Dazzle for President

by Spyder27

Rating: teen
Tags: Adagio Dazzle, Sunset Shimmer, Profanity, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Rarity (EqG), Rainbow Dash (EqG), Comedy, Romance, Applejack (EqG), Equestria Girls
Length: 3850

On a frosty day, Sunset wants to play some games with her friends and her wife. However, all it takes is one siren to turn any game on its head~

December is a really cold time. Even though Adagio would much rather stay in bed, her wife, Sunset Shimmer, wants to play a few games with some of their mutual friends. As it turns out, cocky sirens aren't exactly accustomed to paying taxes. So, in an attempt to avoid them, Adagio turns to the most evil and disgusting option to get out of that responsibility. A career in politics...

Hello, everyone! I hope you are all having a great Christmas and holiday season! This story is a Christmas gift for my good friend, Mon668~ She's been a great friend to me for two years now and I tried my best to make a story that she and everyone else would laugh at. This idea was spawned from a crack dream I had, but I feel like it has just enough humor to be a good story~ Merry Christmas, Mon! And happy holidays to everyone around the world!

Published 2023-12-25 05:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-12-25 05:40:00 UTC

It's not illegal, I swear!

It’s frosty outside… Outside of cool water, I never really liked the cold. Ice already covers the sidewalks and anyone caught out there would surely have a red nose by now. Despite that, it is a pretty pleasant morning. While everyone else is preparing for Christmas in the following days, my house is filled with conversations being broken off with laughs periodically. I normally prefer peace and quiet, but today is a different occasion.

Today… We have friends over.

As I take a sip from my wine glass, the only person worthy of my love and admiration places a box down on the table in the living room. Her cyan eyes sparkle like the warm summer ocean. The bright red and yellow hair shine like the embers of a fire. An ember that lit my heart on fire a long time ago, though I would never admit it. Her orange skin is as warm as it is soft. She is so admirable that I often catch myself staring. To think a siren like me would be captivated so much is humorous enough. Looking down at the gold and diamond band around her finger, I can’t help but chuckle to myself. Can anyone blame me? For someone to intrigue me that much, I just had to make sure she is mine.

The fact that she’s so loving is purely icing on top of the cake… Not the main reason for my love at all…

“How about we play Monopoly next?” Sunset cheerfully asks our guests. Sitting around the table are three of our friends. The first of them is an often brash and loud person named Rainbow Dash. I can’t help but find her actions amusing half of the time. Then there’s the lady of our group, Rarity. She’s accompanied by her significant other as well, a good and honest friend. Someone who can get on your nerves while giving you life-altering advice at the same time. Applejack.

It was my wife’s brilliant idea to have this game night. I would have wanted to stay in bed with her in my arms, but she wants to have fun with our friends today. Still. Seeing her smile is almost… intoxicating. I really do love her, despite how hard it is to say. She obviously knows. Why else would she have married me?

“That’s quite a long game, darling. Don’t you think so?” Rarity asks my Sunset, seeming hesitant to the idea of dedicating such an amount of time to one game.

“Aw, come on, Rares. We don’t have anywhere we need to be,” Applejack tries to convince her girlfriend in her thick southern accent. Rarity gives a half-hearted sigh before nodding, making Sunset smile. The dynamic between Rarity and Applejack is almost cute… In an idiosyncratic type of way.

“I call dibs on the car!” Dash enthusiastically blurts out after finishing her soda, helping Sunset open the box of the game. I can’t exactly pretend to know what she means by a car. I haven’t played this game. “Yo, Dagi. What kind of token do you want?” Dash asks me, holding out the pieces we’re supposed to play with. Eyeing each one, I find it a little comical to have a top hat and a shoe as board pieces.

“I’ll take the… boat.”

