My Little Rogue Trader

"...What?"

A violent shiver shook me from head to toe. I looked into Ricarda's eyes. They were wide, scared. Her face was frozen still. Old Edo screamed in my ears, wordlessly. Unhelpfully. I think he was offended by the very question. But as I looked, I saw... something else. Behind her fear. Behind her uncertainty. A glint of light, something that seemed... mischievous, somehow. Before I could say or do anything else, Ricarda vanished in a flash of light. A teleport? I blinked and shifted in my chair. I looked around. The room was as calm and as empty as ever.

As the question of Ricarda's relation to me bounced around in my skull, I felt a familiar presence make itself known as she settled into my lap. I smiled as I rested a still-pale hand on the shoulder of my first Princess. Twilight can be... rather cat-like, whether she tries to be or not. She sighed a groaning sigh, and she let me know her annoyance with her every breath.

"I don't know how she found out, or who told her or her people, but I can't believe she would pull a dirty trick like that!"

I blinked. I had only seen her this irate when it seemed like the Warp was after me.

It probably still is.

Old Edo had calmed down, but I couldn't hear him saying anything... legible.

I swallowed, then asked, with a chuckle, "That bad, huh?"

Twilight shifted so she could face me, her belly pressing against mine. She looked me in the eyes, and said, "Do you remember the day we first met?"

I looked away, hand scratching at my chin as my mind scratched at the veil of memory. After a few minutes, I was indeed granted with a vision of the past.

Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria... four Princesses ruled well, and with grace. Every challenge of evil, every encroachment of darkness, every challenge to harmony and friendship had been overcome. The Sun ruled the day, and the Moon ruled at night. Song ruled the Crystal ponies to the north, and the One ruled as Princess of Friendship.

However, even as they reigned, new friends and old enemies loomed on the horizon. The spirit of Chaos, Discord, once a villain of Equestria, was keenly aware of the danger that would one day befall the land. So he used his draconequus powers to pluck unlikely souls out of the heavens and into the world Equestria was a part of.

One day, the pony about to become the Princess of Friendship found a man in the Ponyville fountain.

I shivered at the memory, the ghost sensation of cold water chilling my bones even next to a fire and with the Princess in my lap. The re-emergence of the memory certainly was... potent.

"You found me in a fountain," I recalled. I smelled the wood smoke, as earthy a scent as Ponyville that day.

Twilight stared, then pushed me into the seat with a hoof.

"Not that," she clarified. "When we met... her. Ricarda."

I sat back, Old Edo screaming in my ear. I rubbed my head, screaming at him back with all the profanities I knew. Anything to make him... it shut up.

It was this effort that made me fail to remember what it was that happened on that day, long ago. Thankfully, Twilight was there to reminisce.

"We had come as a sort of envoy to a war-torn land. The griffons of the continent to our east had always been a divided race, split up into kingdoms, republics, and empires. One day, however, a new face appeared in the court of one King Moriset Discret."

She made a face. An image of a smug, mustached king bird appeared in my mind.

"News was slow to reach us, so we had no idea that you weren't the only human in this world, so it was little more than a
... local curiosity that a human woman would be a guest of the Aquileian king."

I petted Twilight's belly slowly as she recounted the story.

"Soon, however, she schemed. There had been a long division in the country between those who supported the Crown, and the revolutionaries who wanted it gone. So she..."

Twilight yawned. Seems my ministrations were too effective. I smirked.

"She played both sides. Curried favors with the King and his heir. Contacted and cultivated revolutionary elements. When the time came..."

Twilight rolled her neck.

"It was a... relatively bloodless coup. Only the King and those who opposed Ricarda among the nobility and the revolution died. The poor griffon heiress... she knew she was a catspaw..."

I rolled my eyes at the pun.

"...But we were there, Edo. You and I stood in the throne room. The daughter of the king sat on the throne, but it was the woman at her side who was making all the decisions. You saw how she was looking at you."

A predator's eyes. Sizing me up for reasons... I would very much like to never know. It was the same eyes that... graced the portrait I saw of Ricarda, at the peak of her power. I made it a point, one which everyone around me agreed, to avoid Ricarda as much as possible.

