Bad Harvest

by necronomicon

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Crossover, JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, Applejack
Length: 3044

An earth pony called Crazy Diamond and his friend Billion Rainbows the unicorn try to stop Mikitaka the "changeling" from setting loose a minor calamity on the local apple orchard.

In the wake of Shigechi's passing, Crazy Diamond and Billion Rainbows aren't sure what to do. Luckily, Mikitaka (whose changeling form neither of them have ever actually seen) has a plan. It involves a safe, a harvest of apples, and a harvest of a far more obnoxious ilk.

Published 2024-01-15 02:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-01-15 02:20:00 UTC

I'll Fly Away

It was a beautiful day in Ponyville. Shigechi was dead.

The sun shone around the corner of the umbrella shading Crazy Diamond's table straight into his eyes. (He hadn't slept a lot last night. It was giving him a headache.) He thought the weather ponies ought to lay off for a while. It had poured for days after Aqua Necklace attacked, all those clouds he'd flew in blotting out the sky- but Diamond had longed for the sun back then. Right now, the sun just seemed annoying.

Like how Shigechi had been annoying.

Diamond sighed and jabbed his banana sundae with a spoon.

Across the table, Billion Rainbows was aggressively licking the choco-strawberry cone as though nothing was wrong. It glowed blue with his magic, blurring when he jerked it through the air to follow the path of his head.

Diamond had thought it would take him longer to get over it after he'd stormed off yesterday, but he seemed to be at least pretending he was fine. Maybe he'd just stopped thinking about it.

Diamond figured he might follow in those hoofsteps. He slid his sundae across the table. Billion dug into it like a rabid timberwolf.

"Salutations, frowning ones," came a voice as the sound of wingbeats got closer. Crazy Diamond leaned out from under the umbrella to squint up.

"Hey, Mikitaka."

"You must call me Flying Object in public," he said solemnly, touching down, "it's my alias."

"Riiiight."

"Worst alias ever," Billion sprayed.

A little banana mush flecked Mikitaka's nose. It blended in to his light cream-colored snout. He sneezed.

Diamond thought they oughta give Mikitaka a little more credit for his 'alias'. It matched his cutie mark, which was a UFO. He'd just... took out the 'unidentified' part. Okay, maybe it wasn't that good.

"I thought I should tell the two of you," he said, "I found a small, iron box in the woods. I thought it was suspicious, something a depraved pony might use to torture a diminutive creature, or perhaps many."

He glanced back and forth, scooted forward one step, and transformed.

His body split down the middle. Where his organs should be, Diamond and Billion saw a pulsating wall of blue-green goo. The goo split into strips, and with a series of quiet squelches, the strips overtook his sandy coat and flipped the two halves of him inside out before they contracted and solidified into the form of a moderately sized, rusty safe.

Miraculously, nopony saw. Someone across the street was haggling for carrots.

Crazy Diamond was beginning to seriously doubt he was actually a changeling. His 'deformity in the cocoon stage' excuse did sound pretty legit, though. Butttt- maybe 'not an evil changeling' was actually better...?

"That's the thing Shigechi put the Harvest in!" Billion blurted, swallowing his bite. He jabbed his (Diamond's) sundae spoon through the air. "You didn't mess with it, did you?"

"Oh, boy," Diamond said, "I forgot about the rest of Harvest. What are we supposed do with those now that Shigechi's gone-?"

"Fear not!" Mikitaka transformed back into his usual self. "I have plans for my insectoid brethren. I will assuage their grief for their master, Shigekiyo the dragon."

"What? What does that mean?!" Billion barked, slamming his hooves on the table.

"Mikitaka-"

"Flying Object," he corrected, and then swiveled his head around to look behind him. "Ah! I must run! The counter-spy is on my tail again. I will see you once I have freed my brethren."

He took off. On the other side of the street, a pony with a blue and pink mane glanced idly at him and returned to her carrots.

"WAIT-!" "Hey, you can't-"

Billion and Diamond scrambled out of their seats just in time to watch Mikitaka's long, ribbony tail flip over the roof of Sugarcube Corner.

