BACK into a mine? You know, the kind of place I just came from and was hoping to avoid?”

“I knew you’d say that,” sighed Pinkie. “Yes, your surprise is in the dark spooky cave, but I promise it’s absolutely, totally super worth it. You just have to trust me—please?” Pinkie deployed her best puppy-dog eyes impression, transforming her gaze into cartoonishly wide dinner plates.

It had the maximum effect on Limestone. “Ew, that’s freaky, stop it! Put the blindfold on me so I don’t have to keep looking at that.”

“You betcha!” PInkie tied the blindfold around Limestone’s eyes, and her vision went dark. “You’re gonna love it, I swear.”

Then a peculiar weightless sensation enveloped Limestone, and the world dissolved into a void, leaving her in a state of eerie nothingness.

Every year the cliffside city of Canterlot underwent a mesmerising metamorphosis and turned into a fantastical wonderland during the winter holidays. The echoing melodies of carolers resonated through the cobbled streets, and every conceivable surface came alive with a riot of vibrant, festive decorations. The entire city, from timeless statues to elegant archways, was blanketed in the softest powdery snow. Against the backdrop of ice and frost, every window radiated a gentle, welcoming warmth. The way the city effortlessly looked like a picturesque postcard every single year was truly magical to behold.

Limestone Pie wished she could see it.

She wished she could see anything at all.

Even the back of her hoof would suffice, really.

But the blindfold she bore shrouded all sight—an absurd addition—especially considering the slim chance of glimpsing anything beyond her nose while stuck in a cave miles underground. Pinkie was uncompromising on maintaining the element of surprise, that’s for sure.

“Ooh, isn’t this place exciting?” came Pinkie’s voice from somewhere up ahead. It was hard to tell exactly how far away the mare was, given the weird way sound echoed off the angular tunnel walls.

Limestone trudged reluctantly in her sister's wake, her thoughts simmering in silence. Known for her short fuse, she typically had more leeway with family. She even endured Pinkie's inscrutable antics. But she was swiftly approaching her limit.

Pinkie continued springing along, oblivious, “Also, I cooked up some sweet treats for us to enjoy while we’re here—rock candy! When I was planning this I thought to myself, how could I make your present even better? Eating rock candy in a place made from rocks is, like, ironic or something.”

Limestone ground her teeth.

“Look Pinkie, no offence— ”

“ —none taken!”

She flattened her ears, “You don’t even know what I’m going to say!”

Pinkie grinned coyly around her candy treat in response. While Limestone couldn’t see her sister’s expression from behind the blindfold, she could feel it. Palpably.

This was going nowhere fast. So, she tried again, “Look sis, I appreciate the effort you’ve put into your Hearth’s Warming present, I really do. But wouldn’t this” —she vaguely gestured with a hoof to their cavernous crystal surroundings— “be more of a Maud thing? I’m sure she would love to spend hours and hours down here talking to rocks or whatever. I’m more of a practical pony.”

To drive her point home, she sharply clipped a nearby stone and sent it hurtling into a wall with a force that shattered and reduced it to nothing more than a cloud of dust.

If Pinkie noticed the spontaneous act of violence, she didn’t react. “Fear not, your sister Pinkie has it all figured it out. We’re almost there!”

Limestone reached her breaking point, fed up with the aimless wandering in the subterranean dungeon. As she prepared to unleash a creative barrage of situationally themed curses, Pinkie abruptly intervened and stuffed a stick of rock candy into her mouth.

“Mmf?”

“Oh, I almost forgot your one! It’s lime flavour, of course,” Pinkie said with a wink. She turned back, humming and hawing as she inspected the cave walls with her headlamp.

Limestone's fury tempered in response to the candy intrusion. Credit where it was due, Pinkie was a master at her craft. The candy danced on Limestone's tongue, a delightful blend of sweet and sour. Rolling it around, she savoured the fruity notes and the occasional nip of crystals against her flesh. The flavour, much like herself, was sharp and acerbic.

Her wandering thoughts were interrupted by a hoof on her chest, “Ooh, we’re finally here!” Pinkie exclaimed, “time to take this off.”

