A lyrical Hearth’s Warming
“I can’t believe it! I did it! I booked her!” Pinkie burst into the throne room of my castle. I was in the middle of levitating a small glass ornament onto our tree. The explosion of sound shook my concentration. I nearly dropped it.
“Did what?” I caught the ball and floated the golden orb onto a nearby branch. Not the branch I wanted initially but it was close.
Pinkie wrapped her hooves around me in excitement. Her soft body and mane filling my senses. I hated how much I loved when she did that. It clouded my thoughts and made the world so much harder to remember.
“I booked the hardest rapper for the Hearth’s Warming Eve party! It took some doing but she’s coming here tomorrow night!” Pinkie squeezed me tenderly, she learned how to control the pressure she used when excited after I nearly suffocated once.
“That’s great Pinkie! I didn’t know you were setting up music. I thought we were just having the ponies from the village like we normally do.”
“Twilight, Twilight, Twilight, this isn’t just any Hearth’s Warming, this the first Hearth’s Warming since we got married! And that means…”
“A party.” I finished. Pinkie had a party for us for each new milestone in our relationship since we got together. I just wasn’t aware of how many milestones there were. First kiss, first dance, first late night snacks, first… ahem, first time we shared tortillas together, first time we accidentally grabbed each other’s toothbrush, first time we fought. All these milestones were important to her and needed to be celebrated.
Most ponies would have gotten fed up by now, but I realized that the little things are the most important. By celebrating each moment of our dating and now life together it made them as important as they should be.
“So who is this rapper you’re excited about?” Trying to talk her out of it was useless, and I loved her parties anyway.
“You’re going to flip in excitement! You’re mane’s going to get all frizzy and magic is going to explode!”
“Ok, who? Is it Luna again?” Luna had joined an impromptu rap battle last Blood Moon. Pinkie had been challenged and beaten by Queen-
“Notorious B.U.G.!” She screamed as she hugged me tighter than usual. I quickly tapped her flank, our sign that I was about to pass out, she released me quickly.
“B.U.G.! Pinkie, that’s Queen Chrysalis!” Did she forget that Chrysalis was disguised, not very well, as a young upstart rapper that challenged her to win the love of the crowd?
“I know! That’s why she was so insanely next-to-impossibly hard to book. Luckily I know a guy.” Pinkie’s face was mischievous and a little scary whenever she mentioned that guy. I suspected it was Cheese.
“You think it’s a good idea to invite Queen Chrysalis to Hearth’s Warming! She’ll try to eat our love! Especially since we just found how much love we have for each other!” It was a horrible thought. The idea that my love for Pinkie could be stolen from me. The beautiful wife in my arms would feel like nothing more than a stranger. And the hollow look of indifference would be on her face when she looked at me. It was a nightmare made real in an instant.
“Twilight, nothing can take my love for you from me. Not even a nasty bug queen. But it’s Hearth’s Warming. No pony or creature would attack on that day or even the eve. The feeling of happiness and fun are just too much to let it happen!” She had a lot more faith in the holiday than I thought possible. If she’s not going to be on guard I’ll have to be. Nothing would prevent Pinkie from enjoying a wonderful Hearth’s Warming Eve. I’d make sure of that.
“Aaaand that’s not even the best part!” I braced myself against what she could say to top her “best part.”
“She’s coming here to rap battle our very own Zecora! It’ll be a Hearth’s Warming battle but instead of insults they have to compliment each other!” This sounded like the strangest performance I could imagine. Zecora spoke in rhyme but she wasn’t a rapper. And Chrysalis complimenting any pony was impossible to imagine.
“So how does Zecora feel about this? Does she know B.U.G. is the changeling queen?” I couldn’t help but remember the world overrun by changelings in which Zecora was Chrysalis’s main nemesis.
“Oh I haven’t asked her yet, but I’m sure she’ll be fine. And I don’t think we should tell everypony that the most coveted and sought after performer in all Equestria is Queen Chrysalis in disguise.” Pinkie still baffled me even after all this time.
“You want us to lie to protect her?!”
“No, it's professional courtesy. We don’t tell anypony that Vinyl is DJ Pon3 or that I’m Pinkie P, do we? No we don’t,” Pinkie exclaimed before I could say anything. “Because when you’re performing, you’re not who you are, you are that pony at that time. Like I’m not Pinkie P at home. I’m only Pinkie P on stage.”
