Celestia Invents the One Dollar Bill

by I Vicious I

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1123

Celestia has invented the dollar to make it easier for ponies to lug money around Equestria. However, she did not take Lunas feelings into account when only placing her own face on the bill. Sisterly Squabbles ensue.

Celestia has invented the dollar, equal to 100 bits, to make it easier for ponies to lug money around Equestria. However, she did not take Lunas feelings into account when only placing her own face on the bill. Sisterly Squabbles ensue as Luna is not happy with the arrangement.

Published 2024-01-08 06:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-01-08 06:40:00 UTC

Collecting Fives

For too long, a prevailing grievance echoed through Equestria, where ponies found themselves burdened with an excess of bits whenever they ventured to the market. This predicament was exacerbated by the absence of pockets in the majority of pony apparel. The common solution was the use of pouches slung over the neck, secured by string or cloth, to carry coins. Nevertheless, the discomfort of pounds of metal weighing down a pony's neck persisted, especially when dealing with substantial purchases, and promised a lingering soreness the following day.

Responding to the chorus of discontent, Celestia resolved to take decisive action. She envisioned introducing the inaugural Equestrian paper currency, a revolutionary shift from the metallic norm. Each note, equivalent to one hundred bits, would usher in the era of the Equestrian dollar bill, alleviating the physical strain and modernizing the realm's financial landscape.

The air in the mint was heavy with the metallic tang of freshly minted coins. Celestia stood in awe, surrounded by the rhythmic clinks and clanks of the machinery that brought currency to life. The cool breeze of the air conditioning whispered against her fur as she approached the minting press where the first-ever printed dollar bill lay waiting.

As she drew closer, the sight captivated her. The vibrant green hues of the ink, the intricate details of the engraved design, and the crispness of the paper all combined to create a visual masterpiece. She marveled at the precision with which each line and curve had been imprinted onto the currency.

Her regal face adorned the front of the bill; a symbol of authority and grace. Meanwhile, on the reverse side, the radiant sun, a emblem associated with Celestia herself. This intentional design not only paid homage to the ruler but also imbued the Equestrian currency with a touch of Equestrian symbolism, echoing the harmonious connection between the monarchy and the sun's benevolent influence.

The door slammed open, and Luna, wearing a decidedly displeased expression, marched purposefully toward Celestia. The resonant echoes of her hooves reverberated through the room, each step sent vibrations through the floor that shook the printing machines in tandem. The audible symphony of Luna's approach underscored the gravity of her mood, amplifying the tension in the air as she closed the distance to her sister.

"Tia, how hast thou adorned the dollar bill with thine own face, neglecting mine sentiments entirely? Mayhap I, too, did covet a place upon said dollar," Luna declared with a touch of vexation, her words resonating with a slightly archaic charm. The air bore witness to her eloquence, blending annoyance with a subtle longing for acknowledgment.

"Celestia scoffed, 'Of course, I had plans to immortalize you on currency – specifically, the esteemed five dollar bill.'"

Luna groaned, "Oh, so I am to grace the bill that nopony shall deign to employ, whilst thou dost claim a spot on the more ubiquitous denomination that everypony shall wield," she muttered, a tinge of irritation coloring her words. "An arrangement, then: thou shalt occupy the five, and I shall take my place upon the one, considering thy posterior is five times grander than it ought to be," she added with a mischievous smirk.

Celestia blushed. "Alright, Luna, you can grace the two-dollar bill – your face on the front, and perhaps a cheeky view of your petite posterior on the back. Apparently, the five is deemed too vast to accommodate your dainty derriere,' she teased, playfully sticking her tongue out at Luna, goading her on."

Luna took a deep breath and spoke, "Very well, fair sister. I propose a compromise: let the Equestrian seal grace the front of the note, symbolizing our united rule, while on the back, we shall feature the symbols of the sun and moon." Convinced that she had crafted a reasonable resolution, Luna awaited Celestia's response with a sense of diplomatic satisfaction.

Celestia stared blankly for a moment before shaking her head. 'I beg to differ. As the mastermind behind this brilliant idea, the prerogative of determining the faces gracing our currency should naturally be mine,' she asserted smugly.

"Well, thou were the architect of the three-cent bit," Luna reminded her with a growing sense of confidence. "Considering that choice, I daresay thou should abstain from making any further decisions pertaining to our currency," she declared, emphasizing her point with a firm resolve.

Celestia exclaimed with fervor and raised her hoof, "One mistake! Just one! And yet, I'm still hearing about it a thousand years later!"

"How canst thou claim a position as a teacher in a school for gifted unicorns when thou struggles to discern which numbers divide into a mere hundred?" Luna mocked, her laughter ringing with a hint of maniacal glee. Celestia, annoyed by Luna's taunts, pursed her lips in irritation. "This is a perfect resolution, fair sister," Luna declared triumphantly. "Thou shalt grace the esteemed three-dollar bill, while I, in my benevolence, shall adorn the one and two. Surely, even thou canst fathom that such a combination adds up to three!" she proclaimed, continuing to laugh as Celestia's anger grew more pronounced.

"ENOUGH!" Shouted Celestia.

Luna couldn't contain her laughter, and covered her mouth with both hooves, though her mirth was evident. As Celestia's usually alabaster coat began to take on a faint pink hue, Celestia puffed her cheeks up in anger.

"Oh, very well, Tia," Luna said with a mischievous grin. "Let my countenance grace the revered one hundred dollar bill, and thine visage may adorn the more modest one and two dollar bills. A compromise, don't thou think?" she proposed, still grinning as she awaited Celestia's response.

This seemed to further enrage Celestia. 'So you think you're worth 100 of me?' she retorted. "Perhaps we should immortalize you on the zero dollar bill, considering the moon's shape," she retaliated, a sly smirk playing on her lips. "Or better yet, we could feature your rear end on the back of the zero dollar bill too. It seems fitting given the size," she added, prompting Luna to shoot her sister a piercing gaze, met in turn by an equally intense stare from Celestia."

After a moment of exchanging angry looks, Celestia finally spoke, "Okay, I believe I have a solution that will benefit us both."

The bills were introduced into circulation. The one-dollar bill showcased Celestia's regal face on the front and the sun on the back. The two-dollar bill featured Luna's serene face on the front and the moon on the back. However, the five-dollar bill boldly displayed both sisters' faces on the front and, humorously, their derrieres on the back.

Regrettably, the one and two-dollar bills were swiftly withdrawn from circulation as nopony seemed inclined to use them for some reason.