Author's Note
WARNING!
Suicide Attempt
Depression
Self-Harm
Mental Health Issues
Cursing
Eating Disorders
Just making sure this is made aware to anyone who reads this.
Chapter 1: Wide Awake
Monday, September 16th, 2024
12:34am....
"Ugh, Fucking hell.... Why the hell can't I sleep?!" Grumbled 18 year old Rainbow Dash, absolutely frustrated. She tossed one side to the other trying to close her eyes.
Nothing..... She even tried sleeping pills, didn't work either.... She laid for hours on end, but sleep never came...
To be honest, she had this problem since she was a kid. With ADHD, there's always side effects, like gaining migraines, anxiety, and of course.... good old insomnia.
Rainbow did everything she could, soft music, TV, art, even taking walks at night, but nothing! No matter what she did, she can't get any sleep, no matter how much medicine she takes.
Does anyone know about this? No, they didn't, nor her parents or her friends know! She did everything she could to manage day to day activities, like school, work, band practice, homework....
Then social life, and she'll do it all over again. Everything on repeat, and she's tired of it!
No matter what she did, she could never sleep, but it's more than that.... It's so much darker than it already is, so much so... No one would look at her the same way again.
"Stupid! Weak! Good for nothing bitch!"
Rambling quietly as she reached for a pocket knife off her nightstand. Depression's a serious topic, especially when it can effect people emotionally and mentally.
Whenever people ask, she'll just say I'm fine or Just a bit tired! But that's not always the case.... ADHD has always been a problem, especially when it comes academics.
Despite the medications, it doesn't always help her stay focused, leading to lower grades. Her parents are always saying that she needs study more.
Then goes to say that she should spend less time playing video games and more time studying. Rainbow tried that, she really did, but she can only focus for so long before something else catches her attention.
She drew the knife through her skin leaving cuts all over. She then started muttering negativity under her breath. Tears broke through the barrier, silently begging for the pain to end.
"1 for being stupid, 2 for being a disappointment, 3 for existing.... 4, 5, 6....." She continues til she made 20 cuts on left arm, less than usual, but she's satisfied.
I know how unhealthy this is, and I'll be caught eventually.... But it feels so fucking good! As bad of a coping mechanism as it is.... Rainbow was too far in her depression to stop, way too far....
7:48am....
6 hours, 48 minutes had passed, Rainbow was still wide awake bags just dragging under her eyes, clutching her pillow way too hard. She already knew the time, so no surprise there.
She even got dressed too! So she's just waiting for her ride. Rainbow sighed as she adds concealer under her eyes to hide the bags.
Just as she puts on the finishing touches.... DING! DING! her phone goes off. She hopps off from her vanity and grabs her backpack and her gym bag.
Rainbow tip toed quietly as she knew that if her mom catches her, she'll make her eat breakfast. Rainbow developed an eating disorder a month ago, and it's gotten worse.
She either eats it, and throws it up, or just avoid food all together. She's going to be honest, she had no idea why she starved herself, maybe because of depression?
Or could it be she's forgetting to eat? Couldn't be to sure, but whatever brought this on, the thought of food or even the smell of it was nauseating to her.
As she headed out the door, she felt a hand on her shoulder.
"Dear, you don't think I'm going to let you leave without eating, don't you?"
"I'll be fine mom! I'll eat at school..."
"Sweetie, I made your favorite.... Chocolate chip French toast...."
Oop, if there's one thing the athlete couldn't resist was her mom's handmade French toast. She's going to regret this later, but she was really hungry.
"Fine... I'll take it on the go, Sunset's here!"
"Ooh! I actually made 2! Here, give this one to her!"
"Thanks mom! Sunset loves your cooking!"
At least Sunset got all of the love! You don't deserve any bitch!
Rainbow sighs ignoring the voice in her head taking the plate of chocolate chip French toast from her mom. She waved goodbye and headed out the door to her friend's waiting car.
Sunset Shimmer's her best friend. They're always playing video games together, and playing sports too!
It wasn't always like that though, knowing the girl's history of being the schools' biggest bully and bringing magic in the world. But that's in the past, Sunset still feels like she has a lot to make up for.
But the other's there no matter what!
*Sniffs* "Ooh Dashie, is that--" "Yep! Mom's famous chocolate chip French toast!"
Sunset smiles, often times Windy would offer her some food despite Rainbow's dismay. She grabbed the toast of the plate and took a bite as did Rainbow.
But once it hit her stomach, her stomach gurgled. She can feel the bile swirling around rising to her throat, but forced as much down as she can.
She managed 4 more bites til she had enough and set the plate down.
"You're gonna finish that?" Sunset asked eyes on the road.
"You can finish it...."
"You barley ate anything!"
"I had a protein shake!"
Sunset raised an eyebrow, Rainbow seems to be coming up with excuse after excuse lately. Everyone always say that girl is a burst of energy, cool, laid back, and very athletic.
She among the other girls are pretty popular, being the captain of the soccer team, basketball team, tennis, etc. But can have a very big ego, and brags about her skills.
But besides that, Rainbow's the element of Loyalty, always there for her friends no matter what! She really helped Sunset connect with other people, even connected her through video games!
She always confined in her, Some say she's in enamored with her. With that being said, she may or may not developed a crush on her.
Feelings are hard, especially when she used to date Flash for popularity. Rainbow didn't understand it either, but yet she also likes Sunset.
