its not over, you dont have to throw it away
Author's Note
Constructive criticism is welcome, this is my first time writing for MLP! This is a practice write and a bit short, but I hope it's enjoyable! This is cross-posted on AO3.
hear my voice
What unravelled a few days previously will always feel surreal, it was hard to believe it ever actually happened. Starlight had trapped herself for so long and never expected any sort of help, she thought she would live in sorrow till she would decay and yet… Here she is in Ponyville, in Twilight Sparkle’s castle.
To say she deserved this would be nothing but a lie and she knew it, everypony did. The events she caused and scars she left upon many ponies will never be forgiven. Even with this want to change, wouldn’t she be too far gone by now? It’s been years, one fight and one talk cannot take back years of control and pain inflicted upon others.
Even with this second chance Twilight generously presented to Starlight, could she ever really change? And if she could, why did she avoid it before? If she was always capable of change, this meant she didn’t want to. So clouded by emotion and trauma, she let herself become the worst part of her and now, Twilight is letting her try again.
And for what? What is there to gain out of any of this? No matter the guilt that builds up inside of Starlight, would that be enough to motivate change? Will she forever be the same mare?
Will Twilight’s kindness truly be enough?
—
Adjusting to her new home was certainly a challenge, but nothing she couldn’t handle. It was a pretty nice and cozy place despite how uncomfortably huge it was. The crystal was horrifically cold at night, but is that a detail worth noting?
It had only been a few days since everything had changed for Starlight, to say she hasn’t had any doubts would be a lie. She knows what she wants in her heart, but does she have the will she needs? An answer she’s afraid she’ll never get.
Twilight has been so kind to her, it was bizarre. Starlight has gradually gotten used to her display of courtesy, it said a lot about her character and her motives. It was just hard to believe this was actually happening when they were at each other’s throats just a few days prior. Just another reason to doubt all of this.
The princess was certainly a forgiving pony, but that could easily be one of her weaknesses. Nopony knows what Starlight could or could not be planning after-all, it’s always a possibility Twilight made the wrong call. But if Twilight really believed in a pony who has done such horrid work, why couldn’t Starlight believe in herself the same way?
It’s natural to judge yourself harsher than you would anypony else, but Starlight is more than just herself or “anypony else.” She’s Starlight, the once controlling dictator who was deadset on practically killing off Equestria all because of a lost friend. There is no sympathizing with that, even if she herself is Starlight.
But even Equestria’s worst villains were given a chance to change and they did, why couldn’t she?
“Starlight?” A sudden voice called, breaking Starlight out of her mind.
That helped Starlight realize just how much she was basically dozing off. She didn’t mean to get so far into her thoughts, she didn’t even really remember what she was doing before.
Starlight turned around in her chair, her brows slanted as the pony came into her view, “Yes, uh, hi Twilight,” She cleared her throat, “Did you uh, need something?”
A small smile formed on the mare’s face as she walked further into Starlight’s room, “I just wanted to see how you were doing. I know you’re still getting used to the changes.”
That was painfully true, she was literally living in a princess’ castle. She really is just waiting for the moment she wakes up to find herself back in the old village. Though if this is a dream, Starlight isn’t sure she would want to wake up from this.
Starlight shifted in her seat uncomfortably, “Haha, well I’m definitely fine! I mean, who uh, wouldn’t be in my position?” She spoke a bit too fast, stumbling over her words a few times.
Twilight lifted a brow, her grin growing in both amusement and concern. She went over to Starlight and tilted her head, “If you’re not okay, you don’t have to lie.” Her ears flattened out of sympathy, “I know this is a huge change.”
It was weird knowing Twilight cared so much. Starlight should’ve appreciated it, but it made her feel bad. Twilight was putting in so much effort for her.
Starlight sighed and looked down to the floor feeling defeated, “Yeah…” It seems it wouldn’t be easy to avoid vulnerability here, “I just… don’t get it.”
“What don’t you get?” Twilight asked rather quickly, leaning in closer to Starlight unintentionally.
“This,” Starlight naturally leaned back as Twilight went forward, “All of this… How can you pretend like nothing happened?”
Twilight’s expression shifted from one of curiosity to one of worry, she sat down on the floor and looked away from Starlight as she took a second to gather her thoughts. Everything that happened was a lot, they both know that. It wasn’t something they could just ignore.
As the moments passed, the guilt in Starlight worsened. She was starting to assume such a question wasn’t a smart idea, had she accidentally angered Twilight? Make her double take?
“I’m not pretending.” She finally said, a hoof tapping on the floor, “I know what you did was… drastic, but it doesn’t mean I want it to stay looming over your head the entire time. You’ve proven to me you want to be better, you deserve this chance.”
Starlight fiddled with her hooves, “Do I?”
Twilight lifted a brow, her ears flattening once more in sync, “What do you mean?”
“You don’t seriously expect me to believe I deserve any of this, do you?” Starlight’s voice raised subtly, “You can’t really forgive me this easily, can you?!”
This outburst was sudden, but inevitable. Even with such short time, Starlight knew she couldn’t keep all of these doubts and worries to herself for long, especially not with her tendency to ramble. Often times, her emotions cloud her judgement.
“No, Starlight. I haven’t forgiven you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to move past your mistakes and help you.” Twilight stood up, hesitantly pulling her hoof up to rest on Starlight’s shoulder, “You wanting to be better is enough for me to know you deserve this. You can’t truly judge yourself on anything until you’ve tried it. As the princess of friendship and your new mentor, I want to show you that you can be better, and as your friend, I know that you can be.”
The shame-ridden mare was unsure of what to say, how did she get so lucky? If it wasn’t for Twilight’s sheer determination and want to help others, Starlight would’ve been the same as before. It was inspiring how dedicated Twilight was to helping Starlight and it brought a different sort of warmth in Starlight’s heart she couldn’t define.
Twilight’s belief in Starlight was enough for now. She knew she could change if Twilight did.