"Great. Just great," Crazy Diamond grit out.

-

It was a beautiful day in Ponyville. Star Platinum gazed on in apparent disinterest as Carrot Top hooked the last chain to the yoke around his neck, his hat shading his eyes from the sun.

"Thanks a lot for helping out," she said nervously.

She knew he had a habit of shouting at mares he found annoying. She didn't like shouting- and she didn't want him to think she was annoying. (He was super hot, after all.)

"The stallion who usually does it is out of town this week, and the Apples are all busy..."

"I know," he grunted. His hoof slid in the mud as he hauled forward the plow.

Little did Carrot Top know, she was not alone in her appreciation of Star's muscles. Some 40 feet away, resting on a hilltop with his sketchbook floating in front of him, drawing at speeds that could break the sound barrier, was Heavens Door.

He had no intention of helping, as he was but a slight pony and Carrot Top had recently purchased an especially big plow, since she was expanding her fields. Star Platinum was about 5 inches taller and wider than Big Macintosh over yonder, and was ostensibly the only one who could pull it by himself. Heavens Door thought it an ample opportunity to study equine anatomy. (It was of genuine urgency to him to ensure his skills did not atrophy.) Besides, he had recently come upon some new story material to incorporate into his comic book, Pink Dark Pony, and one of the characters just happened to resemble Star.

Down in the field, Star and the plow suddenly jerked to a halt. He gave one last heave with his chest, chains pulling taught with a clink and a groan. He decided not to test it, and wriggled out of the slightly too tight yoke to see what size rock he had to kick out of the way.

It wasn't a rock, it turned out. He asked Carrot Top for permission to dig a large hole in her field. No carrots were going to grow in this spot if he didn't remove it.

"There's a unicorn I know over there who can help put the dirt back for you," he told her.

Heavens Door sighed and withdrew a stick of charcoal from his saddle bag so he could color his sketch of Star jet black and white, true to life. The jig was up.

A shadow passed overhead. Heavens Door glanced upward. One of the children involved in the search for Killer was flying in the direction of the Everfree forest.

It wasn't Echoes, so he didn't care. He gave Star a speech bubble and made him say: 'I owe you a favor.'

-

All Crazy Diamond could hear was his and Billion's thundering hoofsteps as they galloped on the path toward Sweet Apple Acres, and, past that, the entrance to the Everfree forest.

"You- don't think- he's gonna-"

"HEY! STOP! THERE HE IS! MIKITAKA!"

They swiveled around to continue watching as Mikitaka sped straight over them, safe clutched safely in his hooves.

"Why is he going TOWARDS town?!" Billion whinnyed, rearing in fury.

"That idiot," Diamond spat, and in unison, they bolted back the way they came.

-

It was a beautiful day in ponyville, and the Apple family was applebucking. Big Macintosh and Applejack, more precisely, their granny taking a needed rest and their little sister busy at school. They didn't notice when Mikitaka touched down on a hill behind them, in the shade of a Red Delicious tree, carrying a heavy metal box that landed just after him with a thud.

They did notice the two ponies galloping straight toward them showing no signs of stopping, however. Billion Rainbows didn't see the bucket of apples or hear their warning shouts and knocked it right over, much to Applejack's rage and dismay. Crazy Diamond did see it, and shouted 'sorry' over his shoulder after he squashed an apple or two.

"Mikitaka!" Diamond barked as they skidded to a stop in front of him. "What are you doing, bro?!"

It was at that moment Mikitaka found the last digit in the combination to the safe. It clicked satisfyingly.

He smiled at his two friends.

"Setting free these poor small creatures. They no longer have a caretaker to rely on. They will be so much happier in the open sky than locked in this tiny box."

"But dude, you can't open that h-"

The safe door swung open.

In a swift gust like a typhoon, more parasprites than it seemed could have physically been contained inside blasted out in a single hellish column.

Diamond and Billion's tails whipped in the harsh wind they created and made small welts on their flanks. A hair was ripped out of Diamond's pompadour and came to a rest between his bulging eyes.