“I-I still don’t feel right not telling her she’s in danger.” The idea of Zecora being on stage with somepony like Chrysalis, er- “Notorious B.U.G.”, or whoever she’s pretending to be.
“Notorious is a professional now, she wouldn’t risk her career to attack a zebra that she doesn’t even know.” I hoped she was right as I followed her out the castle doors.
“I do not understand, what is this demand?” Zecora asked after Pinkie finished her normal speedy explanation.
“Pinkie wants you to do a rap battle with Qu- Notorious B.U.G. for the Hearth’s Warming eve celebration tonight.” I bit my tongue, hoping that changeling queen’s career was enough to keep her in line.
“Why do you think I can perform this feat? I do not rap or keep a beat.” Zecora looked at us like we’d asked her to juggle fire. It threw me a little.
“Zecora, no offense, but you speak in rhyme constantly-“
“You mean all the time, Twilight.” Pinkie popped in front me and disappeared just as quickly.
“I mean, it’s not that much different from how you speak normally,” I finished.
“It is completely different, you are wrong, I speak as I was taught, not in a song.” She crossed her hooves in front of her and gave me an insulted look.
“It’s ok. Zecora just needs the Pinky P crash course in Rap and Rap Battles!” The excited party pony cried, pulling out a hoofful of confetti. “We need a training montage!”
“Uhh…” I wasn’t sure it was necessary but Pinkie was excitedly singing something about an eye of a leopard.
“I am not sure running around and singing is working, shouldn’t I be rapping, not jerking?” Zecora finally asked.
“That was just the Pinkie pump up warm up! Now onto the harder stuff. Twilight, why don’t you wait for Notorious to arrive- and treat her nice, remember?” The now elastic-clad coach pushed her new sweat-shirted pupil into Zecora’s hut.
I wanted to follow, but the idea of Chrysalis wandering around the castle unsupervised, with no pony knowing who she really was made me teleport to the castle steps instantly. Then nearly collapsed as I realized how large a jump that was. But there was no time, the train bringing the wolf in pony clothing was just departing. Which meant she was here already. She could be anywhere, or anypony.
“Aren’t you excited, Twilight?!” Spike asked, nearly giving me a heart attack.
“Huh?! Oh yeah, tonight’s going to be fun,” I said, redoubling my efforts to find a pony that wasn’t really one.
“Not just fun, but legendary! We’re going to have a blast!” I hoped it wouldn’t come to that.
“We always have a blast, Spike.”
“But we don’t always have number one rapper Notorious B.U.G. here. I hear she’s so good, ponies have been known to pass out at her concerts, from the lyrical bliss!” The dragon was stretching out his limbs. I wondered if he planned to DJ tonight.
“Not sure that’s why. Look B.U.G. is… known for being a little shady. Help me keep an eye on her.”
“No worries about that! I don’t want to leave her side. She can help me with my DJ skills!” So that was his angle.
“Get close but not too close, just in case there’s trouble.” I didn’t want him becoming a hostage again.
“You know that tough mare thing is just an act right?”
“I don’t think it is. I have a feeling…” I glanced at everypony heading towards the castle. One of them could easily be her.
“What did Pinkie say?”
“That… I shouldn’t freak out and no pony would mess with Hearth’s Warming. But-“ My words were stopped by a purple claw.
“Pinkie’s Pinkie Sense can feel into the future, even you admit that. Your sense… well you tend to get a feeling and freak yourself out most of the time. I say if you can’t trust B.U.G. you should at least trust Pinkie. You know, your wife.” Spike dug a claw into my side to emphasize his point playfully.
Curse him for knowing my ticklish spots. He did have a point. Pinkie had never steered us wrong before and I had a heap of misjudgments behind my name. Perhaps I should just relax and trust Pinkie’s word that Chrysalis would behave like a professional.
All that good solid reasoning evaporated like the snow I was standing in the minute the Queen entered my sight. She wasn’t disguised as anything more than a regular pony. Her colors were even the same as her buggy self. I could feel ego and vengeful sneer in my bones as she approached.
“Princess Twilight,” she spat, but made a half attempt at a bow.
“Qu- Notorious, it’s nice to see you again,” I said with all the restraint I could.