Rainbow steals glances from Sunset, staring at her red and yellow curly hair, punk styled outfit, and her eyes. She often wake up from dream after dream about kissing her on the lips.
The taste of strawberry lips, and the smell of oranges and cinnamon in the air. Hands on her hips exploring---
Okay, okay.... Obviously that's going too far.... Rainbow immediately shook her head from her fantasy and focused on Sunset driving.
Rainbow started to drift off to sleep as she was tired from the previous night. Of course she shook her self awake as it would be very suspicious, especially if she had makeup on.
This unfortunately didn't go her way as her eyes got heavier and heavier at this point. With the lack of sleep now catching up, there was no way to avoid it.
So she fell asleep eventually.....
12 minutes later.....
After 12 minutes, traffic started, and unfortunately it's going to last at least 1/2 hour. Of course school doesn't start for another 2-3 hours. Which begs the question...
Why leave so early?
Well you see.... 1 year ago.... Sunset and Rainbow accidentally discovered a secret passage way leading to an abandoned classroom.
There was even a working TV in there! As it turns out, this room was abandoned the previous year due to a new design of the school.
Since then, the duo had made it their own little secret hideout. While in traffic, Sunset turns to her friend who was now sound asleep.
It was pretty cute as it was pretty early, but then....
"Ngh stop! Please!"
"Hm?"
"S-Stop! It hurts!"
Sunset's eyes widened, what's going on?! I-Is she okay? Her concern grew further as Rainbow talked further in her sleep.
Obviously, it was a nightmare, because her eyes was still closed, and she was talking to someone. Sunset of course wondered what the hell was going on, watching the teen move erratically.
But the situation escalated pretty quickly as she started crying. That's when Sunset decided to wake her up.
"Dash, hey, Dash!"
"S-Stop please, I'll do better I promise!"
"Rainbow Dash hey! Wake up!"
Jolting awake, Rainbow woke up panting heavily, sweat dripping down her face. Sunset rubbed her arm as to calm her down.
Being Rainbow's best friend, she knew how bad her anxiety gets, especially when ADHD's involved. But she had no idea it has gotten to that point of self-harm, nor is she aware of her chronic insomnia.
"Dashie, you okay?"
"Y-Yeah; I'm f-fine...."
"You sure? You're shaking, and it looks like you just had a nightmare....."
"Really d--"
"You were crying Rainbow! You were crying in your sleep!"
Rainbow's blood ran cold, was she really crying? Did she hear her sleep talk? She didn't mean for Sunset to see her like this....
"Don't worry, just a bit of a bad dream...."
"You sure?"
"I'm sure!"
And they left it at that, of course Sunset knew something was up, especially when she didn't eat her breakfast.
Honestly, for awhile now she's noticed how much more tired Rainbow was, and lest talkative. She's wearing long sleeves all the time, and her mood has changed.
Frowning, she kept her eyes on the road as traffic finally moved up.
I will find out the truth... No matter what!
The sound of the cool breeze flowing through the forest as Rainbow drew the knife through her skin.
You weep what you sow they say, the pain flows through as raging lava. As you reach the boiling point; lava erupts destroying everything in its path.
Rainbow felt that way as if she was the reason for the destruction. As if she singed through the forest with her fury.
Instead, however, she's drowning everything with the source of her tears. The pain shot up as she cut through the old wounds, despite doing this before.
She was careful to not cut the veins in her wrist, or things could go critical. Her phone then started dinging next to her. She picked it up only to realize...
Dash! Why the hell did you run away?
Come back! I'm worried about you! Nurse Redheart said you might need to go to the hospital.
Rainbow please respond....
I know you're in a lot of pain right now... please let me help you!
Unfortunately, she responded to none of Sunset's texts and continued to wallow in sadness. Another sharp pain pierced through her body; causing her to scream in pain.
"Gah! Stop! Why does it hurt so f-- ngh!"
Rainbow grabbed her stomach screaming in pain. she felt her consciousness slipping away as another sharp pain pierced through her.
" Ms. Dash! You there?"
M-Ms. Harshwinny?"
Rainbow immediately got up only to collapse onto the ground. She groaned as she hit the ground, causing her teacher to run towards her.
This is the worst possible scenario yet! She knew that Rainbow struggled in academics, especially when she didn't like to study.
But this is a whole new level of alarming! She noticed recently how much sleepier the 18-year-old's been. She lost focus all the time, and her grades dropped drastically.
At 1st, Ms. Harshwinny thought that she was goofing around, probably being the class clown she's always been.
But as time went on the 36-year-old realized it was so much more than her messing around.
She noticed how much more distant she was from her friends, rarely showed up to after-school clubs, and seemed to be spending more time self-destruction on herself.
As she got closer, the teen staggered away before finally being able to grab her hoodie to cover herself up.
"Rainbow...."
Calling her by her 1st name? This must be serious! Rainbow refused to look up at her teacher.
"L-Leave me alone..."
'I'm not leaving you alone hon; not like this..."
"Go please, You can't see me like this!"
The teacher frowned, never had she ever thought she had seen her happiest, most laid-back, and spirited student broken like this. It was scary, disturbing, and so not right!
Rainbow screamed in agony as she once again tried to get up, only for her to collapse in her teacher's arms.
Sunset came up from behind her worried. Rainbow felt her head getting fuzzier and fuzzier as her eyes began to close.
"Rainbow Dash! Stay with us please!"
Please! Stay awake please!"
That was the last thing she heard before the last bit of her consciousness faded away.
