Pipp had no clue there was so much to do for this event.

She sat there, with a member of staff holding two different pieces of soap in front of her. "Which of these two soaps do you prefer?" she asked.

Pipp looked at both of them. "I'd go with the Blue one," she said.

"Curious," Lady Haven said. "You normally pick the odourless ones."

"Fancied a bit of variety for the guests! #SpiceofLife!"

Lady Haven shook her head. "Zipp, are you feeling alright?"

"Never felt better!" Pipp said, realising she'd slipped.

Lady Haven nodded. "Well, if you say so. Next item, please!"

Zipp looked down at the teleprompter, squinting. "I can barely read this!" she said.

"What's wrong?" Sunny asked.

"For some reason I can't focus on the text," Zipp complained. "It's borderline illegible. How does Pipp cope?"

"You do know Pipp wears contact lenses, right?" Sunny reminded her.

"Oh. I'd forgotten that. Looks like I'll be needing to make the text bigger." Zipp pushed a few buttons on the display.

Sunny facepalmed. "The teleprompter is only meant as a backup should the singer lose their place in the song."

"I just selected the soap I liked the look of!" Pipp protested.

"These are for the downstairs bathrooms. The one you picked earlier are for the bathrooms on the First Floor."

"That's second floor to Americans," Pipp helpfully clarified.

"Can we resist the urge to fourth wall break for a bit?" Lady Haven asked. "We have rather a lot to sort out."

"Open my eyes, the sun is smiling down on me/
Beautiful shine and everything is sparkling/
Feeling powerful, filled with bra- sorry, what's that?"

Izzy then joined in.

"Ready for anything, yeah!" She then looked in concern. "You're supposed to shout 'let's go'!"

Zipp yelled the words, horribly out of tune. "Let's go!"

Hitch then joined in.

"With all the friends that we lo-ove!"

Zipp resumed lead vocals duty as Izzy and Hitch sang backing vocals.

"It's a new day, a magical morning!
Never boring, there's wonder everywhere!
It's a new day, flying and soaring/
We're exploring, we're gonna make our way!

Zipp was visibly puffing and panting from making up choreography and trying to sing at the same time, and as a result in the second half of the chorus fell half a beat behind everybody else.

"Calling everybody, you know who you are!
Beautiful and strong, you're like a brand new car!
Ready to play!
It's a new day!"

Sunny looked over. "Look out!"

Zipp then tripped on some wires, and slammed into the floor. "Oww."

Sunny ran over to pull her up. "Are you OK?" she asked.

"Could be better," Zipp groaned, as she pushed herself up. "And there was no mattress for me to fall onto. So, how'd the performance go?"

"You got most of the words right!" Izzy said. "Though I don't think trying to read them off a teleprompter, sing, and dance at the same time is a good idea."

"This really is harder than it looks," Zipp grumbled.

"Nobody's perfect on their first try," Sunny said. "I know the circumstances aren't ideal, but it'll take time and patience to get it right."

"With the concert being tonight, I can't afford to take it slow, or else we'll make the family look stupid!" Zipp said. "Honestly, why couldn't Pipp have just kept her mouth shut?"

"Why not try rehearsing to an audience?" Izzy suggested. "That'll give you a better feel for how it'll go rather than singing to an empty room."

"Good idea!" Zipp said, and took the phone out.

"Other thumb."

"Oh. Gotcha!" Zipp clicked on the app Pipp had shown her and started a stream. "Good afternoon, Pippsqueaks! I know you're just so excited to hear my performance, but I'm kinda in a jelly right now. I mean jam, whatevs. I could totes use an audience for a rehearsal, so if you wanna pop down to the Falmouth Theatre, go ahead!" She then ended the stream. "How did I do?"

"You're getting better at the teen slang," Sunny said.

"How much soap do we have to choose?" Pipp asked.

"Just two more sets of bathrooms to go, according to my chart," Lady Haven said. "I know this is frightfully boring, but it shall all be worth it in the end."

Pipp looked with a quizzical eye. "You find this dull?"

Lady Haven put her arm around Pipp, though thinking it was Zipp. "Having to wade through countless emails and deal with thousands of invoices every day is hardly what anybody would call exciting, Zipp. But they are tasks that must be done for everything else to come together. That's why I get up so early- to get as much as it done as I can so I can take solace and find value in the little things and the time I spend with you and your sister. Because seeing your smiling faces and learning about your days makes it all worth it. And I do understand how dull this is- I was quite like you when I was your age."

"Really? You've always seemed like a Queen?"

"That's very kind of you, but every story has to start somewhere." Suddenly, a bell rang, and Lady Haven looked over. "Ah, a telegram!" She read it, and sighed. "Trouble in the yard, it seems. Nigel has broken down and they need another engine there. I'll take Ray there immediately. Good luck, Zipp!"

"Thanks mom!" Pipp replied, and smiled as her mother exited. "Let's make things more exciting!" She turned to the assembled staff. "Choosing all this soap is SUPER boring, amiright? So let's make things more fun, as if everybody feels appreciated and understood, they'll be happy."

Wadsworth leaned over to another member of staff. "I can't help but feel she's somewhat missing the point of the exercise, Parker."

"So, I suggest we let everybody vote on what should be in there! I'll just send out a mess- wait a moment, where are all my contacts?"

The household staff just looked at Pipp, utterly confused.

"Looks like we'll be guessing what people will want."

Nobody had shown up to the theatre- which was a bit weird. Zipp looked in confusion. "Where is everybody?" she asked. "Wouldn't they be turning out in droves normally?"

