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For Sale:
Ponyville Residence
18 Hayseed Rd.
Ponyville, Equestria
Price: ฿〇〇〇
Size: 〇〇〇 Sq. Hf.
Bedrooms: 2
Bathrooms: 1
Additional Notes:
LOTS of closet space
Please contact Golden Horseshoe realty for more information on this or any of our other fine residences!
Golden Horseshoe realty — Finding the shoe that fits!
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Black.
That’s all my mind could conjure up to describe it.
My backside hit hard wood as my legs collapsed under me. I found myself unable to tear my eyes away from it.
That endless void. An honest-to-Celestia unbroken expanse of pure nothingness no mortal pony’s mind could begin to comprehend. The black of night was the day to this darkness.
I could feel it pressing down on my skull. An invisible hoof trying to split my head in half.
I forced a reluctant hoof forward toward the — very frail-looking — edge, nudging loose a pebble forward and off. With my tummy firmly pressed to the floor, I peered over the edge and watched it sink down into the nothingness below.
Of course there was no bottom for it to hit. It just fell and fell until it was so very far away my eyes were no longer able to track it. I gulped, carefully inching away as fast as I dared.
“As you can see, this residence comes with a lot of closet space!” the chirpy realtor said. I looked back at her in confusion. “You certainly won’t be in want of room to store your stuff.”
Does she not see… this? This… utter madness. I stared into the void with glassy eyes as I felt the expanse of nothingness dwarf my tiny body.
Am I going crazy? I have to be going crazy. Nopony can be calm after seeing this. That’s the only explanation. I’m just going crazy and everypony else sees and nice normal closet.
That’s it. I’m just insane. I am just insane. That’s a much better explanation. A much more reasonable explanation than… this.
“Wow Rosy, what a lucky find!” Daisy said. She trotted into the closet next to me and looked around at all the… nothing.
‘That most certainly must be something.’ I mentally added.
“You can fit so much stuff in here!” See? She sees a normal closet. With walls. Nice normal walls.
“Hahaha yeah… it’s a… nice closet.” I absently stroked my mane, rocking back and forth as I struggled to form… words. “Nice normal closet with… walls and stuff. Nice and normal.”
My sisters looked at me as if I grew a second head. Maybe I had. Who knows. I’m going crazy anyway, so how would I know? “Umm Rosy… there’s no walls in the closet, just an unending eternal void,” Lily said nonchalantly.
I felt my maniac grin slip as I pleaded silently with her to give in and say ‘Just kidding!’ or something. Anything. Anything other than confirming that the empty expanse hammering nails into my psyche was really and truly there.
“What’s wrong Rosy, do you not like it? Just think of all of the possibilities, though!” Daisy trotted over and tapped at the edge of the hardwood. I reeled back as I saw my sister screaming in unbridled terror as she plummeted endlessly. For the rest of eternity. Forever. “You could throw down a couple boards and make a bit of a landing, really expand your closet as much as you want!” I blinked and she stood there. Just my imagination. Just my imagination. “It’s so much more room than just a boring old regular closet.”
“Just think of how much money you can save on utilities too,” Lily added. “No need for trash pickup. You can just,” — she mimed tossing a bag over the edge — “get rid of it right here for free.”
“Oh that’s such a good idea Lily!” Daisy clapped her forehooves together in joy.
The realtor nodded. “That’s a good point, I never thought of that perk. That really raises the estimated property value.” She began to write something down, but stopped as she caught my eyes. “Oh! Don’t worry Miss Roseluck, I’m not going to raise the price of the house if you choose to buy it today. Off the record, just know that you are getting a really good deal if you jump on this property now.” She gave me a cheery little grin that I, in no way, felt like returning.
A good deal!? Who in their right mind would want to set hoof anywhere near this… this… — I gazed out into the infinite as if my answer would be penned in it’s inky stain upon this world — affront to nature.
An icy chill dragged down my spine, my very soul felt like it was being wrenched out of my body. Sucked into the void. As I stared into that black expanse I swore that I saw something staring at me.
But it was just that.
Nothing.
With wide, unblinking eyes I stared at my two sisters. My eyes darted between the two and just how… calm and collected they were. “Are you… are you two not concerned that there’s an endless void in this closet?” I said, trying to emphasis the sheer wrongness of this situation as much as possible. "Are you really telling me that this doesn’t bother you two? I’ve never seen anything so horrifying in my life. Right now, I can feel something terrible clawing its way under my skin. How are you two acting so calm? We grew up together, I know just how much you two used to get scared from everything.”
‘I was always the bravest of us three.’ a little part of me pouted. The rest of me snuffed that part with impunity. If getting used to this is brave, then please call me a coward.
Daisy shrugged. “Eh. This is Ponyville. I’ve seen a lot weirder things happen around here. I think it’s because of the Everfree forest?” She rubbed her chin in thought then gave a short shrug. “No need to sweat the small stuff Rosy. A little extra space in your closet isn’t that big of a deal. Trust me, Ponyville has a lot weirder to offer. You just get used to it, I guess.”
