The Cough: But Funny

by Aroma Brew

Rating: everyone
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe
Length: 1118

When a deadly virus breaks out, the Mane 6 have to hide out in Twilight's basement. But this time it's funny.

This story is a parody of "The Cough" by Ebon Mane

There is a deadly outbreak in Equestria. The deadly disease only gives one warning sign, a cough. Held up in a bunker underneath the Golden Oaks Library, Twilight and the others hear a cough in the darkness. But this time I made it funny.

Published 2024-01-18 04:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-01-18 04:20:00 UTC

The Cough

It had come in a letter with no return address. The letter only said: "There is a deadly disease spreading fast with ponies. If you hear somepony cough, kill them. Hide and do it fast." Derpy had given Twilight the letter with a smile and then flew off to the next house. Twilight trotted inside where all the other Elements of Harmony and Spike were sitting in a circle chatting.

Twilight opened the letter and read it, her eyes went wide and she magically tossed it into the middle of the circle. Everypony read it and their eyes went wide too. Fluttershy wined softly and nuzzled into Rainbow Dash in fear. Applejack was the first to say anything, she looked into Twilight's wide eyes and spoke, "Wha... What do we do, Twi?"

Twilight turned to one of the carved out bookshelves and pulled out a book which revealed a keypad, "I had a bunker built under the library for something like this... This seems like a good time to use it," She typed in some numbers and a hole opened up to a staircase in the floor. "Spike, take care of the place."

Twilight grabbed some books and other small objects for entertainment before trotting down the stairs. Pinkie Pie was the first to follow. Though Pinkie was one for nonstop fun, she did know when things got serious. Applejack nudged a catatonic Rarity and both started trotting into the underground bunker. Finally, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy followed behind the others.

Once everypony was down in the bunker, Twilight yelled up to Spike, "Lock the bunker, Spike! I love you!"

Spike walked over to the keypad and pressed the lock button, "I love you too, Twilight! See you when this is over!" The hatch shut and Spike smiled, "Hey, nopony can boss me around anymore! Sweet!"

It had been nearly a month, everypony in the bunker had become apathetic. The one light in the room had gone out a week ago and the only current source of light was from the two unicorns in the room. Applejack and Rarity cuddled sadly on the lone bed in the corner, Twilight grumpily sat in the corner, Pinkie Pie rocked back and forth muttering about something unintelligible, and Fluttershy laid on top of Rainbow Dash on a pile of oat bags.

As they all sat in their respective areas, there was a lone feminine cough heard in the dark room. Everypony's ears perked up, excluding Rarity who had refused to move for a few days. Twilight freaked out instantly, "Who coughed?!"

"It came from that corner..." Applejack pointed a hoof to the side of the room where Pinkie, Rainbow, and Fluttershy were.

"It could just be a cold," Fluttershy suggested.

"No, Fluttershy! The letter said that if a pony coughs, it's the first sign of infection," Twilight snapped back.

Rainbow Dash glared daggers at Twilight, "So what do you propose we do if it is me, Flutters, or Pinkie?"

"Sugarcube, we all read the note, you know what it said we have-" Applejack was cut off by Fluttershy.

"It was me, I did it!" Fluttershy was louder than she usually was when she said this.

Meanwhile, in the first floor of the library: Spike had eaten all the food in Twilight's kitchen, learned the art of paper folding, left the house and taken a few gems from Rarity's boutique, and sent all of Twilight's weird fanfictions to the Crystal Empire. He was living the dream with nopony to stop him. That was until he heard a sharp knock at the door, "Ms. Sparkle, open up!" said a stallion from outside.

Spike answered the door, it was a Royal Guard with a stern look, "Oh hi, Twilight's a little busy right now. What do you need?" Spike asked.

The Royal Guard looked down to Spike, "There was a letter sent out about a month ago, the Royal Guard is going around town letting everypony know that was misinformation. All the details are pending release. Anyway, have a nice day." The Royal Guard trotted off with the same stern look on his face to the next house.

Down in the bunker, it was decided that Rainbow Dash would be the one to kill Fluttershy to prevent the spread. Applejack instructed FLuttershy to place her head against a wall and to close her eyes. Rainbow Dash stood on her forelegs with her back ones raised. She was gaining the strength to take the shot.

Just as Rainbow Dash had gained the strength, the hatch at the top of the stairs opened, "Hey! I have good news!" Spike ran down the stairs only to find the strange scene at the bottom. He looked at Rarity and Applejack, then at Pinkie, then to Twilight, and finally to Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, "Am I interrupting something?"

At the sudden presence of Spike, Rainbow Dash wobbled and fell over with tears welling in her eyes. Everypony turned their gaze to Spike, "Spike, what in Equestria are you doing down here?!" Twilight shouted.

"A Royal Guard came by and told me that the whole thing was a hoax! He didn't have anything else to say though."

Rarity finally sat up and stared blankly at nothing, "Y-you mean... I sat in this dark sad basement with no manecare products or decent food for a month?! Applejack, darling, I love you dearly, but you smell so bucking bad when you don't shower!" Rarity continued to rant like that for twenty minutes. Eventually she stopped, got up from the bed and began to walk up the stairs, "I'm sorry, darlings. That was improper of me."

Rainbow Dash softly, yet passionately, hugged Fluttershy after Spike delivered the news, "I'm glad you were a huge scaredy-cat and hesitated..." Fluttershy whispered into Rainbow's ear and smiled.

A few minutes later, everypony was out of the bunker and standing around getting used to the light, "So what now?" asked Pinkie looking around.

"I would say you all go home and bathe," Spike said while covering his nose.

Everypony besides Twilight and Spike left. Twilight looked down to Spike, "Thanks for taking care of the place. You did good!" Twilight trotted up the stairs to her kitchen. She opened the fridge, "Spike, where in Equestria is all of our food?!"

"Paper bird for your troubles, Twilight?"

Author's Note

I decided to write this in one night, mission accomplished! This is probably bad but that's for you lovely internet people to decide. Feedback is always appreciated! If you haven't read "The Cough", please do that. It's really good! TheLostNarrator also did an absolutely awesome job with a dramatic reading that I totally recommend.