But that scared woman... was that really Ricarda?

I needed to think. Gently, I set Twilight down on the floor, hooves first. I stretched and then groaned.

"I need to think," I said. "I'm not sure that was even Ricarda."

Twilight's ears twitched. She said, annoyed, "How do you mean?"

"The eyes."

"The eyes?"

I rubbed my chin.

"She... always had a... look in her eye. It wasn't there then. She looked more like a... a scared kid."

I rolled my neck and sighed, not really heeding how Twilight took my observation.

"Let's go for a walk."

That Twilight nodded to. Thus, we took leave of that empty room and walked the hallways of the palace. Halls decorated with gold leafing and fine paintings of distant worlds and ancient wonders.

Or we would have... if our trek wasn't immediately interrupted by something falling onto the marble floor from the ceiling with a loud clacking sound. It took a second for me to realize what it was that the small object was.

It was a hard candy, wrapped in white paper. Twilight and I looked up to see what it was that dropped the hard candy, and we froze.

Princess Pinkie Pie was on the high ceiling.

She spread pink wings and swung a pink horn from her head. Her ringmaster's black jacket and leggings hanged a little. She beamed a bright, almost manic grin.

Soundlessly, Pinkie dropped from the ceiling and gave the both of us a big tackling hug. We yelped. Pinkie giggled. Twilight gasped, "Pinkie! It's..." She reached around and pulled the Princess of Parties closer, away from me. I saw tears in my Princess's eyes.

"It's so good to see you!"

They talked about... something. I couldn't hear what. I was lost at that moment when my past revealed itself to me, there sitting on the ground.

"It'll be fine, Edo! It's easy to make friends in Ponyville!"

"I... I don't know... Twilight? Everything is still spinning..."

"Look, here comes Pinkie Pie! Hey, come say hello!"

A leap, a dramatic gasp, and a pink creature swiftly departing.

"Uh..."

It was the smell. Pinkie still smells of sugar and taffee. That was what triggered the memory. I grinned like an idiot. At least a few surprises were good in my life... even if there was something about that costume that gave me pause, especially what looked to be an armored, alien undersuit beneath. A detail that sent Old Edo screaming something about "the goddamn clowns again".

"Clowns?" I gasped aloud.

"Kinda!" chirped Pinkie. "On that note..."

She leaped off Twilight and onto her hind hooves. She looked around, at the empty hallway. That caused Twilight and I to do the same. Where are the guards?

Before I could imagine whatever it was that the Alicorn of Laughter could've done, the pony in question unceremoniously toppled over again, right on top of me. Of course. Her weight drove some breath from my lungs, even as I felt her breath on my right ear.

Softly, Princess Pinkie said, barely above a whisper,

"In the grand theatre of cosmic conflict, where shadows dance with the light,

the nefarious adversary, borne of eldritch nightmares and infernal whispers,

endeavored to execute a decollation gambit, a vile attempt to sever the heads from the noble body of the Imperium.

Alas, their stratagem crumbled into oblivion, a mere specter of failure in the face of indomitable spirit.

Now, as the pendulum swings towards the hour of reckoning, a tempest of malice gathers at the threshold of reality,

heralding an incursion of apocalyptic proportions upon the sanctified realms of our home,

where the clarion call of destiny resounds with an urgency that quivers the very stars."

A pause. I heard polite clapping, but could not immediately see anyone. The shadows of the hallways danced and weaved. My hand ached. I looked down beyond Pinkie only to see Pagtum, my sword, in my hand. How...?

I could only gasp as Twilight interrogated Pinkie with a single "What...?"

I looked around. I expected to see masked figures, colors... anything. I felt the weight depart from my chest, and I looked to see... nothing.

Pinkie was gone. Vanished into the very shadows which withdrew up the walls. I sat up, then stood. The sense of dread... an impending doom that hung overhead for the past few months... ever since I woke up, it seemed that I was ever stood at the gates of oblivion, waiting for doors of damnation to open wide.