The fabric whooshed off her face and Limestone blinked as her eyes adjusted to the change in lighting.

Her surroundings unfolded into an expansive cavern covered with interlocking crystal growths, which she recognised as the same mineral Twilight had used in her demonstration. The jagged, organic forms sprawled across every inch of the room, each possessing a peculiar reflective quality that transformed the cavern into a colossal funhouse mirror. Countless refracted versions of herself stared back, wide-eyed. Gazing upward, she saw a giant cluster of crystals bursting from the ceiling, where small lights danced with frenetic energy inside the crystalline forms. On closer inspection, she noticed vibrant spectral beads swimming around Pinkie and herself where their hooves touched the floor, their movements resembling lively minnows in a glassy sea.

“Woah.” The surreal and breathtaking sight left her utterly speechless, but the enchantment faded swiftly as reality ensued. “Wait, where are we? And where's Twilight and the others? Are we lost?”

She had completely lost track of the group, her frustration having easily led her astray.

In a display of dexterity that only Pinkie was capable of, she wrapped her fringe around her rock candy stick and pulled it from her mouth. Pointing at Limestone with her improvised baton, she announced, “We’re not lost, we’re exactly where we need to be. I found this place when I went adventuring with Twilight. It’s a secret cave where you can hug your feelings…or punch them into submission!” She finished with a spray of sparkling confetti pulled from some hammerspace pocket, and the crystal lights around her flashed through all colours of the rainbow in empathy.

Feelings. Limestone fixated on just one, and it surged through her. Rage, a fiery torrent that burned inside, pooling in her chest and flowing down her limbs. In times of uncertainty the familiar heat welcomed her, offering a semblance of control.

She failed to notice the small sparks of red shooting out from her hooves and colliding with her numerous snarling reflections. One by one, her doppelgangers slowly emerged from the walls as skulking, prismatic projections.

“Pinkie, what in the hay is going on?” she managed to sputter out, “You made me come all the way to Canterlot just to get us stuck in some stupid glowy hovel! I could be rotating granite in the south field right now, and instead I’m here in Celestia’s basement listening to you talk about feelings or whatever. What kind of Hearth’s Warming gift is this?”

But Pinkie was no longer looking at her sister, eyes wide in panic. “Behind you!” she shrieked.

Limestone pivoted on her heel, tracing Pinkie’s gaze over her shoulder—

—only to have her face abruptly introduced to the blunt force of someone’s hoof. Her neck snapped sideways, and she was catapulted backwards, sliding across the smooth crystal floor like a bowling ball.

“Limestone!” Pinkie dashed over to her sibling. She grasped at the grey mare, who rolled over and groaned. Luckily, she didn’t seem to be seriously hurt, just winded and very, very confused.

“Who—what—did someone just sucker punch me?” The ceiling swam in tessellated shapes above, and Limestone was genuinely taken aback. Who would be insane enough to even dream of messing with her?

“So…” Pinkie sheepishly replied, “You know how I mentioned ‘punching your feelings’ earlier? Well it turns out that here you can actually do that, it’s like they become real. I know you spend so much time working super-duper hard on the farm and it gives you a lot of stress. You always said to me that you wished you could just poof the bad feelings all away, right? Well now you can! Happy Hearth’s Warming Limestone!”

A shadow fell over the two sisters.

“Although, the last time I was here they weren’t able to do that. Maybe you powered them up, or something?”

They gazed upwards where a dozen crimson apparitions clustered around them. Numerous translucent, red duplicates of Limestone encircled the two mares, each featuring a distorted version of her face. They patiently waited for their captives to make a move.

Do we have enough bits to cover operating expenses and feed us for the next few months? Ugh, I hate this budgeting stuff!

Though their mouths remained still, peculiar ethereal whispers emanated from their bodies, filling the vast expanse with an otherworldly din.

Marble sprained her ankle this week, which means I’ll need to put in more hours to compensate. Great…

“Hey, those are my thoughts! Shut up and get back inside my head!” shouted Limestone at the mob.

My family is always here with me, so why do I still end up spending so much time alone?