“You can call me Sunshine, Princess, all my friends do.” She said it with a brush of her mane. Like the idea wasn’t ludicrous.
“Riiiight, an interesting choice for such a dark coat,” I muttered absently.
“It’s what my friends named me after finding me in the woods. I have no memory of what my real name is.” She actually used the amnesia routine? How many ponies fell for that? Evidently her “friends”.
“Look, Sunshine, I know who you are and what you’re really up to. Don’t think for a moment I’ll let any pony get hurt or have any of their love taken from them.” I was inches from her face, I could feel the heat from her body rise. For a brief moment her eyes glowed with a merciless green. Then it faded.
“I’m here for a rap battle, Princess, or did your lovesick wife not tell you? Anything else, well that’s just … icing on the cake, isn’t it?” She purred as she passed me, a smirk of victory on her face.
The look didn’t last long as Spike sped to her side in a blur that rivaled Pinkie’s. She nearly toppled over as she turned to find the small dragon eagerly waiting with an outstretched claw.
“Hi I’m Spike! A big fan of yours!” The little dragon shook with excitement.
“Spike, I’ve heard of you. Weren’t you the first non changeling to befriend Thorax?” She looked seconds away from pouncing on him. I discreetly charged my horn.
“Yeah, I guess. Odd, most ponies know me as the hero of The Crystal Ponies, not Thorax, but what about you?” He hopped a little. “Are you ready to enjoy some good old Ponyville Hearth’s Warming Eve fun?! We have all the traditions, including some non pony traditions we just added. Come on, I’ll show you.”
“Sure I love all the pony traditions.” I could have sworn I saw her cringe as she said it.
I decided to keep an eye on them myself. Two sets of eyes were better than one and if she decided to drain love from ponies Spike didn’t have the magic to stop her. I followed them at a distance but I was sure Chrysalis knew I was there. Some sort of predator instinct that alerted her to my presence.
To both my and the Queen’s surprise, Spike paused and kissed her on the cheek. I hadn’t even seen the mistletoe in the doorway. Evidently neither did the rapper, she whirled around on him like she was struck.
“What in the world are you doing?!”
“Giving you a kiss? You know, mistletoe?” Spike pointed to the small dried leaves stuck to the doorway.
“Oh, I, uh, didn’t see that.” She looked around but no pony else was paying attention. She looked even more flustered as Spike learned closer and turned his cheek to her. “I’m supposed to return it, of course.”
Chrysalis looked at the little dragon, cringed, then kissed him full on the lips. Spike’s eye went wide then closed as he gave in. There was an unnatural look in the rapper’s eye and her guide started to glow a light blue. He was becoming her victim.
I threw my hooves into full gallop, my horn fizzling with energy. My target froze, her dark eyes fading into a lime green sheen as she looked up from the mesmerized Spike. She saw me coming to the rescue and the blue sheen from Spike returned to him as she extracted her tongue.
“Woah! Uh, I- I guess they’re a lot friendlier in your parts.” Spike shakily staggered around. I checked him with my magic, no love extracted. Was she taunting me or was it just in her nature that she got carried away?
“Yes... sorry, kind of a bad habit there. Maybe the kissing tradition is better with close friends,” Chrysalis said, rubbing her neck. “What other traditions should we try?”
“Ohh, there’s many, but my favorite is the food. Traditional pudding, cakes, roast brussel sprouts…”
Spike was so locked into naming all the delicious food that he didn’t notice the mixture of horror and disgust on his companion’s face. Can changelings even eat food like that? Perhaps I could offer-
“They all sound great, little dragon. Lead me to the tastiest pony treat and I shall prove my love for pony food.” She glanced at me with a victorious smug smirk. I’m not sure she had to prove anything to me. I already knew she wasn’t a real pony.
“Oook, let’s head to the Yule log! Chocolate and frosting. We also need some cocoa.” Spike continued to the large table, I followed them, grabbing a few choice desserts myself. I needed the energy in case of magic use.
I watched in a little amusement as Spike showered the famous rapper with all sorts of food. Chrysalis graciously ate them all but I could tell it disgusted her. Each new piece was eaten with a look of hesitation and subsequent revulsion. Many of the foods were crammed in her mouth then held in by her hooves. By the end of the feast she was looking a very unhealthy green, even for her. I actually felt some sympathy until I remembered she did this to herself.