It really wasn't just me. I winced, for the danger was all the more real in my thoughts and in the deepest spots of my heart. It was worse than thinking about mortality... at least death would offer an escape. This doom... death would be but the start of a never-ending nightmare. The hallway grew very cold, causing me to shiver. Even Old Edo seemed silenced.

Torturous moments stretched. How long had I stood there? Needles pricked the entirety of my skin. Daemons wrestled in my guts, squeezing at my lungs like chew toys. Oh, my skull! Like unto a pressing machine, trying to juice my brain for all the pain that it's worth!

Then... it faded. The tide went out. I could not truly say how long the moment had felt... seconds? Minutes? I collapsed and panted through my dry mouth. Pagtum's brilliant colors shone brightly in my hand, casting little lights on the marbled floor.

Light... I closed my eyes. I saw the golden light all around me. An echo of the life around me. An echo... of power. I breathed in, feeling the life pool through my limbs. As I stared into the light behind my eyelids... I... started to see shapes in the ocean of gold. Faces...?

I was shaken from my impromptu meditation by my Princess, who enveloped me in another hug. I held Twilight, and we proceeded down the hallway in silence.

My Throne Room. Mine. It was transcendentally majestic. Marble pillars stood everywhere, inlaid with gold patterning, and draped in exotic fabrics. The same spheres above shone many lights on the room, miniature suns that carried little marbles on gold wiring. Miniature models of the systems that belonged to the Hassian Domain. To me. To the Imperium. Above them were roof windows... or lights that perfectly replicated the sun that shone on Hassia Prime.

The throne itself... was spectacular. Clearly, I spared no expense on this symbol of power to be both impressive and comfy. Old Edo preened with a hum. My Princesses were here, on the throne with me. My left-hand dragons, Spike and Polarscale, flanked the throne. All the others had to look up towards me.

The noblemen and women of House Hassia. Guards lined the room. The soldiers of three dynasties. The Rogue Traders Cota and Ricarda, which were still royal guests. Even Captain Shem of the Word Bearers stood in my throne room. Here to speak with me, no doubt.

"Court is now in session. Brief me," I announced in my most authoritative voice.

The first one in line, a woman with lines of age and battle crossing her face, dressed in military parade reds, stepped forward.

"Grandfather," she stated. I blinked. This was Veiss von Hassia, Governor and Militant of Hassia Prime. Veiss's silvery hair was cut military short. Her time in the wars hardened her icy blue eyes, a spitting likeness of Silver Sword, who looked down at Veiss with a soft smile. This caused me to lighten my features as well, even if questions of... logistics entered my mind. Veiss spoke, her voice laced with the smoke of a thousand battlefields.

"The Hassian Realm remains secure. We have performed sweeps of realspace and the immaterium. All reports are clear. We're still sweeping the Hives..." she trailed off at my disbelief. I rubbed my head.

"How..." I thought over the question in my head. I asked, "How is our war readiness?"

Spike handed me a tablet, on which was displayed facts and figures that took a minute of staring to figure out. While I did so, Veiss continued.

"While an exact head-count of our forces and the extent of our material is... time-consuming to determine, our readiness to wage planetary and void campaigns is extremely high, grandfather."

Dozens of elite Mercator Guard Regiments, a hundred worlds with a hundred Planetary Defense Forces, an overstrength Knight House, and even a few House Hassia Mechanicus Fabricator Fleets. Not to mention a thousand Warbands from the various cultures of the Realm, from whom I can call on warriors, zealots, soldiers of fortune, adventurers, and even pirates... my eyes widened at my naval assets as well. The Imperial Navy's presence was significant, with Battlefleet Skeinan maintaining a sizable force here, along with spaceports and dockyards. My Privateer Armada was nothing to scoff at, either, even if some of the names were... strange. Who calls themselves "Kaptin Dakkabeard"?

It is not enough, Old Edo growled in my head. Will it ever be enough? I wondered back, but I assented.

I can always have more. I handed back the tablet to my Seneschal and said to Veiss, "It is... a good start. Begin escalating our preparations, Veiss."

Veiss twitched. "Lord?" She squeaked.

I gripped the arms of my chair. "We must assume that an attack is imminent. Run all necessary precautions. Run warp-storm drills. Prepare wargames. Do whatever is necessary to prepare an all-out war."

