Anon's Whimsical Adventures

by Truly-Anonymous

Rating: mature
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Profanity, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Main 6, Anon, Comedy, Other
Length: 4621

Life is fueled with many great wonders; some good, some shitty, and even some that are just crappy. But let's see where this will take us.

A down on their luck type guy find his life to not be as fulfilling as he expected it. He later than find himself transferred to the Magical world of Equestria, where friendship is magic and there’s infinite possibilities for all. Might this be another chance for him to start his new life or another failure to his growing woes.

Art By: Blex

Published 2024-02-06 17:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-10-10 00:17:12 UTC

I:Why the long face?

A clang hits a coffee table as change pours out of a wallet. Rummaging through the change a hand slides the quarters, dimes, pennies, etc... “$4.38... $5.49... $6.12.” If there was expression for disappointment, then Anon would be making it right now. “Six dollars and twelve cents; that’s enough to get me a box of instant noodles.” Anon shook his wallet for anything to come out. A singular penny just dropped out. “Oh, boy tis my luck day, six dollars and thirteen cents.” Anon grumbled.

It had been two years since he got out of college and one year when he got this crappy apartment. “It’s just a silly dream they said, it’s just some numbers what difference does it really makes they said, why can’t you be more like your sister Femanon, she already has a second house for us.” Anon mumbled to himself. He lazed around grumbling before flopping on a couch. “Well, I have a fucking degree in theoretical Mathematics and Astrophysics.” A small message pops up on his computer as Anon turn his head to it.

LOL, this fag thinks the multiverse exist. Hey, buddy how about do something with your life an go out and talk to women.

Anon look at the massage on 4chan, before he started typing.

How about you try to get in the general vicinity of a woman, with them running away from you, Tard.

Anon looked away from the computer, he had gotten use to people just calling him delusional. Most when being told that the possibility of another universe seemed to only laugh. But hey fuck them, if their heads were too stuck up their own assess then let them be. “I don’t need them, or my family... or general human contact... or anyone at all.” He Anon sighed to himself; it had been tough out of college. No one even bothered to come to his graduation or call him. But hey that was the cost of greatness.

Another post comes up.

Sorry couldn’t hear cause your sister who’s sucking my dick right now.

Anon quickly typed away at the computer noticing something.

Whom.

Dear, Princess Celestia... was how the letter started and how it was for a couple of hours. Twilight had written many letters to Princess Celestia, each talking about the lesson she learned, but for the first time she had nothing. No friendship issues needing to be solved, no world ending threat needing to be stopped, or anything interesting happening at all. Twilight just paced as she thought of something to write until Spike entered on cue. “Spike did find anything?” Twilight asked. Spike just sighed exhausted from walking throughout Ponyville for this little lookout, “No Twilight... Hey, don’t you think you should take a break?”

Twilight slowly turned to spike, “Take a break? Spike, I need to write a letter to Princess Celestia, I usually send letters to her.” Spike just rolled his eyes, “I think she wouldn’t mind if you were to not send her a letter for just a day.” Twilight just rolled her eyes at spike, “Spike, I’m being serious, I need to find something to give Princess Celestia. She expects the best from her top student.”

Spike just watched as the mare going on her tirade of needing to give something to the princess.

“Well, maybe you should be more patient.” Spike groaned. Twilight just turned to spike, “Be more patient? Spike it’s not like some problem that needs to be solved is going to come from the sky. I need to find something or I’m worried Princess Celestia might think I don’t take the lessons I learn serious.”

Spike knew this was getting nowhere so, he just decided to head up before saying, “Well, when find something I’ll be sure to get down and send it to her.”

It had been pouring and Anon had been running. “Damnit, of all times to rain why now.”

Anon walked this path to store million times before and it rained on him. Was some box of cheap noodles really worth it. Hell, yeah it was.

“Almost there, just a little bit longer.” Anon kept pushing on through the rain seeing the store in his grasp.

A box of ramen noodles was his for the taking, until he reached the store door.

Closed read the door, as a man was on his smoke break with his feet kicked up.

Anon pressed on the glass, “Hey, listen can you open the door, I want to buy something.”

The worker only briefly looked up before rolling their eyes and pointing at the sign saying closed.

“I know you’re closed but I’m only just going to buy one thing.” Anon yelled at the worker from his side of the glass.

The worker just flipped him off and turned off the lights of the store before walking out of the store.

“Fuck you, man!” Anon just sat their frustrated and wet. “How could this get any worse?”

The sound of thunder rumbled as the rain poured down even harder.

“Of course.” Anon grumbled looking at the storm.