"NO!!" Billion shrieked as he watched clouds of them saw through a cluster of apple trees. "D, what the hay do we do?!"

"I don't know! Shigechi said the book told him how to get them under control-"

"Parasprites!?" Applejack yelped. "Whoa nelly, these ones sure are viole- oh NO! MAC! TOWN! THE APPLES!!"

"What could be the matter?" Mikitaka said mildly.

"YOU!" Billion growled, whirling around. "You IDIOT! If you'd just opened the safe in the damn forest-"

"I thought they would prefer the pleasant scenery."

"Well obviously they do!! They're EATIN' all of it!"

And so they were. The apples, the grass, the leaves- even some bark.

With an incensed roar, Billion took off down the hill. His golden horn sparked blue. Diamond's eyes widened.

"Dude, wait-!"

He reared back to fire a magical laser at the closest swarm of parasprites. DYOOM.

About 10 or so were completely and utterly erased from existence... along with most of the trunk of an old, old apple tree.

"I don't care if you're Shigechi's friends!!" DYOOM. "He's DEAD!" DYOOM. "He doesn't care if I kill you ALL!" DYOOM, DYOOM, DYOOM.

A flash of light here and a flash of light here- Billion teleported around the parasprite storm, blasting with wild abandon. It failed to curb the swarm whatsoever: they puked up thirty new ones for every 20 he destroyed.

He didn't notice he'd put a hole in the barn, the fence, and the chicken coop until Crazy Diamond got him in a forehoof headlock from behind and dragged him down to earth. Literally.

It was at this point that Star Platinum, Heavens Door, Carrot Top, Applejack, and Big Macintosh arrived on the scene, over the hill with the sunset behind them.

Star was hauling, with the assistance of Macintosh, an extremely dirty piano. He was excavating it while Mikitaka was searching for the safe, and, upon spotting the danger, had started digging faster. By chance, he intercepted Applejack on his way to the farm and made a fast decision. They were all well armed: Carrot Top had a washboard and her own two hooves, Applejack had a harmonica, Big Mac had his melodious voice, and Heavens Door had a banjo (he was skilled in a large number of areas).

"You two," he shouted, "Get up. I need you."

Diamond let go of Billion, who tore himself out of his hooves and shook himself off, a bead of sweat rolling down his snout as he surveyed the damage he'd done-and the ongoing damage. Applejack, harmonica in her mouth, was stone-faced.

With a well placed shoulder check, Diamond convinced him to join the others.

Star didn't let them get a word in edgewise, not over the droning buzz of thousands of little rubbery wings and teeth.

"You." He pointed a hoof at Billion. "Fix this piano." (They were confused as to the relevance of the instruments- but they dared not voice it.) "Can you carry me and it into the Everfree?"

"Maybe if Doorface helps me," he mumbled. "I'm tired."

Heavens Door sneered. "How, pray tell, do you expect me to play an instrument and move two tons at the same time?"

"Worry not," came a voice from above. "I will assist."

Mikitaka touched down, and, wasting no time, transformed squelchily into a flat wooden cart large enough for a grand piano and an oversized pony- the necessary chains attached.

As Applejack, Mac and Star combined their efforts to lift the piano onto Mikitaka, Billion Rainbows prepared to cast his 'restoration spell'.

He screwed his eyes shut and tried to focus on his horn so it would work faster. It crackled with blue and purple sparks, until they finally turned pink- and died out.

"Shit!" His voice cracked. "Why isn't it working?!"

Crazy Diamond- who, until this point, had been feeling quite peeved with everything and everyone around him, especially his single imperfect strand of hair- felt a stab in his chest. He was beginning to notice that his crisis reaction speed was slow.

He edged closer to Billion's side. Billion looked at him.

Diamond put a hoof around him. "You can do it. I got you."

He wanted to think of something better, something motivational- but he didn't know what else there was to say.

Billion exhaled through his nose and shut his eyes again. There was a spark- his horn glowed pink, and then so did the piano.