"I have no clue," Izzy said. "Perhaps they're busy?"

Zipp stepped outside to see some people huddled around phones. They seemed to be deep in conversation.

"Is that true?" said one. "If so, that doesn't sound like something she'd say."

"And why does he feel the need to be so rude about her weight?" said another. "It comes across as fat shaming to me."

Zipp leaned in. "May I ask what you're talking about?"

"A local radio station interviewed Carotang in advance of tonight's concert," said the third person. "It was all very odd. And quite strange. I can link the video to your stream if you'd like."

"That'd be very helpful," Zipp said, who sat down on a nearby bench. Once she received the message, she clicked the link and started watching.

Carotang was sitting in a chair, and looking just as smug and insufferable as ever. "Like I said before, Pipp finds her fans annoying. I know she puts up this front of love and friendliness when performing, but that's just an act."

"That doesn't sound like the Pipp we know," said the interviewer. Zipp recognised them as Skye Silver, the BBC presenter who had presented a segment on the local railway a year ago.

"Yeah, her fans deserve to know the truth. She was really rude to me during rehearsals yesterday, and called my music trash. Well, sorry, there's a reason Oasis sold way more music than she ever will- and that's because it's actually good. In fact, she stated that if I even so much as mentioned my new album she'd badmouth me on her socials."

"That must have been an awkward conversation."

"Tell me about it. All I wanted was one mention on social media. I mean, with all her wealth and luck she should be able to spare one measly little post, right? But she said that would harm her brand. Not that I'd want to associate with somebody who clearly can't eat properly. I mean, just look at her. Who'd want to be a fan of that tub of lard?"

Zipp sighed. "Looks like Pipp got herself into quite the mess with this Liam Gallagher lookalike. What's the bet he uses dynamic pricing at his concerts?"

"None of that is true!" Izzy said, and explained to Zipp what had happened the previous day.

Zipp nodded. "Well then. Looks as though Carotang and I are going to have a little talk."

Carotang had stepped outside of the studio for a quick drink. "Nothing like a nice iced coffee to get the brain going," he said. "Of course, can't let the fans see me drinking this- need to keep up the working class image."

Suddenly, he saw what he thought was Pipp approaching. "Ah, Pipp! How nice to meet you!"

Zipp scowled. "We need to talk."

"Something about tonight?" Carotang asked.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about," Zipp said. "You lied about what happened yesterday. Firstly, you tried to take over the concert and make it about you- I was nearly squashed by that enormous banner you put up!"

"Risk of the job," Carotang said dismissively.

"Not only that, but you plastered the entire lobby with your own flyers- including on top of the dedication plaque!"

"Well, somebody had to check your family ego."

"That's rich, coming from you," Izzy said.

"Not only that, you seem to have forgotten this isn't about you, or me. The concert is to raise money for Help for Heroes, not about flaunting egos."

"Then why is your name on the flyer?"

"Because I'm performing at it! It's completely normal to list the acts performing at a concert!" Zipp shook her head. "Also, I never said anything about social media- you tried to hijack the show and make it about you. Had you not done that, I'd be more than happy to promote you."

"Oh, poor you."

Zipp looked at him, annoyed. "Not to mention making fun of people's weight is not acceptable. It's not my fault I put weight on easily. Do you think it's fun constantly having to watch and monitor calorie intake all the time? Not to mention my BMI is 24.1, which is average for my age."

Carotang looked dismissive. "Just eat less and exercise more. Easy. No doubt the private chefs you have ply you with cake all day."

Zipp resisted the urge to punch him in the face. "Here's what's going to happen. I want you to issue a full apology for what you said and retract your words. Or things might get difficult for you."

"Did she really say that?" said a voice from the corridor. "What does she mean by 'make things difficult'?"

Zipp glanced one way, then the other, then spotted what was attached to Carotang's head. "Ohh..."

Carotang, on the other hand, had an absolutely colossal grin on his face. "Whoops. Looks like I left my microphone on." He walked away, smirking. "Looks like I won't need to issue a retraction- your actions confirm what I was saying. You know Pipp, you may not be blonde, but you've certainly got the dumb nailed down."

Zipp slumped as she saw the chat explode with comments. And none of them were positive.

"Zipp, what in the world is all this?" Wadsworth asked. "Why is there a funfair in the Great Hall?"

"I'm trying to make it fun for the guests," Pipp explained. "Everybody loves funfairs!"

"And a mud bath?" Zoom asked. "Speaking as a former soldier, this lacks the gravitas such an event should have."

"Mud baths help me stay calm and relaxed!" Zipp protested.

Zoom tapped Thunder on the shoulder. "Send Seacole up," she said. "I think Zipp's had a bang on the head."

Unfortunately, the mud bath machine had a rather severe fault, and then exploded, flooding the entire room with a sea of mud.

Lady Haven, who had only just returned, looked on in disbelief. "Zipp?!" she snapped. "What is the meaning of this? How did the Great Hall end up in such a mess?"

Pipp had no answer.

Author's Note

This chapter is an adaptation of the 18th G5 Comic. The title is taken from the Oasis song Wonderwall, released in 1995 on the album (What's the Story) Morning Glory?

Zipp's remark about dynamic pricing is a reference to a controversy surrounding Oasis' comback tour, which sold out very quickly. People who had sat in queues to purchase tickets discovered that ticket prices were higher at the buying screen than when they had joined the queue, which was heavily criticised.