Anon got up took few deep breaths, “Fuck it.” before just absolutely running like a psychopath through the storm.

He looked for any type of shelter to cover him during this shitty storm. Looking desperately through each corner as he spotted an open house.

Now, Anon wouldn’t usually go into other’s homes for any reason but due to the outside looking like a frat boy party mixed with a Bieber fangirl breakdown, he was more willing to get gunned down by a demented old man than being found washed up in the curb.

“Hello? Hey, I just let you know it was storming and I come in peace so, I would like it if you didn’t kill me.” Anon walked through seeing if anyone was here or he was going to get murdered.

Anon walked through the room seeing no one, he just walked through until spotting an open door. With nothing else better to do he decided to walk in.

In the room, there’s a circle made of salt and a book with a strange rune on a table. Anon walks close to the book looking at it before just poking it. The book slams on the floor letting dust fly through the air.

“Huh. Don’t know what I was expecting.” Anon just looked at it before shining a light on it.

The rune seemed weirdly glow as the light shined on it, what was even stranger was it seemed the floor was glowing. “Wait, what?” Anon looked under him to see the salt circle now glowing. He tried to step out but was met with some type of force field.

“Hey, anyone here? What the hell is going?!” Anon frantically kept banging on the magical wall as the circle grew brighter and brighter.

“This is how my life ends; sad, depressing, and broke.” Anon at this point was willing to accept death, until it all just stopped.

The book ceased to glow, and the salt seemed to blow away, water dropped on his head. “Nothing happened?”

Suddenly six horses break down the door. “Oh, something happened.”

II: So Hungry, you could eat a what?!

Anon blinked twice before taking in all what happened. “I first walked into an abandoned home, then found some weird ass book, and now I’m looking at six horses,” Anon muttered to himself. Only one thing popped in his head to make all sense of this. “I’m dreaming,” He announced. “But out of all this I would dream, why six multicolored horses?” Anon pondered.

“Hey!” The purple one said stepping forward.

“Oh, they can speak English. That’s really convenient... What?” Anon groaned turning towards the horses. He now noticed that all of them were different. Two looked like horses, one that was pink and seemed be bouncing up down while the other was orange and was wearing a hat. Two that had wings but seemed to be complete polar opposites with a blue one seeming confident and the yellow one seeming afraid of you looking its way. Then a white one with horn and makeup? Finally, the one he’s been talking to seemed to have both wings and horn. “Strange?”

The purple one began asking him flurry of questions, “What are you, who sent you, were you the cause of that burst of light in the middle of Equestria, have come to Eqeustira to-”

Anon raised his hand to stop the purple one from talking, “Okay, stop... Stop... Stop.” Taking a deep breath in and then exhaled before he just looked around to notice the house, he was in was much more ruined than it was earlier. A look outside the open wall created by the creatures let him see there was no streets or houses behind them. And he took one good look at the horse creatures to see anything weird about them besides the obvious.

“Okay... Who are you and what are you all supposed to be?” Anon questioned.

The purple one just winced at him trying to see any evil inside of him before answering, “I’m Twilight Sparkle, and we’re the elements of Harmony.”

Anon just tilted his then took deep breath before bursting out laughing. “Elements of Harmony!? No, let me guess you have your own little slogan?

All of the Elements of Harmony just stood speechless staring at Anon as he was hysterically laughing at them.

“And what kind of name is Twilight Sparkle?!” Anon wheezed out. “God, it sounds like a rejected sailor moon move!”

Twilight sighed as she struggled to find something to write about. The world seemed to stand still as each moment she struggled to put any ink on the paper. For the past hours she couldn’t write anything. She paced back and forth each hoof print sinking in the floorboard.

“Maybe... no.... I could... no... What about... UGHH!!!” Twilight stomped frustrated by this conundrum.

It had been hours and yet still nothing came to her mind. Not a single lesson was learnt though this whole week.

What would she tell Princess Celestia, ‘Oh, Princess Celestia, I know that you expect much of me and I’m your star pupil, but I liked to tell you that I’ve done absolutely nothing.’ Twilight cringed at that thought.

Spike just covered his head with his pillow to drown out the clip clopping from Twilight’s tirade.

“Twilight can’t you just put off this for tomorrow?” complained her dragon companion.

Twilight turned to him and just scoffed, “No, Spike it can’t wait. I need to send something to Princess Celestia ASAP!”

The dragon just groaned and got up from his bed, “You’ve made me check all over Ponyville twice for any friendship problem, checked the statues of villains to make sure they wouldn’t come back again, and called multiple meetings with the others. Twilight, I think we’re done for today and shouldn't it be a good thing that there’s no problem whatsoever?”

