S12 E25: Getting Nowhere Fast
Cadance crouched on top of a cloud and peered over the edge. Her heart fluttered as she saw a trail of rainbow colors near the horizon—it was distant but moving fast, and on course to pass right under her hiding place. Cadance's prediction had been perfect as always.
The brilliant princess quickly ran some calculations. If Rainbow Dash was at that distance, moving at that speed, then the time to pounce was...
Now!
Cadance leaped from her cloud and shot downward as fast as she could. The wind stung Cadance's eyes, but she didn't dare to blink. The cold air tore at her wings until they burned, but she couldn't afford to slow down. The princess sped toward her target like an arrow from Cupid's bow, hooves outstretched to finally catch the mare who had captured the heart of love herself.
Rainbow Dash zipped past, perhaps ten feet from Cadance's reaching hooves. A moment later, the princess of love slammed into the ground with a sound like somepony hitting a large drum.
Cadance sat up woozily. Her alicorn immortality stopped her from getting seriously hurt, but hitting the ground headfirst at top speed could still knock her for a loop. She shook her head to get rid of the parasprites dancing around it, and wondered where that accordion sound was coming from.
Oh.
Cadance straightened her crumpled snout. Then the crafty princess laid back down on the grass and tapped a hoof while she devised a new plan.
A streak of rainbow colors punched through a cloud. A moment later, a pink blur zipped through the new opening. Rainbow Dash was flying casually, not going anywhere near her top speed, so Cadance was almost able to keep up.
Growing frustrated with the chase, Cadance reached out with her telekinesis to snare the faster pony. Unfortunately, that was the exact moment when Rainbow Dash dove through another cloud, so all Cadance caught was a small puff of water vapor. She then fired off her signature love spell several times, but she was shooting blind and hit nothing but cloudstuff.
As Cadance emerged from the cloud, she saw that Rainbow Dash had pulled even farther ahead. To make matters worse, the blue pegasus was heading straight for another cloud bank—if she flew into that, Cadance would lose her for sure. But, if Cadance's calculations were correct (and they always were), she had just enough time to cast one more love spell.
A light blue ray burst from Cadance's horn and raced toward Rainbow Dash, quickly eating up the distance between them. The pegasus was fast, but not even she could outrun magic. Cadance watched eagerly as her spell closed in on Rainbow Dash. One more second and the beam would hit its mark, and the princess's long pursuit would finally end.
The rainbow trail suddenly formed a right angle as Rainbow Dash made a 90 degree turn to fly straight up. Cadance, caught off guard, realized a moment too late why Rainbow Dash had changed directions so abruptly. Two pegasi were emerging from the cloud bank ahead, carrying a large mirror between them. The alicorn flared her wings, but she couldn't slow down enough to change course in time—the love spell bounced off the mirror and struck her in the chest, going directly into her heart.
Suddenly overwhelmed with feelings of love and joy, Cadance floated dreamily down to a cloud beneath her and sank into its pillowy softness. A gentle pink glow spread out from the princess's body until the entire cloud had turned the same color as her coat.
This time I've got her. Cadance rubbed her hooves together eagerly and looked over the items spread on the ground in front of her: A folding table, two pillows to sit on, two large red candles with holders, and a premade gourmet meal. Off to the side was the box it had all been delivered in, a large wooden crate labeled APPLEJACME. If I can't bring Rainbow Dash on a date, then I'll bring the date to her!
A few hours later, Cadance wiped the sweat from her forehead and stepped back to admire the trap she'd created. She was standing near the top of a mountain. Just above her was a pressure plate that she'd magically welded to the side of the mountain. When somepony hit that plate, the vibration would travel up a rope and cause a small latch to come unhooked. The latch was holding shut a door that Cadance had carved into the bottom of a cloud. Once that door opened, Cadance's candlelit dinner—precisely arranged on top of the cloud—would drop through and land directly between her and Rainbow Dash. Then, at long last, their date would begin.
Cadance looked over her preparations and nodded in satisfaction. The setup was perfect.
Now there was just one last thing to do. The pink pony princess pulled out a bucket of cloud-colored paint and a brush. She couldn't risk getting paint on herself right before her big date, so she used levitation to dip the brush and paint over the top of the mountain. Though she had to work quickly the peak was indistinguishable from a real cloud by the time she was done.
And not a moment too soon! Cadance buried the bucket and brush inside the cloud she was standing on as a rainbow-colored comet tore through the sky, heading right toward her; right toward the hidden mountain peak. Her heart soared as Rainbow Dash rocketed past, right on course to hit the pressure plate and spring the romantic trap.
The blue pegasus got closer to the mountain, and closer, and closer... then punched straight through it as though it actually were made of clouds. The hole she'd made immediately closed behind her.
Cadance's jaw dropped all the way to the cloud she was standing on, and she rubbed her eyes to make sure they weren't playing tricks on her. But no—the pegasus was gone, and the painted mountain looked untouched. Maybe she'd flown slightly above the mountain and happened to hit a patch of actual cloud?
It didn't matter. The chase had to continue.
Cadance wound up like a racer at the starting line, then took off at top speed on the exact same route that Rainbow Dash had taken. She hit the pressure plate at full force, and a moment later found herself on the wrong side of a beautifully set table. The candles had even magically lit themselves, just as planned, and now sat hissing quietly as they lit the delicious looking food.
Wait. Hissing?
Cadance leaned forward to inspect the thick, red candles more closely. Her snout was practically touching one when it exploded.
The pink alicorn, whose coat was now jet black thanks to a thick layer of soot, sighed heavily. It was time to go home—the princess of love would have to continue her work tomorrow.