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“One, two, three, four,” Dash counts out loud, landing her piece on a chance space. Eagerly, our athlete friend pulls a card. However, all the soft blue color drains from her face as she reads her card. “Go back three spaces?! Come on! I’ve only been getting bad turns in this game.” Before Dash even says another word, Applejack can’t help but start chuckling. Her laughter cause Rarity and I to giggle. It’s almost priceless how bad her reaction is when she has yet to move her space back. Sunset is the only one able to keep a straight face, but I can tell from her eyes that she is finding it hard. “Okay, why are you all laughing?”

“N-no reason, darling. We just found your reaction a little humorous is all,” Rarity explains without giving away the real reason. I can’t stop myself from chuckling a little more. Dash finally moves her hand to her piece, shrugging to us.

“You guys are weird,” she mentions while rolling her eyes, still thinking our laughs are directed at her reaction. In reality, I’m laughing at her upcoming outburst.

One.

As Dash moves her piece back, the tension becomes palpable. Everyone has stopped their giggles at this point, but the laughter is ready to bubble over again any second now.

Two.

Dash’s expression seems bored, unaware of the chaos that is about to ensue for her. The piece lingers in her hand and I can tell just how annoyed she still is about her lackluster turn.

Three.

Dash’s eyes widen within a second as she notices the space her piece lands on. Instead of the blue hue her skin normally retains, a powerful red comes over her.

“INCOME TAX?!” Dash almost yells, making everyone laugh once more. Applejack holds her stomach as she leans back, Rarity almost collapsing on her girlfriend’s shoulder. Sunset finally lets out the laughs she’s been holding back this entire time. Her hand has been holding mine to give her the strength to keep a serious face. Her laughs are really cute…

“I was waiting for ya to realize that,” Applejack just barely tells Dash, wheezing in laughter. Our friend, however, isn’t pleased. A grumble comes from her as she hands the 200 dollars over to Sunset.

“I think we all were,” Sunset replies with a deep breath. Was she holding her breath that entire time?

“Har har. Real funny.” Dash rolls her eyes before looking to me. Her expectant gaze tells me she is waiting for me to make my move. Holding up my chance card, I remind her that everyone has to skip my turn this time around. Everyone turns to look at Rarity. The fashionista finally pulls herself off of Applejack, clearing her throat. Picking up the dice, Rarity rolls them onto the board with ease.

“Ooh, I get to move eight spaces,” Rarity mentions with a grateful smile. Her hand tenderly picks up the tophat, moving it forward. It wasn’t exactly a surprise for her to pick that piece to be honest. I kind of expected it from her actually. “Pall Mall? That sounds nice~ Does anyone own that yet?” While everyone else has been trying to own spaces of the same color, Rarity’s purchases have been really sporadic. She seems to be buying properties due to their names and services. The icons on the spaces also seem to influence her decisions in some capacity.

“Not yet,” Sunset mentions, looking down at the ownership card. “It’s around 500 dollars to buy. Do you want it?”

“Hmm… Yes, I would,” Rarity responds with a smile, taking a few of the fake bills from her inventory. As she makes this exchange with Sunset, Applejack sighs slightly to herself. All of Applejack’s properties are pink, yet the one Rarity just purchased is the last pink.

“Darn it,” Applejack quietly grumbles to herself.

“It’s ‘damn’, darling~ No need to censor yourself around us.” Rarity drags her finger under Applejack’s chin, making the latter blush. Applejack quickly rolls for her turn to try and avoid the embarrassment. Moving only two spaces, the cowgirl lands on one of her own spaces, quietly ending her turn.

Sunset picks up the dice as gently as possible. Her fingers help bounce the dice in the palm of her hand. Even though everyone else is probably busy looking at her hand, my eyes linger on her face. Her eyes look so determined… Full of drive. Her cheeks are so soft and full of color. It’s due to her that we’re even having fun in the first place. She’s cheating by looking so cute right now. It’s making me want to kiss those warm lips of hers… Why do you have to be so beautiful when you’re having fun? And when you’re angry. And when you’re sleeping…

Tossing the dice onto the board, Sunset moves her piece to a new green space. Without saying a word, she buys the property, adding it to the line of greens she owns.

