Which Princess has the best Plot?

by JediWyrm

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Royal Guard, Sex, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 1046

A guard prone to ponderous thoughts accidently speaks one out loud

A question that has plagued philosophical ponies for... well just over a decade since Princess Cadance was granted the title. Deep Thinker, a member of the guard, is one such pony. Unfortunately whilst thinking on it he states his conclusion out loud, behind the very Princesses themselves.

Published 2024-01-18 01:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-01-18 01:50:00 UTC

"Princess Twilight Sparkle has best plot"

Noticing the four princesses stopping, Deep Thinker also paused and automatically did a quick scan on the surroundings before realizing that they were looking at him. His mind catching up and a sense of horror and dread filled him as he figured that he had said his last thought out loud.

"Would you repeat that, I'm not sure I heard you right." Princess Twilight requested.

Princess Cadance says, "He said that you have the best plot of us." with a sly smile.

Princesses Celestia and Luna joined in the smile as Twilight blushed and ducked her head to the floor covering it with her forelimbs and wings. Only for the others to laugh a little as she realizes that this simply better shows off her flanks and spinning around to fully crouch on the floor.

The Solar Diarch then states "Deep Thinker, you joined the guard to pay for your college. Philosophy degree if I recall."

"Correct, your majesty. I received it a couple years ago." Answered the guard.

Luna tells the purple princess, "Twilight, you should be proud to have been given such a title."

"She was always touchy about that kind of subject." Candance stated before continuing, "Shining is the same way. Can't get him to agree to any spicy fun, even when I invited Chry.... Crystal." The last said with a quick side-eye at Twilight.

Celestia and Luna traded a glance and smirk as they quickly figured out who she was going to say before changing it.

"Whose Crystal?" Twilight almost demanded, if she wasn't focused just as much on the guard.

The princess of love quickly said "Just a pony in the crystal empire that Shining has mentioned finding cute."

Noticing her sister-in-law's look she added "I can barely get him to anal, not to mention the one time i got to peg him." Then smiling at how Twilight went back to hiding her head and making noise to block out what was being said.

Celestia turned back to the guard before saying "Well, you've stated your conclusion, so defend your reasoning."

Deep Thinker took a breath before shifting into debate mode. "To start with Princess Celestia. For the last thousand years you were held as the epitome of equine beauty. Even with the other Princesses you are still considered one of the pinnacles. Your height brings your hindquarters up to eye-level of most ponies which allows for proper appreciation of it's size and shape. The ampleness and propensity for jiggling with the slightest movement lead many to describe them as pillowy."

Twilight spoke up with "What about cutest princess? Surely that's a far better topic."

"The debate on the second cutest princess is quite heated, hooves down Princess Flurry Heart is cutest." Deep Thinker replied.

""Well you do seem to be somewhat knowledgeable. I'll listen to how you got your conclusion." Twilight said as she sat up, though still hiding her body with her wings.

Taking a second to reorganize his thoughts, Deep Thinker states "Princess Luna, your very athletic. Often joining in on the training for the Lunar Guard and helping them become a more fearsome fighting force. This all has given you a very well toned and defined body. Watching your muscles work on your flank as you walk is a memorizing sight."

"Hahah Tia. My flanks are toned, while yours have gotten bloated from all that cake." Luna exclaims.

"Defined is just a nice way of saying bony, dear sister." Celestia said with a giggle.

Cadance, stifling a giggle herself, remarks "Quiet down, I want to hear his evaluation of my plot."

Coughing, the guard continues "Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, or Cadance, for a couple obvious reasons have motherly hindquarters. Partially from actually being a mom, and partly from her role as the Princess of Love. Wide birthing hips, decent muscle and remaining fat from the pregnancy all combine into a wonderful set of flanks."

He finishes with saying "With Princess Twilight her adventures with the Elements of Harmony combined with her general nature as a bookworm have given her a perfect balance of muscle and fat. A set of foal bearing hips top it off to give her the best plot of the princesses."

"Queen Chrysalis gets an honourable mention, partially due to her not really being a queen anymore, and also because she was Queen and not Princess. Some of the other guards did get a fairly good look during her invasion, and taking into account how changeling chitin can be hard or soft depending on their will, she gets points for her exotic nature. However she doesn't have much fat or musculature so that's all she really has going for her."

"Hmmm. If you do have a philosophy degree, then write up a proper paper on you conclusion and send it to me." Twilight orders before turning as the four Princesses begin walking again.

"You know Tia, at least your 'ample pillows' probably make sitting on the throne comfortable." Luna quips.

Celestia laughs it off before replying "Maybe I should join the Solar Guard for some exercise. See if I can't get my flanks to something like Twilight's perfect proportional plot."

The other three princesses sharing a giggle at Twilight's blush. They continue on as the Diarchs, and occasionally Cadance, poke fun at each other. Twilight sometimes says something towards her sister-in-law, but is not quite comfortable enough to do so towards the much older alicorns.

Later at a bar, informally known as the debate hall, Deep Thinker is presenting his findings to the other patrons.

"A drink for the brave soul. No idea how he managed to tell the Princesses themselves which one has the best flanks and live." One person shouts out.

Smiling and accepting the various drinks being offered, "Honestly, I was sure I was dead when I realized that I had spoken the thought out loud. Pretty sure it was Celestia's and Twilight's academic natures, as well as the competitiveness between the two sisters, and Cadance's general nature that allowed me to survive."

"Well, lets help you write out that paper for Twilight. I helped teach her as a filly, and she will grade you far tougher than any other pony you'll meet."