Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I discovered that a disaster can result from the combination of what we expect to happen and the inability to talk to those we assume are villains. Such is my inadequate ability to express just how we got here after two humans arrived, one who lacks the intellect or foresight to realize committing heinous crimes on the element of kindness while being under investigation might be a bad idea. I am sorry I should not have brought up that previous case to you. Yet it is probably that one in mind that led to a series of actions that we must address. You had warned me to be careful not to harshly judge humanity based on him, yet I find the events that have come about are at least partially the result of me not being entirely without bias towards his species. Had I foreseen this I might have removed myself and the other elements of harmony from interacting with him entirely, however as it is we may have caused an incident with this new human that is for the most part our fault.
I am a bit embarrassed to admit our first encounter resulted in such physical altercations as to require medical attention, luckily no permanent injury occurred. However, I will be remiss if I do not fully accept the charges in which I committed or at the very least was an accessory.
Two weeks ago, outside Fluttershy's cottage in which the incident took place, a new human was discovered by Fluttershy after he appeared somewhere near the edges of the Everfree forest. She had not long been recovering from her nerving incident in which the other human had taken advantage of her kindness and had become excessively nervous at the new creature approaching her and after he touched her cutie mark, seemingly not knowing any significance to the act “According to his testimony at least, I cannot attest as of yet as to his intent or rather his intent should be taken into account when deciding whether the incident should be taken as a form of sexual assault or harassment.”
Fluttershy then overreacted or perhaps in her defense began trying to instigate a stare at him. To my surprise, the geas seemed to not affect him. He seemed more curious as to why she was intensely looking at him and became confused running his hand over her head as his words put it “Petting her” Again I am not sure if this was an intended human custom to engage her in romance or what but Rainbowdash observed the human who in her words “couldn’t take a hint”.
At this point she engaged the human in confrontation and while he like our previous experience lacked the necessary physical strength and speed to be a proper challenge to a pegasus I must admire his bravery, as he quite adequately defended himself using a knife he had on his person, he might of actually had a chance to injure another pegasus but rainbowdash subdued him with a hoof to his head.
Upon his arrival at Ponyville Hospital he was treated for his injuries, and I was summoned to assess the situation and set up the inevitable trial for the cases of assault. However, upon his recovery and the use of the translation spell, he began to panic when he started to understand me, for which he later explained that as far as humanity knew they were the only sentient species on his planet and he had not expected to run into colorful horses who could talk when he came here. When I asked how he got here I thought he explained he was testing out a new interdimensional portal he designed. However, that turned out to be a translation error and he was really an intern on a design team who agreed to test it out.
After a bit of conversing with him, I found his company infinitely better than that of my previous encounter. I am so happy to know that the criminal we put away does not represent humanity and he was able to better clarify what the internet was, explaining it to be a large data hold of information to which almost any individual can add to.
As such he clarified that while a lot of information is there because anyone can add or edit the web, sometimes the information is incorrect and can often be misleading. He also verified that there is indeed a lot of um mature content. He quieted some sorta law a “Rule 34, where if it exists there is a porn of it.” though I feel this must be a bit of an exaggeration. He then proceeded to laugh at what I feel like a joke I was missing the context for and then started to describe how it is the internet worked.
He described it as a series of devices linked together using a type of addressing that allowed machines to talk with one another to find relevant data. Explaining that Google which previously was referred to was a search engine developed using an algorithm that took keywords and looked through thousands of websites to find relevant data. Upon asking for clarification on what a website was he replied that it's a series of related data set up in a single address for the user to access. He then explained it was hard for him to explain it to me given that much of the terminology used wouldn’t make sense to a being who has never had experience with the internet, and that he had reworded his thinking to terms I understand.
I began to question whether he thought himself superior to us due to these technological advancements to which he was refreshingly humble stating he could not say such things as he has trouble keeping up sometimes and that we shouldn’t worry if our development has not yet reached theirs as he then began to explain that Earth has many cultures with a wide variance of technological ability, some superior to others and some inferior that is mostly due to resources, political history.
It was quite a fascinating chat but as I saw Spike’s eyes starting to droop I felt I must return to the issue at hand for which I asked him why he assaulted my friend to which he looked confused and asked for clarification after recounting what I was able to gather from Fluttershy and Rainbowdash he made the claims I have previously stated. Then he began to ask about what the rights provided him under our lands and whether or not he could ask for legal representation as a citizen of a foreign nation.
I then of course explained to him he did have the right to an attorney under the parliamentary acts of equestrian law. As an agent of Equestria, I cannot legally advise him he can be provided a lawyer if he cannot afford one. After which he became hesitant to talk with me further and despite Rainbowdash's assurance that she could make him talk I reminded her that such things were unnecessary as it was his right to seek counsel before speaking with us.
For this reason I decided to proclaim that Johnson Mckinly, be provided with an equestrian lawyer and that certain liberties be granted to him rights to confidentiality console as he also requested that all documents be overlooked by you in regards to these legal manors, after me admitting I was still new to this. I think he distrusts that I can remain impartial and looked slightly scared when I informed him, I used to be your student. I can only hope by requesting you to overlook the court rulings we can at least somewhat relieve his fears of nepotism.
Though to be honest I am unsure as to how to proceed, or furthermore after the interview with him I am not entirely sure whether or not charges should be filed at all. I shall include the reports given by Fluttershy and Rainbowdash and hope to receive your reply soon.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