“Uhh, Sunshine? You ok?” Spike finally realized his eating partner wasn’t enjoying the feast as much as he was. I have to teach him about social cues.
“Urk… of-of course.. this is normal for some ponies… urp. Please continue.” She clamped her mouth shut and waited for the next course. I was about to stop her until Pinkie showed up with her normal excitement.
“Notorious! You made it! You look awful. You know what you need? One of my cupcakes!” My wife happily danced her way to a large display of customized cupcakes that she spent all morning baking.
“It’s… urp… fine… P-Pinkie.” Chrysalis hastily waved her hooves to dismiss her but apparently taking her hooves from her mouth was a bad idea. She quickly clamped her mouth shut again.
“I made these especially for you. It has all the love I could put in it. It should help.” The pink blur appeared next to the struggling “pony” with a tray full of some sort of black substance that didn’t look much like chocolate to me. I had no idea what the stuff was. But I noticed a pink reflection in them as they passed through the light. Was that magic? How did she use magic?
“They’re made with your tastes in mind.” Pinkie winked as she practically pressed the food into her subject’s face.
Chrysalis tried pushing them away when her ears perked up. She cautiously sniffed the strange cakes then began to gobble them unceremoniously. The color returned to its less sickening green to more of an unsettling green. Her eyes shone with that same glow she had kissing Spike. Did Pinkie actually bake real love in them? How? I would have to ask her later.
“Better?” Spike asked nervously.
“This pony food was far superior in texture and flavor to all the others. You care to try Spike?” The reinvigorated queen smacked her lips and looked challengingly at my ward.
“No time! Zecora is as ready as she’ll ever be and you’re needed on stage!” Pinkie pressed the performer out of her chair before Spike could even lift his hand. “We need you to DJ, Spike, so let’s go go go!”
The three of them were whisked away behind the stage as I joined the crowd forming in anticipation. I waited wondering how this celebration had turned to this. I knew Pinkie wanted to make it special, but with Chrysalis? She didn’t know any other rappers?
My thoughts were scattered as the lights dimmed. Laser lights fired from an unseen display augmented the smoke from a fogger. A giant candy cane lowered itself onto the stage which looked almost real. Dancers dressed like reindeer sauntered into the stage and began to gyrate in a seductive way.
Then Pinkie pronged out wearing a Santa suit. I was instantly reminded how cute and alluring my wife was. I hoped she’d save that suit for later.
“Happy Hearth’s Warming everypony!” Pinkie shouted and the crowd roared in response. “We have a great act warmed up and ready to go for this evening! Tired of wrapping gifts? Well, these two ponies have been rapping smooth beats. Give it up for Zecora! She just learned how to do this 12 minutes ago!”
The ponies clapped but many looked at each other in confusion. After all, a rhyming zebra should be natural at rapping but I knew it wasn’t the same. I would tell them but Zecora stepped on stage in a long tinsel inspired dress. The stunning spectacle silenced them as Zecora picked up the mic.
“Hello Ponyville, ready for a thrill?” Zecora was a little unnecessarily loud. It was clear she wasn’t used to microphones and was pumped up by Pinkie’s course .
The crowd was very forgiving and screamed at the stage with equal force. I thought my castle shook for a moment but it was just an excited Derpy shaking me. She wasn’t even aware she was.
“And her cohort in lyrical crimes, the one, the only Notorious B! U! G!” If I thought the response to Zecora was shaking the castle then the wave of excitement at Chrysalis was Equestria shaking. I’m surprised Celestia or Luna didn’t appear right then and tell us to keep it down in their Canterlot voice.
The former queen lost none of her glory as she marched out on stage. Her normal subdued dark gray hoodie was replaced with a sparkling red one.She looked like a tree ornament, shining amidst the shifting darkness behind her. If there was one thing I never expected to see, it was Queen Chrysalis, a light in the darkness.
“Is BUG in the house, Ponyville?” She shouted. She was answered immediately.
“I said, is BUG in the hoooouuuze?!”
The crowd practically blew the roof off my castle in response. I had to admit, this was not the same villain I had fought not that long ago. This wasn’t even the strange awkward pony she was pretending to be with Spike. This was Notorious B.U.G. Just like Pinkie said, she was a performer. One that knew how to hype the crowd.