“Okay, please give me some good luck,” Dash says with a big smile, seemingly optimistic about this turn. Her hands roll the dice onto the board, clearly displaying three dots. “Oh, great. Back to the chance space.” Dash’s sigh is clearly annoyed, but she quickly moves her piece back to the space that ruined her last turn. She has more than enough reason to be hesitant, but she doesn’t let that stop her from picking up a new card. “GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL?!” An exasperated sigh comes from Dash as she practically slams her head down on the table. “This is the fourth time I’ve been in jail!”

Applejack reaches over and moves Dash’s piece as our friend pouts. She mumbles some more about how the game is unfair and how she has no money.

“Whoever said money can’t buy you happiness was full of it,” Dash states with one of the most annoyed tones I could ever imagine.

“While Rainbow Dash is busy moping, how about you take your turn, Adagio dear? We had to skip two of your turns due to that blasted card.” Rarity picks up the dice and gives them to me. I give her a small nod, looking down at the board. Most of the spaces in front of me are either card spaces or they’re owned by the people around me. Even if they were available, I wouldn’t exactly be able to buy the property anyway. I don’t have much money left anyway.

Letting the dice fall from my hand, they bounce across the board with a loud clacking noise. The noise stops after just a second, leaving the two plastic cubes on the board with the number two on both of them. Four. I have to move four spaces. Grabbing the little metal boat, I slide it across the board to the one and only Super Tax space…

“Ooh, tough luck, darling,” Rarity mentions with a tone of assurance. Rainbow Dash briefly looks up to see what’s happened, widening her eyes once she notices my predicament.

“At least I’m not the only one getting completely screwed,” Rainbow Dash chuckles.

I’ve been paying taxes this whole game since I’ve barely been able to buy any properties. I keep landing on the wrong spots and the spaces I do want to buy have already been taken by everyone else. It’s not like I could buy it from my friends. I don’t have any money.

“You’ll have to pay your taxes or go to jail,” Sunset gently reminds me with a cute laugh, her smile being all too irresistible. Only one problem, Sunny. I wish I could pay my taxes to make you happier, but I can’t. I also don’t want to go to jail. It would look horrible on my image after all.

Taking a deep breath, I look at Sunset before leaning in, locking our lips. I don’t care if she gets embarrassed from this. This game is all about politics. For one to get ahead in war, sometimes a few dirty moves need to be played. Breaking the kiss, I can’t help but chuckle, cupping Sunset’s cheek. The heat of her breath hits my lips and I can tell how embarrassed she feels just from how hot her cheek burns.

“No.”

Everyone looks at me as I break away from Sunset, sitting back in my spot on the couch. A tense silence follows. I guess I can’t expect them to go along with my plan that easily. Sunset is seemingly stunned before shaking herself back to composure.

“The fuck you mean no?” my flustered wife asks me with complete surprise, looking at me as if she can’t believe I said that. Her sudden use of profanity is most likely caused by her increasingly flustered state. I thought there was no way she could be cuter.

“I mean no. I don’t want to.” Glancing at the people around the table, I can already tell I will need to do a little more convincing. “Politicians don’t have to pay taxes.” My excuse sounds so moronic, even to me. However, it seems to pique their interest, so that’s the good part.

“You’re a musician… Why are you talking about politicians?” Applejack asks me in a plain tone, not wanting to tiptoe around the issue.

“Not today. I am still the best siren in the world, so I am trading in my musical profession for a…” My lips almost physically cringe. The mere taste of these words is rotten. God, I can’t believe I’m about to say this. “I’m trading it for a career in politics. I am running for the role of president of Monopoly.” A stunned silence threads the air. I think that’s a good sign. I manipulated them enough that they believe my bullsh-

“You can’t do that,” Sunset speaks up with a confused stare, still trying to comprehend what I am doing here. “There is no president. You can’t run for-”

“If we’re being completely truthful, there’s no rule that says she can’t,” Applejack interrupts Sunset, holding up the rules sheet. “Given, there’s nothing that says she can be president either.”