“Listen up, you stupid ghosts,” Limestone found a second wind and got to her feet with a grunt. “Nobody threatens Pinkie Pie when I’m around, and nobody decks me and gets away with it. I don’t care if you’re all just weird freaky clones of me, you’re going down!”

Unleashed like a rabid dog set free, she hurled herself at her doppelgangers in a storm of kicks and punches. While the projections seemed to be able to dish it out, they couldn’t take it. Instead of merely passing through, Limestone's strikes caused them to shatter into a cascade of glittering fragments.

“Woo, you show those meanies who’s boss!” Pinkie lit her party cannon and exploded a group of projections into sparkly, red smithereens.

Methodically, the sisters dismantled each crystal apparition until not a single one remained. Collapsing in the centre of the cavern, they panted heavily, shrouded by the lingering glimmers of shattered light.

“Take that, emotions!” said Pinkie, accompanied by a shower of sparks. She looked over to her sister and beamed, “Limestone?”

The floor around Limestone’s flanks swam with a deep, dark blue.

“Pinkie,” she muttered. Suddenly, she spun in place and met Pinkie’s gaze with fiery eyes. “Those were my thoughts and feelings, they were—they were private and you just ripped them out of me!”

Pinkie's ears flattened as she cowered in response. Her voice emerged in a timid whisper, “I’m sorry sis, I really am. I really thought this would help you. You just work so hard, but bottle up so much inside. I see the anger building up, and I know you don't have a good outlet for it. I know you love smacking rocks around, so I thought...”

Her voice trailed off into an uneasy silence, enveloping both sisters in a poignant pause. Eventually, Limestone released a profound sigh, as if a fragment of her soul had broken free and dispersed into the air. She tenderly hugged Pinkie with her hooves.

“You’re right. It’s hard running the farm. There’s so many things to worry about, like time and money. It all builds up inside me, and overflows. I just feel so frustrated all the time, but you know me, I’m not good at—ugh—communication.”

Pinkie smiled and snuggled into her sister's arms.

“So I guess what I’m trying to say is, I do appreciate you trying to help me, sis. You’ve always got the wildest gift ideas. And yeah, punching versions of myself was a bit weird, but it did feel kinda good. Just give me more of a head’s up next time you want me to try some experimental new form of therapy, okay?”

In unison, their laughter echoed, their joy mirrored in myriad reflections across the shimmering crystals.

A few moments passed.

“This place is pretty strange, but it’s kinda cool too. It’s a pain in the flank to get to though, so maybe your nerd friend Twilight could figure out how to transplant some of these crystals onto the rock farm. Speaking of, how are we meant to get out of here again?” Limestone said.

The air around them crackled with arcane energy, and the mare in question popped into existence next to them in a cloud of pink sparkles.

“Girls, there you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you, I ended up having to use a spell to track you down.” Twilight gave Pinkie her best 'disapproving teacher’ look, “Pinkie, I know we’ve been in these mines before but that doesn’t mean you can just run off and do whatever you want, it’s dangerous. I was seriously worried for a moment there!”

“Sorry to scare you Twi, but I just had to show Limestone this amazing cave. It’s her Hearth’s Warming surprise gift.”

“This place?” Twilight regarded the cavern properly. Her eyes widened at the fractal reflections staring back at her. “Huh, I don’t remember this place at all, we only explored up to a certain point. It’s very beautiful though. Oh, these crystals—they’re just like the samples we took the first time, except much, much bigger. How fascinating!”

With a pulse of her horn, she summoned a quill and parchment, muttering as she fervently took notes.

“Wow. So she completely forgot about us, huh.” Limestone deadpanned. “Guess we’re stuck down here until she finishes writing her next thesis. Hey, should we tell her about the feeling ghosts?”

Pinkie tapped her hoof to her chin in thought, “Hmmm, nah. Two surprises for the price of one is a pretty good deal. Let’s just go and see what happens.”

Both mares laughed and followed the curious alicorn. Above their heads, the crystal growths shimmered and sparkled, resembling delicate snowflakes dancing in fleeting, ethereal light.

Author's Note

Happy Holidays! This is my first story posted on the site - despite being an avid reader, I haven't had a go at fic writing for a few years now. This was good practice and I hope to publish more stories in the future.