My voice had grown harsh. I saw Cota and Ricarda. Their eyes are as hard as mine.

They knew. Maybe they had been attacked, too.

"Lord Captains Ricarda and Cota, I thank you for joining me here. I would ask that we combine our strength for the bitter fight ahead."

Cota beamed, and thumped his chest. He announced, "It would be my honor, brother. The Airborne Regiments of my Genome Army stands ready to deliver death from above."

A familiar glint shone in the eyes of Ricarda. Her uncertain voice was gone, and an all-too-familiar honeyed voice said,

"My Dynastic Legion would be proud to join this budding crusade."

A Crusade?

...Yes. That's what it was becoming, wasn't it? A crusade to kill the false gods. Ideally, I'd get the entire Imperium to join. Even the Emperor's own should join in.

My eyes then met the visored helm of Captain Shem. He tilted his head, his arms unfolding.

It was then that the doors opened again, admitting entrance to more giants. Magnus the Red had arrived, along with a conga line of Astartes... not all of them from his Thousand Sons. Some pale-blue marines carried large axes. I could even see a few Word Bearer Survivors. Most striking, of course, were the Astartes psykers that walked by Magnus's side, looking every bit the walking red refrigerator wizards.

I licked my lips, and announced "All are dismissed."

The crowd of nobles and soldiers exited in shuffling form, my announcements ringing in their ears. They were quiet, though, seemingly opting to voice their thoughts to each other out of earshot... and away from the giant men who can read minds.

Magnus and I met with our eyes as he and his entourage walked up to my throne, past the noble throng.

"Uncle!" The Primarch called out. "Before we talk about what's happening, I'd... like to talk about that arrangement again."

Arrangement? ...What arrangement? A quick glance at my Princesses didn't tell me anything. I rubbed my eyes as the congregation marched closer.

"Y'know..." I said with a sigh, meeting Magnus and his singular eye again. "My memory isn't what it used to be. Could you remind me?"

Magnus nodded, scratching his giant red chin with his giant red hand. They all finally came to a still, the clap of the ceramite boots finally ceasing their drumbeat through the room.

"We... we have too many space marines," admitted Magnus sheepily while rubbing his hands. He avoided my gaze, even for a moment.

I blinked. "What?" I dumbly asked, shifting in my seat.

"The Imperium... has too many space marines," Magnus reiterated, as if simple repetition would suddenly illuminate the point. He locked eye with me again. "Way too many. The Legions swell with fresh recruits, and many Space Marines now find themselves... idling, even on the frontiers. They're aching for a fight, Edo. Many have taken Guilliman's suggestion into action, and are splintering off into Chapters, often going beyond even the reach of the Astronomicon.

All that's left is... well, to ask you to host some Astartes within the Hassian Realm. I've already talked with—"

Don't you dare! Old Edo screamed. We can't trust them!

What? Why? Are they not effective warriors of the Imperium? Are they not... loyal?

Old Edo screamed some more in my ears, but I could not hear. More talk about demons. Damnation. Fully half of them were lost. Lost before I intervened. Images flashed across my eyes. Faces, first noble, then twisted into laughing monsters. My skull was afire. I took a deep breath, and the sensation subsided.

We need every gun, do we? I questioned Old Edo. Then we really do mean every gun.

I focused enough to raise a hand and say, "Let's do it," cutting off Magnus.

He blinked. I waved my hand in a gesture, adding, "Introduce us, dear nephew."

"I..." Magnus stammered, before regaining his composure. He reached behind and gestured forward a Marine, one of the silvery-blue ones with the axes. And wolf motifs on their armor.

Space... Wolves? I really need to reacquaint myself better with the galaxy I find myself in. While I was quietly bemoaning my relative ignorance, the head of these wolfish warriors took off his helmet, showing off his healthy head and chin of red hair. He flashed his white fanged teeth in a maniac grin. Bright blue eyes bored down on me. Loudly, and with an impossible growl in his voice, the warrior greeted me, saying,

"Fenrys hjolda, mighty Jarl. I am Ulfar Redmane of the Vlka Fenryka."