“Wouldn’t that be a house rule in that case?” Rarity asks us with an expression that is nearly as perplexed as Sunset’s face.

“Hey! Why does Adagio get to run for president while I keep going to jail? She gets to bend the rules but I have to stay behind bars?” Dash voices her outrage in a lot more lively manner than she has been in the last few minutes.

“I’ll make it plain and simple. If you vote for me, I will get you out of jail. No record and full immunity from the law.” Maybe that offer is too extensive. However, there are only five people here and I need at least two votes to get this massive load of deception to work. Dash perks up with the surprise of a puppy.

“Alright, I found who my candidate is,” Dash remarks with a cheesy smile, resting her head on the palm of her hand.

“We’re playing bucking Monopoly, Rainbow Dash. I don’t think allowing someone to be the president is a great idea.” Applejack looks at both of us as if we are crazy, wondering if there is any common sense between us. To be fair, there probably isn’t. I am a siren that is thousands of years old from another universe. I’m still getting the hang of learning this universe. Dash has no excuse though.

“It’s ‘fucking’, dear,” Rarity corrects Applejack with the exact profanity she was trying to avoid. For someone who likes to be so sophisticated, she sure likes to corrupt her girlfriend. “I also think this is a great idea~ It adds some new variety to the game. I will also vote for Adagio.”

Sunset takes a hesitant breath, shaking her head at the madness I have caused. A small part of me wonders if I am making her feel bad, but this game could use something interesting. It’s been going on for a while as it is. That and I don’t exactly want to pay taxes.

“What would the president be able to do?” Sunny reluctantly asks, turning her gaze to me. Huh. She’s always cute when she’s angry. Chuckling to myself, I sit back in my seat, looking at the board.

“Simple. I get to make the rules.”

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With precision, Rainbow Dash places the last ice cream stick down. The sticks make the shape of a house that covers a third of the board. A big smile comes over her face as she looks at the rest of us.

“My mansion has been built! All thanks to the permits from President Dazzle.” Rainbow Dash holds her hand out to me, making me smirk. At this point, I’ve become the richest player in the game by letting Rarity somehow embezzle cash through her properties and allowing Dash to extort others. Applejack and Sunset are still trying to play the game normally, but it is difficult to do that when a wooden house covers part of the board. “Now you have to pay taxes if you go through my house,” Dash mentions while pointing to a little opening in the house that would allow our pieces to keep going around the board.

“But I own a grocery store that is ‘inside’ your house,” Applejack retorts, looking very irritated at Dash’s decision to make the little structure on the play area. My piece rests on an upside down shot glass in the middle of the board, making me exempt from any rules and especially taxes. Good. I hate paying anything more than necessary. The only stuff I pay for now is when Sunset lands on a particularly expensive space. It’s the least I could do for my wife~

However, Sunset’s expression isn’t exactly… cheerful. If anything, she looks tired. Each turn of hers is played with no enthusiasm and she’s hardly said a word in the last thirty minutes. Every time I look over at her, I can’t help but feel a certain heaviness in my chest. Maybe I was wrong to bastardize this game just for my own benefit…

While Dash and Applejack argue, Sunset stands up from her seat, walking away from us and into the kitchen. No one else seems to have noticed since Rarity is trying to find a way to solve the problem between the other two. The fact that Sunset didn’t say a thing is the part that hits me the most.

“I’ll be back,” I tell the others quietly, though I’m sure they probably didn’t hear me. I don’t really care though… Making my way to the kitchen, I peak my head in. Sunset stands at the sink, drinking a cup of water. She didn’t bother to turn the light on. Only the daylight from outside shines on her, giving the room a more cold feel. “Did I do something wrong?”