“Let’s start this thing! DJ Scales and Tails, spin it!”
Spike quickly started the turntables and began manipulating the records with a loud scratch. He started with a mellow beat then amped it up as the crowd caught on.
“You’re up, Zecora.” The famous rapper bowed to her co-star and directed her towards the crowd.
Zecora bobbed her head in time with Spike’s beat but she looked pretty stiff. A sharp pain of embarrassment ran through me as I could feel her uncertainty well up. I held my breath as she opened her mouth and prayed she wouldn’t freeze.
“Everypony in the village, put hooves up for my ‘illage.
Notorious BUG is graciously
Sharing her stage with the likes of me.
I never claimed to be a real rapper but Pinkie said this would make you all happier.
So here goes my best licks,
Pinkie Pie showed me all her tricks.’
“Notorious, she won’t bore us, she has moves that could destroy us.
Don’t be afraid, she’s not here to fight,
She’s bringing all her skills for cheer tonight.’
“She’s got a song from the throng she will ignite,
A gift from the slick that will delight.
Music that takes the blues away,
So you have lots of joy for your holiday.”
Zecora backed up, looking a little winded. It was clear she gave it all and Ponyville gave her the loudest applause and cries. B.U.G. wasted no time and took over.
“That’s Zecora, zebra with the flora,
Bringing the skill with the quill out for ya.
She did her part, it’s up to me to start
Dropping them rhymes so everypony feels my heart’
“Hearth's Warming’s Eve, a time to breath
Feel the lightness of love, remove your need
Let go of the low and just flow with the glow of a million pony faces that came to the show.’
“We’re here for cheer and slick riffs to hear,
Raise your hooves to the roofs and let go of fear .”
“Let the soul flow
Let pain go
Let it snow
On this eve yo!’
“It’s time to reflect on the things we all love
Time to reject things we’re ashamed of
Time inspect the world and heavens above
For that spark that cleaves the dark, we hold as the world starts to shove.’
“Today is the day, so enjoy your friends
Take solace in the knowledge that they won’t bend
So drink with your fellows at the years end
So they will regather at Hearth’s Warming once again”
She took a drink and poured it out on the stage. Pinkie once told me that was a sign of respect for those that departed. I wondered if she thought of her hive as she departed.
The crowd roared in delight and I had to admit she knew her craft. I looked over at Pinkie and saw her beaming like a Hearth’s Warming tree. It was worth it to see that look on her face. The crowds began to back off, the set wasn’t supposed to be very long.
I decided it would be in the spirit of the season to congratulate the Queen for her performance. I snuck backstage noticing Spike in a throng of fillies. I shook my head but smiled at the dragon’s popularity.
Chrysalis wasn’t backstage. I couldn’t find her in the castle at all. Had she changed into a different form? Had she just left?! For once I felt a pang of guilt for doubting her motives and wished I could apologize.
I finally found the rapper outside sitting in the lawn. There was a sadness to her that I never believed was possible. She barely looked up as I approached.
“Satisfied I’m not going to eat anypony?” She sneered, but there was very little bite to it .
“Yeah, I- I’m sorry for being cautious.” I admitted feeling the guilt subside.
“Well you should be. Tonight was an exception. I did this for you all because Pinkie asked me and was instrumental in my career taking off.”
“She was?” I didn’t even know Pinkie was involved in her career.
“Well, she helped a lot. She knew a guy.” The changeling shrugged. “Besides this holiday isn’t fit to conquer on. I may be a shape shifting, insectoid- horse that eats the love from ponies’ hearts. But I’m not a monster.”
“There may be hope for you yet.” I ventured with a hoof on her shoulder.
“Ha! Just go on believing that and you’ll be under my hoof in no time!” She laughed and began to walk away.
“Queen Chrysalis…” I spoke softly but she turned as if I shouted. “Happy Hearth’s Warming.”
An uncomfortable smirk appeared on her face but she continued. “Happy Hearth’s Warming Twilight Sparkle. Until we meet again.”
I returned inside and found my wife gleefully talking Cranky Donkey’s ear off. I quickly swooped in and saved the creature from her normal dearth of information.
“Hi,” She said happily. “Did you have fun?”
“Yeah it was a great party.” I admitted.
“I know, and just wait until New Years!”
