Know Thy Colt

by overlord-flinx

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 1264

Know Your Mare goes against the most powerful foe: OCs and bronies.

Another 'Know Your Star' parody. Same formula as 'Know Your Mare', only this time the new cast will be fighting against Original Characters, lesser known cannons, and alike.

Entire chapters are given to single OCs, unless organized otherwise. Submitting is done by PM.

Laugh, cry, be confused all over again in this new and much more strange spin-off of Know Your Mare!

((Cover art is pending. If you can make me a better one… Do it.))

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-07 02:54:17 UTC

You come to me... with an offer...

Know Your Mare is a complicated production...

...I have to keep the magic levels negated; I have to clean out the trap doors; I need to lube the pumps and pistons for the traps; I have to pay off some of the Royal Guards and town watchers...

...A lot goes into the production of any episode...

...So I ask you this...

Why do you come before me...

...And ask for your own show!?

Why...

...Lovely question...

Why do anything?

Why does Discord help...?

For the chaos of course...

Why does Queen Chrysalis -a being who indeed has everything she could possibly desire- help...?

For the chance of leaching off of love would be the prime of it...

And what about young, innocent Pipsqueak...?

Because he had something to gain academicals...

And now you ask why I want this...?

My answer may not be the one you want...

But it's a simple answer...

...Why not...?

...You're hired...

'Know Your Mare' productions. A moderately known of entertainment studio in Equestria; a name that stretches to even further lands in some cases. The Know Your Mare studio has been in Ponyville, Haywaii, and Las Pegasus most recently. How are they able to keep moving their center so much? "Bits talk" some say. Which is how their newest studio found its way to the sand ridden province of Saddle Arabia. A location that the creator of the show intended on using in the first place, but wouldn't risk it for the expense of shipping interviewees out that far.

However... This show was going to be different... With this special sort of location, special sort of stage; the only thing suitable for it all would be a special sort of target. Which, after sifting through many of the original hosts' papers, the newest host found just those 'special sort of targets'.

This new stage was much similar to that of 'Know Your Mare's', however it was clearly more scrapped together with broken parts and chard fabrics. For a new start, it was to be expected that they wouldn't be given top of the line equipment; much less staging. That couldn't be helped... for now. Perhaps most saddening of all was the exclusion of any sort of traps or anything of that nature. But, dues had to be made... He understood that.

Nonetheless, he was given proper spotlights and a level stage, that was all that he truly needed. Along with the special touch he had commissioned onto the center stage...

I fail to see the reasoning behind this...

...I can understand changing the last word...

...But this seems a bit overly pompous...

Pompous feeds well into what I need done...

...My first goal is to further myself as much as I can from that other show of yours...

The name still sounds...

...uptight...

We will indeed see the results in due time...

Across the face of the plate in the center of the stage were three large, red letters done swiftly and without much care. "KTC". It was... a step... in the right direction to say the least. But compromise would have to happen before any sort of work could get done.

And if anything... 'Know Your Mare' was a work of honest, polite, and compromising business. Not one soul could hope to deny that... Within a court of law.

Like Discord before you...

...I hope it goes without my telling that I will be looking for partners for you on the show...

And yet you tell me anyway...?

I assure you that I am anxiously waiting for my partners...

...It should be...

...Delightful...

Twenty-five. Twenty-five names, bios, lists, everything that made a being a being; stacked up on an old desk within the first twenty-four hours... A lesser being would've been driven to madness; being forced to jump out of a window into the cold night, expecting to hit the ground but instead being scooped up by a passing sky serpent looking for his story that never ends. But he was not a lesser being... He was a greater being... That's the opposite of lesser... Look it up; it's an algebra term, I swear.

I will be perfectly clear with you...

...I do not believe you ready for this task...

...These are the most twisted and perverse creatures that have crossed this plane of existence...

...Some you will be able to reason with, these will be the minority...

...The rest will fight you on everything because they believe that they are above you, the law, and everything else...

...Those are the majority...

Even Discord refused to do such creatures...

...So I ask you once last time...

...Are you sure you want to do this...?

...Why not...?

The Pooka (Mr. Grimm)

Know thy colt, know thy colt, know thy colt...

A smaller pony of a black coat and a mangled mane was on the stage as the voice echoed, a sickly yellow toothed smile formed across his face.

...

"Ar'n't ya' 'sposed to be flappin' yar' lips over some tale ya' spun of me?"

Normally I would...

...But your hideous face took me off guard for a moment...

"Aye?! The lasses love me' face."

Really...?

...No accounting for taste it seems...

"Watch that young of yer's, lad."

The Pooka...

...Pooka...?

...Am I supposed to take you seriously...?

"'M I 'sposed to take a filly who won't show 'im self seriously?"

Touché...

...It it's own ill breed way...

The Pooka...

...is impotent...

"Ya' daft, boy!? I'm as---"

The Pooka...

"I be talkin' to ya', rock-brain!"

...chases ninjas...

"Yer' one more crack from bein' zapped to ma' forest, lad..."

I will stop there then...

"Wai--"

Now you know...

The Pooka...

The Pooka instead of making full on his intentions moved off from the stage, mentally plotting out his moves against that voice.

Fox Trot (Overlord-Flinx)

Know Thy Colt, Know Thy Colt, Know Thy Colt...

The crimson red mare perked a brow at the title she had echoed around her. "Know Thy Colt...? So many things wrong with this already... One, I'm not a boy. Two, 'thy'? Are you far too superior for the word 'your'?"

Fox Trot...

"Bravo, you can ignore me. Really, bravo. Award to you."

...has no cutie mark...

"I do! I just like wearing my dress over it."

Then show us...

"Look... I know you want a look at my hot flank, but you just can't see it... On this channel that is."

Know Thy Colt Guest Rule Number 3: 'No whoring out your own products or shows'...

"You have rules? This show was only made -like- two days ago."

I created a book of them days before I pitched the show...

Fox Trot...

...has never won an award...

"I WAS NOMINATED FOR A PONY AWARD!"

Key word: Nominated...

"I won dozens of TV awards!"

Yes...

...Best supporting lead...

"I NEVER PLAY SECOND--"

Fox Trot...

...her real name is Second Banana...

"W-w-w-w-w-w-what!? How DARE you!?"

Fox Trot...

...was once hit with a bowl of cheese...

"...No... No I wasn't..." Just at that moment, a bowl of cheese was tossed off from the darkness and klunked Fox Trot in her head.

Fox Trot...

...was once hit with a bowl of cheese...

"Yeah, NOW..."

Now you know...

Fox Trot...

"Only one of those things you said were true... And you MADE it true you ignorant philistine!" Fox Trot huffed as she tossed her red mane to the side and strutted off the stage with her head held high... the bump left there still fresh.