Sunset turns her gaze to me, surprised that I followed her here.

“No, just go enjoy your game. I don’t want to ruin your fun,” Sunset replies with a small nod. Somehow, those words don’t calm me at all…

“It may be MY game at this point, but… It’s hard to have fun playing a game like that if you aren’t having fun as well.” Slowly walking into the kitchen, I stand beside her, trying to think of the right words to say. “Sometimes, I go overboard when trying to tease you. I have an extremely high opinion of myself, but there’s one person I care about more in this world than myself.” Placing my hand on her cheek, I bring her gaze over to me. Sunset’s eyes give me a vulnerable look that she doesn’t share with anyone else but me…

“And who would that be, Miss President?” Sunset asks me quietly, her voice just barely a whisper. Sunset moves a little closer to me, her hand holding my own. She already knows the answer… How could she not? I… She’s the most important.

“That person would be you,” I barely whisper, pressing my forehead against hers. “I’m sorry for making the game tiring for you. I… love you.”

For a few moments, we stand still in this dimly lit room. The sound of the others talking is faint enough to be ignored… Sunset’s head moves from left to right against mine, enjoying this quiet moment. Bringing her hand to the back of my head, Sunset pulls me against her, pressing her lips into mine. This kiss is… a pretty big surprise, but it is a welcome one~

“Tax evasion, embezzlement, and extortion,” Sunset whispers, breaking our embrace. “All while I wanted a normal game of Monopoly. How will we fix all of this corruption?” Sunset asks me with a warm smile, making my heart feel… light. Fuzzy. It’s an unpleasant feeling, but at the same time, one I love more than anything.

“I have an idea of how we can get back to your game~” Holding Sunset’s hand, I share her smile before leading her out of the kitchen. The sound of our friends gets louder. At this point, it’s clearly Rarity’s turn, but she has to move through Dash’s house.

“Rainbow Dash. I’m disappointed in you. I helped fund your illegal activities and this is how you repay me? By making me give you even more money?” Rarity asks in astonishment, all while Dash sits back in a relaxed position.

“I don’t know what to say, Rarity. Either pay me or go to my jail,” Dash responds almost too eagerly, snickering at the idea. At this point, the three of them finally notice Sunset and I have returned.

“Y’all missed some more of their greedy misadventures,” Applejack responds with a frown, looking down at her measly 100 dollars. I almost feel tempted to laugh at this, but I promised to fix the game back to normal for Sunset’s enjoyment.

“Speaking about misadventures,” I speak up while sitting back at my spot on the couch, “I have a final order as president.” Both Rarity and Rainbow Dash seem to perk up at this news, excited at the prospect of different ways we could make this game twisted. “My last order for our little game is to play normally until the very end. Thus, I’m resigning as president.” From my few words, a look of horror comes over Dash specifically, looking at me as if I just betrayed her.

“W-wait wait wait. I still have immunity from the police, right? Surely?” Rainbow Dash’s pleading tone makes Sunset and applejack share a smirk, both of them chuckling at the idea.

“Well, I would say all three of you did some illegal things,” Sunset replies with a giggle, wrapping her arm around me. From her embrace, it almost feels like she’s telling me she’s running the game from now on. In the same way, she’s pretty much warning me from trying anything else. I did agree to let her have the rest of this game how she wants, so I wouldn’t do anything even if I wanted to.

“There’s also no rule granting ya immunity, Rainbow Dash. So…” Applejack can’t help but laugh out loud as she shares a glance with my wife. The two of them move all three of our pieces to jail, including my boat. I have been dethroned. Rainbow Dash looks down at her piece with her mouth agape. Knowing the amount of stuff we’ve done in this game, I wouldn’t be surprised if Dash is kept there for five turns.

“OH, COME ON!!!” Despite how hard she tried, the rainbow mafia boss ended up back in jail in one way or another.