Rainbow Dash stared up at the off-white ceiling of her cloud home, listening to the distant rumble outside. She knew it was raining, she had scheduled the storm herself, but the high elevation of her dwelling meant she couldn't hear it hitting the ground. The wind and thunder were her only late night companions.
She looked to her bedside clock with bleary eyes. 2:08am. She'd been in bed since midnight.
A flash of lightning through her window made her blink, and Rainbow rolled to sit up, barely avoiding a rush of dizziness. It was clear this wasn't working.
Was she sick? Rainbow didn't feel sick. Her eyes burned from sleeplessness, and her body felt heavy, like she'd been flying through thick snow that had stuck to her wings and withers. Thunder rolled again, and she looked around listlessly.
Tank was asleep in his pet bed, and she was almost jealous. Tortoises lived slow lives, and were often asleep most of the day. Tank had adapted more to a "pony" schedule once she'd taken him as a pet, but nurture wasn't about to beat out nature completely.
Rainbow Dash looked from the floor to the ceiling again. A few dust motes floated through the air, as sluggish as her.
She should go to sleep. She had a shift with the weather team at eight, and that wasn't even six hours from now. She couldn't slack off in responsibilities like this as Captain.
Maybe she could go outside? Sometimes all she needed was to fly around a bit to tire herself out, and a storm like this would require faster flapping and steady focus. But just the mere idea seemed exhausting — just getting to the door felt like it would be more akin to running a marathon, and her languid mood didn't match the required effort. It would likely just make her feel more awake regardless.
And if she was so tired she crashed...
Another thunderclap, and Rainbow regarded the view from the window with the same dull look as one would give drying paint. The weather itself used to be an interest of hers — it had to be, to be promoted to captain — but now it was just a thing. Background noise. Nothing truly of note.
She had to be up for work in five hours now.
It was maddening. Sleeping would make these hours pass in an instant, but it was although she couldn't even get motivation to actually fall asleep. And Rainbow didn't want to stay up all night if possible. She also didn't want to get up for two very separate reasons.
The idea of getting up seemed to be difficult. It want, really, but it felt that way. Like her brain took the simple ideas of "walk outside" or "stand up from bed" and broken them down into multi-step plans. Going out to her porch should be very simple — but was now regarded as stand up from bed, move from bed, walk from bedroom, walk through living room, walk to door, open door, shut door, stand on porch, then repeat steps backwards.
Rainbow knew it wasn't that complicated, and that it would sound stupid to everypony else. "I'm too tired to go outside?". Please. It sounded idiotic just thinking about it.
Too tired to sleep and too tired to act, and she was supposed to be the fastest, most energetic pegasus around. What a joke. Twilight would probably call it ironic, or some eggheaded word like that.
Dust motes twinkled across the room. She should clean up soon. When was the last time she cleaned? When was the last time she did anything other than the bare minimum that was required of her?
It was after 3am now. She'd need to be up in four and a half hours.
Maybe she could call off work, say she was sick. Rainbow had a near flawless attendance record (albeit was prone to showing up at the last minute), she doubted she would get much flack for it. But Rainbow knew it would quickly become a pattern if she started now, and it would only be so long before ponies started asking questions, being suspicious, and investigating. And what would she say? "Sorry, I didn't feel like coming into work?"
Rainbow snorted, and the walls of her house flexed ever so slightly with the strength of the wind. She should have moved it out of the central point of the storm before it even began, but hadn't had the energy or motivation to do so.
She needed to go to bed. She needed to be up in four hours. Why couldn't she sleep?
At least nighttime meant nothing was expected of her. No keeping up appearances, no chores she was meant to keep up with, no barely coasting through day to day activities as to not let anypony worry. And why should they? She was Rainbow Dash, the fastest pegasus of her time, after all.
The clock read 4:12am. Rainbow felt a headache forming at her temples, but didn't have the energy to fly to the kitchen for a painkiller.
Her body begged for sleep, and she finally laid back down — less a graceful movement, more of an awkward flop. Even going about the movements of going to bed made her feel exhausted now, yet paradoxically not tired enough to make her pass out quickly. She shut her eyes, listening to the rush of the wind and the rumble of the thunder, hoping for sleep that almost never came easily now.
Maybe it would be better in the morning. It had to be better, right? Rainbow desperately hoped so, but she'd been holding onto that hope only in words for months now. Every day she woke up more tired, more listless, more desperate to go home and do absolutely nothing all evening, only to be up and awake half the night and wishing so desperately for the cycle to finally be over.
Maybe it would be better in the morning.
Author's Note
Written in one sitting, and based on my current struggles with both unmedicated ADHD and depression. Probably not very good due to the whole "written all at once" problem, but I'll try to edit it more thoroughly later.