Twilight just stopped in her tracks turning to Spike, “You’re right...”

Spike was going to layback down until, “That means something bigger is going to happen!”

Spike groaned as Twilight started rack her brain to figure out what the next big thing was going to be.

“Twilight, it’s not like some giant laser from nowhere is going to come out and-”

Before spike could finish his sentence a giant laser from nowhere beamed up from the sky.

Both of them blinked for a couple of seconds before Twilight spoke up, “You saw that right?”

Spike was almost tempted to say no and head back to sleep, but he sighed, “Yeah.”

“Good, then send a message to others, we’re going figure what just happened.” Twilight quickly headed out the door to where the light came from. Whatever made it was must have still been there and whether it came peacefully or with ill intent she’d have to figure that out. Yes, this could be the thing she wrote to Princess Celestia, another lesson to learn about.

Twilight only stared at the weird creature that was hysterically laughing at her and her friends. Well, at least she thought that it was laughter, there was a possibility that it was howling in pain, or possibly calling for others like it, maybe it was making a mating call? That doesn’t matter what matter is that whatever this thing is it seemed to not be hostile at first.

Twilight just examined the creature who was laughing. She looked to his long spindle limbs, it appeared he had four of them, but it seemed the bottom of limbs were covered. Whether this was armor or skin could be debatable. And his mouth had teeth like a pony, but also sharp teeth like a predator. So, it ate meat or was it a defense mechanism for it?

The more Twilight looked at it the more questions popped in her head about what this thing was?

Whatever it was it wasn’t from Equestria as much as she could tell, and it thought itself to be dreaming.

When its laughter finally died down then it was seeming like it may have thought of itself highly. As well as it said her name sounded like a rejected sailor moon character, whatever that was?

Twilight cleared her throat, “What are you?”

The weird creature turned to Twilight before wincing at her deciding whether it would answer, “I’m... the Queen of England.”

III: Hay Fever

Anon now stood in front of a white horse. Who was the leader of this country... kingdom of horses. “...” The room was silent as he just sat looking at the white horse.

The white horse's name was Princess Celestia, who was the ‘protector’ of Equestria and all her subjects or ‘little ponies’. Why she calls them little ponies he could care less for.

He just sat there watching her eat cake and drinking some tea. She’d offer him some earlier but, “I don’t want cake... and I prefer coffee.” And with that comment earlier he now sat in a room with the horse... and the purple one was here too.

“So... you came to an abandoned house, found a weird book-”

Before Celestia could finish her sentence Anon corrected her, “Weird ass book.”

That comment just seemed to make her frown for a bit and give that look; Like a mother who told you not to touch cookie jar, but you happened to just find it conveniently opened.

She continues her description of the events Anon explained to her, “And ended up here... And so, you believe you are currently dreaming?

“Yep,” Anon shrugged in the chair clearly built for not his kind.

Celestia pondered for a second on how to gauge this situation, “Well, you seem not be a threat, but your sense of denial is quite... worrying.”

Anon rolled his eyes at her. “Hey, wasn’t they’re a dark blue horse awhile ago?”

“You mean my sister, Luna?” Celestia asked, answered by a quick and dull approval nod. “She said she was getting something to convince you weren’t dreaming.”

“Oh, what is she fetching? A pair of magical slippers... dream dust... or some magical item to-”

SPLASH

Luna came back with a now empty bucket of water in her telekinesis. “Are you awake?” She asked staring at the now drench human.

“...” He blinked once then twice before muttering, “Very awake.”

A smirk came on the horses face slowly as she said, “Good. We are happy that thou are aware.”

He was 90 percent sure that she enjoyed doing that, 10 percent sure that she was a fucking bitch.

Finally, the purple horse seemed to mark off something on a clipboard that she happened to have because why not.

“Seems that mass quantities of water do not have an effect on him,” She mutters scribbling on the clipboard, like some philosopher.

Now, drenched and pissed at his newfound situation, Anon sighs. “You wouldn’t happen to have another creepy ass book in some abandoned house, by chance?”

Celestia clears her throat and hand him a towel, “No... This is as confusing to us as to you.”

Anon groans as he slowly slumps over the chair, “Wow, I've just barely managed to escape homelessness in my world to than experience it here.”

“Well actually, your arrival to Equestria has brought up some security risk, so, as of now until either you can be trusted or a way of you being sent back home can be found; You’re on house arrest,” Celestia answered to him who already wasn’t enjoying it here.

“Oh, great idea... One problem, I don’t have a house, Sherlock.” Retorted the homeless bum (Anon).

“That’s why you’ll be staying with Princess Twilight,” answered Luna.