Just get used to it.
They just got used to it.
Something inside me snapped.
“Besides,” Lily added, excitement leaking into her voice, “this is a really good deal! You pretty much have infinite square hoofage in your house and can expand as much as you want. I’m super duper jealous! Honestly Rosy, I wish I had an endless void in my closet now. All I have is a stupid house where the rooms rearrange themselves. It was interesting for the first few weeks, but getting lost in my own home got old fast. Honestly Rosy, one time it took me hours for me just to find my way to the bathroom.”
My eyelid twitched. That was utter insanity. This is all utter insanity.
How could my sisters stand moving here from Manehattan? They were nervous wrecks before moving away to this little town in the middle of nowhere. They just got used to it? How the hay can anypony just get used to this sort of stuff. Endless voids, rearranging houses — what other delightful horrors am I going to stumble upon because somehow everypony apparently decided to just treat these nightmares like everyday occurrences in this town.
And how did I let them convince me to join them? I dug at my mane, steadily rocking back and forth on my haunches as the gaping void wriggled through my guts like festering maggots. I felt a dampness on my cheeks as I buried my face in my forelegs. I could hear somepony’s raspy voice wracked with unechoing sobs.
‘Come see the Equestrian countryside, you’ll love it!’ ‘Oh Rosy, the flowers in Ponyville are so much more beautiful and vibrant than any you can find in Manehattan.’ ‘You’ll fall in love the natural beauty Roseluck!’ Just don’t mind the mind-bucking existential horrors bleeding out of every square hoof, every orifice of town.
“I— If we’re done with the closet,” the realtor pony hurriedly said, concern leaking into her professional facade. “I’d like to move on and show you the master bedroom. I think you’ll find it the interior design of it to be quite elegant with a beautiful rustic charm!”
“Oh that sounds lovely Roseluck!” Daisy added. She nudged Lily. I felt her teeth clam down on my nape as she began to tug me out of the closet.
“I hope that the master bedroom has lots of space too.” Daisy cut a sharp glare towards Lily. “I— I mean, wow doesn’t that sound just beautiful. I hope it’s a nice small cozy room.”
“Small and cozy. Doesn’t that sound nice Rosy?”
“No no no. We are not just going to gloss over this.” The realtor looked at me with the eyes of a mother who has to deal with a child crying over monsters under the bed. As if I was the crazy one here. As if I was scared over nothing. My sisters traded nervous glances. They think I’m crazy. I am not crazy.“This closet is a gateway to some sort of… nothingness! This is crazy. This is not normal! You three should not be acting like this is nothing. Stop looking at me like I’m the one acting crazy here!”
“Technically the closet is not a gateway. The nothingness just started growing from inside there a few years ago,” the realtor corrected. “In a few more years it will probably expand out into the hall.”
“And it’s growing!?”
“Yes. And, might I add, I’ve spoken with property assessors since drafting the listing for this house. The property is actually considered to have infinite square-hoofage currently and the expansion of the eternal void consuming your home will actually add onto the total square-hoofage. It’s a very worthwhile investment.” She smiled towards me as if what she just said wasn’t the singular most horrifying thing that I’ve ever heard in my life. Did she think that was reassuring? Is she trying to make it sound awful!?
“How wonderful!” Daisy latched onto me in a hug. That sounded wonderful to her!? Ah… I don’t think she can be saved anymore. “Listen Rosy. I know you’re apprehensive now… and freaking out… and sorta kinda scaring me a little bit. Okay, a lot. But I promise that you’ll grow to love this house if you just give it a chance. Lily and I are so excited for you to move to Ponyville. We miss you and I just know that you’re going to love it here.”
“Yeah, Ponyville is a bit more exiting than the big apple, that’s for sure,” Lily said. “Between the occasional monster attacks and, Celestia forbid, rabbit stampede there’s no shortage of excitement to spruce up the day. But trust us Rosy, it does get easier in time. You’ll come to love the place faster than a flower blooms.”
Monster attacks!? Rabbit stampede? “Wait, what’s a rabbit stampede and why are you acting like its worse than a monster attack?”
“Trust me.” Lily winced. “You don’t want to know the horror of a rabbit stampede.”
“Just be ready, you’ll have to steel yourself for that one Rosy,” Daisy added. “Not everything in Ponyville is as harmless as an all-consuming void.”
I flicked my eyes between the pair of reassuring smiles my sisters bore.
They can’t be sane anymore. They cannot be sane anymore.
That settles it. They must have lost their minds since they left the city. Living in this nightmare of a town must have eroded their sanity and they’re just trying to drag me down with them.
How could anypony live like this?
“Why in Celestia’s good name would anypony ever choose to live here?” I choked out.
My sisters looked between each other with worry on their faces. If they think that I will even consider moving to this town now after everything I’ve learned today…
The realtor shrugged. “Most ponies move to Ponyville because there’s no HOA here.”
… no HOA?
There was hardly a pause as I snatched the documents from her grasp.
I’ve never signed any agreement so fast in my life.
