Home for Hearth’s Warming. A joy for some, for Cocoa, maybe slightly more complicated. Upon the wrapup of celebrations, she had left some time for herself, and in situations she doesn’t know how to deal with, she did what she does best. Those memories of only a few hours before came back to haunt her, as she opened her eyes to get a bearing of her surroundings.
As she twitched her hindleg, the audible sound of clinking glass rang through her ears. Scanning the room, she noticed that she was a lot further down than normal, with a tremendous ache in her back to boot. She rolled her head slightly, seeing piles of old photos, oh-so-familiar brown tinted bottles, vinyl records, and her desk in a similar state of array.
Something that didn’t belong, was a tall, blue, alicorn leaning down staring directly into her pit of shame. She slammed herself back, banging her head on everything in her path, until she was standing. A million thoughts raced through her mind, what could she possibly be doing here of all places, and out of everypony in Equestria why Luna?
Desperate looking, and half awake she gave a slight cough. “So, um, Princess. You’ve caught me in a bit of a rut.” She smiles half-heartedly. “W-what do I owe you the pleasure?”. Luna, maintaining a warm, inviting gaze begins to gently trot towards her.
“Do not be so afraid, young one. You are in my domain now, that of dreams, this is merely the projection of your internal self.” As she spoke, Cocoa began to more closely examine her environment. While it was true that on the surface this room very closely resembled how her childhood room looked, certain details and perspectives waved in and out of clarity, and an air or mysticism filled the room. Luna continued. “I do not typically reach out to my subjects unless it is absolutely necessary to avoid any intrusions.”
Cocoa raises a foreleg. ‘So that means-”
“There was something from you that called me here…” A palpable silence filled their space. Cocoa’s eyes blinked slowly, the bags under her eyes sticking out against her otherwise monotone complexion. She slowly returned her gaze away from Luna’s eyes, and rested them to the floor in front of her, as she slumped back into a sitting position. Cocoa’s mind began to race, her demeanour and thoughts changed, her effort to maintain an aura of uptightness and politeness began to vanish.
“You don’t have to stay.” As she shuffles the bottles clank and shuffle. “My situation is far from perfect, but I have it under control. I’m sure you have much more pressing matters to attend to.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure, my dear subject.” Luna took two short paces forward, before lowering herself to sit, now at eye level with Cocoa. “I could not call myself a princess if I ignored a pony in need. It is improper for me to make assumptions, but I cannot help but feel as if some companionship may be of benefit.”
Unmoving Cocoa lets out a snort. “Been there, tried that.” She continues. “I’m sure you can see how far that’s got me. I think it’s better for everypony if I start to deal with this on my own. It’s hardly a good impression to make.”
Luna snapped back quickly “Neither is battling your sister for control of Equestria.” She sighs. “We’ve all got our own demons to face. I do not think less of you for it.”
At the onset of her sudden outburst Cocoa is momentarily taken aback. Her voice goes hoarse as she begins to utter a sound, before quickly shutting herself down. Pondering for a while longer, she then begins again. “I see your point.” She continues. “Yet, somehow I feel as though it is different. Your strife was long, and complex, and you faced your demons to become who you are now. I am just sad and drunk.”
Luna stared inquisitively for a moment before replying. “My battle was not fought by me alone. It is improper for you to make that assumption; without those who surrounded me I would be no closer to my salvation.” Her face took a more stern, and unmoving position. “And comparing our struggles is trivial, as you do not know the true extent of my pain, I do not know the true extent of yours. That is why I am here; I want to understand.”
“Princess, you barely know me, and yet you go to say all of this. Forgive me, but I am still struggling to understand. Why not just let me wallow in my own creation?” Her face droops, as she looks more solemn. “What benefit could you possibly get from trying to stage some kind of intervention? I appreciate your effort, but this has consistently been my life for some years now, one conversation won’t fix whatever is wrong with me.”
“And I do not expect it to. For somepony so apathetic, you seem actively resistant to any change that could be good for you. I understand not wanting to be a bother to others, but you continue to dig this hole deeper by pushing away everypony.”
Cocoa flinches slightly, biting the corner of her lip, before taking a deep breath and beginning. “Have you ever considered that this hole is safe for me? Have you ever considered that slowly destroying myself from the inside out is better than whatever alternative I could possibly face out there?” She stops momentarily, her breath shallow and inconsistent. Tears start to well up in the edges of her eyes. “The outside world is for well adjusted ponies willing to contribute something to this world. I will partake when it is necessary for me to, but this is my world. There isn’t anything out there for me anymore.”
Luna looks solemn and guilty, fearing she had gone too far, she attempted to reconcile with the young mare. “My dear, I am so sorry.” She steps closer, closely examining Cocoa, before slumping herself right next to her, and leaning her head onto her shoulder. “You still have a long life ahead of you Cocoa, and I want you to know that you will find yourself in this world. It is a strange, unfamiliar place that is unwelcoming for ponies who fit outside of its mould. I cannot make you do anything, but it pains me to see a pony with so much potential feeling as if they have to lock themselves away.”
Cocoa, now in too much of a state to talk, begins to violently sob, in exasperated breaths she leans closer into the princess. And then she woke up.
Author's Note
Releasing in parts to make it easier for me to work on the story while I deal with university. No exact ETA, but basically whenever I can find the time. Hope this taster was enjoyable :)