“What?!” Anon and Twilight both yammered at this sudden revelation.

“His arrival was strange, his intent is unknown, and it would be wise to learn about his kind,” Luna immediately advocated.

“But wouldn’t be more practical if... he was interrogated,” Twilight questioned.

“Why the hell would I want to be around that thing?” Anon pointed at Twilight with hint of anger.

“Three problems are solved: the entity is secured, investigated, and housed.” Luna put her hooves together smiling.

Twilight turned to Celestia for some confirmation, but a smile saying, ‘I believe in you’ told her there was no way around this. With a sigh all but Anon seemed to accept this new reality and solution.

Anon sat in chair at some crystal castle next to a purple dragon, who seemed to be questioning what was going on.

“Uhh... Twilight...?”

“He’s temporally staying as I gather information on him and his world,” Twilight answered.

Spike then turned to the human who seemed to be annoyed to be here.

“D-do you like gems?”

“Don’t talk to me.” Anon answered.

Spike snapped his mouth shut and decided to keep a distance from him for now.

“Okay...”

Anon just rolled his eyes as he decided to ask, “So, Dyke Bright...”

“Twilight,” She corrected.

“Don’t care. Where’s your possie of rejected Teletubbies?” He asked.

Twilight tilted at her head, “You mean my friends?” A head nod of approval from him for a response. “They all are doing their own things to do.”

“So... you do nothing?” Anon asked.

Twilight turned to hi quickly refusing his claim, “No, I solve Friendship Problems.”

“Friendship... problems? Wow... That sounds super lame.”

“It’s not lame!” Twilight retorted.

Anon just crosses his legs before asking, “So, what do these... friendship problems entail?”

Twilight pauses for a moment, “Well... often I solve some dispute or some problem pertaining to friendship problem: Like some ponies unable to agree on something or a resolution needed to solve an issue.”

“Wow... You’re basically a guidance counselor... So, back to my claim, you’re lame.” Anon stated as a fact.

Twilight just pouted at the human that seemed to undermine her role in Equestria. She was supposed to ask them questions and ‘find out about them’. “Well, what did you do in your world that was important?”

Anon stayed silent before answering, “Nothing... I graduated college couple of months ago.”

“Wait, so you didn’t do anything before you got here... what about family?” Twilight asked.

“What about Family. I have a dad, who thinks what he says goes, a mom, who critiques my every being, and a sister, who thinks that she’s god’s gift to earth.” Anon ranted.

“I’m the only person that seems to have more than half a brain.”

Twilight stared at him before writing a clipboard that she always seemed to conveniently have. “Any friends?”

“None,” Anon answered.

“You have no friends?” Twilight questioned.

“Yes, I’m fine without any? Anon replied.

“You can’t just be fine without friends, you at least need somepony to talk to you,” Twilight retorted.

“I don’t,” Anon stated.

Twilight was almost about to argue back with before realizing it; this was the friendship problem that she could solve. She’d be blasting three timber wolves with one bolt: learning about him and his world, solving a friendship problem, and sending a letter to Princess Celestia.

A smile slowly crept on Twilight’s face as she had to best idea. “Sounds like to me, you have a friendship problem and solving those is my strong suit.”

“What?” Anon questioned the insane purple horse.

“Just let me solve the friendship problem and get information on you,” Twilight said.

IV: Yay or Neigh

It was bright and early in the beautiful land of Equestria and a new creature just came to the land; despite their questionable entrance, they were in need of some help.

"Anon, it's 7:00 in the morning. You need to wake up." Twilight opened the door of the basement, light seeped into the room. In the pitch-black basement mumbles which were mixed with cursing and slightly incoherent speech could be heard.

"Fuck off, it's early in the morning; you fuckwit," Anon groaned as he covered his head with the blanket.

"Come on, the earlier I can solve your Friendship problem the faster I can learn about you," Twilight explains as she telekinetically picks him up from his bed.

She pranced with him over head bringing him out of the dark basement into the bright castle halls. Turning a few halls, she finally made way to the castle kitchen with spike in the room already cooking breakfast.

Anon barely awake just happen to open his eyes to see the purple dragon wearing an apron making scrambled eggs on a frying pan right now. "You brought me here for this..."

"Well, you weren't specific on what you could eat so I had Spike make the basic food..." Twilight went into a tirade about different diets of creatures of equestria but Anon didn't care and took a fork full of the food right in front of him.

"Twilight, you should eat your breakfast before it gets cold," Spike told her before looking back to the frying pan.

Twilight immediately snapped out of her lecturing trance and sat down. "Sorry, I must have gotten lost in the diet frame of the hippogriffs."