They all watched in amazement- especially Billion- as years of age quietly left it. Dirt cleared, rust cleared, cracks sealed, splinters returned to their places, jagged edges smoothed, yellow became white, grey became shiny black. There were little twangs and single clear notes as strings snapped back into place, and they waited 10 seconds for a black key to come flying from the carrot field to slot into it's rightful place between F# and A#.

Star Platinum planted his large posterior in front of it. ("Oof", said Mikitaka).

"'I'll fly away'," Star deadpanned, and played the first note on the out-of-tune piano.

Gradually, as the rest of the band joined in, the flurry activity among the trees ebbed and faded away.

The Parasprites hovered in place as they watched the ponies play. When they turned and walked slowly in the direction of the Everfree, Big Mac pulling five times his own weight but pushing through for the sake of his family's livelihood, and, at the same time, singing through his teeth "When I die, hallelujah by and by," the parasprites followed, at a solemn bobbing pace, their buggy eyes closed.

As the last one sagged over the hill, Diamond remembered all the good times first- parasprites dropping gem after gem after gem in front of Shigechi until all three of them were drooling, parasprites biting chunks out of Billion's legs, parasprites sitting on Shigechi's shoulders as they stood in front of the bank. Then, he remembered the one that had brought him Killer Queen's suit jacket button.

He hoped it was with Shigechi, wherever he was.

"What am I gonna do, D," Billion said, teeth chattering. Diamond snapped out of it. "Applejack's gonna kill me, or work me dead, or both."

"Chill. I'll help," he offered.

Billion snorted. "'Course you will."

Deep in his heart, Billion Rainbows knew the restoration spell wasn't his own. He couldn't do it when D wasn't around, and even when he was, it was tough going. Plus, he'd seen him glue together a broken vase and turn around to show him one as pristine as the day it was glass blown. Crazy Diamond had a special kind of mysterious magic, like the kind his father Plum Twinkled told about in his stories ('They used to call me Twinkle Star,' he creaked), and Billion figured it just sometimes leaked into him 'cause Diamond had such a big fat heart it could barely fit in his burly chest.

Trillion used to tell him- Trillion used to tell him a lot of things. But he was sure, if he asked, Trillion would tell him a friendship like this wasn't long for the world. He was leeching off Diamond's heart just like he'd leeched off his brother's brain.

It didn't make him feel... good to think about.

Most things didn't.

They waited long enough, and the rescue team ambled back over the hill, sans parasprites and sans piano. Mikitaka was quadrupedal again.

Applejack opened her mouth to speak, brow furrowed- but Mikitaka fluttered down in front of her before she could chew them out.

"I would like to apologize."

Billion and Diamond stared at him. He cast his gaze down at his hooves, wings drooping.

"I did not deeply consider my action before taking it. I was only... the two of you seemed so sad. And Shigechi was not my friend, but you knew him, and I knew him, and you are my friends. It is sad to see him gone. And it is even sadder to see you sad that he is gone. So I thought if there was anything I could do to make you feel better, I would do it. And I did. And it failed. And so I am truly sorry.

To everyone." He turned his head to Applejack and bowed it low. "You may punish me as you wish."

"Well thank Celestia you told me that! I was about to let you off scott free." She narrowed her eyes. "That was a lie just now, by the way."

"We ponies are funny, aren't we?" He stared blank faced at Diamond and Billion.

They were shocked enough to snort.

Applejack doffed her hat. "You're gonna be workin' this farm 'till every one of those buildings is good and repaired. Now hop to it! Harvest season's ruined enough already!"

"Uh," said Billion, "We'll help!" He elbowed Diamond. "Right? Them holes were my fault, anyway..."

Diamond reached out and drew Mikitaka toward them, until he was included in their loose half-hug.

"'Course we will. And buddy?"

"Yes?"

"You did make me feel better. When you said that."

"I did?"

"Yeah. So don't feel too bad, 'kay?"

Watching them walk together toward an upturned Bucket of apples- Applejack figured she might go easy on 'em after all.

Author's Note

me experimenting with jojo pony. i just wanted to put two of my favorite shows together because i adore them so much. not sure if i'll get anything out of sharing this but if youre a jojo fan i hope you enjoyed. thank you <3