Anon not even listening to her since the day started, just enjoyed the eggs on his plate. "Wow... these are pretty good," Anon complimented as this may or may not have been the most decent food that he might have had in probably days, if not years.

Spike turned to him in slight surprised of his compliment blinks before saying, "Thanks..."

Enjoying the eggs, Anon only turned to see Twilight now in another type of trance as she watched his interaction with the purple dragon. Groaning internally, he decided to say something to her.

“What do you want?” Grumbling at the purple parasite who was furiously scribbling in a notepad that she always seemed to conveniently have.

“Well, you seem very hungry... Perchance your home does not have abundance of resources?” Twilight inquisitively asked.

“No... We had a lot of shit: Like bread, vegetables, fruit, and all that other shit...” Anon answered while taking another bite of his eggs. He watched her scribble in that little notepad, knowing that she’d eventually try to ask more he decided to add more information in hopes that she’d stop asking.

“More specifically I mostly ate ramen to survive.”

Twilight tilted her head at his explanation, but so about what he ate, “What is Ramen; Could you explain what is in it or how it was made?”

“They were filled with noodles in a cup that you would pour hot water into and then ramen packets that you’d dump into it to give it flavor,” Anon answered.

“And was it good?” Twilight asked.

“Nutritionally, No... In flavor barely... Shit was compacted with sodium.” Anon answered again.

“If its defects outweighed its benefits then why would you still eat it?” Twilight tilter her head at hearing him talk about the slop from his world.

“It was either that or starve...” Anon answers before finishing his plate.

“Hell, I most often got the latter option not by choice...”

Twilight hearing his answer felt a bit of sympathy for him, “I’m sorry for struggle.”

“So, what about you?” Anon asked.

Twilight perked up at his question asking about her, caught off guard by this sudden question. When she didn’t answer he continued to ask away.

“So, this castle is basically where you live, right? Must of cost you a pretty penny to buy this joint?”

Twilight quickly stammered before answering, “W-well, I don’t really pay... More so Princess Celestia pays for the expenses of my living.”

Anon just takes her answer in before letting out a chuckle and finally saying, “So, you basically have a whole fucking palace given to you... and you do jackshit for it. Wow, you must really have it hard?”

“Hey, I earned this... I was one of Princess Celestia’s best students and I attended the School for Gifted Unicorns,” Twilight defensively brought up.

“Well, that absolutely changes everything... You know I was starting to have my doubts about you, but when you brought up that it really made me realize.” Anon says and high chirp voice smiling at Twilight, but only containing his ‘applause’ to her education.

She was a bit surprised until she slowly watches him start laughing at her news. She just watches him before eventually asking him, “Well, if you’re so high and might, where did you study at?”

Anon quickly answer, “I’d say I’m proud graduate of the school of notgivafuck, but I’m a graduate of MMPU...”

He watched Twilight tilt her head in confusion and groaned as he gave more context, “MMPU is an acronym for Malabo Mathematics and Physics University... I Majored in Theoretical Mathematics and Astrophysics...”

Twilight realizing she could use this moment to gather more information on him started to ask, “Okay, what did you find enjoyable about it, were there any other things you majored in, and what was their library like?” She really emphasized on the last question wanting to know more about him and also the possible number of books in his world.

“Didn’t bother really going to the library,” Anon said to Twilight horror and shock. Anon continued to talk, “I didn’t need to really go unless I needed to avoid someone or wanted to not be bothered by my roommates. Even So, I had most of the stuff I needed on my laptop.”

Twilight slightly only got rid her bewilderment of his statement to ask a single question to him, “What’s a Laptop?”

“It’s technology that basically had almost everything: Books, recipes, mail, and etc.” Anon simplified to her.

“How did this laptop store all this information, was some type of magical relic, was there anything that it couldn’t do?” Twilight asked more questions.

Each time he answered that only left her with more questions about how that thing was able to do so much only seemed to aggravate his nerves.

“Okay... could it store a physical-”

Before Twilight could finish her next question Anon just groaned as responded, “Isn’t there anything ELSE you want to ask... Like I don’t know what’s my favorite type of white noise instead bombarding with questions.”

Twilight as his words, seemed to drop the questions about the laptop and ponder about what else to ask him. Until she got another question in mind before asking, “Well... what does your kind do for fun?”

At this question, Anon leaned back on his seat before answering her, “Go on some type of forum and rage bait some dumbass.”

“Ohh...”

“...”

“...”

“What’s rage bait?” Twilight finally asked.

Anon just gave a long sigh before mumbling to himself, “This is going to be a long... day.”